# In Which I Pit the Girl Who Took My Virginity **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 30, 2003, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647 "2003-09-30T05:31:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Jennyrosity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@Jennyrosity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennyrosity)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/41 "2003-09-30T15:13:37Z")
How anyone can recommend that that your first time should be with someone you don’t care about 'cos it’s gonna suck anyway is beyond me. You can’t use another human being as a trial run!!! And if you’re nervous, surely it’s better to be with someone who cares about you enough to understand that? Anyway, your first time doesn’t have to be awful. Mine wasn’t. It was pretty damn fantastic actually. But even if the earth hadn’t moved, it wouldn’t have mattered, because we loved each other anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Mearl\_Dox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@Mearl\_Dox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mearl_Dox)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/42 "2003-09-30T15:37:33Z")
Sorry to hear it went so badly, **Lord Ashtar.** Hope things go better for you next time. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/43 "2003-09-30T15:50:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by gobear \* > > 1. **Always wear a condom!!!**. Did you notice the bold letters and exclamation points? They are there for a reason–no condom can mean terminal diseases or unwanted pregnancy, both of which would be very bad. Well, pregnancy is not a problem. And like I said before, you are absolutely right about the condom. Lesson learned. > [@](#): > > 1. Never trust people at face value. Even if he/he says that she is on the pill, STD-free/doesn’t have a jealous boyfriend, **do not believe her**. Yep, you’re right again. Another lesson learned. > [@](#): > > 3). Even if you do not get off, it is still polite to get her off. I did. Anyone who thinks she may have faked it, bite me. She didn’t fake it. > [@](#): > > 1. Your virginity was not TAKEN, so stop your whining. So, what? I’m not allowed to whine in the Pit? > [@](#): > > 1. Get more experience, 'cos frankly you sound like a lousy lay. Boy, that’s a gem. Thanks. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Venoma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c4cdca/32.png) [@Venoma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Venoma)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/44 "2003-09-30T15:56:07Z")
Ya know, Jenny, if you have such a wide open mind maybe you’d realize that not everyone shares your opinons. Not everyone shares your particular lifestyle. Not everyone is going to make the choices YOU did. Sounds to me more like you -want- to be more openminded than you actually are. I’m not into casual sex, but I know plenty of people who are - and it’s entirely possible to do so without disrespecting your partners. If you’re ‘using’ each other for a common goal, who gets hurt? Ashtar seems to have made a few mistakes, but for gawd’s sakes it was his first time! Go easy on him! Yes, he started this pit thread, and got a good bit of useful info out of it, I hope, but keep in mind he didn’t say all this to the girl and he was obviously a bit confused about what went on last night. _sends Ashtar a huge package of super-sensitive ultra-ribbed rubbers_ Have fun. Be safe. And relax about it - and I’ll double giving the girl a call and telling her it wasn’t her fault - you were just really nervous as it was your first time (did she -know- it was your first time?) Oh, and P.S. The OP states he’d been talking to this girl for a matter of months… that does NOT translate to ‘barely knows’ in my world, at least. I might be biased - I met my husband online (relationship of 4.5 years!) ---
**Author:** ![Demise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/34f0e0/32.png) [@Demise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demise)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/45 "2003-09-30T15:58:41Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Lord Ashtar_ > **I did. Anyone who thinks she may have faked it, bite me. She didn’t fake it.** How the fuck do you know? You should seriously call her and tell her you had a good time. Your inadequacies should not affect her more than you, especially since she went out of her way to make you feel good. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/46 "2003-09-30T16:00:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Demise \* > How the fuck do you know? We men are not all as boneheaded as you might think we are. ---
**Author:** ![pencilpusher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d6d6ee/32.png) [@pencilpusher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pencilpusher)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/47 "2003-09-30T16:19:32Z")
Ashy hun um I hate to be the one to break this to you but… There are live sperm in precum so there IS a chance of pregnancy even if you didn’t “get off” sorry kiddo. ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/48 "2003-09-30T16:19:48Z")
Fuck’em **Ash** they’re jealous that you can keep an erection through two blowjobs and a fuck. 😉 You were probably a little anxious about not having a condom. As far as STD’s goes, she put you back in her mouth after. You’re probably OK **don’t make it a habit** So did you just quit? Bullshit, grab the KY, roll her around til you find a position you like and give her another come or two. And remember, practice makes perfect 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/49 "2003-09-30T16:30:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jennyrosity \* > \*\*How anyone can recommend that that your first time should be with someone you don’t care about 'cos it’s gonna suck anyway is beyond me. You can’t use another human being as a trial run!!! And if you’re nervous, surely it’s better to be with someone who cares about you enough to understand that? \*\* I don’t think anyone is saying that one’s first time should be with someone you don’t care about, I think we’re saying that the whole mysteque surrounding the first time is overblown and that one shouldn’t attach too much importance to it. ---
**Author:** ![badmana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@badmana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badmana)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/50 "2003-09-30T16:32:50Z")
**Lord Astar** , you admit you _were_ a virgin, you can’t know if she came. You know the gigs of porn on your HD? 99% of those girls aren’t comming. 😃 Don’t worry so much about your first time. It’s gonna suck for 75% of all men (and probabaly 95% of all women). If you have any feelings for this women, talk to her. Go on a few more non-sexual dates and get to know her. Tell her what you told us here (about being inexperienced and feeling a little…down?..about your first time (but not in exactly those words of course)). If she’s at all caring (and she sounds like she did try her best) she’s going to give you a few more chances. If she doesn’t, then walk away and find someone else. First times aren’t magical movie moments. They’re pretty much like your first time: mixed feelings and slight dissatisfaction about the whole thing. But I’ll tell you right now, it gets much better with practice and with someone you really care about! ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/51 "2003-09-30T16:47:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by badmana \* > **Lord Ashtar, you admit you _were_ a virgin, you can’t know if she came. You know the gigs of porn on your HD? 99% of those girls aren’t comming. 😃** Porn stars fake it? Tell me it ain’t so! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5ac83/32.png) [@The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mad_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/52 "2003-09-30T17:15:46Z")
> [@](#): > > How anyone can recommend that that your first time should be with someone you don’t care about 'cos it’s gonna suck anyway is beyond me. You can’t use another human being as a trial run!!! If our society was more enlightened and less uptight this would not be a problem. I have no cite, but there have been stories of men in the past taking their sons to the local prostitute/courtesan/madam for their first education in sex. If sex education was truly education, a licensed practitioner would prepare the young adult for a lifetime of good sex. School attendance would approach perfection on the lab days. The students would be able to find their sexuality- straight, gay, bi, whatever, without awkward starts and misunderstandings. But no, it wouldn’t fly, and we have what we have. Layers of misunderstanding and deceit; people who aren’t prepared get run over by the system and end up unhappy. It’s not just you **Ashtar,** it happened to me my first three times! Sex is something you have to get acclimated to. Your problem may be 90% nervousness and 10% incorrect technique (for you.) Good luck and have fun exploring the possibilities. and, echoing everyone else, **wear that condom!** ---
**Author:** ![Clint\_in\_Wichita](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7993a0/32.png) [@Clint\_in\_Wichita](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clint_in_Wichita)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/53 "2003-09-30T17:29:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jennyrosity \* > \*\*Wait a minute, she TOOK your virginity??!! What, you mean she raped you?! No, my friend, you gave it away. And if your going to allow your first sexual experience to be with some random girl you barely know, rather than waiting until you’re in a loving, committed relationship, frankly, you deserve not to come. And please take a minute to think about the girl’s feeling, because I’m betting she’s not feeling too great either. If that’s your attitude to women, you’ll be lucky if you ever get laid again. \*\* Have a few issues with men? Jesus. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/54 "2003-09-30T18:56:14Z")
For all the people who keep saying, “She didn’t _take_ your virginity,” it’s a figure of speech people. If you say you’re going to go take a shit, you don’t mean that literally. Otherwise, we’d all be walking around with turds in our pockets. Okay? ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/55 "2003-09-30T19:04:15Z")
As a guy and one who has had some fulfilling relationships I’ve enjoyed and some unfulfilling ones I didn’t (AND fulfilling relationships I didn’t enjoy and unfulfilling ones I did) I gotta agree with what Jenny has said. As fun as an empty and shallow night of raw sex can be it’s MORE fun the better you know and like your partner, though there’s no guarantee of it. But at least you don’t feel guilty about it. Trust me, Ash, call her and go to dinner and talk and get to know her. You two let your passions get the better of you this once but there was something there in the first place that caused you to get together. Find that again before you sleep together again. The next time could be real nice. But don’t expect the Earth to move every time. As a friend of mine once said, “There’s nothing more overrated than a bad fuck nor as underrated as a good shit.” And that woman owes you at least a dope slap for you pitting her. ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/56 "2003-09-30T21:22:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Steelerphan \* > **If our society was more enlightened and less uptight this would not be a problem. I have no cite, but there have been stories of men in the past taking their sons to the local prostitute/courtesan/madam for their first education in sex. If sex education was truly education, a licensed practitioner would prepare the young adult for a lifetime of good sex. School attendance would approach perfection on the lab days. The students would be able to find their sexuality- straight, gay, bi, whatever, without awkward starts and misunderstandings.** Actually my grandfather lost his doing exactly what you’ve said. His father took him to a madam and he got an ‘education’. I’d ask him about it and he thought nothing of it. While this wasn’t _my_ path and I doubt I’d have been comfortable doing as he did, I don’t see anything particularly wrong with it…you know, other then the fact that his father was waiting around patiently outside the door (literally). That just strikes me as a bit…um…gross. Again, my grandfather didn’t have a problem with that aspect either… … ---
**Author:** ![mdf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dbc845/32.png) [@mdf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mdf)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2003, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/57 "2003-10-01T05:03:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lord Ashtar \* > \*\*If you say you’re going to go take a shit, you don’t mean that literally. Otherwise, we’d all be walking around with turds in our pockets. > > Okay? \*\* Wait a minute! You mean you’re not supposed to…Erm…uhhh… Wait here, I’ll be right back. -mdf ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2003, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/58 "2003-10-01T05:13:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ryle Dup \* > \*\*Wait a minute, first date and she gives you a blowjob and sex and you’re _complaining?_! :eek: \*\* LOL! I’m with **Ryle Dup** here. And **Jodi**. You didn’t get off so you’re pitting HER? After she was so accomodating? ---
**Author:** ![dakravel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85e7bf/32.png) [@dakravel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dakravel)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2003, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/59 "2003-10-01T05:28:11Z")
> [@](#): > > For all the people who keep saying, “She didn’t take your virginity,” it’s a figure of speech people. If you say you’re going to go take a shit, you don’t mean that literally. Otherwise, we’d all be walking around with turds in our pockets. > > Okay? But when you say she ‘took’ it, it makes it sound as though you were coerced into it. It sounds as though you were not entirely willing, and it was somehow her fault. Just a poor choice of words, don’t get too offended at the people who find issue with it. And just to let you know, you really don’t know when a girl fakes it, it’s hard to tell. I mean…, it’s really hard to tell unless you’ve been shagging the girl for a while and know how she usually acts during the big “O”. ---
**Author:** ![Ms2001](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ms2001/32/18463_2.png) [@Ms2001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms2001)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2003, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647/60 "2003-10-01T06:26:21Z")
Just like with smoking pot, your first time isn’t supposed to be good. It just clears the way for your second, third, or fourth time to be good. As for internet booty calls, I don’t see anything wrong with them. One of the best relationships I’ve ever been in started out as an internet booty call. The sex was good at first, but it got better as we got closer. I didn’t use condoms with her, which was stupid in retrospect, but luckily nothing bad came of it. (The first condoms I ever had were a boxful of Trojan “super protection” condoms that my dad gave me when we had “the talk”. They were so thick that they were opaque, and they smelled like a fire at the chemical factory, so that turned me off to condoms for a while.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-pit-the-girl-who-took-my-virginity/204647.md?page=4)