# In which I rank the German Field Marshal Super-Hotties **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 6, 2013, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-rank-the-german-field-marshal-super-hotties/668155 "2013-09-06T07:32:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tarnation\_eudemonia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c77e96/32.png) [@tarnation\_eudemonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tarnation_eudemonia)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-rank-the-german-field-marshal-super-hotties/668155/1 "2013-09-06T07:32:46Z")
IMHO, The five most physically attractive German Field Marshals: 1. Wilhelm Ritter Von Leeb - not much of a fighter, must have been a lover. 2. Albert Kesselring - they called him “Smiling Albert”. The ladies knew why. 3. Wilhelm Keitel - not much to look at, but certainly well hung 4. Erwin Rommel - Desert Foxy, more like it 5. Fedor Von Bock - he may not have been able to capture Moscow, but he knew how to capture hearts. How do you consider to the Third Reich’s Highest Ranking Military Super Hotties? ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-rank-the-german-field-marshal-super-hotties/668155/2 "2013-09-06T09:04:14Z")
No love for [Erich von Manstein](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erich_von_Manstein)? ---
**Author:** ![tarnation\_eudemonia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c77e96/32.png) [@tarnation\_eudemonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tarnation_eudemonia)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-rank-the-german-field-marshal-super-hotties/668155/3 "2013-09-06T09:12:29Z")
He does have rather luscious lips. Face it, the Germans had the best looking uniforms, the best looking tanks, the best looking fighter planes and the best looking High Command. ---
**Author:** ![Not\_Carlson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bc79bd/32.png) [@Not\_Carlson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_Carlson)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-rank-the-german-field-marshal-super-hotties/668155/4 "2013-09-06T10:18:04Z")
Ah yes. The snappy uniforms and arian beauty of the Third Reich. Also, the strict and masterful disciplinarian attitude. And the riding crops! Let us not forget the riding crops!! Ever does it make our colars hot and our crotches tingly. Although, looking at your list . . . Von Leeb looks like the inspiration for the Red Skull; possibly a Cenobite, cause I’m not sure that’s his own skin he’s wearing there. Von Bock looks like a gelfling. Kesselring actually looks like an all-American dad from 1950s television, except for the uniform. Frankly, my dear, if this is your pick of “super hotties”, I think your temperature gage must be on the fritz. ---
**Author:** ![tarnation\_eudemonia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c77e96/32.png) [@tarnation\_eudemonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tarnation_eudemonia)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-rank-the-german-field-marshal-super-hotties/668155/5 "2013-09-06T12:21:31Z")
tually looks like an all-American dad from 1950s television, except for the uniform. Frankly, my dear, if this is your pick of “super hotties”, I think your temperature gage must be on the fritz. [/QUOTE] Well, I only have 26 Field Marshals to pick from. One of them was 84 years old and another was Goering, so that reduces the pool by 7.69% right off the bat. Georing is kind of like Elvis in reverse - no one remembers thin Hermann, they only want to remember fat Hermann. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-rank-the-german-field-marshal-super-hotties/668155/6 "2013-09-06T12:54:41Z")
> [@tarnation\_eudemonia](#): > > Well, I only have 26 Field Marshals to pick from. One of them was 84 years old and another was Goering, so that reduces the pool by 7.69% right off the bat. And forget about Friedrich Paulus. Those long distance relationships never work. ---
**Author:** ![tarnation\_eudemonia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c77e96/32.png) [@tarnation\_eudemonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tarnation_eudemonia)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-rank-the-german-field-marshal-super-hotties/668155/7 "2013-09-06T13:07:17Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > And forget about Friedrich Paulus. Those long distance relationships never work. Oh don’t talk to me about THAT guy! Field Marshal for a day and he surrenders his army. He’s all like, I made it to the top, it’s not like I even need to _try_ any more. What a noob! ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-rank-the-german-field-marshal-super-hotties/668155/8 "2013-09-06T13:19:20Z")
Ah, Ze Nazis. I think I speak for everybody when I say that Germany’s loss was everyone’s loss. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-rank-the-german-field-marshal-super-hotties/668155/9 "2013-09-06T13:19:58Z")
This topic is making me smile. > [@Giles](#): > > No love for [Erich von Manstein](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erich_von_Manstein)? That’s a substantially better-looking photo of Manstein than I recall seeing before; it might be pre-war. [By 1941 he looked like this](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Bundesarchiv_Bild_101I-209-0086-12,_Russland-Nord,_Erich_von_Manstein,_Brandenberger.jpg) (he’s in the center of this shot wearing the Iron Cross); sort of a Nazi Mr. Magoo. Don’t let the look fool you; Manstein was perhaps the best operational-level general the Germans had. > [@tarnation\_eudemonia](#): > > Face it, the Germans had the best looking uniforms, the best looking tanks, the best looking fighter planes and the best looking High Command. The best-looking _fighter planes?_ You’re picking the [BF-109](https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&site=imghp&tbm=isch&source=hp&biw=1920&bih=1106&q=BF-109&oq=BF-109&gs_l=img.3..0l10.66962.68483.1.68786.6.6.0.0.0.0.105.407.5j1.6.0....0...1ac.1.26.img..12.26.1610.Fyj7jxgOQBo) and [Focke-Wulf 190](https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&site=imghp&tbm=isch&source=hp&biw=1920&bih=1106&q=BF-109&oq=BF-109&gs_l=img.3..0l10.66962.68483.1.68786.6.6.0.0.0.0.105.407.5j1.6.0....0...1ac.1.26.img..12.26.1610.Fyj7jxgOQBo#hl=en&q=Focke-Wulf+190&tbm=isch) over the [Spitfire](https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&site=imghp&tbm=isch&source=hp&biw=1920&bih=1106&q=BF-109&oq=BF-109&gs_l=img.3..0l10.66962.68483.1.68786.6.6.0.0.0.0.105.407.5j1.6.0....0...1ac.1.26.img..12.26.1610.Fyj7jxgOQBo#hl=en&q=Spitfire&tbm=isch), [P-51 Mustang](https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&site=imghp&tbm=isch&source=hp&biw=1920&bih=1106&q=BF-109&oq=BF-109&gs_l=img.3..0l10.66962.68483.1.68786.6.6.0.0.0.0.105.407.5j1.6.0....0...1ac.1.26.img..12.26.1610.Fyj7jxgOQBo#hl=en&q=P-51+Mustang&tbm=isch), and [P-38 Lightning](https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&site=imghp&tbm=isch&source=hp&biw=1920&bih=1106&q=BF-109&oq=BF-109&gs_l=img.3..0l10.66962.68483.1.68786.6.6.0.0.0.0.105.407.5j1.6.0....0...1ac.1.26.img..12.26.1610.Fyj7jxgOQBo#hl=en&q=P-38+Lightning&tbm=isch)? > [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > And forget about Friedrich Paulus. Those long distance relationships never work. Smiling again. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tarnation\_eudemonia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c77e96/32.png) [@tarnation\_eudemonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tarnation_eudemonia)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-rank-the-german-field-marshal-super-hotties/668155/10 "2013-09-06T13:27:41Z")
> [@Sailboat](#): > > The best-looking _fighter planes?_ You’re picking the [BF-109](https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&site=imghp&tbm=isch&source=hp&biw=1920&bih=1106&q=BF-109&oq=BF-109&gs_l=img.3..0l10.66962.68483.1.68786.6.6.0.0.0.0.105.407.5j1.6.0....0...1ac.1.26.img..12.26.1610.Fyj7jxgOQBo) and [Focke-Wulf 190](https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&site=imghp&tbm=isch&source=hp&biw=1920&bih=1106&q=BF-109&oq=BF-109&gs_l=img.3..0l10.66962.68483.1.68786.6.6.0.0.0.0.105.407.5j1.6.0....0...1ac.1.26.img..12.26.1610.Fyj7jxgOQBo#hl=en&q=Focke-Wulf+190&tbm=isch) over the [Spitfire](https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&site=imghp&tbm=isch&source=hp&biw=1920&bih=1106&q=BF-109&oq=BF-109&gs_l=img.3..0l10.66962.68483.1.68786.6.6.0.0.0.0.105.407.5j1.6.0....0...1ac.1.26.img..12.26.1610.Fyj7jxgOQBo#hl=en&q=Spitfire&tbm=isch), [P-51 Mustang](https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&site=imghp&tbm=isch&source=hp&biw=1920&bih=1106&q=BF-109&oq=BF-109&gs_l=img.3..0l10.66962.68483.1.68786.6.6.0.0.0.0.105.407.5j1.6.0....0...1ac.1.26.img..12.26.1610.Fyj7jxgOQBo#hl=en&q=P-51+Mustang&tbm=isch), and [P-38 Lightning](https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&site=imghp&tbm=isch&source=hp&biw=1920&bih=1106&q=BF-109&oq=BF-109&gs_l=img.3..0l10.66962.68483.1.68786.6.6.0.0.0.0.105.407.5j1.6.0....0...1ac.1.26.img..12.26.1610.Fyj7jxgOQBo#hl=en&q=P-38+Lightning&tbm=isch)? Oh come - the FW 190 was truly gorgeous. And, to clinch the argument, I offer this [for your consideration](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Messerschmitt_Me_262) ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-rank-the-german-field-marshal-super-hotties/668155/11 "2013-09-06T13:38:18Z")
At least the FW-190 had cleaner lines than some of the the somewhat lumpy BF-109 models. And I’ll grant you the _Scwalbe_, but that’s just one aircraft, and an outlier both in design and in number produced. Regarding the appearance of Field Marshals, check out the famous Time Magazine cover of [Gerd von Rundstedt as an armored serpent](http://content.time.com/time/covers/0,16641,19440821,00.html) defending _Festung Europa_. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-rank-the-german-field-marshal-super-hotties/668155/12 "2013-09-06T14:48:31Z")
> [@Sailboat](#): > > Don’t let the look fool you; Manstein was perhaps the best operational-level general the Germans had. At least according to Manstein anyway. I’ve often wondered what his reputation would be if he hadn’t lived to write a post-war book about himself. In it, he “explained” that all the mistakes that had been made during the war were Hitler’s ideas and all the stuff that worked had been his ideas. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-rank-the-german-field-marshal-super-hotties/668155/13 "2013-09-06T14:49:42Z")
How about [John George II, Prince of Anhalt-Dessau](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_George_II,_Prince_of_Anhalt-Dessau). A fieldmarshall and possibly the inventor of the hair band. ---
**Author:** ![mlees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@mlees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mlees)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-rank-the-german-field-marshal-super-hotties/668155/14 "2013-09-06T15:02:56Z")
Hmm. Kesselring looks heavier than Goering in this wikipedia photo: [link](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Bundesarchiv_Bild_146-2006-0107,_Albert,_Kesselring,_Wilhelm_Speidel,_Hermann_G%C3%B6ring.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-rank-the-german-field-marshal-super-hotties/668155/15 "2013-09-06T15:54:57Z")
Yeah, but he had track pants on and was obviously challenging Göring to a race. That fat fuck could sprint. ---
**Author:** ![sylmar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b782af/32.png) [@sylmar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sylmar)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-rank-the-german-field-marshal-super-hotties/668155/16 "2013-09-06T18:14:34Z")
> [@tarnation\_eudemonia](#): > > He does have rather luscious lips. > > Face it, the Germans had the best looking uniforms, the best looking tanks, the best looking fighter planes and the best looking High Command. I’ll allow that opinions are subjective, and while my opinion might concur on the uniforms and tanks, such unanimity comes to a screeching halt at the fighter planes. Form trumped function with these three beauties - [Spitfire](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spitfire), [Corsair](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/F4U-4B_Corsair) (Not her best side), [Mustang](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/P-51_Mustang) post script - Ninja’d! But I’ll admit to a baseless aversion to radial and jet engined craft… ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-rank-the-german-field-marshal-super-hotties/668155/17 "2013-09-06T19:32:45Z")
Heh. I seriously considered adding the Corsair. Love the inverted gull wings, long nose and the engine cowling. But the funny tail gave me pause – the vertical stabilizer being forward of the horizontal looks weird to me. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-rank-the-german-field-marshal-super-hotties/668155/18 "2013-09-06T19:45:18Z")
IIRC, the stab got moved forward for functional reasons. Form does not always follow function attractively. Generally, I’d ignore the Corsair in these discussions, anyway. The Mustang and Spitfire are both “pretty.” I’ll go with the Lightning for “wicked,” Bob. The FW190 was more “cute as a button” until they put in an inline engine and made it “ugly as shit.” But that’s a different thread. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-rank-the-german-field-marshal-super-hotties/668155/19 "2013-09-06T20:48:44Z")
::muttering:: I don’t know WHAT to make of this thread. It’s about Nazis, which is bad. It’s about hotness, which is good. It’s about powerful male Nazi hotness, which I have never, ever before considered and probably could have happily gone the rest of my lifetime without considering. I don’t know WHAT to make of this thread.::muttering:: ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-rank-the-german-field-marshal-super-hotties/668155/20 "2013-09-06T20:52:33Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > I don’t know WHAT to make of this thread.::muttering:: I do. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-rank-the-german-field-marshal-super-hotties/668155.md?page=2)