# Inconsiderate or acceptable? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 11, 2014, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397 "2014-03-11T01:33:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![JuliaSqueezer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/82dd89/32.png) [@JuliaSqueezer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JuliaSqueezer)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/41 "2014-03-11T14:04:00Z")
[quote=“you\_with\_the\_face, post:35, topic:683397”] If she knows that many of her invited guests dislike sushi (or the thought of sushi), I would find it a little self-centered of her to locate her BD party there. /QUOTE] I must truly be entering the curmudgeon stage, because my first reaction was to wonder how old this person is. At a certain point in life, say after age 12, shouldn’t you stop expecting people to celebrate your birthday? I make allowances for milestone birthdays. So I’m not a complete curmudge, I guess. It does need to be asked: Is she buying all of the food? Drinks? To my way of thinking, once you become an adult, birthday parties are adult affairs where the host picks the venue and picks up the tab. If you want to host your own party, you shouldn’t expect your guests to pay, especially if you also expect them to buy you a nice gift. It does come off as self-centered and a bit classless. Your friends could host the event and issue the invitations to lessen the appearance of crassness. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/42 "2014-03-11T14:11:26Z")
> [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](#): > > But my bigger point was in response to the assertion that a sushi-only restaurant is equivalent in breadth-of-menu to a Mexican restaurant, a Thai restaurant, and so forth, which it is not. (And I say this as someone who does eat sushi, which I mentioned in my earlier post.) It’s not a question of whether it has the equivalent options of a Mexican or Thai restaurant. I agree with you, it probably doesn’t. IMO, the question is does it have sufficient options for a diverse crowd? And the answer, again, IMO, is that is probably does. There are plenty of vegetarian options, and I’d be surprised if you can’t get a chicken teriyaki. For my birthday I like to go to a BBQ joint, and there’s usually one fish, one vegetarian, and one chicken option for people who don’t like pork or beef. I don’t need for there to be dozens of choices, just enough that people can join me and have a good time. ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/43 "2014-03-11T14:18:28Z")
> [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](#): > > … But my bigger point was in response to the assertion that a sushi-only restaurant is equivalent in breadth-of-menu to a Mexican restaurant, a Thai restaurant, and so forth, which it is not. (And I say this as someone who does eat sushi, which I mentioned in my earlier post.) > > I also think it’s an interesting comparison because some of the responses to the OP are all about the sushi (OMG how can you not like sushi?? how can you never have tried it?? what’s wrong with you that you don’t eat “foreign” food??). If these responders replaced “sushi” in the OP with some food they don’t particularly like (such as, perhaps, sausage) it would be interesting to see if their stance changed. Just a thought. i’m picking nits, but the only way your comparison is apt is if the person hates glutinous rice. take it away and all the dishes are different. if you still think it’s not enough, remember that sushi restaurants are, like other ethnic restaurants, similarly varied with bentos, sashimi, ramen, tempura, etc etc. personally i’ve not heard of a sushi-only restaurant, but you’ll need to compare it with say, a taco-only restaurant to be fair. i guess i don’t really know sausages. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/44 "2014-03-11T14:25:34Z")
I’m a vegetarian, and even in my meat eating days I hated fish. I’d go and make do. There will be rice, I guarantee it. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/45 "2014-03-11T14:31:20Z")
> [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](#): > > But my bigger point was in response to the assertion that a sushi-only restaurant is equivalent in breadth-of-menu to a Mexican restaurant, a Thai restaurant, and so forth, which it is not. (And I say this as someone who does eat sushi, which I mentioned in my earlier post.) But it’s exceptionally rare for a sushi restaurant to only have sushi. Wouldn’t you agree? That would mean they don’t even serve miso soup, edamame, or potstickers. I find it difficult to believe this place also wouldn’t chicken teriyaki or fried rice on the menu. But hey, maybe this restaurant’s sushi is just that bad ass that they don’t have to have anything else. That is doubtful, though. I agree with others that sushi is a such a broad category of cuisine that it makes little sense to rule out all of it, especially in the absence of direct experience. A tempura shrimp and cucumber maki roll has little in common with tuna nigiri, for instance. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/46 "2014-03-11T14:39:49Z")
If you don’t like the venue, don’t attend. But do not complain because you alone wanted to go elsewhere. Clearly everyone else is fine with this selection. To think your hostess is responsible for catering to your desires, on her occasion, is kinda crazy to me. Eat before you go if there is nothing you can eat there. Or just stop by for after/before dinner drinks, if you wish. But do not point out that you’d have preferred another location, there’s nothing for you to eat, you hate sushi etc. If you cannot bring yourself to attend without being a big downer and making it all about your needs and expectations not being met, then do everyone a favour and stay home. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/47 "2014-03-11T14:42:05Z")
Honestly Tellus, sometimes you just have to go along to get along. I don’t like sushi either, but many places serve asparagus or avocado rolls, cucumber, veggie etc. It’s very rare for everything to be fish. You could also just order a drink and stay for a little while. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/48 "2014-03-11T14:48:44Z")
> [@Tellus](#): > > Okay, there might have been some outrage when the thread suddenly became all about my not trying sushi, which is not the point by the way, but I suppose I’ve read this site long enough to expect that to happen. So you were able to predict that you’d get some responses suggesting that sushi isn’t poison, but you _weren’t_ able to predict people telling you your friend can choose whatever restaurant she wants to for her birthday? :fingerguns: ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/49 "2014-03-11T15:14:51Z")
> [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > It’s very rare for everything to be fish. You could also just order a drink and stay for a little while. I’d go a step farther and say it’s close to impossible for it to only be fish. I’ve never seen it, and one of the points of pride for a sushi chef is the quality of their tamago (egg/omelet). ---
**Author:** ![Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulf_the_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/50 "2014-03-11T15:23:37Z")
Well, I’m taking the OP at his/her word that the restaurant “doesn’t really have any non-sushi selections.” Those of you who are suggesting otherwise may well be right–but that’s not what the OP is telling us. If there are indeed non-sushi selections then that’s a different story. ---
**Author:** ![Motorgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e36b37/32.png) [@Motorgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Motorgirl)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/51 "2014-03-11T15:27:03Z")
Perhaps the restaurant has an online menu dopers could look at in order to suggest things that a non-sushi eater might like? ---
**Author:** ![ISiddiqui](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/97f17d/32.png) [@ISiddiqui](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ISiddiqui)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/52 "2014-03-11T15:28:39Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > With regard to this, in my experience, usually everyone pays except for the guest of honor (birthday girl/boy or the person who is leaving the company). We all contribute enough that the guest of honor’s meal is covered. Same here. One of my good friends’ birthdays is coming up in… exactly one month (crap, need to double time it on getting the gift), and a bunch of us are going out for dinner & a play and expected to pay our own way & chip in to cover the birthday girl. FWIW, she turns 47 and I don’t consider it in any way selfish or silly that we are going out for her birthday and that we are expected to pay our own way. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/53 "2014-03-11T15:29:30Z")
> [@Motorgirl](#): > > Perhaps the restaurant has an online menu dopers could look at in order to suggest things that a non-sushi eater might like? There’s something about the OP’s attitude that tells me he/she doesn’t want to hear any recommendations. ---
**Author:** ![Motorgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e36b37/32.png) [@Motorgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Motorgirl)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/54 "2014-03-11T15:31:11Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > There’s something about the OP’s attitude that tells me he/she doesn’t want to hear any recommendations. I suspect you’re right, but I thought it was worth a shot. If only to resolve the are there or aren’t there non-sushi options question. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/55 "2014-03-11T15:33:10Z")
For the benefit of anyone: if one’s problem with sushi is the raw aspect, every place I’ve ever been has a roll made with shrimp tempura. Sometimes goes by the name of “dragon roll.” ---
**Author:** ![sciurophobic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cab0a1/32.png) [@sciurophobic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sciurophobic)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/56 "2014-03-11T15:38:03Z")
How much do you know about the restaurant? Do they have a website with a menu? Are there Yelp reviews from other non-sushi eaters, and are there any pictures of non-sushi entrees? (I see the online menu suggestion has already been offered) ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/57 "2014-03-11T16:07:08Z")
I have a restaurant rule, the core competency rule, which states that if you go to a burger joint, don’t order the tuna tataki, and if you go to a sushi joint, stay the hell away from the burger. Order the thing the restaurant does well, because that’s what they’ll have the best ingredients for and that’ll be the tastiest thing on the menu. It’s something of a truism, but it’s definitely helped my ordering. There’s a corollary: if a restaurant lacks a core competency, don’t go there. In this circumstance, if she wants sushi, she should arrange the party at a sushi restaurant. You’re not under the teeniest bit of obligation to go to it, and you should only go to it if you think it’d be fun. Clearly you don’t think that: you don’t like the company, and you don’t like the food. So, no harm no foul, you send your regrets. Why on earth would you even consider doing anything else? Why would you be resentful for her organizing the party she wants to organize? ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/58 "2014-03-11T16:12:38Z")
> [@ISiddiqui](#): > > Same here. One of my good friends’ birthdays is coming up in… exactly one month (crap, need to double time it on getting the gift), and a bunch of us are going out for dinner & a play and expected to pay our own way & chip in to cover the birthday girl. > > FWIW, she turns 47 and I don’t consider it in any way selfish or silly that we are going out for her birthday and that we are expected to pay our own way. That is the usual in my experience, but I’ve also been to the occasional birthday dinner where the birthday person pays for everyone. That was mostly outside the US, though, but not exclusively so, as we’ve it that way before, too. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/59 "2014-03-11T17:26:26Z")
NB: I have only skimmed the thread. Here’s my take. Her birthday, her choice of restaurant. (This was pretty much how I did my birthday last year. “Hey, everybody, I’d like to go out for sushi on my birthday, and I’d like you to join me if you can. If you like sushi, great. If not, maybe you can try something new.”) An invitation is not a command performance. Nobody is forcing you to go or forcing sushi down your throat. If the idea offends you so much, simply send your regrets. You are entitled to do that. But you are not entitled to get bent out of shape about what someone else wants to do on their birthday. ---
**Author:** ![shantih](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f6c823/32.png) [@shantih](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shantih)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397/60 "2014-03-11T18:16:49Z")
Her birthday, her call as to location. It is, however, your call as to whether you want to attend. Is the friendship strong enough to make up for celebrating in a place that you may not care for? But how about asking your friend, “Hey, I don’t really (care for sushi/have any experience in sushi restaurants/like fish-rice-whathaveyou) but since this is one of your favorite restaurants, could you recommend something that I might like?” She eats there all the time and presumably has some insight into your preferences, so maybe that could help you to enjoy the evening more. And seriously, I am now craving both sushi and sausages something fierce. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inconsiderate-or-acceptable/683397.md?page=4)