# In which I hand out ten grand—with a catch . . .
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-hand-out-ten-grand-with-a-catch/69800
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [June 22, 2001, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-hand-out-ten-grand-with-a-catch/69800 "2001-06-22T16:20:19Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2001, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-hand-out-ten-grand-with-a-catch/69800/1 "2001-06-22T16:20:19Z")
. . . You have to spend it on yourself. You can’t put it in the bank or donate it to charity or buy stuff for friends or relatives. You have to buy yourself $10,000 worth of stuff. I figured $1,000 won’t buy much interesting these days, and I can’t afford to hand out $100,000 willy-nilly.
So, what (or whom!) would you buy?
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### Author:  [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2001, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-hand-out-ten-grand-with-a-catch/69800/2 "2001-06-22T16:27:44Z")
$100,000? Well hot DAMN! I’d buy the rootin-ist, tootin-ist, most whacked-out prostitue I could find! Whoo!
-Jester, watching people’s respect for him plummet…
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### Author:  [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2001, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-hand-out-ten-grand-with-a-catch/69800/3 "2001-06-22T16:28:16Z")
Easy - $10,000 worth of spa pampering… However many days and nights of personal attention and whim-catering it will buy. Because i’m worth it.
Well, OK, I’m far too practical for that, but a girl can dream, can’t she?
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### Author:  [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2001, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-hand-out-ten-grand-with-a-catch/69800/4 "2001-06-22T16:28:54Z")
Or maybe only 10 grand. Eh, s’alright, I’ll just have to downgrade. Lil’ less rooty and tooty.
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### Author:  [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2001, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-hand-out-ten-grand-with-a-catch/69800/5 "2001-06-22T16:33:14Z")
If it can include things like paying off loans and housing and stuff like that, I would do that.
But if I only could buy stuff with it, I would buy a new roof for my house. The roof I currently have is starting to rot and badly needs to be replaced.
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### Author:  [@Tomcat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tomcat)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2001, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-hand-out-ten-grand-with-a-catch/69800/6 "2001-06-22T16:36:50Z")
$8000- student loans…
$2000- The added work to my tattoo, new speakers and a salt-water aquarium. All the things I’ve promised myself I will do once those damned loans are payed off (I started with $40k and have been getting paid in a foreign currency. Over 80% of my paycheck goes to those damn things!!!)
-Tcat
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### Author:  [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2001, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-hand-out-ten-grand-with-a-catch/69800/7 "2001-06-22T16:36:54Z")
I’d pay off some of my undergraduate loans.
Doesn’t count? Material goods only?
[ul][_]Rasputin’s diary was auctioned at Sotheby’s in 1995 for only $6000. If I had known, and if I had the cash, I would have gotten that.[_]There was a leatherbound copy of Caesar’s Gallic Wars dated back to the 18th century that I had my eye on, but other matters took priority. (Food, housing, the usual.)[_]Maybe I could find a mad scientist who would graft a rocket launcher onto my arm. It’d be interesting, and then I could find a starring role in a Bond movie.[_]I’ve always wanted a large print of Jean-Léon Gérôme’s _Pollice Verso_.Maybe another trip to Stockholm.[/ul]It’d be nice to have…
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### Author:  [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2001, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-hand-out-ten-grand-with-a-catch/69800/8 "2001-06-22T16:44:33Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Eve \*
> \*\* You can’t put it in the bank or donate it to charity or _buy stuff for friends_ or relatives. You have to buy yourself $10,000 worth of stuff. I figured $1,000 won’t buy much interesting these days, and I can’t afford to hand out $100,000 willy-nilly.
>
> So, what (or whom!) would you buy? \*\*
But what if I’m there at the time, and buying stuff is part of the fun? In other words, is it within the rules to combine it with $10K of my personal savings and buy the _ **biggest, baddest, drunkenest, rockenest, horniest dopefest** _ in history? Including setting up a fund to fly in and put up some of the dopers with financial challenges?
And maybe keep a couple grand aside for a high-quality trilobyte fossil that I’ve had my eye on.
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### Author:  [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2001, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-hand-out-ten-grand-with-a-catch/69800/9 "2001-06-22T16:46:22Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Jester \*
> \*\*Or maybe only 10 grand. Eh, s’alright, I’ll just have to downgrade. Lil’ less rooty and tooty. \*\*
**Jester** , nix the rooty but get all the tooty you can. Tooty is like RAM, you can never have too much.😉
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### Author:  [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2001, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-hand-out-ten-grand-with-a-catch/69800/10 "2001-06-22T16:47:36Z")
Oh, OK, you can pay off loans and debts.
[Dopers secretly start to wonder if Eve is really Brooke Astor . . .]
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### Author:  [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2001, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-hand-out-ten-grand-with-a-catch/69800/11 "2001-06-22T16:53:40Z")
Eve, I love you.
I’m moving into a new house this fall and I need furniture. everything.
I’d like a nice wrought iron canopy bed that I can hang sheer fabric from. Queen size. With cream and deep red or royal blue floofy fabric. Cream colored bumpy bedspread that hangs to the floor and jewel tone sheets and blankets.
A few nice book cases and a decent computer desk. I like cherry antiques, if possible. Oh! and a dresser. I need one of those too.
A dishwasher. Make that two. Or just a portable. (The one at my parent’s house, where I am currently living died. My new house doesn’t have one either.)
Chairs. I have a nice dining room table (in cherry, its sooo pretty!) but no chairs to go with it. something traditional looking and preferably matching.
A nice, big, comfy sofa. A flopper, one that you can just fall into and nap, watch movies, whatever.
A TV, VCR and DVD player. I like movies.
Hey! while we’re at it, my own movie collection. Go heavy on the musicals and cheesy adventure films. Toss in the Kevin Smith stuff I don’t already own.
A sewing machine and table.
Anything left over can go to school books, computer games, novels, rent, bills, cook books and decent food.
So, when can I expect that check? 😛
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### Author:  [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2001, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-hand-out-ten-grand-with-a-catch/69800/12 "2001-06-22T16:58:11Z")
10 000 dollars, eh? 🙂
I’d get myself a nice new video-editing computer, so that I can fulfil my destiny to flood the internet with Esperanto-language video segments. \
And if there’s any left, I’ll go on a holiday somewhere. Maybe Australia or Brazil.
You can send me a cheque, or just buy 5000 T-shirts from [either of](http://www.cafepress.com/cp/store/store.aspx?storeid=squiglitos) [my online stores](http://www.cafepress.com/cp/store/store.aspx?storeid=esperantej00). 😃
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### Author:  [@Cap\_n\_Crude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cap_n_Crude)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2001, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-hand-out-ten-grand-with-a-catch/69800/13 "2001-06-22T17:08:15Z")
Offering $10,000 to an unemployed guy in NYC and telling him he can’t put it in the bank. Yer eeeevil.
Hokay then:
$5,000 = dental work.
$3,000 = liposuction.
$1,000 = first-class ticket to Chicago.
$1,000 = limousine, fancy dinner, flowers, handcuffs.
I suppose any leftover from that last grand could buy me some more RAM for my PC, or a new sword for the wall. Maybe some pictures instead.
> [@](#):
>
> get all the tooty you can. Tooty is like RAM, you can never have too much.
That explains why the girls on _The Facts of Life_ were always so happy, and why Kim Fields always had bags under her eyes. 😉
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### Author:  [@lesa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lesa)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2001, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-hand-out-ten-grand-with-a-catch/69800/14 "2001-06-22T17:10:44Z")
A new roof for my house. I got it completely reshingled three years ago and it’s leaking again. The nails in the plywood underneath are rising up, and poking through the shingles. _sigh_
I’d get a kidney transplant for my cat. Yes, that’s something for me.
I’d get tested for Celiac disease (“gluten intolerence”). They put a tube down your throat and examine the lining of the small intestine. I’d find a doctor with a monitor I could watch. How could I miss a chance to see my small intestine?
I’d pay my cardiologist bill.
I’d get checked for a detatched retina.
Ok, I’m starting to sound like a hypochondriac, so here are some fun things I’d do.
Go see Depeche Mode in Dallas. And New Orleans (a friend I haven’t seen in years is going to that show). And Chicago. And Los Angeles. I’ve flown to LA twice to see them.
I’d go with my brother to see Stevie Nicks in San Antonio.
Oh, and while in Dallas for the concert, I’d hit the really big Half Price Book store. And Bill’s records.
Then I’d buy all the Isaac Asimov books, Ellery Queen books, Philip K. Dick books…
Wait, I think I ran out of money at “all the Isaac Asimov books.”
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### Author:  [@Tattva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tattva)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2001, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-hand-out-ten-grand-with-a-catch/69800/15 "2001-06-22T17:20:47Z")
Well, I’d start out with some o dat Lasik surgery.
Then I think I’d try to buy **Jarbabyj** for a week or so. She could do my cooking and cleaning and run my video tapes back to the store for me. Plus, she’d be amusing to have around the apartment.
With whatever’s left, I’d get a TV, and maybe put some into my credit card debt.
Hey, I would have bought my parents a trip to Europe or something, but it’s against the rules.
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### Author:  [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2001, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-hand-out-ten-grand-with-a-catch/69800/16 "2001-06-22T17:20:58Z")
Well, I was _thinking_ about just paying off my MBNA loan which helped Mrs. O get her laser eye surgery and some nice furniture for us both, but gosh darn it, that’s just too practical.
$1500 of that would go towards getting a nicely restored Edison wax cylinder phonograph with a recorder head and an Edison cylinder shaver so I could make my own wax cylinder recordings.
$8500 of that would go entirely towards giving Mrs. O the honeymoon she deserves in Europe - I’m thinking Italy, Greece, or Sweden, or some combination thereof. (Sob story factor: we’ve been married almost 2 years now and we just haven’t had the funds to do anything.)
Simple enough - a toy for myself that’ll keep me entertained for hours on end, and an event that’ll give Mrs. O and me a lifetime of memories.
_cue sentimental music_
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### Author:  [@lesa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lesa)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2001, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-hand-out-ten-grand-with-a-catch/69800/17 "2001-06-22T17:24:59Z")
By the way Eve, was this inspired by the similar Dorothy Parker story?
For those who haven’t read the story, two young women play a game. They imagine how they would spend a million dollars. It has to be spent on themselves.
One day, they see a beautiful pearl necklace in the window of a jewelry store. They go inside and ask the price. The pearls cost one millions dollars.
Shocked, they go outside. They stand quietly for a moment. Then one of the girls says,
So, if you had TWO million dollars, and you had to spend it all on yourself…
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### Author:  [@PolarField](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PolarField)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2001, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-hand-out-ten-grand-with-a-catch/69800/18 "2001-06-22T17:25:37Z")
My kidney operation. 😕
(I know, I possess the emotional maturity of a three-year old.)
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### Author:  [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2001, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-hand-out-ten-grand-with-a-catch/69800/19 "2001-06-22T17:29:08Z")
…and a little angel and a little devil appear on Tygr’s shoulders.
Angel: You’ve got two school debts, credit cards, one car about to give out on you, you just bought a house, and you’ve got a baby on the way.
Devil: There’s that massive, fully outfitted Mac design system. Y’know, the one with that gorgeous 22" flat-screen, true-color monitor? Just think, you could use that and go freelance. No more working for anybody…
Angel smacks Tygr in the back of the head and punches the devil clear off his shoulder. Glares at Tygr, saying, “What the hell’s the matter with you, boy? Do the responsible thing for once in your life! Jeez…”
_sigh_ Alright.
Eve, I’ll be calling you with the number of my loan officer.
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### Author:  [@NPavelka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NPavelka)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2001, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-hand-out-ten-grand-with-a-catch/69800/20 "2001-06-22T17:31:50Z")
Oh that is sooo easy…
I’d get a ticket to Hawaii for next weekend… and then put myself up in a really nice hotel and get some decent threads.
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