# In which I take three(3) car trips, or Bottles in cars **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 22, 2004, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-take-three-3-car-trips-or-bottles-in-cars/276059 "2004-11-22T05:52:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-take-three-3-car-trips-or-bottles-in-cars/276059/1 "2004-11-22T05:52:18Z")
Stardate: a couple of weekends ago. I go down to Austin for a college bowl tournament. Get a speeding ticket for 92 in a 70: 285 dollars. Shit. We lose both tournaments, academic and pop culture. Warp speed to last weekend. I go back up home to Fayetteville to work at my old McDonald’s to get some money. Saturday night, I get a ticket for 50 in a 35. Shit. (Note at this point: I’ve been driving for almost 3 years and I get 2 tickets in a week??? Shit.) In the meantime, I get called to the business office at our school Turns out that they gave me too big of a refund and they want their $92.92 back. Shit. But the fun part was today. I was driving home (b/c I went home to work) and I took this back road I’ve never taken before. I haven’t seen a person or city in 30 minutes and I have to piss. Badly. Look over in the passenger seat, and see a mountain dew bottle. (How appropriate, I know.) No! That would never work! But then again, neither would pissing my pants. So, I tried it. I ran into the following roadblocks: 1. Being uncircumsized makes pissing in a bottle harder. Solution: Roll foreskin back. 2. Head of penis too large to fit in bottle. Solution: Align hole with bottle, hope for best. 3. Creating an airtight seal with penis head on bottle makes pressure build up inside. Solution: Leave a little airspace. 4. Having to piss very badly means there’s a lot of piss. Consequence: I filled up a \*\*whole damn 20 oz bottle, and still had to piss. \*\* Retrospectively, though, it was funny. But probably something I won’t repeat. Oh, and re: beginning of message: I hate speeding tickets. (Yes, I know the solution is to not speed, but both times I just _happened_ to get caught going the most above the speed limit I went the entire trip.) ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-take-three-3-car-trips-or-bottles-in-cars/276059/2 "2004-11-22T08:28:25Z")
Here I thought this was going to be a story about open-alcohol-containers-law. I suppose you should be thankful it isn’t! One notes, BTW, that it was quite amazing that the Jews foresaw and solved problems with pissing in Mountain Dew bottles thousands of years before they were even invented. ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 9:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-take-three-3-car-trips-or-bottles-in-cars/276059/3 "2004-11-22T09:03:26Z")
> [@chaoticdonkey](#): > > Stardate: a couple of weekends ago. I go down to Austin for a college bowl tournament. Get a speeding ticket for 92 in a 70: 285 dollars. Shit. We lose both tournaments, academic and pop culture. > > Warp speed to last weekend. I go back up home to Fayetteville to work at my old McDonald’s to get some money. Saturday night, I get a ticket for 50 in a 35. Shit. > > (Note at this point: I’ve been driving for almost 3 years and I get 2 tickets in a week??? Shit.) > > In the meantime, I get called to the business office at our school Turns out that they gave me too big of a refund and they want their $92.92 back. Shit. > > But the fun part was today. I was driving home (b/c I went home to work) and I took this back road I’ve never taken before. I haven’t seen a person or city in 30 minutes and I have to piss. Badly. Look over in the passenger seat, and see a mountain dew bottle. (How appropriate, I know.) No! That would never work! But then again, neither would pissing my pants. So, I tried it. I ran into the following roadblocks: > > 1. Being uncircumsized makes pissing in a bottle harder. Solution: Roll foreskin back. > 2. Head of penis too large to fit in bottle. Solution: Align hole with bottle, hope for best. > 3. Creating an airtight seal with penis head on bottle makes pressure build up inside. Solution: Leave a little airspace. > 4. Having to piss very badly means there’s a lot of piss. Consequence: I filled up a \*\*whole damn 20 oz bottle, and still had to piss. \*\* > > Retrospectively, though, it was funny. But probably something I won’t repeat. > > Oh, and re: beginning of message: I hate speeding tickets. (Yes, I know the solution is to not speed, but both times I just _happened_ to get caught going the most above the speed limit I went the entire trip.) I think many a lad knows from experience, never to drink the warm mountain dew you find in your brother’s car. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 9:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-take-three-3-car-trips-or-bottles-in-cars/276059/4 "2004-11-22T09:08:53Z")
> [@ouryL](#): > > I think many a lad knows from experience, never to drink the warm mountain dew you find in your brother’s car. :eek: Yet another reason to be glad I’m an only child! ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-take-three-3-car-trips-or-bottles-in-cars/276059/5 "2004-11-22T17:05:37Z")
And I’m glad my brother can’t drive, has no car, and doesn’t like mountain dew. ---
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-take-three-3-car-trips-or-bottles-in-cars/276059/6 "2004-11-22T18:26:54Z")
> [@chaoticdonkey](#): > > I haven’t seen a person or city in 30 minutes and I have to piss. WTF? Why not just whip it out and piss on the side of the road? ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-take-three-3-car-trips-or-bottles-in-cars/276059/7 "2004-11-22T18:40:06Z")
Because two state troopers can magicly appear out of nowhere and won’t buy the story that you were checking your tire pressure. **Chaoticdonkey** , buy the two liter bottle. ---
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-take-three-3-car-trips-or-bottles-in-cars/276059/8 "2004-11-22T19:16:12Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > Because two state troopers can magicly appear out of nowhere and won’t buy the story that you were checking your tire pressure. The OP already has two tickets this week, another for UIP isn’t going to make much of a difference. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-take-three-3-car-trips-or-bottles-in-cars/276059/9 "2004-11-22T19:25:15Z")
And people wonder why there’s always an empty Gatorade bottle in my car at all times. It holds a quart, and has a screw-down lid on it. ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-take-three-3-car-trips-or-bottles-in-cars/276059/10 "2004-11-22T20:02:29Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > Because two state troopers can magicly appear out of nowhere and won’t buy the story that you were checking your tire pressure. > > **Chaoticdonkey** , buy the two liter bottle. Nope… going for the 3-liter. Bigger opening circumference. 2 liter’s one is the same as 20-oz, I think. (That sounds like I’m bragging about penis size. For those who think I am, try fitting _your_ dick in a 20-oz bottle. ) ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-take-three-3-car-trips-or-bottles-in-cars/276059/11 "2004-11-22T20:09:48Z")
> [@fetus](#): > > One notes, BTW, that it was quite amazing that the Jews foresaw and solved problems with pissing in Mountain Dew bottles thousands of years before they were even invented. Proof that there is a God, and the Jews are his chosen people