# Inappropriate relationship **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [October 31, 2010, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inappropriate-relationship/558995 "2010-10-31T19:17:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![smileybastard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@smileybastard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smileybastard)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inappropriate-relationship/558995/21 "2010-10-31T21:23:06Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Mainly because young people are relatively inexperienced and kinda stupid when it comes to life lessons, and are subject to being manipulated and exploited. I agree that there is more potential for them to exploited but that is far different than it being innately inappropriate. I agree with your other point. ---
**Author:** ![smileybastard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@smileybastard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smileybastard)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inappropriate-relationship/558995/22 "2010-10-31T21:31:26Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > Probably, yes. > > It’s not really a yes/no thing; it’s simply a matter, to my mind, of statistical probability. It is possible that a relationship between a 40-year-old and an 18-year-old could be a healthy relationship that works for both sides. It is, however, extremely improbable. What statistics do you base it on? Based on what do you suggest it is improbable? ---
**Author:** ![smileybastard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@smileybastard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smileybastard)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inappropriate-relationship/558995/23 "2010-10-31T21:34:07Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > What age difference are we talking about? > > Is a 21 year old guy with a relationship with a 17 year old girl inherently different than if the guy is 40 years old? I would say that is a very good question and that the answer is to a degree. They are likely at different places in their life and that could be a huge factor depending on the people or the relationship. That can be said about many factors such cultural background, economic background, education level etc. ---
**Author:** ![smileybastard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@smileybastard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smileybastard)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inappropriate-relationship/558995/24 "2010-10-31T21:35:18Z")
> [@Gfactor](#): > > I’ve moved this thread from General Questions to Great Debates. It might belong in In My Humble Opinion, or elsewhere. I’ll defer to the Great Debates moderators on the further disposition of the thread. > > **Gfactor** > General Questions Moderator Thanks - I was not sure where to put it. ---
**Author:** ![smileybastard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@smileybastard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smileybastard)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inappropriate-relationship/558995/25 "2010-10-31T21:38:20Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > Age of consent throughout the world: [http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/ef/Age\_of\_Consent.png](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/ef/Age_of_Consent.png) > > Dukette, > You might add “only interested in sex” to that list. Some men will have sex with a 16 year old because they’re easier to impress and/or more to their liking physically. They probably don’t have long discussions on philosophy and arts. Interesting comment. I have found as many teens as interested in philosophy and the arts as adults. ---
**Author:** ![dukette71](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8edcca/32.png) [@dukette71](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dukette71)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inappropriate-relationship/558995/26 "2010-10-31T21:51:23Z")
> [@smileybastard](#): > > It is not just 14-18 year olds who don’t recognize that. I would suggest that other 14-18 year olds are about as likely if not more to want to “get laid”. > > What past experience do you have? Experience with men approaching me for sex at a young age. Boys that age don’t know that they need to earn a girls trust, and generally can’t do it unless it is genuine. The men will fake all sorts of kindness; women their own age know this as “BS”. Since your question is about ‘relationships’, being cynical, I just picture a guy stringing a girl along for as much low-expectation sex as he can get. I guess “relationship” would imply some mutual respect that I think is VERY VERY rare in these unbalanced relationships. ---
**Author:** ![Otara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a88e4f/32.png) [@Otara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otara)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inappropriate-relationship/558995/27 "2010-10-31T22:16:29Z")
Many things are not 100% guaranteed to cause harm but are nevertheless considered exploitative to the point where they’re socially if not legally proscribed. Obvious examples include relationships between boss and subordinate, students and teachers, therapists and clients etc etc. All of those categories can include relationships that ‘worked out OK’ but the risks of causing harm due to the inherent power imbalance are considered high enough that they are generally proscribed. The same is the case here. Otara ---
**Author:** ![smileybastard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@smileybastard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smileybastard)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inappropriate-relationship/558995/28 "2010-10-31T22:43:05Z")
> [@dukette71](#): > > Experience with men approaching me for sex at a young age. Boys that age don’t know that they need to earn a girls trust, and generally can’t do it unless it is genuine. The men will fake all sorts of kindness; women their own age know this as “BS”. > > Since your question is about ‘relationships’, being cynical, I just picture a guy stringing a girl along for as much low-expectation sex as he can get. I guess “relationship” would imply some mutual respect that I think is VERY VERY rare in these unbalanced relationships. Interesting point of view. I think it is so rare because in most cases the relationships that would be good are not perused because they are loath to be so counter to society, but maybe I am wrong. ---
**Author:** ![smileybastard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@smileybastard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smileybastard)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inappropriate-relationship/558995/29 "2010-10-31T22:46:04Z")
> [@Otara](#): > > Many things are not 100% guaranteed to cause harm but are nevertheless considered exploitative to the point where they’re socially if not legally proscribed. > > Obvious examples include relationships between boss and subordinate, students and teachers, therapists and clients etc etc. All of those categories can include relationships that ‘worked out OK’ but the risks of causing harm due to the inherent power imbalance are considered high enough that they are generally proscribed. > > The same is the case here. > > Otara I would say the difference is that in the case of bosses, teachers etc there is a clear power over the other person. I don’t think there us a risk of harm as much as simply an increased risk of exploitation. Note is is a risk of exploitation not inherently exploitation. And there are cases where the worked out well not just OK. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Mondegreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/91b2a8/32.png) [@Lord\_Mondegreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Mondegreen)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inappropriate-relationship/558995/30 "2010-11-01T00:17:22Z")
> [@smileybastard](#): > > In the same ball park but she was not a minor. Actually she probably was. In the '70s in Australia the age of majority was reduced from 21 to 18. I don’t know whether the US had a similar reduction around the same time, but I’d be surprised if it was 18 during the '40s. Somewhat related but not directly relevant, according to Wikipedia the age of majority in Mississippi is still 21. ---
**Author:** ![smileybastard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@smileybastard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smileybastard)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inappropriate-relationship/558995/31 "2010-11-01T01:08:47Z")
> [@Lord\_Mondegreen](#): > > Actually she probably was. In the '70s in Australia the age of majority was reduced from 21 to 18. I don’t know whether the US had a similar reduction around the same time, but I’d be surprised if it was 18 during the '40s. > > Somewhat related but not directly relevant, according to Wikipedia the age of majority in Mississippi is still 21. Ah, yes. I never thought of that. ---
**Author:** ![TurboNuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f19dbf/32.png) [@TurboNuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TurboNuke)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inappropriate-relationship/558995/32 "2010-11-01T01:17:52Z")
My wife is seven years older than me. I was 22 and she was 29 when we got together, so she wasn’t exactly robbing the cradle. Now that we’re older this is a bit of a problem. One problem is; if I retire early at 62, she’ll be nearly 70 years old. I wonder if we’ll be able to travel like I want. So, being closer in age seems to be the best thing. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inappropriate-relationship/558995/33 "2010-11-01T01:34:11Z")
> [@smileybastard](#): > > Interesting comment. I have found as many teens as interested in philosophy and the arts as adults. It was a roundabout way of saying that it was a relationship mainly based on sex (at least form the older man’s perspective). I had in mind a man in his 30s/40s with a minor-but-legal woman. I have no doubt that the proportion of adults and teens interested in both those topics are roughly the same. ---
**Author:** ![smileybastard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@smileybastard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smileybastard)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inappropriate-relationship/558995/34 "2010-11-01T02:04:33Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > It was a roundabout way of saying that it was a relationship mainly based on sex (at least form the older man’s perspective). I had in mind a man in his 30s/40s with a minor-but-legal woman. > > I have no doubt that the proportion of adults and teens interested in both those topics are roughly the same. I have a feeling that a teen boy would more likely bee focused on sex. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inappropriate-relationship/558995/35 "2010-11-01T02:14:13Z")
> [@smileybastard](#): > > Interesting comment. I have found as many teens as interested in philosophy and the arts as adults. Yeah, we get those threads from time to time. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inappropriate-relationship/558995/36 "2010-11-01T02:22:33Z")
I don’t think it’s inherently bad, because I think it is certainly possible to have a mutually beneficial relationship along those lines. But I think it rarely works out that way. Any relationship with a huge power differential is going to have some problems- and with these relationships there are a number of inequalities (experience, money, etc.) Another issue is that there is a lot to say about the experience of exploring and discovering sex and love, and I think that gets a bit cut-off when you are with someone who is much more experienced than you. You only get to be young, hot and relatively new to things once, and it just seems better to me to spend that with people who are also exploring that stage of life than to spend it all on one person who already knows the ropes. ---
**Author:** ![smileybastard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@smileybastard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smileybastard)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inappropriate-relationship/558995/37 "2010-11-01T02:22:38Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > Yeah, we get those threads from time to time. I am confused. What threads? ---
**Author:** ![smileybastard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@smileybastard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smileybastard)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inappropriate-relationship/558995/38 "2010-11-01T02:26:00Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > I don’t think it’s inherently bad, because I think it is certainly possible to have a mutually beneficial relationship along those lines. > > But I think it rarely works out that way. Any relationship with a huge power differential is going to have some problems- and with these relationships there are a number of inequalities (experience, money, etc.) Another issue is that there is a lot to say about the experience of exploring and discovering sex and love, and I think that gets a bit cut-off when you are with someone who is much more experienced than you. You only get to be young, hot and relatively new to things once, and it just seems better to me to spend that with people who are also exploring that stage of life than to spend it all on one person who already knows the ropes. Very good points. I agree a lot depends on what the specific people involved. ---
**Author:** ![dukette71](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8edcca/32.png) [@dukette71](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dukette71)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inappropriate-relationship/558995/39 "2010-11-01T02:43:08Z")
> [@smileybastard](#): > > Very good points. I agree a lot depends on what the specific people involved. Ok, smileybastard, what are you up to? ---
**Author:** ![smileybastard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@smileybastard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smileybastard)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inappropriate-relationship/558995/40 "2010-11-01T02:50:39Z")
> [@dukette71](#): > > Ok, smileybastard, what are you up to? I don’t understand your question. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inappropriate-relationship/558995.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inappropriate-relationship/558995.md?page=3)