# In Which I Pit the Girl Who Took My Virginity **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 30, 2003, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647 "2003-09-30T05:31:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Neurotik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/91b2a8/32.png) [@Neurotik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neurotik)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/21 "2003-09-30T12:05:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lezlers \* > \*\*Sucks that you didn’t get there, but on the upside, at least you didn’t last a whopping 30 seconds like the guy I lost my virginity to. And a whole lotta times after that. \*\* Kelly? Is that you? 😉 I’m with everyone here, **Ashtar**. Don’t do the bareback thingie again. Especially with strange women. Also, the girl probably feels pretty bad (or thinks you’re really weird). Either way, the chances of you getting some again unless you talk to her and let her know it wasn’t her fault or something are very slim. Because, you know, it probably wasn’t. Especially if she had sex with you. And next time, you might consider faking one of your own. I think that works for men sometimes. Pitting the lass is bad form, though. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/22 "2003-09-30T12:19:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jennyrosity \* > \*\*“OTOH, ripping Ashtar a new one is a little rough, unless you’re prepared to state that any girl who comes to you with a sob story over her first time is going to get the same treatment. Also, more flies with honey, und so witer.” > > Anyone who treats another human being with so little respect is going to get the same treatment from me. > > Another point occurs to me. You say she came, you didn’t - how sure can you be that she did? Girls, especially in their earlier sexual relationships, quite often fake orgasms in a misguided attempt to make YOU feel better (we understand what a fragile thing the male ego can be), or, if she’s not enjoying herself, in an effort to speed things along to a conclusion. As it was your first time, it’s unlikely you’d be able to tell if she was faking. Besides, it’s not a competition, or a case of her “owing” you an orgasm - it should be an expression of love and passion, not a race to the finishing line! Perhaps you should remain celibate until you’re mature enough to realise that. \*\* Any votes on who out of **Jenny** and **Ashtar** has the worse issues with the opposite sex? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![alterego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6bbea6/32.png) [@alterego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alterego)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/23 "2003-09-30T12:24:47Z")
**Neurotik** , that would be a neat trick. A guy faking orgasm when he isn’t using a condom =) You know like, stuff comes out right? hehe ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/24 "2003-09-30T12:39:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Malacandra \* > \*\*Any votes on who out of **Jenny** and **Ashtar** has the worse issues with the opposite sex? :dubious: \*\* Maybe each of them takes a while to come. If there was only such a thing as blister-creme/lubricant and we set them up on a blind date, they might end up the word’s happiest couple… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/25 "2003-09-30T12:42:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Badtz Maru \* > I didn’t come my first time either. Same here, and it hurt as well; didn’t happen for my husband either. Time to put on some Peggy Lee singing “Is That All There Is?” and think about whether she might be feeling pretty bad that she couldn’t get you off. She apparently did really try, after all. Trust me, women tend have this idea that men are easy to cause to have an orgasm (compared to women, that is), and “failure” can cause serious “what the hell is wrong with me, am I ugly? stinking?” self-questioning. And yeah, she didn’t “take” your virginity unless she pressured you into sex. Though from the tone of your OP it doesn’t sound at all like you were much into the idea, which probably could have contributed to not having an orgasm. ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/26 "2003-09-30T12:46:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Malacandra \* > \*\*Any votes on who out of **Jenny** and **Ashtar** has the worse issues with the opposite sex? :dubious: \*\* Hard to say, really. How old are the parties in question? I’m guessing they both have yet to see their twentieth birthdays. Here’s hoping mistakes are learned from, and minds are broadened. ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/27 "2003-09-30T12:46:46Z")
The other good thing about condoms. If the sex is and you’d rather be doing something else the bloke can fake it as well 😉 I’ve done this once. ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/28 "2003-09-30T12:50:16Z")
If the sex is **bad** ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/29 "2003-09-30T13:00:04Z")
I am on the _wrong_ forums… Geez. ;j ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/30 "2003-09-30T13:55:17Z")
You know, I originally meant for the title to say, “In Which I Pit Myself and the Girl Who Took My Virginity.” Now that I’ve slept through the night, I’d like to add a few things. For all of those who keep telling me to never “ride bareback” again, you are absolutely right. I’ve been thinking about that damn near nonstop since it happened. I’m pissed off that I let it go that far. I thought at most we might watch the movie and make out for a while. Most of all, I’m upset that my first wasn’t with someone I really cared about. Don’t get me wrong, I liked her a lot. But it’s something I can never get back. I wasn’t expecting a perfect setting and a perfect evening or anything. Really, I just wish I had been able to finish. I’m sure this thread never would have happened if I had. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/31 "2003-09-30T13:59:22Z")
Jennyrosity said, "And if your going to allow your first sexual experience to be with some random girl you barely know, rather than waiting until you’re in a loving, committed relationship, frankly, you deserve not to come. " Well, thank you little miss Mother Theresa. Feh. ---
**Author:** ![Jennyrosity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@Jennyrosity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennyrosity)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/32 "2003-09-30T14:01:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by cuauhtemoc \* > \*\*Hard to say, really. How old are the parties in question? I’m guessing they both have yet to see their twentieth birthdays. Here’s hoping mistakes are learned from, and minds are broadened. \*\* 1. I’m 25. 2. Any “issues” I may have are not specifically to do with the opposite sex, but to do with the lack of consideration most of us have for each other. You can’t expect to have a relationship with anyone unless you show them respect. 3. I have great sex, thank you. However, if it ever is less than brilliant, it wouldn’t occur to me to pit the poor bloke in question just because I didn’t come! Especially if, as in Lord Ashtar’s case, they tried their best to make it happen! 4. My mind is as broad as the Grand Canyon - but I still think Ash behaved in a pretty shabby fashion. Hope this clears a few things up. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/33 "2003-09-30T14:08:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lord Ashtar \* > \*\* my first wasn’t with someone I really cared about. > > …I just wish I had been able to finish. \*\* These two things are very much related as a ‘cause’ and an ‘effect’. Once you are with someone you are attracted to and emotionally invested in, I doubt you’ll have any trouble. ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/34 "2003-09-30T14:23:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lord Ashtar \* > \*\*\ > > Most of all, I’m upset that my first wasn’t with someone I really cared about. Don’t get me wrong, I liked her a lot. But it’s something I can never get back. I wasn’t expecting a perfect setting and a perfect evening or anything. > > \\*\* It that’s what you’re most upset about, don’t be. The idea of “waiting on that special someone” is hogwash. ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/35 "2003-09-30T14:25:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lord Ashtar \* > \*\*Most of all, I’m upset that my first wasn’t with someone I really cared about. Don’t get me wrong, I liked her a lot. But it’s something I can never get back. I wasn’t expecting a perfect setting and a perfect evening or anything. > > \*\* Trust me on this one: Don’t worry about it. Everyone makes such a huge deal about having a “magical and special” first time, and it’s all a bunch of sentimental crap. Tell me what exactly it is in your life that you were good at the first time you did it? Sex is generally good, frequently great and when you’re with someone you care about, usually brilliant. I’ve known several couples who waited and waited, and then when their first time wasn’t all that good ( because, duh, they were no good at it, being inexperienced and all ), their unrealistic expectations were shattered, and this led to severe stress on their relationship, in one case causing them to break up. My advice? Go back to the girl, thank her for the date, explain again about your nervousness, be sheepish but not apologetic ( after all, you’ve done nothing to apologise for ), have another date and go from there. If things get to the sex stage again, explaining to her that you’re awfuly inexperienced, but would really like _her_ to help show you what to do will do two things: Take the pressure off of her, and at the same time it should flatter her a bit because you’re putting her in a position of knowledge. You say you “like her a lot”. That’s a good start. Take it from there and see where it goes. ---
**Author:** ![istara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e79b87/32.png) [@istara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/istara)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/36 "2003-09-30T14:25:33Z")
If it’s any consolation, there’s way too much romantic bullshit talked about the “perfect first time” with someone special, etc. Sure - it’s nicer with someone you know, mutually love and trust. But all the candles and roses in the world aren’t going to make it earthshattering. Chances are it will be exactly like the OP: weird, unexpected, too long/too short (time and/or member 😉 ), messy, painful, awkward/embarrassing. The point it is takes practice to get it right. You shouldn’t feel that it’s always going to be disappointing based on just one shot at the title. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/37 "2003-09-30T14:25:33Z")
Criminy. Unlike other posters, I’m all for Internet booty calls, having indulged in them myself in the days pre-boyfriend. But there are some rules of engagment that you need to learn, my young friend. 1. **Always wear a condom!!!**. Did you notice the bold letters and exclamation points? They are there for a reason–no condom can mean terminal diseases or unwanted pregnancy, both of which would be very bad. 2. Never trust people at face value. Even if he/he says that she is on the pill, STD-free/doesn’t have a jealous boyfriend, **do not believe her**. 3). Even if you do not get off, it is still polite to get her off. 1. Your virginity was not TAKEN, so stop your whining. 2. Get more experience, 'cos frankly you sound like a lousy lay. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/38 "2003-09-30T14:36:27Z")
_snif… sob_ Oooh, that’s the most beautiful story I’ve ever heard. Now, my friend, begins the longest two weeks of your life as you wait to see if any unusual life form begins to grow off your knob or orchids. A word of advice for the future… it’s better if you actually care about the person you’ve entered into a carnal embrace with. Promise! ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/39 "2003-09-30T14:40:46Z")
Maybe you’re gay. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/40 "2003-09-30T15:02:24Z")
I’m of the opinion that people should spend their first time with someone that they don’t really care about. Because their first time is going to SUCK. I know very few people who had seriously good sex their first time. It takes some practice and it takes a lot of self-confidence. **Lord Ashtar** , your very special future girlfriend is going to be glad when you have sex with her that you are not a quivering mass of nervous. Trust me when I say that next time will get better, and it’ll just keep getting better and better. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647.md?page=3)