# Inconsiderate or acceptable? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 11, 2014, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397 "2014-03-11T01:33:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![expectopatronum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/expectopatronum/32/173_2.png) [@expectopatronum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/expectopatronum)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/181 "2014-03-18T00:52:42Z")
> [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](#): > > It’s like the people here have never gone out to birthday dinners with friends before. sweet fuck, this times a thousand. to hear some of you talk it’s as if the birthday girl issued invites to her entire facebook friends list for a party at chuck e cheese and issued a list of gift ideas. sometimes people like to celebrate special occasions with friends. i know, i know, it’s a odd concept, but it happens. sometimes it’s just an excuse to get together with a group of people that you might not get to see all that often. in my experience some people will bring gifts, some a card, some nothing. some people will make a gift of buying the birthday girl (or boy) dinner or dessert. it’s all nice but not necessary, it’s all about having a nice night out with friends. if one feels weird about not bringing a gift (some people are like that), grab a $10 Starbucks (or whatever) gift card or something. and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with saying “if you don’t eat sushi, come for drinks/dessert whatever”. again, the main point is the company. it’s her birthday and there’s no reason for her to spend a bunch of energy trying to find a restaurant that will please everyone. i mean, my god. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/182 "2014-03-18T01:11:43Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > … > This is something I don’t get: Why does having to have a meal you don’t like affect you so severely? We live in a big world with all kinds of people and lots of things happen. That means that on many occasions, you’ll have to eat something you don’t like. Get over it. I agree with you in theory, but I have found that there are two kinds of stomachs in this world, those that are queasy and those that aren’t. If you don’t possess a queasy stomach, back off, you live in a different world. As a grown up, I am privileged to never have to eat something I don’t like, a blessing I too often forget to be grateful for. There are always workarounds (I’ll have a bowl of miso soup and some plain white rice, please) if needs must. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/183 "2014-03-18T01:39:40Z")
> [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](#): > > It’s like the people here have never gone out to birthday dinners with friends before. It’s just more repetition of this board’s relatively common “I simply do not understand the social norms that the rest of you seem to grok without trouble - please explain humans to me” attitude. ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/184 "2014-03-18T03:48:10Z")
> [@expectopatronum](#): > > sweet fuck, this times a thousand. to hear some of you talk it’s as if the birthday girl issued invites to her entire facebook friends list for a party at chuck e cheese and issued a list of gift ideas. > > sometimes people like to celebrate special occasions with friends. i know, i know, it’s a odd concept, but it happens. sometimes it’s just an excuse to get together with a group of people that you might not get to see all that often. in my experience some people will bring gifts, some a card, some nothing. some people will make a gift of buying the birthday girl (or boy) dinner or dessert. it’s all nice but not necessary, it’s all about having a nice night out with friends. if one feels weird about not bringing a gift (some people are like that), grab a $10 Starbucks (or whatever) gift card or something. > > and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with saying “if you don’t eat sushi, come for drinks/dessert whatever”. again, the main point is the company. it’s her birtquestiono reason for her to spend a bunch of energy trying to find a restaurant that will please everyone. > > i mean, my god. Exactly!! Good Christ people. Do you never go out? Do you not EVER have fun in a place that isn’t your exact comfort zone? Jesus. Sushi is hardly anything out of the norm, the lady just wanted to get her people together for her birthday. It happens all the time over here in real people land. This wasn’t a gift grab, it wasn’t a slight. It is an adult saying…we are all adults, I’d like an excuse to see my friends, let’s get together. FWIW, when any thread relating to adult interactions has anyone agreeing with BigT, the person in question should check themselves. For real. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/185 "2014-03-18T04:26:58Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > I agree with you in theory, but I have found that there are two kinds of stomachs in this world, those that are queasy and those that aren’t. If you don’t possess a queasy stomach, back off, you live in a different world. > > As a grown up, I am privileged to never have to eat something I don’t like, a blessing I too often forget to be grateful for. There are always workarounds (I’ll have a bowl of miso soup and some plain white rice, please) if needs must. The point is that your personal weaknesses regarding food shouldn’t become an issue for your social circle. And it shouldn’t interfere with your ability to engage in ordinary social occasions. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/186 "2014-03-18T13:25:06Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > The point is that your personal weaknesses regarding food shouldn’t become an issue for your social circle. And it shouldn’t interfere with your ability to engage in ordinary social occasions. Sure. But you where saying to “get over it” and eat it. [QUOTE=Acsenray] That means that on many occasions, you’ll have to eat something you don’t like. Get over it. [/quote] Ummm… No I don’t have to eat something I don’t like. Get over it. I won’t be forced to eat food I can’t tolerate. Will I go to a sushi restaurant to enjoy the company of friends? Sure. Will I eat seafood. Nope. Can’t do it. I’ll have something else, or just a beer or three. ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/187 "2014-03-18T14:32:08Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > Will I eat seafood. Nope. Can’t do it. I’ll have something else, or just a beer or three. I hear stuff like this and it simply does not compute. Not that it’s your problem, nor should it ever become your problem. To my mind, for someone to declare “I can’t eat seafood” is the same as saying “I don’t like American food” or “I can’t eat French cooking” Seafood covers such a huge range of foods prepared many different ways that I can’t help but think it is more about some imagined prejudice than any real taste. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/188 "2014-03-18T14:36:39Z")
> [@bengangmo](#): > > I hear stuff like this and it simply does not compute. > > Not that it’s your problem, nor should it ever become your problem. > > To my mind, for someone to declare “I can’t eat seafood” is the same as saying “I don’t like American food” or “I can’t eat French cooking” > > Seafood covers such a huge range of foods prepared many different ways that I can’t help but think it is more about some imagined prejudice than any real taste. Nope. I’ve tried it many places and many ways. It all has an underlying taste that I find very objectionable. Just because you don’t understand it, doesn’t mean it’s not true for me. I don’t have anything ‘against seafood’. I wish I liked it. It does limit what I can eat sometimes (but is never a problem). And will grill up salmon for my wife (though the smell gets to me). ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/189 "2014-03-18T14:42:02Z")
> [@bengangmo](#): > > I hear stuff like this and it simply does not compute. > > Not that it’s your problem, nor should it ever become your problem. > > To my mind, for someone to declare “I can’t eat seafood” is the same as saying “I don’t like American food” or “I can’t eat French cooking” > > Seafood covers such a huge range of foods prepared many different ways that I can’t help but think it is more about some imagined prejudice than any real taste. I cannot eat seafood. > [@](#): > > [Shrimp, lobster, clams: Americans love seafood. But many adults will develop a severe allergy to shellfish as well as tuna and salmon.](http://www.webmd.com/allergies/news/20040713/seafood-allergies-common-adults) > > Some 7 million Americans are thought to be affected, or 2.3% of the population, according to a nationwide survey. > > Researchers define “seafood” as finned fish (tuna, cod, salmon) and shellfish (shrimp, crab, lobster, scallops, clams, squid). An allergic reaction to certain proteins in seafood can cause life-threatening anaphylaxis – a sudden, severe, potentially fatal reaction that results in low blood pressure and throat swelling, making breathing difficult. Seafood allergies can also cause a severe skin reaction or can trigger an asthma attack. > > According to the Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis Network, food-induced anaphylaxis causes approximately 30,000 emergency room visits and about 150 to 200 deaths each year in the U.S. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/190 "2014-03-18T14:52:36Z")
I had never tried sushi before we got a Japanese restaurant in town a couple years ago. I went online and watched videos on what is was and how to eat it. When I did try it, I went for the sampler platter the first time out and loved it!! It was probably not the best thing to do the first time, but I am kind of an adventurous eater. Now my friend is kind of like the OP, won’t try it, has never had it and has convinced themselves they won’t like it. He won’t even go to the Japanese place, even though he knows they have more than sushi. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/191 "2014-03-18T19:28:10Z")
> [@bengangmo](#): > > To my mind, for someone to declare “I can’t eat seafood” is the same as saying “I don’t like American food” or “I can’t eat French cooking” > > Seafood covers such a huge range of foods prepared many different ways that I can’t help but think it is more about some imagined prejudice than any real taste. For me it’s the “sea” part of the seafood that I don’t like. I love fresh water fish but things from the sea taste like they are from the sea and that is the part I don’t like. Shrimp is ok if it’s battered and there is a sauce I can dip it in. So I get that at seafood restuarants. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/192 "2014-03-18T19:30:48Z")
Isn’t pretty much all restaurant and grocery store shrimp farmed nowadays and really has nothing to do with the sea? ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/193 "2014-03-18T19:44:04Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > I love fresh water fish but things from the sea taste like they are from the sea and that is the part I don’t like. See, that’s interesting to me. Now, I like all kinds of fish, but a lot of freshwater fish tastes quite “muddy” and “swampy” to me. Sea/ocean fish, on the other hand, always tastes fairly “clean” to me. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/194 "2014-03-18T20:44:51Z")
> [@expectopatronum](#): > > and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with saying “if you don’t eat sushi, come for drinks/dessert whatever”. again, the main point is the company. it’s her birthday and there’s no reason for her to spend a bunch of energy trying to find a restaurant that will please everyone. Sure there is – it’s the company and you want them to have a nice time. For her to know ahead of time that for sure at least one person will not like it and to pick it anyway (when she eats it every week) is inconsiderate. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/195 "2014-03-18T21:07:56Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > Sure there is – it’s the company and you want them to have a nice time. For her to know ahead of time that for sure at least one person will not like it and to pick it anyway (when she eats it every week) is inconsiderate. If she has a 10 friends and 9 of them like sushi, I don’t think it’s inconsiderate of her. If seven like sushi, two are indifferent, and one hates it (without even trying it), it’s also not inconsiderate of her. If most of them hate sushi and these people are her best friends (so they’ll feel obligated to come), then yes, I agree that it’s inconsiderate of her. I’m sure this isn’t going on here, but I’ll concede that if it is, the birthday girl is socially tone-deaf. But most people don’t hate sushi. Most people are fans of it, find it “okay”, or haven’t tried it but are open to. If her assumptions about her friends are wrong, she’ll be punished by having a lousy party. But I’m betting she’s going to a have decent showing of happy people…and at a least one sushi novice is going to be converted into a fan because they decided to try something new. My sister was the one who introduced me to the manna from heaven known as sushi. I am so happy that I trusted my sister more than my naive gut because sushi is one of my favorite things. Why is it so wrong for a friend to provide this kind of opportunity for personal growth and small-scale adventure? What’s a better way to experience new things than by a friend’s invitation? ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/196 "2014-03-18T21:49:33Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > Sure there is – it’s the company and you want them to have a nice time. For her to know ahead of time that for sure at least one person will not like it and to pick it anyway (when she eats it every week) is inconsiderate. There it is again. People should be able to have a nice time at a social occasion even if every single damn one of them doesn’t like the food. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/197 "2014-03-18T21:56:57Z")
I have a friend who is immensely popular with everyone we know and he almost always had a good time. But he always considers first the question of food. Are the hosts Immigrants or the children if immigrants or are they American-born? If it’s the last, he always eats before going, because in his experience, American-born hosts more than a couple of generations removed from immigrants always skimp on food. He knows he’s going to be dissatisfied by the meal, but he always has a good time. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/198 "2014-03-18T23:28:26Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > Sure there is – it’s the company and you want them to have a nice time. For her to know ahead of time that for sure at least one person will not like it and to pick it anyway (when she eats it every week) is inconsiderate. You know, I think it’s inconsiderate of people even to eat sushi, knowing there are people who don’t like it. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/199 "2014-03-18T23:28:47Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > Sure there is – it’s the company and you want them to have a nice time. For her to know ahead of time that for sure at least one person will not like it and to pick it anyway (when she eats it every week) is inconsiderate. No. This is the tyranny of the minority. If she changes from sushi to another restaurant, what if one of the group doesn’t like THAT restaurant? Her birthday, her choice, and normal adults understand this and realize that someone else’s birthday isn’t about them. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/200 "2014-03-18T23:45:31Z")
We have a variety of people at the birthday parties we host, and there’s no way that just one restaurant can accommodate all of them, because several are quite picky. Yet, due to the fact that they typically love the one being honored, they all assume they can suck it up _for just one meal_ so they can all be in attendance for whoever’s special day. A couple just nibble, others find something else to satiate themselves, another eats before they come. No matter, they’d rather be WITH that person for that moment in celebration than going elsewhere, like they can do all the rest of the 24/7/365 days of their lives, to eat something specific. How odd that the person isn’t more important than dinner. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397.md?page=11)