# Incompetence to rival Fargo: the liar, the witch and the wardrobe **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 8, 2007, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275 "2007-12-08T10:01:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2007, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/1 "2007-12-08T10:01:25Z")
Forgive me if there’s another thread on this - I haven’t been able to find one. Not sure if this story has made the US yet, but it deserves an airing, because it’s hilarious, and each new revalation brings a new level of amusement. So, back in 2002, a guy goes kayaking off the east coast of England. He never comes back. A week later a paddle is found, then the wreckage of the boat. The law, apparently, is that if someone is missing, but declared deceased after an inquest, the spouse of the deceased has to wait five years before cashing in the life insurance. So he’s declared dead, and exactly five years later, the widow of the deceased claims the money. She then sells all her assets and moves to Panama. All fairly straightforward, if a little suspicious. However, a couple of weeks ago, the deceased suddenly walks into a police station in London, and says “I think I’m a missing person”. He claims amnesia. The wife, speaking from Panama, says she is shocked at his reappearance. Still straightforward, but a little more suspicious. Then - and here’s where it all went horribly wrong - a member of the public types his and his wife’s names into Google, and [bada bing](http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/newspix/2007/12/03/front-pages-dec-3-to-dec-7-2007-89520-20196197/4/), up pops a picture taken last year by a Panamanian realtor, featuring the ‘deceased’ and his wife, smiling into the camera, after a successful purchase. :smack: Now it has emerged that the guy was living in his own house for at least three years - according to his wife, he was missing for a year, then turned up on her doorstep, something I am finding difficult to believe - and when people, including his own sons, came to visit, he escaped into a studio apartment next door through the back of a wardrobe. According to the wife, he revealed himself because he was “sick of being dead” and wanted to see his sons (thinks: why didn’t he just visit them in secret?). Me, I think he actually believed the cops would believe his amnesia claim - a move consistent with the amazing idiocy displayed throughout the rest of the ‘scam’. The couple’s adult sons claim to have been duped as well, though I also find that a little tough to believe. And they would have gotten away with it, if it hadn’t been for that meddling necessity-for-a-small-amount-of-intelligence! The guy’s name? Darwin. Do they issue awards to the living? ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2007, 10:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/2 "2007-12-08T10:10:57Z")
Heh, heh. We’ve been following that story down here for days, now. If they don’t issue awards for this, they should … 😃 ---
**Author:** ![DJ\_Motorbike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90ced4/32.png) [@DJ\_Motorbike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DJ_Motorbike)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2007, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/3 "2007-12-08T13:56:15Z")
I can see the trial now. Defendant: No your honor, I am not guilty of the most heinous of all crimes - theft of money. I was merely having an explosive bout with amnesia. Prosecutor: Your honor, I was just going to make an argument, but I can’t for I have _dum dat dumm!_ amnesia! Jury: _gasp_ Calculon: Wait a minute. Does anyone here not have amnesia? ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2007, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/4 "2007-12-08T18:05:43Z")
And… [he’s been charged](http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/tees/7134553.stm). I’m shocked. Shocked, I tell you. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2007, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/5 "2007-12-09T06:57:17Z")
[imoscar.com](http://imoscar.com) Sounds like the Bluth Family continues there sordid saga ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2007, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/6 "2007-12-09T07:10:30Z")
I’m guessing Velma took the week off and figured even Shaggy and Scooby could solve this one. ---
**Author:** ![Ellef](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8dc957/32.png) [@Ellef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellef)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2007, 9:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/7 "2007-12-09T09:27:50Z")
I’m so glad this story is making an appearance on the boards, it is all very comical and truly deserving of the Dopers’ attention. I do feel sorry for the sons, assuming they genuinely had no idea their father was still alive. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2007, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/8 "2007-12-09T10:06:11Z")
Seems like the sons “knew nothing” yet had just quit their jobs and bought tickets to Panama… :dubious: And this morning the Sunday gossip rags reveal [yet more incompetence](http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/0912_darwin.shtml) (my emphasis): > [@](#): > > It was in the cellar that Mr Duffield [the new owner of the Darwins’ house] discovered another clue to the Darwins’ secret plans— **a large globe with a pin stuck in Panama** and another in Canada. Mr Duffield said: "It was obviously done because that’s where they were planning to escape to. > > "When I pulled the hardboard back off the tunnel entrance, it had been wedged in with newspaper from a magazine called Emigrate Canada, which ties in with the second pin’s position. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2007, 10:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/9 "2007-12-09T10:43:44Z")
This is so surreally stupid it verges on performance art. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2007, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/10 "2007-12-09T12:26:05Z")
Where’s the obligatory, “I’m not dead yet!” comments? Now the [wife’s been charged.](http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/tees/7135079.stm) > [@](#): > > The wife of John Darwin, the canoeist who turned up after being presumed dead, has been arrested as she arrived back in the UK. > > Anne Darwin, who had been living in Panama, was arrested at 0925 GMT at Manchester Airport. > > She was detained over allegations of fraud and is expected to face questioning by detectives later. > > Cleveland Police have already charged John Darwin, 57, a former prison officer, with deception offences. ---
**Author:** ![williambaskerville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f14d63/32.png) [@williambaskerville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/williambaskerville)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2007, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/11 "2007-12-09T12:27:51Z")
Letter to the Editor, from Saturday’s Guardian :- "Ellen McArthur sails around the world in her yacht and gets made a dame. John Darwin paddles his canoe to Panama and back, and gets arrested. Where’s the justice in that ? ". In general I agree, this is stupidity of such intensity it veers into surrealism. “Ceci n’est pas un debt elimination plan”. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2007, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/12 "2007-12-09T12:28:25Z")
Arrested, not charged. Me, I think I’d have stayed in Panama. I wonder what the extradition arrangements with the UK are? ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2007, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/13 "2007-12-09T12:33:28Z")
[QUOTE=jjimm] Arrested, not charged. Me, I think I’d have stayed in Panama. I wonder what the extradition arrangements with the UK are? [/QUOTE] According to the Beeb there’s not been an extradition to Britain since they signed a treaty with Panama. In the _early_ 1900s! I, too would have stayed in Panama. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2007, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/14 "2007-12-09T12:37:42Z")
Well that at least indicates some sort of planning. “Should we choose the fellow Commonwealth member with strong diplomatic ties and the same head of state, or the country with really nice weather, low cost of living, and a 100-year-old extradition ban? Um… dunno, flip a coin? Close your eyes and stick a pin in a large globe? Oh, and don’t bother clearing up the globe, just leave it there with your escape plan stuck in it.” Later: “Oops, I accidentally flew back. D’oh!” (Another press report indicates that one of the sons had a notebook addressed to his girlfriend, with ‘clues’ encoded in poetry.) ---
**Author:** ![sinjin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@sinjin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sinjin)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2007, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/15 "2007-12-09T22:35:27Z")
I am just so glad they aren’t from Florida or Texas. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2007, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/16 "2007-12-09T22:42:36Z")
We were talking about this over dinner last night, and decided that it was a Very British Fiasco: nobody got violent, nobody got gunned down or fed into a wood-chipper. Just, basically, congenital crapness, and some shoddy home decoration. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2007, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/17 "2007-12-09T22:46:27Z")
Oh, we’ve been hearing about this story in the US for a while. And I agree with everyone that is amazed at how stupid these folks seem to be. I hadn’t heard the part about the sons, though, that’s new to me. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2007, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/18 "2007-12-09T22:48:50Z")
A man, a plan, a canoe… ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2007, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/19 "2007-12-09T22:54:40Z")
[QUOTE=Peak Banana] A man, a plan, a canoe… [/QUOTE] …on a canal - Panama. Heh heh. ---
**Author:** ![Xema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9de053/32.png) [@Xema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xema)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2007, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/20 "2007-12-10T04:33:31Z")
[QUOTE=jjimm] We were talking about this over dinner last night, and decided that it was a Very British Fiasco: nobody got violent, nobody got gunned down or fed into a wood-chipper. [/QUOTE] Right you are - the Brits have always been good at generating newsworthy scandal with limited resort to woodchippers. (We regard Jack the R., Peter Sutcliffe, etc. as aberrations. And Sawney Bean was Scots, so doesn’t really count.) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275.md?page=2)