# Inattentive Parents **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 2, 2010, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inattentive-parents/534750 "2010-04-02T17:27:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inattentive-parents/534750/102 "2010-04-07T19:59:06Z")
> [@otternell](#): > > I give you President for Life: Shot from Guns! 😃 That certainly has a lovely ring to it. … Assuming the rest of my life is destined to be a normal span after accepting such a position. :dubious: > [@Chimera](#): > > I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention. Have you seen my kid? Im sure she’s around here someplace. I kicked her into the pool and told her there was a scratch ‘n’ sniff at the bottom. > [@Dinsdale](#): > > On the topic of bothering others, I don’t care if it was in a park, at the pool, or in my backyard, I remember telling my kids that if I heard them shriek again they’d better be bleeding. WHOA EM GEE LET’S COME MAKE THE BABIES. Sometimes I think I was the only kid who was raised with the idea that (a) shouting is okay outdoors but (b) screaming is reserved for actual emergencies (someone’s bleeding, someone’s being dragged to a van, someone’s overwhelmed by existential ennui). ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_Door](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@Bill\_Door](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_Door)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inattentive-parents/534750/103 "2010-04-07T21:36:31Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > I live within earshot of a public school, and I love kids. I think that the laughter of children is like birdsong, a thing of beauty.(snip) I agree, at least as long as you’re not close enough to hear what they’re laughing about. That sends chills up your spine. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inattentive-parents/534750/104 "2010-04-07T21:37:12Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > On the topic of bothering others, I don’t care if it was in a park, at the pool, or in my backyard, I remember telling my kids that if I heard them shriek again they’d better be bleeding. Yup–see my post upthread (#68) to wit: [QUOTE=eleanorigby] But if we could just cure little girls from that high pitched shriek that they emit (some of them–my daughter didn’t and thank god)… world peace would not be far behind. [/QUOTE] My mother stopped me (and my 3 sisters) from shrieking; I stopped my daughter. Some of these girls could be used as weapons of mass destruction ala lethal sound waves. There is one who lives near us. Between her and their dog that constantly high pitched yaps, summer afternoons are hell around here… ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inattentive-parents/534750/105 "2010-04-07T21:40:31Z")
> [@Bill\_Door](#): > > I agree, at least as long as you’re not close enough to hear what they’re laughing about. That sends chills up your spine. Only if you’ve forgotten that children are \*vile hellbeasts \*who must be forcibly socialized. > [@eleanorigby](#): > > My mother stopped me (and my 3 sisters) from shrieking; I stopped my daughter. It’s not just girls. A neighbor down the hall has a toddler boy; a while back, I was trying to enjoy the fresh air on my balcony on an unusually nice day, and I had to go back inside and close the door 'cause he was out on his (with his mom right there), screaming. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Woodhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@Miss\_Woodhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Woodhouse)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2010, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inattentive-parents/534750/106 "2010-04-08T01:58:33Z")
> [@](#): > > I think some of us forget the stuff we used to do. > I learned many lessons from the things I did wrong. > I am a better person (I think) from learning things on my own as opposed to someone saying Don’t! I follow this philosophy as well . . . at _home._ Out in public is not the time to teach your little angels life lessons about falling off furniture and handling broken glass. In public you teach them to not annoy other people and how to have a fun time without being out of control. I’m a very hands off parent in my home, but in public I kept an eye on my kids and never expected others to parent them or keep them from killing themselves. That’s the job I signed up for. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2010, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inattentive-parents/534750/107 "2010-04-08T02:35:07Z")
> [@Miss\_Woodhouse](#): > > I follow this philosophy as well . . . at _home._ Out in public is not the time to teach your little angels life lessons about falling off furniture and handling broken glass. In public you teach them to not annoy other people and how to have a fun time without being out of control. I’m a very hands off parent in my home, but in public I kept an eye on my kids and never expected others to parent them or keep them from killing themselves. That’s the job I signed up for. Yep. Me, too. ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2010, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inattentive-parents/534750/108 "2010-04-09T14:02:39Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > On the topic of bothering others, I don’t care if it was in a park, at the pool, or in my backyard, I remember telling my kids that if I heard them shriek again they’d better be bleeding. Ooooh, I’m using that one! ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2010, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inattentive-parents/534750/109 "2010-04-09T16:24:06Z")
So now they will start stabbing each other with sticks, just so they can shriek. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2010, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inattentive-parents/534750/110 "2010-04-09T16:35:21Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > So now they will start stabbing each other with sticks, just so they can shriek. I’m surprisingly okay with the idea of children stabbing each other so hard they bleed. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Violaceous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Miss\_Violaceous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Violaceous)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2010, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inattentive-parents/534750/111 "2010-04-10T13:26:01Z")
Since we’re talking about little girls shrieking, a friend of mine was complaining about a pre-verbal female toddler of her acquaintance who shrieks. She said that such behavior in kids is 100% solvable if the parents “get on them” enough. I said nothing, but I tend to think that there’s a huge difference in pre-verbal kids and older kids making such sounds. For a kid who is in the proccess of learning to express themselves through sound, I can’t see that flipping out over a shriek or two is productive or healthy. However, an older kid should be told to “use your words” just like if they were whining to get a point across. That said, it would be annoying if this was happening a lot in a crowded restaurant, say, and something would need to be done. Thoughts? Not a parent, all hypothetical. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2010, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inattentive-parents/534750/112 "2010-04-10T17:04:01Z")
How about pay attention to your pre-verbal child? Barring any developmental delays, a pre-verbal child is one young enough to warrant constant supervision. Thing about constant supervision is that you tend to get to know the subject of that supervision very well. Kid’s needs are fairly simple, really: clean, warm, dry, fed, loved, adequate sleep (not necc. in that order). How about not constantly stressing your kid out? A trip to the mall is fine; a day long shopping excursion in which Junior can’t get out of the stroller, and is constantly either fed junk to get him to shut up or ignored or yelled at is not fine. Taking Princess to see that R rated movie just because you want to see it, never mind if it terrifies her, is also not fine. Short term child care can always be found. It may not be so easily afforded, though. In that case, I suggest telling your child (in simple terms) what to expect in the coming activity, involving your child to the extent that you can, showing them some attention and praising their good behavior. It works wonders. It also takes time, effort and it is work. Many, many parents today don’t bother with any of it. And we (the society) get to “enjoy” the fruits of their non-labor. :rolleyes: I detest the shrieking, but sometimes the kid has just cause. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2010, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inattentive-parents/534750/113 "2010-04-10T17:30:29Z")
> [@Miss\_Violaceous](#): > > Since we’re talking about little girls shrieking, a friend of mine was complaining about a pre-verbal female toddler of her acquaintance who shrieks. She said that such behavior in kids is 100% solvable if the parents “get on them” enough. I said nothing, but I tend to think that there’s a huge difference in pre-verbal kids and older kids making such sounds. For a kid who is in the proccess of learning to express themselves through sound, I can’t see that flipping out over a shriek or two is productive or healthy. However, an older kid should be told to “use your words” just like if they were whining to get a point across. That said, it would be annoying if this was happening a lot in a crowded restaurant, say, and something would need to be done. Thoughts? > > Not a parent, all hypothetical. I was in a restaurant once and a pre–verbal child was shrieking with joy. She was obviously WAY happy about something, not a distress shriek. It was a fairly loud restaurant where children are normally welcome. That’s okay of itself, usually they stop after having a good holler or two. (and in general, a joyful noise is less upsetting than obvious cries of distress) Unfortunately this dumfuck of a parent was clapping and shrieking along with her to make her shriek more and louder. THAT was a crime against the Geneva Convention for which summary execution should be available. In general, if your child is persistently screaming, you need to deal with it. Not ignore it completely, and not encourage it. Deal with it" for pre-verbal child could mean distracting it with something or taking them outside until they calm down. If they can’t calm down, leave. If your child cannot be in a public space for an hour without screaming full blast for most of that hour, you need to leave them home. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2010, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inattentive-parents/534750/114 "2010-04-10T17:31:22Z")
Shrieking kids? Catch 'em, roast 'em, eat 'em. Problem solved. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2010, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inattentive-parents/534750/115 "2010-04-10T17:51:12Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > Unfortunately this dumfuck of a parent was clapping and shrieking along with her to make her shriek more and louder. THAT was a crime against the Geneva Convention for which summary execution should be available. > > In general, if your child is persistently screaming, you need to deal with it. Not ignore it completely, and not encourage it. Deal with it" for pre-verbal child could mean distracting it with something or taking them outside until they calm down. If they can’t calm down, leave. If your child cannot be in a public space for an hour without screaming full blast for most of that hour, you need to leave them home. I like you. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![HelloKitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ecccb3/32.png) [@HelloKitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HelloKitty)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2010, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inattentive-parents/534750/116 "2010-04-10T20:41:44Z")
I haven’t read the whole thread yet, but I wanted to mention that I work hard to be an **Attentive Parent** mainly to avoid being labeled an **Inattentive Parent**! 😃 That, and the whole making sure kid at least makes it to Kindergarten in 1 piece thing. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inattentive-parents/534750/117 "2010-04-11T13:11:14Z")
> [@C3](#): > > It’s not a village. They’re your kids. > … > If you bring your kids, you don’t get to relax. Isn’t this about, like, cookouts with friends and such? So _nobody_ (with kids) should get to relax? Doesn’t sound like much fun. Or friendly. My feeling is, if you’re hosting a shindig that includes a pool, you need to organize at least one responsible adult at all times to be pool overseer. (Of course, this responsibility should trade off several times so no one person is stuck with it for too long.) If you can’t arrange that among your group, it’s irresponsible to have a swimming pool accessible at all. I feel a little sad for all the kids who are, apparently, expected to grow up with only their parent(s). Two caring adults is never enough for any child. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inattentive-parents/534750/118 "2010-04-11T15:01:13Z")
Oh, brother. :rolleyes: Yes, there is no spectrum: it’s either they’re savages or must behave like automatons. And where’d the pool come from? Even when you’re at a BBQ with family and friends, are you allowed to let your hair completely down? Yawn in people’s faces? Tell Aunt Mildred her stories are boring as shit? When you are, then I’ll allow kids to run through the BBQ, shrieking, spilling punch and throwing food etc. (how does acting like a monkey constitute growing up anyway?) ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inattentive-parents/534750/119 "2010-04-11T15:40:03Z")
You know the old expression… _Children should be eaten, and not…_ :dubious: That doesn’t sound right. Let me try again. _Children should be seasoned, but not cured._😃 ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inattentive-parents/534750/120 "2010-04-11T15:58:45Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > And where’d the pool come from? The OP: > [@TruCelt](#): > > …swimming pool parties with idiot parents who let their toddlers roam free in the vicinity of water… > [@eleanorigby](#): > > Even when you’re at a BBQ with family and friends, are you allowed to let your hair completely down? Yawn in people’s faces? Tell Aunt Mildred her stories are boring as shit? That doesn’t sound very nice. Why would you do that? > [@eleanorigby](#): > > When you are, then I’ll allow kids to run through the BBQ, shrieking, spilling punch and throwing food etc. I’m not letting my kids, or my friends’ kids, _throw food_. Why would you do that? If little kids can’t run and shriek some at a swimming pool party… well, I don’t know why they would want to go at all. Why would someone have, or invite, children if they don’t want them to let them play? ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inattentive-parents/534750/121 "2010-04-11T17:35:13Z")
> [@spark240](#): > > Why would someone have, or invite, children if they don’t want them to let them play? Because lots of parents shriek and scream like you shot them in the crotch with a taser if you don’t absolutely love their iddle pwecious and want them every single place you are forever. Inviting the parents without inviting their children can start a small war if you aren’t careful. For example, I have asked that people not bring their children to my wedding ceremony. They are welcome at the reception but we have a small chapel and a full list of adults we want to have there and I want to have 25 minutes where I don’t have to worry about a child crying because they were forced to wear a suit or you brought the wrong toy to keep them entertained or whatever. Several members of my family gathered together to gang up on me and tell me that my not inviting their children to the ceremony means I HATE THEM and that I obviously don’t respect their families. Because this is my wedding I am standing my ground but if it were just a BBQ or whatever I would probably not fight people bringing kids just to avoid the butthurtedness of some parents even if I didn’t think it was a good environment for children. It is enough to make me want to be a hermit sometimes. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inattentive-parents/534750.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inattentive-parents/534750.md?page=7)