# In which I complain about toilet seat covers **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 14, 2010, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-complain-about-toilet-seat-covers/536034 "2010-04-14T05:17:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siddhartha_Vicious)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-complain-about-toilet-seat-covers/536034/1 "2010-04-14T05:17:12Z")
My beloved wife of many years (I’m too lazy to count), has recently installed a toilet seat cover on the toilet in our bedroom. Well, the toilet in the bathroom adjacent to our bedroom. While it would certainly be more efficient just to have a crapper next to the bed, it would be a little off-putting to wake up to see the love of your life “dropping off the kids at the pool” as it were. So it’s housed conveniently in the small bathroom NEXT to our bedroom. Sorry for any confusion. Anyway, my wife has attached this large, furry, white cover onto our toilet seat cover, which means that the toilet seat itself cannot be raised to its proper vertical position, suitable for man usage. Instead, if raised, it tips over and comes down with a clatter, rendering itself essentially a penile guillotine. Or, it would be if I were much, much shorter, and liked the feel of cold porcelain on my junk. So the seat remains down. And despite over three decades of daily practice, I’m still not a crack shot with this thing. My aim can be a little wild at first. Therefore, the seat gets a dowsing because we need to make the outer cover look fancy when the toilet is not in use. And do I complain. No. Why? Because I don’t want to look like I don’t know how to operate a toilet seat. And, frankly, I’m not the one sitting in my used Diet Coke. You are so welcome for being exposed to a part of my life that you never thought that you wanted to hear about. ---
**Author:** ![PopeJewish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@PopeJewish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PopeJewish)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-complain-about-toilet-seat-covers/536034/2 "2010-04-14T05:28:19Z")
that’s brilliant 😉 My girlfriend bought me a toilet seat cover for my bathroom during the winter cause I guess she was tired of having to unpucker after the initial cold seat shock. That said, it’s not fluffy enough that the toilet seat won’t stay up when I’m peeing, otherwise the cover would’ve mysteriously been lost in the wash. Still, it’s another thing I have to remember to wash, and that sucks ---
**Author:** ![Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siddhartha_Vicious)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-complain-about-toilet-seat-covers/536034/3 "2010-04-14T05:55:05Z")
I just realized that it’s my ten year anniversary on this site. Hooray for me! ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-complain-about-toilet-seat-covers/536034/4 "2010-04-14T09:12:05Z")
Fuck it, pee on it then say the damn thing won’t stay up. Or install an eyebolt on the end along with a chain so you can attach it to the wall while you do your business. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-complain-about-toilet-seat-covers/536034/5 "2010-04-14T10:07:18Z")
Wait, I’m not understanding this right - there is a furry cover on the _actual seat part_, not just the lid? I’ve never come across that before. Sounds pretty unhygienic. In the interests of compromise, can’t you hold the seat up with your free hand while you pee? (We just had a new bathroom fitted, and paid the small amount extra for the soft-close seat. It’s great - you can just let it drop and it doesn’t slam. The little luxuries in life…) ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-complain-about-toilet-seat-covers/536034/6 "2010-04-14T11:42:46Z")
The lid covers ensure a wet lid as they always fall down and what guy can aim while holding the cover up with one knee. The seat covers ensure a wet seat and I’ve seen poo clinging to the long shag. What drugged up hippy thought putting shag carpet on the seat was ever going to be a good idea. I had a roomy put a seat cover on the seat so their butt wasn’t cold. Disgusting! Buy a heated seat if your that delicate. ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-complain-about-toilet-seat-covers/536034/7 "2010-04-14T13:00:10Z")
> [@Harmonious\_Discord](#): > > The lid covers ensure a wet lid as they always fall down and what guy can aim while holding the cover up with one knee. > > The seat covers ensure a wet seat and I’ve seen poo clinging to the long shag. What drugged up hippy thought putting shag carpet on the seat was ever going to be a good idea. I had a roomy put a seat cover on the seat so their butt wasn’t cold. Disgusting! Buy a heated seat if your that delicate. Nasty, nasty! Poo on shag! Eeewwww! ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-complain-about-toilet-seat-covers/536034/8 "2010-04-14T13:10:40Z")
This is a problem that pretty much solves itself. Your wife will eventually tire of sitting on your cold pee. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-complain-about-toilet-seat-covers/536034/9 "2010-04-14T14:29:29Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > This is a problem that pretty much solves itself. Your wife will eventually tire of sitting on your cold pee. …and then you can choose whichever toilet you want in your new bachelor pad. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-complain-about-toilet-seat-covers/536034/10 "2010-04-14T14:30:57Z")
[QUOTE=Serenata67] Nasty, nasty! Poo on shag! Eeewwww! [/QUOTE] Never mind the poo. Nasty, nasty shag! But seriously, I thought those wretched carpeted toilet seat covers went away in the 70s. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-complain-about-toilet-seat-covers/536034/11 "2010-04-14T14:35:28Z")
> [@Colophon](#): > > …and then you can choose whichever toilet you want in your new bachelor pad. 😛 Exactly! ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-complain-about-toilet-seat-covers/536034/12 "2010-04-14T14:57:03Z")
I guess a roll of duct tape to hold the cover up will work. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-complain-about-toilet-seat-covers/536034/13 "2010-04-14T15:15:10Z")
You got something against nails? ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-complain-about-toilet-seat-covers/536034/14 "2010-04-14T15:19:46Z")
What you have there, friend, is a classic example of a [bijoona](http://cphs68.com/IN-SEARCH-OF-THE-SAVAGE-BIJOONA.pdf). (pdf) Assert yout rights as a man. Wipe your ass with the curtains until she removes the savage thing. ---
**Author:** ![Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siddhartha_Vicious)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-complain-about-toilet-seat-covers/536034/15 "2010-04-14T17:32:57Z")
> [@Colophon](#): > > Wait, I’m not understanding this right - there is a furry cover on the _actual seat part_, not just the lid? I’ve never come across that before. Sounds pretty unhygienic. > > In the interests of compromise, can’t you hold the seat up with your free hand while you pee? The cover does NOT cover the actual seat, but rather covers the cover. What it does then is provide a buffer between the seat and the cover, pushing the seat down when you try to put it up. And I will never use my free hand to hold up the seat! How dare you suggest such a thing! Touching a toilet seat, indeed! (Actually, I’m sort of too tall.) ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-complain-about-toilet-seat-covers/536034/16 "2010-04-14T17:56:07Z")
> [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](#): > > And I will never use my free hand to hold up the seat! How dare you suggest such a thing! Touching a toilet seat, indeed! (Actually, I’m sort of too tall.) Yeah, I know. I had to bend over in a really awkward way to pee. It was unnatural and an abomination before God. And my aim was off. ---
**Author:** ![crowmanyclouds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crowmanyclouds/32/19884_2.png) [@crowmanyclouds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crowmanyclouds)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-complain-about-toilet-seat-covers/536034/17 "2010-04-14T18:15:07Z")
> [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](#): > > … (Actually, I’m sort of too tall.) Well there’s your solution, pee in the sink! 🙂 \< Happy, urine colored, peeing guy. CMC fnord! ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-complain-about-toilet-seat-covers/536034/18 "2010-04-14T18:29:22Z")
Another reason to _not_ use a fluffy cover is that having the seat crash down onto the porcelain over and over can eventually crach said porcelain. Then, rather than have an ugly, germ infested, seat cover to argue about you can argue about why the toilet has to be replaced. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-complain-about-toilet-seat-covers/536034/19 "2010-04-14T18:38:26Z")
What free hand? The first holding your package. The second holding your underwear and pants zipper open. The third holding the toilet seat up. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-complain-about-toilet-seat-covers/536034/20 "2010-04-14T18:44:02Z")
Never mind [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-complain-about-toilet-seat-covers/536034.md?page=2)