# In which I sleep with my subordinate **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 7, 2007, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-sleep-with-my-subordinate/394882 "2007-03-07T00:18:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![araminty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5e925/32.png) [@araminty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/araminty)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2007, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-sleep-with-my-subordinate/394882/1 "2007-03-07T00:18:24Z")
So. A colleague was having birthday drinks on Monday night, at quite a fancy wine bar. Since she’s new to town and doesn’t know many people, I rung around to invite some of my staff, including Tom, a casual staff member who mostly works weekends. We’ve hung out a bit in the past, mostly down at the local pub, The Golden Sheaf - in fact, we were there on Saturday night, with a bunch of other people. Tom agreed to come along. I’ve sort of had a little crush on him since I started here, about seven months now – he’s very pretty, and great to talk to We’d had a few bottles of shiraz, and some interesting chitchat, when the party broke up, and the birthday girl and associated others headed home. Tom offered to walk me home, which took us past our usual hang out, The Sheaf. Of course, we stopped for another drink. Or two. Or more. Then we walked back to my place. I don’t remember any sort of decision or offer being made - maybe I mentioned my spare room, or maybe I didn’t. His place is another good half hour’s walk, in the opposite direction, whereas mine is about two blocks from the pub. Convenient, no? Back at my house, we drank another two bottles of wine. We sang songs (I play the piano and autoharp, but not simultaneously) and looked at the stars (we both present planetarium shows.) It got very late. I had a shower, and so did Tom, who borrowed a tee shirt. We headed back out to the backyard - he’s a smoker, and I even had a few puffs of his disgusting rollie. The wind picked up, and it was a bit chilly. We huddled together ‘for warmth,’ even after we got back inside. Then he was kissing me. Tentatively, maybe waiting for me to push him away. Did I mention? I’m his boss. Neither of us actually brought it up – not in so many words… But I didn’t stop, and he didn’t stop. And then we went to bed, and it was a bit drunkenly fumbly, but fun and enthusiastic and intense. When I woke up, I had an oh-shit-oh-shit-oh-shit reaction, my finally sober brain pointing out that I was his boss, and we’d just had sex. I got up and went to work, leaving him naked in my bed. (I had a 10am meeting I couldn’t miss. I know, I know.) I cried sick, and was home by 11, but he was gone, leaving only a red wine stain on the wall, and a couple of condoms in the bin. And pash rash on my chin. Mmm, stubbly. I haven’t heard from him since. We don’t often work together – as I said, I work weekdays, he works weekends. I have a feeling this was to him a very casual thing, probably just a once off. Which I’m fine with. But I’d also be fine if he wanted to do it again. More than fine. What’s going to happen now, I wonder… ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2007, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-sleep-with-my-subordinate/394882/2 "2007-03-07T00:22:40Z")
Somebody was naughty~ 😉 OOOOOH, sounds like fun though. Keep us posted. ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2007, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-sleep-with-my-subordinate/394882/3 "2007-03-07T00:40:02Z")
You should check with him (without the wine) if he didn’t feel that your position (on the job) at all made him feel obligated to participate. I don’t know the laws in your whereabouts, but where I am, it could get you into trouble. And he could even use it against you in the future, if he’s a jerk. It almost happened to me, once, and my boss later asked me if I’d felt uncomfortable about what happened. I said, “No,”–but then she was married to a minister, which in fact did make me feel a little uncomfortable. ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2007, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-sleep-with-my-subordinate/394882/4 "2007-03-07T14:44:01Z")
[QUOTE=Uncommon Sense] Somebody was naughty~ 😉 OOOOOH, sounds like fun though. Keep us posted. [/QUOTE] Yep, some of us live vicariously through those of you who still dare to live. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2007, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-sleep-with-my-subordinate/394882/5 "2007-03-07T15:50:25Z")
Aren’t threads about hot young naked male co-workers supposed to include pictures? Why are there only pictures in cat threads? ---
**Author:** ![TwoOnSunday](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/22d042/32.png) [@TwoOnSunday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwoOnSunday)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2007, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-sleep-with-my-subordinate/394882/6 "2007-03-07T16:42:34Z")
[QUOTE=Otto] Aren’t threads about hot young naked male co-workers supposed to include pictures? Why are there only pictures in cat threads? [/QUOTE] Those are excellent questions! ---
**Author:** ![araminty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5e925/32.png) [@araminty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/araminty)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2007, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-sleep-with-my-subordinate/394882/7 "2007-03-07T22:42:13Z")
I did manage to snap a blurry shot featuring the fully-clothed, aforementioned Tom - WITH a kitty! A random baby Burmese that wandered into the backyard, whom we dubbed Steve, played with for a while, then shooed away. But I won’t be posting the pic. Sorry. (What is this, emotional maturity? Huh.) ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2007, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-sleep-with-my-subordinate/394882/8 "2007-03-07T23:19:45Z")
So let’s see if I have the drunken facts straight… You rarely work together (in fact, you have opposite schedules the vast majority of the time). And he made the first move. Congratulations, you had a night of good fun AND good sex. I’d say you’re in the clear. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2007, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-sleep-with-my-subordinate/394882/9 "2007-03-08T08:17:00Z")
[QUOTE=Sunrazor] Yep, some of us live vicariously through those of you who still dare to live. [/QUOTE] Smiles at this - it was really very brave of you to go through with this socially taboo arrangement. I hope it doesn’t carry any negative repercussions for you, and bravo. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2007, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-sleep-with-my-subordinate/394882/10 "2007-03-08T16:05:20Z")
So does your department have any openings? ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2007, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-sleep-with-my-subordinate/394882/11 "2007-03-08T16:18:14Z")
[QUOTE=araminty] … but he was gone, leaving only a red wine stain on the wall, and a couple of condoms in the bin. [/QUOTE] Obviously you’ve just made it with a grandson of Zorro. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2007, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-sleep-with-my-subordinate/394882/12 "2007-03-08T16:24:53Z")
Oooh, I love hearing the sordid details of other people’s lives - distracts me from my own. 🙂 Hopefully he won’t be all weird about it and the fun can continue. Keep us posted! ---
**Author:** ![Madd\_Maxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Madd\_Maxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Madd_Maxx)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2007, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-sleep-with-my-subordinate/394882/13 "2007-03-08T18:15:05Z")
[QUOTE=Rick] So does your department have any openings? [/QUOTE] I think of at least one… ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2007, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-sleep-with-my-subordinate/394882/14 "2007-03-08T19:14:59Z")
[QUOTE=Madd Maxx] I think of at least one… [/QUOTE] You beat me to it, dammit! **Otto** , you’ve got plenty of pussy pics. Don’t get greedy! ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2007, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-sleep-with-my-subordinate/394882/15 "2007-03-08T19:29:42Z")
How could either of you get it on after drinking that much? ---
**Author:** ![lisacurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/41988e/32.png) [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2007, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-sleep-with-my-subordinate/394882/16 "2007-03-08T19:35:55Z")
[QUOTE=Otto] Aren’t threads about hot young naked male co-workers supposed to include pictures? Why are there only pictures in cat threads? [/QUOTE] I love you so much. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2007, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-sleep-with-my-subordinate/394882/17 "2007-03-08T19:38:15Z")
I hate to pour cold water on this, but what are the policies at your job regarding relationships between superiors and subordinates? In some places sleeping with a subordinate could make you automatically guilty of sexual harrassment (regardless of consent). In any case, it’s almost always inappropriate and it could come back to bite you on the ass in a big way. ---
**Author:** ![some\_white\_dude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b487fb/32.png) [@some\_white\_dude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/some_white_dude)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2007, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-sleep-with-my-subordinate/394882/18 "2007-03-08T20:00:34Z")
Whatever, **Diogenes the FunRuiner** , come back when you’ve slept with someone interesting. How _did_ you guys boink after drinking that much? ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2007, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-sleep-with-my-subordinate/394882/19 "2007-03-08T20:11:15Z")
[QUOTE=lieu] Obviously you’ve just made it with a grandson of Zorro. [/QUOTE] Oh man, that was gold. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2007, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-sleep-with-my-subordinate/394882/20 "2007-03-08T20:24:36Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] it could come back to bite you on the ass in a big way. [/QUOTE] I don’t recall seeing any mention of ass biting. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-sleep-with-my-subordinate/394882.md?page=2)