# In Your Humble Opinion: What's your clever come-back in response to a verbal assaut? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 10, 2003, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-your-humble-opinion-whats-your-clever-come-back-in-response-to-a-verbal-assaut/212384 "2003-11-10T13:40:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![bienville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@bienville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bienville)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-your-humble-opinion-whats-your-clever-come-back-in-response-to-a-verbal-assaut/212384/1 "2003-11-10T13:40:27Z")
Czarcasm didn’t like how I [originally](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=222470) worded this. (Stank-ass little dweeb) ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-your-humble-opinion-whats-your-clever-come-back-in-response-to-a-verbal-assaut/212384/2 "2003-11-10T14:00:28Z")
Are you sure that it was the _wording_ he didn’t like? I’d recommend MPSIMS, but some things are even too pointless for that… ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-your-humble-opinion-whats-your-clever-come-back-in-response-to-a-verbal-assaut/212384/3 "2003-11-10T14:32:49Z")
Is there a verbal equivalent for a banning and a kidney punch? ---
**Author:** ![Omnipresent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8c91f0/32.png) [@Omnipresent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omnipresent)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-your-humble-opinion-whats-your-clever-come-back-in-response-to-a-verbal-assaut/212384/4 "2003-11-10T14:46:58Z")
How’s this: WT(I)Flyin(/I)F?!? ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-your-humble-opinion-whats-your-clever-come-back-in-response-to-a-verbal-assaut/212384/5 "2003-11-10T15:20:15Z")
**bienville** , here’s a Clue-o-gram. a) You can pit me, Joe Schmoe, **Czarcasm** , or the entire Board. IMHO is not the Pit. b) You can’t pit me, Joe, **Czar** , or Board without explaining that that’s who you are pitting. A thread titled “I think you suck” that doesn’t identify who the “you” isn’t going to live long in the pit either. c) You may not wish to be so reminiscent of severly incapacitated incoherent street people who stand in the middle of the road having belligerent arguments with people who are not there. I’m a schizophrenic and I know these things. You look silly. Come inside and let me buy you a cup of coffee before they send out the men in the white coats for you. ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-your-humble-opinion-whats-your-clever-come-back-in-response-to-a-verbal-assaut/212384/6 "2003-11-10T15:33:08Z")
I like “Oh yeah?” and “Says you!”. These always seem to shut them up. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-your-humble-opinion-whats-your-clever-come-back-in-response-to-a-verbal-assaut/212384/7 "2003-11-10T15:52:56Z")
“I know you are, but what am I?” ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-your-humble-opinion-whats-your-clever-come-back-in-response-to-a-verbal-assaut/212384/8 "2003-11-10T15:54:06Z")
Gah. I meant that I figured green\_bladder had it in one. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-your-humble-opinion-whats-your-clever-come-back-in-response-to-a-verbal-assaut/212384/9 "2003-11-10T16:17:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AHunter3 \* > b) You can’t pit me, Joe, **Czar** , or Board without explaining that that’s who you are pitting. A thread titled “I think you suck” that doesn’t identify who the “you” isn’t going to live long in the pit either. It also helps to provide a link as to why the heck you’re calling someone out in the BBQ Pit. After all, we don’t all read the entire board, and so even if someone might remember why it is you’re ragging on a particular poster/topic/whatever, they’re still probably going to fall all over themselves trying to come up with cute and/or snarky ways to request a link to the incident. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2003, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-your-humble-opinion-whats-your-clever-come-back-in-response-to-a-verbal-assaut/212384/10 "2003-11-10T23:04:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bienville \* > \*\*Czarcasm didn’t like how I [originally](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=222470) worded this. (Stank-ass little dweeb) \*\* Your previous title didn’t help much, and you had _better_ be refering to your previous title and not to yours truly with that “stank-ass little dweeb” comment. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-your-humble-opinion-whats-your-clever-come-back-in-response-to-a-verbal-assaut/212384/11 "2003-11-11T02:13:22Z")
And might I suggest a quick trip through the BBQ Pit for a wide selection of quips and comebacks? ---
**Author:** ![bienville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@bienville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bienville)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-your-humble-opinion-whats-your-clever-come-back-in-response-to-a-verbal-assaut/212384/12 "2003-11-11T10:59:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Czarcasm \* > \*\*Your previous title didn’t help much, and you had _better_ be refering to your previous title and not to yours truly with that “stank-ass little dweeb” comment. 😃 \*\* Of _course_ it’s a “callback” to the original thread and not directed at anyone personally. And YES I am familiar with the Pit but I’m not trying to be incendiary- I’m not trying to bait folks into a fight- I’m just looking for folks to share their personal favorites. (I’m also familiar with MPSIMS but this is meant to be more of a “poll” than just me sharing.) I’ll admit the original wording wasn’t very direct (or perhaps too direct), I just thought it was more fun. It does seem like this new thread better serves the intended poll: Weirddave and Jenaroph seem to know what I’m looking for, and KidCharlemagne’s response is classic! (Of course, green\_bladder got it the first time around.) Sorry, for ruffling feathers! I don’t really think any of you suck (well, at least not in the _bad_ way!) My favorite is, to quote Laraine Newman’s alteration of the line from the Exorcist (now people are going to tell me I should take this to Café Society!): **You’re Mother sews socks that smell!** ---
**Author:** ![Omnipresent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8c91f0/32.png) [@Omnipresent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omnipresent)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-your-humble-opinion-whats-your-clever-come-back-in-response-to-a-verbal-assaut/212384/13 "2003-11-11T11:57:33Z")
“Go piss up a rope” ---
**Author:** ![Jennyrosity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@Jennyrosity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennyrosity)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-your-humble-opinion-whats-your-clever-come-back-in-response-to-a-verbal-assaut/212384/14 "2003-11-11T12:30:59Z")
For reasons that will remain unexplained, I discovered on Friday afternoon that this is a particularly good one: “Don’t start with me. I have a bag of knives”\> ---
**Author:** ![Sat\_on\_Cookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/71c47a/32.png) [@Sat\_on\_Cookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sat_on_Cookie)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-your-humble-opinion-whats-your-clever-come-back-in-response-to-a-verbal-assaut/212384/15 "2003-11-11T14:36:40Z")
If you’re a woman, it’s always good to say “Suck my dick!” ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-your-humble-opinion-whats-your-clever-come-back-in-response-to-a-verbal-assaut/212384/16 "2003-11-11T14:45:07Z")
It’s a good thing I don’t give a rat’s ass what your opinion of me is. ---
**Author:** ![belkathy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e9bcb4/32.png) [@belkathy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belkathy)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-your-humble-opinion-whats-your-clever-come-back-in-response-to-a-verbal-assaut/212384/17 "2003-11-11T14:45:32Z")
I prefer “suck my cock!” ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-your-humble-opinion-whats-your-clever-come-back-in-response-to-a-verbal-assaut/212384/18 "2003-11-11T15:43:58Z")
A fist. ---
**Author:** ![grimpixie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@grimpixie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grimpixie)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-your-humble-opinion-whats-your-clever-come-back-in-response-to-a-verbal-assaut/212384/19 "2003-11-11T16:23:55Z")
Subtle is good too - one of my favorite stories about Desmond Tutu comes from the time when he was Bishop of Johannesburg. He was walking down the road and came to a place where workmen had constructed a barrier so that there was only space for one pedestrian to walk on the pavement at a time. As he arrived at the barrier, a large, white Afrikaaner came from the other side. Tutu waited until he had passed through the barrier, and as he walked past, the man muttered “I don’t make way for monkeys”. Tutu bowed low and replied “I do”. Grim ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-your-humble-opinion-whats-your-clever-come-back-in-response-to-a-verbal-assaut/212384/20 "2003-11-11T17:10:56Z")
For an unnecessary correction of spelling I like to retort with **Sick my duck**. I very rarely think a come-back is necessary, but in the times one is needed I find false praise to be best. **That is an interesting point, but do you have anything to say that is relivent to the discussion?** **That would have been a very clever idea, if it wasn’t for the following issues …** **Deffinately worth considering.\ A better idea would be …** [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-your-humble-opinion-whats-your-clever-come-back-in-response-to-a-verbal-assaut/212384.md?page=2)