# Inconsiderate or acceptable? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 11, 2014, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397 "2014-03-11T01:33:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2014, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/201 "2014-03-18T23:46:08Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > For me it’s the “sea” part of the seafood that I don’t like. But you’re good with the “food” part? ---
**Author:** ![expectopatronum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/expectopatronum/32/173_2.png) [@expectopatronum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/expectopatronum)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2014, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/202 "2014-03-19T01:19:03Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > Sure there is – itohe company and you want them to have a nice time. For her to know ahead of time that for sure at least one person will not like it and to pick it anyway (when she eats it every week) is inconsiderate. it’s already been pointed out that in any given group there’s always going to be someone who doesn’t like a certain cuisine or restaurant. change it to a mexican or thai or indian place and there’d be the same issue. and who cares if she eats it every week or not? i forget this is the dope where being a social retard is often worn as a badge of honor, and woe betide those who stand between a doper and their meal. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2014, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/203 "2014-03-19T01:56:04Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > There it is again. People should be able to have a nice time at a social occasion **even if every single damn one of them doesn’t like the food**. I agree to be able to have a nice time. But you said they should get over it and eat. I don’t get this at all. I play banjo, but I don’t force it on people. Some like it, some don’t. Fine with me. “Get over it” and eat things you don’t like. – Your words. How about not eating things that tastes horrible to some. That bothers you? Why do you care what someone prefers? There are a lot of choices in the world, be it dinner or music or a million other things. That someone would expet me to like someting because they do is just bizzar. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2014, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/204 "2014-03-19T02:01:03Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > I agree to be able to have a nice time. > > But you said they should get over it and eat. I don’t get this at all. > > I play banjo, but I don’t force it on people. Some like it, some don’t. Fine with me. There are times when someone who doesn’t like banjo might need to sit and listen to someone playing banjo without letting it ruin his or her mood or day or enjoyment of the social occasion in general. That’s part of being a full member of society and that’s one of the things a child is supposed to learn before becoming an adult. > [@](#): > > “Get over it” and eat things you don’t like. – Your words. How about not eating things that tastes horrible to some. That bothers you? Why do you care what someone prefers? I don’t care _what_ someone prefers. But someone who lets his or her _preference_ rise beyond a certain level of importance is immature. > [@](#): > > There are a lot of choices in the world, be it dinner or music or a million other things. That someone would expet me to like someting because they do is just bizzar. I don’t expect you to like something because someone else does. I expect you to be a grownup and not expect to like everything you have to do and still have a good time. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2014, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/205 "2014-03-19T02:31:26Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > Sure there is – it’s the company and you want them to have a nice time. For her to know ahead of time that for sure at least one person will not like it and to pick it anyway (when she eats it every week) is inconsiderate. Well, it kind of depends on the one person, honestly. If that one person likes a reasonably wide range of stuff, and you still have tons of options, it’s not such a big deal to plan around that person. If that one person is the Group Food Whiner, where every attempt to plan a group dinner involves multiple instances of “No, GFW won’t eat that/there” and you wind up eating at one of half a dozen places nobody’s very enthusiastic about Every. Single. Time…on someone else’s birthday, GFW can pull up his/her big kid undies and suck it the fuck up. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2014, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/206 "2014-03-19T02:54:23Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > Sure there is – it’s the company and you want them to have a nice time. For her to know ahead of time that for sure at least one person will not like it and to pick it anyway (when she eats it every week) is inconsiderate. Well, I’m just skeptical that pizza or Mexican would get the same reaction. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2014, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/207 "2014-03-19T03:07:18Z")
> [@outlierrn](#): > > Well, I’m just skeptical that pizza or Mexican would get the same reaction. What if the birthday girl is lactose intolerant or simply hates pizza and Mexican? Should she choose a place like Golden Corral, where everyone will find something they can tolerate, but no one will have much of an experience? Sure, there are foods with mass appeal. Pretty much everyone likes pizza. Or cheese and crackers with orange soda. But these are also not very special foods. When people want to celebrate a birthday, they are kind of looking for “special”, right? This thread is another reminder why friendship has to be based on common interests to succeed. I can’t imagine trying to navigate social situations with someone who writes off whole genres of food, sight unseen. That person could be perfectly nice and cool, but if we’ve got to have frustrating discussions like the one is this thread all the time, we’re probably not going to last long together. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2014, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/208 "2014-03-19T03:07:35Z")
> [@outlierrn](#): > > Well, I’m just skeptical that pizza or Mexican would get the same reaction. If I’m in the group, Mexican would get the same reaction. Well, actually, it wouldn’t because I’m not the sort of whiny ass who can’t go along to get along once in a while. I really do hate the stuff, though. And unlike the OP, I’ve actually tried the food in question. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2014, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/209 "2014-03-19T13:37:23Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > I don’t expect you to like something because someone else does. I expect you to be a grownup and not expect to like everything you have to do and still have a good time. Which I do with no problem. A small part of being a ‘grownup’ is being able to choose what I do, and do not want to eat. A BIG part of being a ‘grownup’ is not judging and forcing your tastes on other people. You clearly don’t understand how difficult some foods are for some people. As a ‘grownup’, as you said, get over it. It’s frankly none of your business, and does not affect you at all. ---
**Author:** ![Calatin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Calatin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calatin)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2014, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/210 "2014-03-19T14:17:24Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > Which I do with no problem. > > A small part of being a ‘grownup’ is being able to choose what I do, and do not want to eat. A BIG part of being a ‘grownup’ is not judging and forcing your tastes on other people. > > You clearly don’t understand how difficult some foods are for some people. As a ‘grownup’, as you said, get over it. It’s frankly none of your business, and does not affect you at all. I don’t expect that the birthday girl intended to shove sushi down his gullet, in that she said he could eat beforehand and meet them out. And, after reading more in this thread, I’d like to revise my position in saying that I think the OP is being inconsiderate in not attending a large social gathering for a friend, merely because they aren’t catering towards his culinary desires. So, are we now arguing about the merits of avoiding / refusing to eat foods you’ve never tried before? I don’t think the “banjo” metaphor applies in the way that others are taking it. I’d say it applies to attending the function, but not to actually eating a California roll. Once again, I don’t think that the birthday girl ever intended to force-feed the OP. If he doesn’t want to take a few hours out of his life to sit in an environment that isn’t his ideal location, he’s either selfish or not nearly as close of a friend as he made himself out to be. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2014, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/211 "2014-03-19T15:42:57Z")
> [@Calatin](#): > > I don’t expect that the birthday girl intended to shove sushi down his gullet, in that she said he could eat beforehand and meet them out. And, after reading more in this thread, I’d like to revise my position in saying that I think the OP is being inconsiderate in not attending a large social gathering for a friend, merely because they aren’t catering towards his culinary desires. > > So, are we now arguing about the merits of avoiding / refusing to eat foods you’ve never tried before? I don’t think the “banjo” metaphor applies in the way that others are taking it. I’d say it applies to attending the function, but not to actually eating a California roll. Once again, I don’t think that the birthday girl ever intended to force-feed the OP. If he doesn’t want to take a few hours out of his life to sit in an environment that isn’t his ideal location, he’s either selfish or not nearly as close of a friend as he made himself out to be. I would agree that the OP should attend the b-day girls function, and she is not trying to shove anything down his throat. There are almost always other food options (at least in my experience). Or don’t eat. It’s not the OP’s party. What I take issue with is some peoples expectations that you should just eat what you don’t like or can’t tolerate and ‘get over it’. After all, eating vegetarian is usually a choice. It may be revolting to them, but it’s not like they can’t eat meat. Right? I guess they should just ‘get over it’ and have a steak when offered. ---
**Author:** ![Calatin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Calatin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calatin)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2014, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/212 "2014-03-19T16:04:51Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > What I take issue with is some peoples expectations that you should just eat what you don’t like or can’t tolerate and ‘get over it’. > > After all, eating vegetarian is usually a choice. It may be revolting to them, but it’s not like they can’t eat meat. Right? I guess they should just ‘get over it’ and have a steak when offered. I’m in total agreement with you on that, just for the record. I don’t want you to misunderstand my point. If I invite you to my birthday party at an Italian restaurant, but you don’t like tomato sauce, I’m not going to make you eat chicken parm. But, I would make note that there is Fettuccine Alfredo, among other options. Your dining preferences are your own, but if you expect me to try to cater to your whims on the one day per year where I should have the right to choose where I want to eat, based on (what I perceive) to be an irrational dislike of a food-type, then you will be sorely disappointed. (I’m not calling you out on this, but instead speaking to the fact that the OP has never tried sushi and won’t even attend the birthday gathering. I’ve never tried fried grasshopper, and I have no intention of doing so. But, if you are a friend and want to have your party at “Hank’s House o’ Hoppers”, I’ll make myself a meal beforehand and still attend, because that’s what friends do.) Having read the OP again, as well as all other posts in this thread, I find it hard to believe that the OP isn’t being melodramatic. He may not like any of the other options presented at this restaurant, but it just seems like the whole post was phrased for him to receive validation because he didn’t want to go to that restaurant. ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2014, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/213 "2014-03-19T19:49:24Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > Nope. I’ve tried it many places and many ways. It all has an underlying taste that I find very objectionable. Just because you don’t understand it, doesn’t mean it’s not true for me. > > I don’t have anything ‘against seafood’. I wish I liked it. It does limit what I can eat sometimes (but is never a problem). And will grill up salmon for my wife (though the smell gets to me). What he said. Except for the wife part, I don’t have one of those. 🙂 That being said, I would eat the hell out of some inari at a sushi place. But if they didn’t offer it and for some strange reason had nothing that didn’t have seafood in it, I would either eat before hand and just have a drink if I cared enough about the friend/social event to attend or skip it altogether with no hard feelings. So, OP, no your friend is not inconsiderate and you aren’t either if you don’t want to go just to hang out. As someone said way back on page one: it’s an invitation, not a summons. Go, don’t go, but you don’t get to bitch if others do or you don’t like the venue if do end up going. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2014, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/214 "2014-03-19T22:30:47Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > Which I do with no problem. > > A small part of being a ‘grownup’ is being able to choose what I do, and do not want to eat. A BIG part of being a ‘grownup’ is not judging and forcing your tastes on other people. > > You clearly don’t understand how difficult some foods are for some people. As a ‘grownup’, as you said, get over it. It’s frankly none of your business, and does not affect you at all. I have never once stood in front of you with a piece of food and insisted you put it in your mouth and swallow it. I’m responding to complaints from a group of social cripples who seem to think that choices made in social occasions always have to take into account their preferences. They don’t. Period. And until you learn that, you aren’t a grown up. Eat before, eat after, fake an illness, pretend to politely taste a morsel , whatever–I don’t give a good god damn shit about how you handle your particular eating disorder or your apparent control neurosis so long as you understand that it’s not everyone else’s social obligation to take it into account when making plans. I don’t judge you according to your taste. I judge for thinking that your taste is important enough to make into a social issue. (“being able to choose what I do” – a 2-year-old refusing to kiss grandma) I don’t know how many times I’ve said this – everyone has likes and dislikes. The fact that you \*have \*preferences isn’t the point. The point is failing to understand that there are situations in which your personal preferences don’t matter. When you learn to deal with that – however you learn to deal with that – that’s when you’re an adult. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2014, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/215 "2014-03-19T23:58:57Z")
Oh, I agree with this (mostly) - > [@Acsenray](#): > > I have never once stood in front of you with a piece of food and insisted you put it in your mouth and swallow it. I’m responding to complaints from a group of social cripples who seem to think that choices made in social occasions always have to take into account their preferences. They don’t. Period. And until you learn that, you aren’t a grown up. > > Eat before, eat after, fake an illness, pretend to politely taste a morsel , whatever–I don’t give a good god damn shit about how you handle your particular eating disorder or your apparent control neurosis so long as you understand that it’s not everyone else’s social obligation to take it into account when making plans. But not that you consider not liking a certain food to be a disorder. My Wife does not like BBQ. My neighbors (that I have over for dinner) can’t handle anything remotely spicy or hot (both are common foods in the Colorado mountains). I don’t consider those to be eating disorders. As I said, I think the OP should go to the dinner. That is if sharing time with friends is more important than the meal itself. In a social group, that’s what you do. But I don’t make BBQ for my Wife, or Muligatany for my neighbors. I **don’t** agree the following quote from you, and is the statement I have been responding to(bolding mine) - [QUOTE=Acsenray] That means that **on many occasions, you’ll have to eat something you don’t like**. Get over it. [/quote] You seem angry, but in the first quote above, it seems that you are revising your position. In that you don’t HAVE to eat things that you don’t like. “Eat before, eat later” etc… The ‘have to’ and added ‘Get over it’ is very bossy and demanding. Adults can say “no thank you”. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2014, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/216 "2014-03-20T01:24:51Z")
I’m amused this thread has dragged on for so long. There’s a prevailing attitude that if somebody is picky, nobody should give them grief for it. Nice in theory, but Aspielike people can’t seem to understand that if you are as picky as the OP, there may be social consequences. For mature people, they use this awareness to either try to be less picky or avoid imposing their pickiness on others. Either learn to like something at a sushi place or concoct a lie about being allergic to seafood. But then again, people this immature and picky tend to lack the tact and subtlety required toward downplaying their pickiness. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2014, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/217 "2014-03-20T02:10:00Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > But not that you consider _not liking_ a certain food to be a disorder. My Wife does not like BBQ. My neighbors (that I have over for dinner) can’t handle anything remotely spicy or hot (both are common foods in the Colorado mountains). I don’t consider those to be eating disorders. :rolleyes: To the extent that I have built up some significant degree of irritation over this topic on this board over the past decade-plus, it is because a perfectly ordinary—and what should be completely benign—social expectation of adults is continuously met with this repeated, blinkered response. It’s like people have some kind of retinal degeneration that prevents them from seeing moving vans. I have never once said that I “consider not liking a certain food to be a disorder.” What I consider to be a disorder is the level of pathology that people on the Dope have worked _disliking_ a certain food into. I have said about 15 times in every single thread like this that I have participated in that _everyone dislikes something_. The fact of your disliking something _is not the point_. The point is something that you should have been taught from childhood: When you’re in certain social situations, you might be required to deal with a situation in which you are presented with a _that you dislike_, and you might be able to avoid eating it somehow (gracefully), but every once in a while, you might not. That means that there is a chance that you might at certain points in your life have to eat something you don’t like. And it’s not an injustice, it’s not a disaster, and it’s not something that should ruin your life, your year, or even your evening. That’s a simple human truth. And if you somehow can’t handle that, then that _is_ a disorder of some kind. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2014, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/218 "2014-03-20T02:45:13Z")
And let me add that this is just a small part of the realities of being a grownup. You might have to pay taxes that you don’t like. You might have to file insurance forms that you don’t like. You might have to get up in the morning to go to work at a time you don’t like. You might have to be polite to a customer that you don’t like. You might have to change an aging parent’s diaper, which you don’t like. You might have to make friendly conversation with a racist neighbor, that you don’t like. You might have to do household chores that you don’t like. You might have to spend a Saturday with your teenage daughter’s repulsive boyfriend, which you don’t like. You might have to take your spouse to the ballet, which you don’t like. You might have to listen to your kid’s Justin Bieber song for the 100th time, which you don’t like. You might have to go to a movie you don’t like with your friends. You might have to spend a holiday with an aunt whose smell you don’t like. Being an adult means occasionally doing things that you don’t like without getting bent out of shape about in. In our modern society, having to eat something you don’t like might be even rarer than those I listed above, but it’s certainly not even among the worst of them. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2014, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/219 "2014-03-20T14:11:56Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > I have never once said that I “consider not liking a certain food to be a disorder.” That so? [QUOTE=Acsenray] Eat before, eat after, fake an illness, pretend to politely taste a morsel , whatever–I don’t give a good god damn shit about how you handle your particular eating disorder [/quote] You roll eyes at me? Listen. I AGREED with most of what you said and I said so in post 215. I also said that I think the OP should go to the party and not partake if he did not like the food. IT’S NOT HIS PARTY. I did not agree with your statement that “You often have to eat things that you don’t like, get over it”. That’s terribly inconsiderate and demanding. AND, it contradicts what you said in the quote of your post above. Since you are contradicting yourself, I asked if you revised your position. Sheese. Relax. We aren’t talking about taxes, or changing diapers. We are talking about an adults ability to simply be able to say no thank you. I’m NOT talking about trying to change the groups plans, again, I’m talking about saying no to something you don’t wish to eat. That irritates you? ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2014, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/220 "2014-03-20T14:19:47Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > That so? > > You roll eyes at me? Yes. And I’ll do it again :rolleyes: because you made the exact same mistake again. I have to think you’re doing it on purpose, because I have set it forth in painful detail repeatedly. At this point I wonder whether it’s worth explaining again because you’ll make the same error again. So after I tell you this: Wrong. Disliking a food is not what I labeled as an eating disorder. Never. Not in one single post. Given that as a premise, what do you think I’m talking about? Once you get that correct, we can move on to the other issues if you like. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397.md?page=12)