# In Which I Don't Get A Cupcake **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 19, 2006, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-dont-get-a-cupcake/353383 "2006-04-19T23:07:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2006, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-dont-get-a-cupcake/353383/1 "2006-04-19T23:07:20Z")
So I drop The Littlest Briston off at day care on Monday. While there, I notice a note another parent left on a table: _“Cupcakes are for Timmy’s birthday party”_ Mmmm…cupcakes. I drop off the kid, turn to leave, and notice another note taped to the fridge: _“Please take a picture of Timmy eating his cupcake”_ Cupcakes…\… Ok, gotta get to work. All day, the though of how good a cupcake would taste is in the back of my mind. Lunchtime rolls around…time to go pick up the little one. I pick her up, and as I’m leaving one of the workers stops me and says “Oh, it’s one of the kid’s birthday today. His mom made snacks for everyone…you’ll find one in your bag.” Woohoo! Score! Cupcake for me! In! your! face!, non-cupcake-having world! I race home, chuck the kid in her swing, and tear open the daybag. Tossing aside backup diapers and bibs, I find a good-sized opaque plastic bag, tied nicely with a bow. “Oooo…”, thinks me, “maybe there’s _two_ cupcakes in here!” Contents of the bag: One (1) 4.23 oz. box of Juicy Juice (apple flavor) One (1) 1.3 oz. bag of Goldfish Colors crackers One (1)…well, I don’t know what the hell it is. Some sort of large, unlabeled cracker with the word “Gerber” baked into it Zero (0) fucking cupcakes When I went back yesterday, it took all my inner strength not to find Timmy, wait in the bushes for his mother to arrive, and spring out screaming “You bitch!! Where the _fuck_ is my damn cupcake?!” I think that might affect my little girl’s welcomeness at day care, though. I mean, what kind of nerve does it take to leave teasing little signs like that all over the place, just to crush a man’s dreams in such a heartless fashion? Here we are, two days later, and I’m _still_ jonesing for a cupcake. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2006, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-dont-get-a-cupcake/353383/2 "2006-04-19T23:28:53Z")
Ya know, there are stores that sell cupcakes - you could get all you want, without going over the edge. Just sayin’… Dammit, now _I_ want a cupcake. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2006, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-dont-get-a-cupcake/353383/3 "2006-04-19T23:52:40Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > “Cupcakes are for Timmy’s birthday party”\* > > \ > > _“Please take a picture of Timmy eating his cupcake”_ > > \ > > I pick her up, and as I’m leaving one of the workers stops me and says “Oh, it’s one of the kid’s birthday today. His mom made snacks for everyone…you’ll find one in your bag.” Notice that the worker didn’t say that it was _Timmy’s_ birthday. The worker is not to blame for your cupcake assumptions. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-dont-get-a-cupcake/353383/4 "2006-04-20T00:01:02Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > Notice that the worker didn’t say that it was _Timmy’s_ birthday. The worker is not to blame for your cupcake assumptions. I’ll bet you always cracked the mystery before Encyclopedia Brown did. You’re absolutely right. Maybe _Timmy_’s mom made birthday cupcakes, but only enough for the class. _Jimmy_’s mom, on the other hand, made birthday [strike]crap[/strike] snack bags, and made enough to share. I wouldn’t say no to a cupcake right now, either. ---
**Author:** ![stargazer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb8c5e/32.png) [@stargazer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stargazer)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-dont-get-a-cupcake/353383/5 "2006-04-20T00:59:54Z")
I made cupcakes for Easter, and I have leftovers at home… think I’ll go home and have one! Should I have a carrot cake cupcake with cream cheese frosting, or a vanilla cupcake with lime curd filling and cream cheese frosting, or a vanilla cupcake with lemon curd and cream cheese frosting? Hm, these decisions are so hard! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Means\_Go](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cc9497/32.png) [@Green\_Means\_Go](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Means_Go)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-dont-get-a-cupcake/353383/6 "2006-04-20T02:03:06Z")
> [@lorene](#): > > I’ll bet you always cracked the mystery before Encyclopedia Brown did. You’re absolutely right. Maybe _Timmy_’s mom made birthday cupcakes, but only enough for the class. _Jimmy_’s mom, on the other hand, made birthday [strike]crap[/strike] snack bags, and made enough to share. > > I wouldn’t say no to a cupcake right now, either. Dude! Encyclopedia Brown! I hadn’t thought of that guy in forever. Loved those books. Any chance the little one snorked the cupcake when you weren’t looking? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-dont-get-a-cupcake/353383/7 "2006-04-20T02:16:30Z")
No cupcake…no pie…god really hates you. no pie no pie no pie no pie for youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu You may have to plunge some money into cupcake commodities. mm…i’ve got home made brownies and cookies right now…i’ve even got a little bit of pie left. BE JEALOUS! That’d be pretty friggin sweet. ---
**Author:** ![Cyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@Cyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyn)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-dont-get-a-cupcake/353383/8 "2006-04-20T03:13:50Z")
I didn’t get a cupcake either and my mom pulled the old bait and switch with the lemon pie this Sunday. Crafty old woman used a store-bought crust, I should have suspected when she offered to wrap it up for me to take home, the fact that there _was_ leftover lemon pie, that NEVER happens. And store-bought cupcakes are NOT the same, **FCM** , that’s just crazy talk. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-dont-get-a-cupcake/353383/9 "2006-04-20T03:16:55Z")
I suppose I’ll have to make you all cupcakes now. Let’s see, we have 58,608 members by our last count… _thumbs through cookbook_ ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-dont-get-a-cupcake/353383/10 "2006-04-20T04:22:28Z")
> [@lorene](#): > > I’ll bet you always cracked the mystery before Encyclopedia Brown did. Solve 'em? Sweetie, I used to _write_ 'em, for creative writing assignments in grade school. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-dont-get-a-cupcake/353383/11 "2006-04-20T04:28:55Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > I suppose I’ll have to make you all cupcakes now. > > Let’s see, we have 58,608 members by our last count… _thumbs through cookbook_ I’ll help. I’ll make half. ---
**Author:** ![Billdo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billdo/32/315_2.png) [@Billdo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billdo)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 10:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-dont-get-a-cupcake/353383/12 "2006-04-20T10:10:22Z")
Just to make you jealous, a [Buttercup Bake Shop](http://www.buttercupbakeshop.com/) opened just down the block from me. This is a bakery that specializes in cupcakes. The award-winning cupcakes it makes taste just like homemade. They do sell some regular cakes (which mostly taste like cupcakes) and other stuff, but it is primarily a cupcake joint. They’re open at 8am until late, so I can get cupcakes before work or after work. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-dont-get-a-cupcake/353383/13 "2006-04-20T12:05:43Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > The worker is not to blame for your cupcake assumptions. When I start a Proletarian Revolution, this will be our slogan. ---
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-dont-get-a-cupcake/353383/14 "2006-04-20T13:36:51Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > _thumbs through cookbook_ The recipe on the side of the Hershey’s Cocoa box is the best! ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-dont-get-a-cupcake/353383/15 "2006-04-20T13:54:22Z")
> [@Billdo](#): > > They’re open at 8am until late, so I can get cupcakes before work or after work. That’s just not nice. You _know_ that’s not nice, _and you did it anyway_. So much for just sitting down and reading until Survivor tonight … now I have to make cupcakes. ---
**Author:** ![The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-dont-get-a-cupcake/353383/16 "2006-04-20T14:02:44Z")
_The Cupcake Assumption_ scans perfectly as a lost Robert Ludlum title, and, as luck would have it, **Hal Briston** is a perfect fit for a Ludlum hero’s name. **Excerpt:** Briston drove away from the day-care center in his improbably fast and bulletproof car. As he did, a small but powerful part of his artificially-enhanced-and-then-trained-by-secret-monks-who-all-suddenly-died brain wondered if Maria Montessori had _really_ advocated arming toddlers with Uzis. The attendant had insisted it was true, but she had seemed distracted, perhaps by thoughts of a boyfriend, perhaps by the wire around her neck. She certainly wasn’t very _bright_, Briston reasoned, as his perfect eidetic memory replayed the entire scene for him, allowing him to slow it down, zoom in and out, and recall things the author forgot to mention in the first place: the crossword she was doing was full of the words “ME,” “PLEASE,” and “HELP” over and over, whether they fit or not. A mere idiot, Hal Briston’s remarkable brain told him, and dismissed the matter. A burst of gunfire through the car’s roof made him turn around: the Littlest Briston had finally run out of ammo. While satisfying himself that LB’s car-seat was secure and still met all Federal and Local regulations, Briston drove through a barbed-wire fence, across a cow, or maybe sheep, pasture, and into a disused silo that (judging from the size and weight of the deluge of guano) had been home to just over 64,000 bats. Greater horseshoe bats, deduced Briston, sniffing the air, and tensed. The Greater horseshoe (_Rhinolophus ferrumequinum_), he remembered, was a strictly European species. He would always treasure the times he had with Erica, the voluptuous chiropterologist, who suddenly died. She would never forgive him if he forgot so elementary a fact! Briston’s nostalgic chuckle was choked off by the instinctive feeling that he was missing something – something _ **important** _!!! But what could it be? This amazing brain of mine can be a curse, he decided for the seventy-fourth time – it thinks faster than I can understand it. Briston was aware of a sharp pain in the side of his neck. As the powerful narcotic coursed through his system, two, and only two, items forced their way into the forefront of Briston’s fabulous consciousness. First, that the guano was beginning to burn, and second, that the cupcake he’d brought from the day-care center, the chocolate one with the amusing “SAVE US” in yellow icing, was odd, non-cupcakelike, somehow. Very odd indeed… ---
**Author:** ![Lionne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Lionne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lionne)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-dont-get-a-cupcake/353383/17 "2006-04-20T17:02:28Z")
> [@The King of Soup](#): > > _The Cupcake Assumption_ scans perfectly as a lost Robert Ludlum title… 😃 Whomever’s making cupcakes for the Dopers, you may give mine to **Hal** …I’m not a big fan of them. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-dont-get-a-cupcake/353383/18 "2006-04-20T17:15:49Z")
I had a yummy white cupcake with creamy chocolate frosting about half an hour ago. I just thought I’d let **Hal** know. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-dont-get-a-cupcake/353383/19 "2006-04-20T17:50:03Z")
We had a birthday party at my preschool today and the mom brought in homemade cupcakes. Yellow cake with thick chocolate frosting. She was one of the Good Moms and brought extras for the teachers. It was _gooooood._😛 ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-dont-get-a-cupcake/353383/20 "2006-04-20T19:15:26Z")
> [@stargazer](#): > > I made cupcakes for Easter, and I have leftovers at home… And some of them will be appearing for trivia, yes? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-dont-get-a-cupcake/353383.md?page=2)