# In which Otto receives another lesson in why Helping People Is Bad **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 29, 2004, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-otto-receives-another-lesson-in-why-helping-people-is-bad/226595 "2004-01-29T16:10:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2004, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-otto-receives-another-lesson-in-why-helping-people-is-bad/226595/1 "2004-01-29T16:10:05Z")
I get home from work yesterday afternoon and a woman approaches me as I’m getting out of my car to ask a favor. Could she possibly borrow my phone so she can let one friend know where she is and ask another friend to pick her up? I’m thinking along the lines of, her car broke down or maybe she’s had to walk a long way and it is pretty bitterly cold. She’s not carrying anything that looks weapon-like so, somewhat against my better judgment, I agree. We go up to my apartment and I hand her the phone. I do listen to what she’s dialing, so she can’t do any sort of phone scam like somehow forwarding calls or whatever. She gets ahold of one of her friends and blah blah blah. Gets ahold of another one and blah blah blah. Gets ahold of a third one and, turns out, she’s homeless (which doesn’t bother me, I’ve been there myself) but now she has her “shit together” and has a place to stay, but the people where she’s staying are strangers and she’s “lonely” and she wants to hang out with people she knows. I’m feeling slightly annoyed at this point. Not like she ever _said_ her car broke down or anything like that, those assumptions are all on me, but I’m still feeling a little put-upon as she attempts to arrange her social schedule for the evening. She wraps up her call, thanks me and heads out. At which point I notice that half of a stack of two dollar bills I had sitting on the desk where she was sitting is missing. I go after her and say, “Debbie? Do you think I could have the rest of these two dollar bills back?” She denied everything and started swearing as God as her witness she had no idea what I was talking about. I hate face-to-face confrontations to the point of going way out of my way to avoid them and the personal cost of a confrontation or involving the police or what have you was higher than the $14 she took. So I just said “Look, you stole it, I guess you need it more than I do” and went back upstairs. So, thanks to Debbie, should someone who actually needs help approach me the likelihood that I will offer them help has just plummeted to roughly zero. And the world, or at least my little corner of it, gets that much colder and unfeeling. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2004, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-otto-receives-another-lesson-in-why-helping-people-is-bad/226595/2 "2004-01-29T16:31:02Z")
Don’t people just suck? ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2004, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-otto-receives-another-lesson-in-why-helping-people-is-bad/226595/3 "2004-01-29T16:43:43Z")
You let a strnager use your cell phone, you invited her uop to your apartment, and you turned youtr bakc on her around a stack of cash. You deserved to be ripped off. You have learned a valuable lesson–never trust people you do not know (and keep one eye on people you do.) Sure, helping people is a good thing, but letting someone use your cell phone was at the extreme end of charity. Inviting her up to your apartment was opening yourself up to being robbed, which is exactly what happened. > [@](#): > > So I just said “Look, you stole it, I guess you need it more than I do” and went back upstairs. Bull. YOU need it more than she does because it was YOUR money. What SHE needed was to be arrested and jailed for theft. ---
**Author:** ![MrTuffPaws](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@MrTuffPaws](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrTuffPaws)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2004, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-otto-receives-another-lesson-in-why-helping-people-is-bad/226595/4 "2004-01-29T16:48:13Z")
Congrats on figuring that one out. Helping people any more is a complete whimsy of mine anymore. I only do it when I want too, and not automatically when they ask. Bad apples and all that stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2004, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-otto-receives-another-lesson-in-why-helping-people-is-bad/226595/5 "2004-01-29T16:57:17Z")
_You invited a total stranger off the street into your apartment?_ Dear, please promise you won’t ever do that again. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2004, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-otto-receives-another-lesson-in-why-helping-people-is-bad/226595/6 "2004-01-29T16:58:53Z")
> [@gobear](#): > > You let a strnager use your cell phone, you invited her uop to your apartment, and you turned youtr bakc on her around a stack of cash. > > You deserved to be ripped off. It was a land line and I didn’t “turn my back on her.” She was out of my direct line of sight for a few seconds. But thanks for your blame the victim attitude. I look forward to the next rape thread and your “she was walking alone at night in a tight skirt, she deserved to get raped” post. Asshole. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2004, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-otto-receives-another-lesson-in-why-helping-people-is-bad/226595/7 "2004-01-29T17:01:18Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > _You invited a total stranger off the street into your apartment?_ > > Dear, please promise you won’t ever do that again. But everyone’s a stranger until you meet them…besides, if I didn’t invite strangers home I’d never get laid.\* \*that was a joke ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2004, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-otto-receives-another-lesson-in-why-helping-people-is-bad/226595/8 "2004-01-29T17:03:29Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > _You invited a total stranger off the street into your apartment?_ > > Dear, please promise you won’t ever do that again. It’s all that Minnesota nice oozing over the border like a spreading puddle of Marshmallow Fluff. Hell, when I lived in Minneapolis, I let a drunk female stranger who used to know the former tenant in my apartment in to use the phone because she thought the former tenant still lived there and had to call for a ride since he didn’t. She ended up staying for a half-hour waiting for the ride and apparently felt she owed me something for the use of the phone so she offered me sex. I told her she had WAY the wrong parts for my taste. Of course, I was keeping an eye on her the entire time. But I swear there’s something in the water out there… ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2004, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-otto-receives-another-lesson-in-why-helping-people-is-bad/226595/9 "2004-01-29T17:09:10Z")
I don’t use “deserve” to mean you had it coming or that robbing you was right, because that’s not my intention. I use it in the sense that a secondary character in a horror movie who goes into the dark old house by himself without a flashlight “deserves” to get eaten by the monster. > [@](#): > > It was a land line and I didn’t “turn my back on her.” She was out of my direct line of sight for a few seconds. Same thing. You didn’t keep your eyes on her at all times. Do you not see that you allowed this to happen by letting a stranger near your cash? I’m not trying to be harsh with you; on the contrary, I want you to STOP being a victim.The first step is to start being more cynical and a lot less trusting of people who haven’t earned it. ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2004, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-otto-receives-another-lesson-in-why-helping-people-is-bad/226595/10 "2004-01-29T17:16:12Z")
I help people for a living, and even I know it’s thankless, and these people acutally NEED my help. Someone asks me to use my phone, I’ve usually got change in my pocket, i’d rather part with 35 cents than a stack of 2’s. ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2004, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-otto-receives-another-lesson-in-why-helping-people-is-bad/226595/11 "2004-01-29T17:47:08Z")
There’s an option in between never helping people and putting yourself in a dangerous situation. In the case of the OP, that would have been offering to make a phone call _for her_. That way, she gets the assistance she needs, and you don’t have to let a stranger into your apartment. Similarly, if you see a breakdown on the road, you can always ask if you can call someone (friend/police/tow truck), rather than getting out of your car and possibly putting yourself in harm’s way. I think that your intentions were admirable, but your execution could stand some improvement. The bottom line, of course, is that you did nothing wrong. The guest who helped herself to your money is the one at fault here. But you could take precautions to ensure that a similar situation doesn’t occur the next time you help someone. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2004, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-otto-receives-another-lesson-in-why-helping-people-is-bad/226595/12 "2004-01-29T19:23:21Z")
Spoiler’s right. You can be the good guy and not set yourself up to be the chump guy. I’ve done really reckless things whilst under the influence. I cringe at the thought of some of the chances I’ve taken. Take it from me. You can do all kinds of good deeds without actually opening yourself up to danger. I like a good-deed-do-er. Keep up the good work. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2004, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-otto-receives-another-lesson-in-why-helping-people-is-bad/226595/13 "2004-01-29T21:31:14Z")
Wait a second, back up here… You left a stack of bills out on a table while you were out? I suppose there’s nothing wrong with that, but sheesh, it just seems so… wrong. ---
**Author:** ![barrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/da6949/32.png) [@barrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/barrum)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2004, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-otto-receives-another-lesson-in-why-helping-people-is-bad/226595/14 "2004-01-29T21:43:30Z")
perhaps you should have tried bartering for your two dollar bill collection in exchange for a nice new 10, as far as the police are concerned, they would have had a fairly easy search for the two dollar bills as opposed to anything more common ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2004, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-otto-receives-another-lesson-in-why-helping-people-is-bad/226595/15 "2004-01-29T21:59:07Z")
**Otto** , you aren’t to blame. Having a stack of twos in your apartment isn’t a crime. Its crappy what happened, but you should be thankful it wasn’t your whole month’s rent, tucked in a coffee can. Now that being said, your OP brought to mind that TV commecial they’ve been playing for Wachovia…the one with the Odd Couple music. Somehow, I see you walking into the living room of your apartment…and there are all these 2 dollar bills running around, eating your food, changing your channels, and generally mis-behaving… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![SnoopyFan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d07c76/32.png) [@SnoopyFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnoopyFan)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2004, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-otto-receives-another-lesson-in-why-helping-people-is-bad/226595/16 "2004-01-29T22:31:45Z")
Gobear is full of it. You did NOT deserve this. All you were doing was trying to be a good person. Good people don’t deserve to get screwed over. ---
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2004, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-otto-receives-another-lesson-in-why-helping-people-is-bad/226595/17 "2004-01-29T23:00:15Z")
I’m with you, **Otto** ☹ I’m going to have to train my neighbour _and_ his ex g/f, not to use my home as a public phonebox. Hmm - even the "bit of milk/wasghin powder _etc_ idea is getting old. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2004, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-otto-receives-another-lesson-in-why-helping-people-is-bad/226595/18 "2004-01-29T23:43:02Z")
> [@SnoopyFan](#): > > Gobear is full of it. You did NOT deserve this. All you were doing was trying to be a good person. Good people don’t deserve to get screwed over. Good people don’t deserve to get screwed over; gullible people do. As has been pointed out, **Otto** did not have to invite the woman into his home–he could have given her change for a call. It’s possible to be a _mensch_ without being a chump. I have no wish to dump on **Otto** ; good, kind people are too rare in this world. However, if he has a good heart but little street sense, he will be eaten alive by the scam artists and crooks he encounters. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2004, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-otto-receives-another-lesson-in-why-helping-people-is-bad/226595/19 "2004-01-30T03:42:24Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Wait a second, back up here… > > You left a stack of bills out on a table while you were out? I suppose there’s nothing wrong with that, but sheesh, it just seems so… > > wrong. Not sure what you mean. I go to my credit union every three or four weeks and I get about $50 in twos. I use them for tips. I had about 15 bills sitting in the envelope slot of a desk organizer that sits on the corner of my desk. I live in a security building and I have had other strangers over (I do bring home the occasional trick, or I did before I got involved with my current bf) and none of them has ever taken the opportunity to slip a few bills in their pockets on the way out. So ultimately it won’t be me who suffers. It will be the poor, hard-working strippers of Madison who will do without tips. But I am going to mark down this day in my calendar. I never thought I would be advised by anyone that I should become _more_ cynical. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2004, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-otto-receives-another-lesson-in-why-helping-people-is-bad/226595/20 "2004-01-30T03:48:51Z")
> [@gobear](#): > > Good people don’t deserve to get screwed over; gullible people do. This seems to be the default mindset of a lot of my patients. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-otto-receives-another-lesson-in-why-helping-people-is-bad/226595.md?page=2)