# Incompetence to rival Fargo: the liar, the witch and the wardrobe **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 8, 2007, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275 "2007-12-08T10:01:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2007, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/21 "2007-12-10T05:11:25Z")
Well, Sawney Bean probably didn’t exist, so doesn’t count. 😃 [http://www.ayrshirehistory.org.uk/sawney/myth.htm](http://www.ayrshirehistory.org.uk/sawney/myth.htm) Almost disappointing, really. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2007, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/22 "2007-12-10T06:26:33Z")
[QUOTE=jjimm] …on a canal - Panama. Heh heh. [/QUOTE] Nice one. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2007, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/23 "2007-12-10T06:28:24Z")
Of course, the worst thing about all this is that they’ll probably make more money selling their story to the Fleet Street tabloids than they got from the fraud. ---
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2007, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/24 "2007-12-10T07:10:04Z")
[QUOTE=mhendo] Of course, the worst thing about all this is that they’ll probably make more money selling their story to the Fleet Street tabloids than they got from the fraud. [/QUOTE] I _think_ we now have laws against letting people profit from their crimes in that way, although I am not 100% certain right now. Still, somehow or other, this is going to turn into a film or something as well as a book, and what the heck, why not a board game? “Do not go through the wardrobe, do not collect £200” 🙂 And I suppose IF they turn out to be innocent there would be nothing to stop them selling their stories. ---
**Author:** ![casdave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@casdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/casdave)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2007, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/25 "2007-12-10T08:53:40Z")
He’s a total maroon, he only had 4 more years to work as a prison officer and he could have collected his pension along with the gratuity. He could then have worked as a support grade and collected his pay for that job alongside his pension. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2007, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/26 "2007-12-10T09:19:04Z")
Here’s my hypothesis: The intervening five years of deception and subterfuge strained their relationship to near breaking point - when the life insurance finally coughed up and they started their in-earnest move to Panama, that was the final straw and it all broke up. Possibly Mrs Darwin, who has all the cash, disagreeing with Mr Darwin over how some of it should be spent, so Mr Darwin says “screw it, I’m going home and I’m going to get my life back!” - and off he trots with a hastily constructed amnesia story. I mean, sure, there’s plenty of incompetence all over the shop, but _something_ must have happened to make him walk into a police station and declare himself. ---
**Author:** ![si\_blakely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@si\_blakely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/si_blakely)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2007, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/27 "2007-12-10T14:15:27Z")
[QUOTE=Mangetout] I mean, sure, there’s plenty of incompetence all over the shop, but _something_ must have happened to make him walk into a police station and declare himself. [/QUOTE] Yep. If he wanted to see his sons, Anne Darwin could have invited them to Panama for a visit - they had the money. I still wonder whether he was trying to get a new passport - show up with convenient amnesia unable to answer any questions, find out wife is in Panama, get passport reissued, travel out to see her, love is rekindled and he stays in Panama with newly valid passport. They just didn’t count on the tabloids digging into it all. And, of course, they should have vanity googled first :smack: He hasn’t lost his memory, but may be short a few marbles at this point… Si ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2007, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/28 "2007-12-10T14:35:22Z")
[QUOTE=casdave] He’s a total maroon, he only had 4 more years to work as a prison officer and he could have collected his pension along with the gratuity. He could then have worked as a support grade and collected his pay for that job alongside his pension. [/QUOTE] I read something on Beeb about them being in dire financial straits due to a failed rental agency business. Faking his death for the insurance policy payout was supposed to get them out of debt. So I think it was more about getting a big lump sum than just retiring. I also don’t believe the sons didn’t know. The guy was essentially living as per usual in his own home and the “hiding out?” There would still be traces of him living there. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2007, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/29 "2007-12-10T14:43:46Z")
He was also going for walks on the beach in his hometown - to disguise himself he wore a hat and adopted a limp. The criminal mastermind! Even weirder, though, he had broadband in his hidey hole, and during the time he was in hiding, apparently had an online affair with a woman in Kansas, and flew over to meet her, apparently on his ‘deceased’ passport. (Of course, him being a Darwin, Kansas rejected him…) I wouldn’t be surprised, because of the above, if Mrs Darwin decided to keep the money but not him, so he got his revenge by pulling the entire thing down. ---
**Author:** ![Lunar\_Saltlick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/977dab/32.png) [@Lunar\_Saltlick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lunar_Saltlick)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2007, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/30 "2007-12-10T15:02:29Z")
[QUOTE=jjimm] He was also going for walks on the beach in his hometown - to disguise himself he wore a hat and adopted a limp. The criminal mastermind! … [/QUOTE] Did he pop in a huge pair of false chompers, like Reggie Perrin? God, I loved that show. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2007, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/31 "2007-12-10T16:10:03Z")
I would have at least made up a story about how while kayaking, I encountered a Balrog and as we fought we fell trough the earth and I pased beyond time, only to retun now at your moment of greatest need. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2007, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/32 "2007-12-10T17:41:44Z")
[QUOTE=Swallowed My Cellphone] I also don’t believe the sons didn’t know. The guy was essentially living as per usual in his own home and the “hiding out?” There would still be traces of him living there. [/QUOTE] Like, say, a globe with a pin stuck in Panama. Teh stoopid here is astounding. You’d think after after working in a prison, he’d have listened to inmate stories as to what not to do. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2007, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/33 "2007-12-10T21:38:45Z")
I’ve been working on the palindrome, trying to work the word “idiot” in there somewhere: A man. A plan. An idiot. A canoe. On a cat. O, I din. Anal. _Panama_ Needs a bit of work… ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/34 "2007-12-11T00:12:57Z")
[QUOTE=jjimm] He was also going for walks on the beach in his hometown - to disguise himself he wore a hat and adopted a limp. The criminal mastermind! \QUOTE] Kyzer Sozay lives! Will they have to reimburse all the cash to the insurance company? ---
**Author:** ![vibrotronica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a9a28c/32.png) [@vibrotronica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vibrotronica)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275/35 "2007-12-11T03:28:14Z")
I’m pretty sure anal panama is illegal in Tennessee. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incompetence-to-rival-fargo-the-liar-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe/429275.md?page=1)