# In which I pit my step-daughter: just admit you did it (long, rambling) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 1, 2004, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-my-step-daughter-just-admit-you-did-it-long-rambling/222063 "2004-01-01T03:52:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Paradoxical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/77aa72/32.png) [@Paradoxical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paradoxical)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-my-step-daughter-just-admit-you-did-it-long-rambling/222063/41 "2004-01-02T03:22:24Z")
What the fuck is wrong with you people? Jesus, it’s obvious you people don’t have kids of your own. Asking a mother or father to straighten up their offspring isn’t your job. It is their business, and not yours. You don’t have kids they do, so coming into the relationship and thinking you see the situation with impeccable clarity is fucking stupid, as are you. Get the fuck over your computer and shut the fuck up. I’m sick and tired of seeing stepmoms/stepdads acting as if they know what’s best for their significant other’s children…it’s not a friendship with the kid, where you can straight up tell them they need to be fucking smarter and they’re losers. You are not an auditor for the IRS, so don’t act like one. ---
**Author:** ![Super\_Gnat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Super\_Gnat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Super_Gnat)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-my-step-daughter-just-admit-you-did-it-long-rambling/222063/42 "2004-01-02T03:39:37Z")
Er, **Paradoxical** , you do realize they live in the same house and she’s using his stuff, right? That would make her his problem, to some extent. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-my-step-daughter-just-admit-you-did-it-long-rambling/222063/43 "2004-01-02T03:41:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Paradoxical \* > \*\*What the fuck is wrong with you people? Jesus, it’s obvious you people don’t have kids of your own. Asking a mother or father to straighten up their offspring isn’t your job. It is their business, and not yours. You don’t have kids they do, so coming into the relationship and thinking you see the situation with impeccable clarity is fucking stupid, as are you. Get the fuck over your computer and shut the fuck up. I’m sick and tired of seeing stepmoms/stepdads acting as if they know what’s best for their significant other’s children…it’s not a friendship with the kid, where you can straight up tell them they need to be fucking smarter and they’re losers. You are not an auditor for the IRS, so don’t act like one. \*\* It looks like what they say is true. Even the assholes are bigger in Texas. ---
**Author:** ![Paradoxical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/77aa72/32.png) [@Paradoxical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paradoxical)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-my-step-daughter-just-admit-you-did-it-long-rambling/222063/44 "2004-01-02T03:46:08Z")
no shit sherlock homo, I was referring to his comments about his wife being a softy… ---
**Author:** ![Paradoxical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/77aa72/32.png) [@Paradoxical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paradoxical)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-my-step-daughter-just-admit-you-did-it-long-rambling/222063/45 "2004-01-02T03:47:58Z")
funny blue sky ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-my-step-daughter-just-admit-you-did-it-long-rambling/222063/46 "2004-01-02T03:48:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Paradoxical \* > \*\*no shit sherlock homo, I was referring to his comments about his wife being a softy… \*\* You kiss your momma with that mouth? ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-my-step-daughter-just-admit-you-did-it-long-rambling/222063/47 "2004-01-02T03:49:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by XJETGIRLX \* > Just wipe the offending spyware off your precious computer and be done with it. Because its a pin in the ass to clean up other peoples messes. My step-cherubs love to use my computer rather than the “other” one. The other one is a much newer PC but I tend to do most of my work with my trusty old PII350. I can clean my PC and use it with little or no problems for weeks if not months at a time. The lil angels 17 and 13 buzz thru and in 24 hours I have weather bug, gator, bonzi, Xupiter, a new screen saver, every little piece of BS scumware on the planet. Of course they didn’t install or agree to anything, never even saw a popup. Makes me want to go pick up a heavy monitoring program like spector so I can show them what they did wrong and correct poor browsing behavior. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-my-step-daughter-just-admit-you-did-it-long-rambling/222063/48 "2004-01-02T03:52:29Z")
Well, okay, you mean when she was younger, all right. Again, I agree, she sounds like a pain in the ass-but the spyware sounds like just a minor thing. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-my-step-daughter-just-admit-you-did-it-long-rambling/222063/49 "2004-01-02T04:09:31Z")
Paradoxical: Can you give Mr. Blue Sky a _good_ reason why he should continue to allow his step daughter to use his computer? Is he somehow _obligated_ to let her use it, even when it ends up screwed up after she’s finished with it? ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-my-step-daughter-just-admit-you-did-it-long-rambling/222063/50 "2004-01-02T04:13:37Z")
Spyware/trojans aren’t minor. Depending on what it is and how your computer is set up, it could potentially intercept and send along passwords/credit card info, or if you’re on dialup, hijack your computer into dialing pay numbers elsewhere. If someone uses my computer and consistently gets spyware on it when I don’t, then I don’t want them using my computer. Simple. ---
**Author:** ![blandart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@blandart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blandart)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-my-step-daughter-just-admit-you-did-it-long-rambling/222063/51 "2004-01-02T05:10:48Z")
A sigh for the plight of Blue Sky. When my son totalled scond car, he was off my insurance, driver’s license and keys in my pocket. He was on his own in jail or out. Would that we just had a computer control issue! Speaking of whcih: Can you or Gloria tell me how to send a document from Word Perfect 11 as a direct e-mail (Outlook Express) instead of a &\*$#&^ attachment? I have wept over this since buying a nice new computer running Windows XP. What a stubborn, implacable, impenetratable, immutable, impervious FUCKING BEAST is the offspring of programs aforementioned! Copy to, Export to, delete attch data and ha ha ha document goes as–you guessed it–ATTACHMENT! No big deal? Except that some people cannot open attachments, and I hate to be too clueless to do simple shit! HAALLLP! blandart [with bladder full of spicy piss] ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-my-step-daughter-just-admit-you-did-it-long-rambling/222063/52 "2004-01-02T05:24:24Z")
I realize that. I just mean, it seems like she didn’t realize she did it, that’s all. Trust me, I hate that crap too. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-my-step-daughter-just-admit-you-did-it-long-rambling/222063/53 "2004-01-02T06:01:42Z")
**Mr. Blue Sky** , you have ever right to decide who will and who will not use your computer. If pushed for a reason, you need only say that when others use it, it gets messed up. If I were you, I would avoid accusations that your step-daughter is lying. You need to keep things flowing as smoothly as possible while still protecting your rights. Your step-daughter has rights too. She is legally an adult and can use the cheat codes every step of the way if she chooses. You are not going to be able to reverse the result of poor discipline at this late date. One of the worst things a parent can do to a child is to be inconsistent in discipline and rules. Another really bad thing is to fail to nudge the bird out of the nest at the proper time. These are choices your wife has made and all of you seem to be suffering the consequences. Sometimes the most loving thing that a parent can say to a child is **NO**! Sometimes it can take a lot of courage to say it and stick to it. It requires being able to look at long term consequences and not think so much about what feels right at the moment. You must set your own priorities in order and no one can do that for you. Is you first priority your wife? yourself? your marriage? You and your wife have some serious talking to do. The daughter is the source of too much pain for both of you. And you are not doing the daughter any favors by helping her to avoid independence. Don’t try to control the lives of others – only your own. That gives you plenty of room to maneuver here. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-my-step-daughter-just-admit-you-did-it-long-rambling/222063/54 "2004-01-02T13:40:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zoe \* > If I were you, I would avoid accusations that your step-daughter is lying. You need to keep things flowing as smoothly as possible while still protecting your rights. With her, especially of late, it’s a been pattern of lies. > [@](#): > > Your step-daughter has rights too. She is legally an adult and can use the cheat codes every step of the way if she chooses. True. The cheat code issue is just an annoyance. As for her rights, I fully agree, but that doesn’t include the right to mess up the computer or use it in an irresponsible way. She can screw up her own computer any way she wants. > [@](#): > > You are not going to be able to reverse the result of poor discipline at this late date. One of the worst things a parent can do to a child is to be inconsistent in discipline and rules. Another really bad thing is to fail to nudge the bird out of the nest at the proper time. These are choices your wife has made and all of you seem to be suffering the consequences. Ain’t that the truth! > [@](#): > > Sometimes the most loving thing that a parent can say to a child is **NO**! Sometimes it can take a lot of courage to say it and stick to it. It requires being able to look at long term consequences and not think so much about what feels right at the moment. I can say no. My wife cannot. > [@](#): > > You must set your own priorities in order and no one can do that for you. Is you first priority your wife? yourself? your marriage? You and your wife have some serious talking to do. The daughter is the source of too much pain for both of you. And you are not doing the daughter any favors by helping her to avoid independence. My wife and I have had serious discussions on the subject. To no avail. It’s gonna be worse as the stepson gets older. After all, he is her “baby”. That’s what doomed my little brother. > [@](#): > > Don’t try to control the lives of others – only your own. That gives you plenty of room to maneuver here. I’m only trying to control what’s mine to control. I only want the children to grow up to be responsible adults. Letting them do things that are not right without having to suffer connsequences is not the way to go. Even something as minor as this. I appreciate the concern, however. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-my-step-daughter-just-admit-you-did-it-long-rambling/222063/55 "2004-01-02T14:50:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Paradoxical \* > \*\*no shit sherlock homo, I was referring to his comments about his wife being a softy… \*\* \*\*Paradoxical \*\*, do not use hate speech on the Straight Dope Message Board. Lynn For the Straight Dope ---
**Author:** ![Nightime](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Nightime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightime)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-my-step-daughter-just-admit-you-did-it-long-rambling/222063/56 "2004-01-02T15:16:35Z")
Some cheat codes actually make the game more fun and longer lasting. For instance, if the game has levels and characters that must be unlocked, and it is way too hard or time consuming to do so, a cheat code is in order. The first game that comes to mind is Guilty Gear X for Dreamcast, which is one of the hardest games I’ve ever played. I’ve never known anyone able to unlock all the characters without using cheat codes. ---
**Author:** ![Nightime](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Nightime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightime)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-my-step-daughter-just-admit-you-did-it-long-rambling/222063/57 "2004-01-02T15:18:45Z")
As for the computer issue… that’s why I don’t let anyone else use my computer. You really shouldn’t play up the lying angle, because she may be unaware of what she did, but you don’t need to call her a liar to tell her not to use your computer. Just tell her not to use your computer. ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-my-step-daughter-just-admit-you-did-it-long-rambling/222063/58 "2004-01-02T16:09:22Z")
Gator is particularly insidious. It’s installed itself on my computer at work with great regularity, no matter WHAT I click on the dialog box. If I click “No,” it installs. If I close the window without clicking on anyting, it installs. If I click “Yes,” it installs. I’ve had to give up a number of news sites simply because Gator seems to be there every time, which forces me to run cleansing processes and reboot. Arrgh. I’d say ease up on the stepdaughter. She might be telling the truth. ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-my-step-daughter-just-admit-you-did-it-long-rambling/222063/59 "2004-01-02T18:57:02Z")
I just ran Spybot and Ad-aware and guess what? I had Gator. I had no idea. I NEVER accept downloads from random sites. And I am the only one who uses my computer. I am so peeved. Those bastards. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-my-step-daughter-just-admit-you-did-it-long-rambling/222063/60 "2004-01-02T19:47:08Z")
I think there’s a very good chance she clicked it by accident. I’ve installed flash/shockwave several times because I clicked the wrong button on the popup. One way to reduce your risk of these types of things is to turn off ActiveX downloading by going to: Tools-\>Internet Options…-\>Security-\>Custom Level… You’ll get a list of settings. Change all the Download options under ActiveX to Disable. If you ever go to a page which requires that, you’ll need to re-enable the options and download the page again. Another thing you can do is turn off JavaScript. That will disable all the popups. It’s in the same list of options under Scripting/Active Scripting. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-my-step-daughter-just-admit-you-did-it-long-rambling/222063.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-my-step-daughter-just-admit-you-did-it-long-rambling/222063.md?page=4)