# Incredibly bad and weird experiences at restaurants **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 30, 2015, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incredibly-bad-and-weird-experiences-at-restaurants/733040 "2015-09-30T14:25:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 15
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2015, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incredibly-bad-and-weird-experiences-at-restaurants/733040/281 "2015-10-05T17:34:47Z")
> [@Fenris](#): > > \*\*Mostly. Can _you_ spot the difference? Me! Me! _waves hand_ Elizabeth Barrett Browning was English. She wrote “arsehole”, not “asshole”. Do I get a gold star? ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2015, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incredibly-bad-and-weird-experiences-at-restaurants/733040/282 "2015-10-05T17:44:49Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > Me! Me! _waves hand_ > > Elizabeth Barrett Browning was English. She wrote “arsehole”, not “asshole”. > > Do I get a gold star? After dinner at a friend’s in-laws, the MIL called her dog over, lifted it’s tail to show us the colour pattern of it’s fur surrounding its anus, and exclaimed with joy and wonder, “Doesn’t it look just like a star!” ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2015, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incredibly-bad-and-weird-experiences-at-restaurants/733040/283 "2015-10-05T18:09:03Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > Me! Me! _waves hand_ > > Elizabeth Barrett Browning was English. She wrote “arsehole”, not “asshole”. > > Do I get a gold star? Well done! A gold star AND you can stay after class to clear the pixels from everyone’s monitors. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2015, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incredibly-bad-and-weird-experiences-at-restaurants/733040/284 "2015-10-05T18:15:20Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > They didn’t even have Caesar dressing? 😃 Et tu Brute? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Spud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spud/32/347_2.png) [@Spud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spud)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2015, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incredibly-bad-and-weird-experiences-at-restaurants/733040/285 "2015-10-05T18:48:55Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > I hope y’all are kidding around and realize that I meant to Swype “wages”. Really???!!! I never would have guessed. I for one though plan to continue to frequently and enthusiastically wave to all of my servers in the future. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2015, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incredibly-bad-and-weird-experiences-at-restaurants/733040/286 "2015-10-05T19:44:00Z")
> [@Fenris](#): > > Well done! A gold star AND you can stay after class to clear the pixels from everyone’s monitors. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2015, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incredibly-bad-and-weird-experiences-at-restaurants/733040/287 "2015-10-05T19:54:22Z")
> [@Fenris](#): > > _Note, THIS IS NOT A THREAT. It is Eliza-fucking-beth Barrett Browning’s line_\*. By definition, Eliza-fucking-beth Barrett-Browning doesn’t DO threats. 😉 Little known fact, but Elizabeth Barret Browning wrote the lyrics to “Cop Killer.” ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2015, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incredibly-bad-and-weird-experiences-at-restaurants/733040/288 "2015-10-05T20:03:22Z")
> [@D\_Anconia](#): > > How am I an asshole? Locrian and Physcopants are lying to your face. Are you OK with that? I am the OP of the thread. Do you have any interesting or weird restaurant stories to share? I can’t control your posting but I’d like to ask you to take your argument somewhere else, you’re messing up my thread. Please? I genuinely don’t care about fibs or lies or bad memories. I just want to hear fun stories. ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2015, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incredibly-bad-and-weird-experiences-at-restaurants/733040/289 "2015-10-05T20:07:11Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I am the OP of the thread. Do you have any interesting or weird restaurant stories to share? I can’t control your posting but I’d like to ask you to take your argument somewhere else, you’re messing up my thread. Please? I genuinely don’t care about fibs or lies or bad memories. I just want to hear fun stories. To appease the OP, I repost something I wrote here a looooong time ago. It’s still one of my weirdest restaurant experiences. Keep in mind, “Th’ other day” was in 2001. > [@A brief (HA!) note from Fenris The Crypto-Fascist](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-brief-ha-note-from-fenris-the-crypto-fascist/99721/1): > > Th’ other day I went out to eat with a friend. And I ordered a steak. Anyway I asked for it medium-rare. I want it juuuuust past warm ‘n’ bloody inside. > > Our waiter (who, I discovered was Surly-Lad, but in his secret ID) said “Shr. :rolleyes:. Dmumblewnnanysczonnt?” > > Which, translated from Surly-Lad’s secret language means “Do you want any sauce with that?” (they had four(?) kinds: a whiskey(bourbon?) one, a teriyaki one, a peppercorn one and a dreadful looking white one…the kind you’d put on chicken fried steak. Not on a real steak.) > > I said “No, thanks. But I’d like a refill of my water, please” > > “Shr. :rolleyes:” Kid Flash said as he lumbered off, all the grace of an epileptic hippo on rollerskates. > > He shows up with the salads. My “dressing on the side” was _poured_ inside the bowl, but only on one side. In other words, instead of getting my salad dressing in a little container on the side, they poured the dressing on only one part of the salad. I decided it wasn’t worth the effort to send it back[sup]1[/sup], since I could pretty easily scoop most of the excess dressing up and onto the plate. As he’s leaving, I asked “By the way, could you refill my water, please?” > > “mbl ‘llGt t’ 'it.” (“I’ll get to it”) > > Dinner shows up. Mine has peppercorn sauce on it (bleach!) and it’s obviously overcooked. I tell Eloquent-Boy “Um…this isn’t what I ordered. I didn’t want any sauce on it and it’s cooked well-done. Could you take it back?” > > “fine.” he says, mortally offended. > > As he turns to leave, apparently I drive the knife in a bit deeper by saying “And I’d really like some more water. Could you get that right after you finish in the kitchen?” > > “FINE.” he says as he stalks off in a huff. No customer in the \*entire history of the! **entire!** world! has ever been so unreasonable before! \* > > He comes back with the correct order about 10 minutes later. “Thanks.” I say, as he plops down a plate with my actual order on it. (The butter and sour cream are on the potato, rather than on the side, but again…I don’t want to gamble with what’ll come back next time, and if I scoop 2 1/2 lbs of butter/sour cream off the potato, what’s left is about what I’d have put on anyway). “But before you leave, I’ve been asking for a refill on my water” teeth clench a bit “and I’d really appreciate it if you could get some right now.” > > “mblSeeWhtIc’nDo” > > About 6 minutes later, he shows up with a pitcher about 2/3ds full of ice. He dumps some in my glass and, with the speed of lightning, teleports away. I take one sip, and all I have left in my glass is ice. > > Anyway, we’ve eaten, our plates have been cleared, we wait for 10 minutes and Captain Speed reappears. “Y’Wnt Dsrt?” > > This time, I’m prepared. “No thanks.” I’m not about to wait for him to go get the bill, disappear, show up with the bill, disappear, come back, take my credit card, disappear, come back: I whip out my credit card. > > He comes back about 5 minutes later, and hovers over me as I inspect the bill. It’s fine. He keeps hovering. I sign the credit card slip (before touching the “Tip” area, figuring he wants to be sure it’s signed). He keeps hovering. At this point, it’s obvious he’s trying to pressure me into giving him a tip. “Screw this” I think and fill out the tip section for .02c and fill in the total. > > I take my copy of the bill, and the credit card and hand him the resturant’s copy. > > He stares at it, glares at me, stares at it again and, sotto voce, mutters “Crypto-fascist.” > > I can’t help it. I _know_ my pal will **hate** this, but I start giggling. “Crypto-Fascist?” I ask, still snickering. He walks off in a huff. > > I know, there should be some sort of explosive resolution here. At least, (storywise) I should have gone to the manager and complained, but 1) as mentioned in footnote[sup]1[/sup], my friend has a morbid fear of public confrontations, 2) It’s not my duty to help a resturant improve it’s service levels and 3) I couldn’t be all that indignant while giggling (‘crypto-fascist’?!) > > Anyway, so apparently I’m a crypto-fascist. I’m a trifle disappointed that I’m not a crypto-fascist-insect, but hey, gives me something to shoot for. The problem, however, is that I’m not sure what a crypto-fascist is. I know fascist has two definitions: the actual one, involving strict state control over economic matters and extreme nationalism, usually run by a dictator (socialism turned nasty, with guns) and the other one, meaning “I’m a liberal and I don’t like your arguement, thus you are a fascist” (not in vogue any more, but very popular in the early '70s) > > The prefix “Crypto” means “hidden or secret”. > > So apparently I am a secret dictator who wants control over the economy of the nation. > > Unless he meant “Krypto-Fascist”, in which case, he was saying I’m Superman’s dog, and I want control over the economy of our nation. I find this explanation confusing, but oddly appealing, somehow. > > Either way, I’m not sure how that relates to my giving him _exactly_ the tip he deserved. > > Anyway, tomorrow, I conquer Paris. > > Fenris, Crypto-Fascist! (and still struck by the unreality of actually being called a “crypto-fascist”) > > [sup]1[/sup]Note: for those asking why I didn’t make a scene, or even complain quietly, it’s because the friend I was out with is, for lack of a better word, phobic about scenes in public places. Any pleasure I’d have gotten from shredding Lethargic-Lad, or even quietly getting managment and demanding satisfaction would have been undermined by my friend’s horror of me doing it. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2015, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incredibly-bad-and-weird-experiences-at-restaurants/733040/290 "2015-10-05T20:21:56Z")
> [@Fenris](#): > > Unless he meant “Krypto-Fascist”, in which case, he was saying I’m Superman’s dog, and I want control over the economy of our nation. Nah, that would be a a fascist Krypto. A Krypto-Fascist would be a hyper nationalist who wanted state control over Superman’s dog. Like, if Lex Luthor had a cat, that cat would totally be a Krypto-Fascist. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2015, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incredibly-bad-and-weird-experiences-at-restaurants/733040/291 "2015-10-05T20:24:09Z")
I remember a very strange story - though it has more I think to do with mental illness than anything else. It isn’t funny (at least, not “ha ha” funny) so much as disturbing. I was at a diner when I was a tween, getting a hamburger. All was normal until this older fellow came in (I guess now he was in his mid 30s, which at the time was “old” to me. Ha!). He was quite well dressed, in a suit and tie, and I thought at the time he sorta looked out of place - the diner was full of teens. Anyway, he orders a milkshake, and when he gets it, he - tosses it right in the waitress’ face. The glass bounced off her head and she was covered with shake. Then he runs out of the place. Everyone was stunned. We couldn’t believe what just happened. There was a moment of total silence. Then the waitress gave a shriek (fortunately, she wasn’t badly hurt). That brought the cook out, who called the police - no-one had thought to follow the guy. The police came - a couple of cops - and we answered their questions. No, the waitress had never seen this guy before. No, no-one had seen whether he went to a car or what. There was little the cops could do, but write up a report. It just struck me as so totally weird. There was no obvious reason for it. We just assumed the guy was crazy … boy did I feel sorry for that waitress, who was just doing her job and got attacked for no reason. ---
**Author:** ![BrightNShiny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@BrightNShiny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrightNShiny)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2015, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incredibly-bad-and-weird-experiences-at-restaurants/733040/292 "2015-10-05T21:13:18Z")
I’ve got another one. My friends and I regularly go to this all-you-can-eat Korean BBQ – you know, the kind where they bring you the raw meat to your table and then you cook it on your own grill at the table. So, when the grill gets too hot or is starting to have too much flames shooting out of it, a waiter will come by, use a tong to lift up the grill and pour cold water into it. I’ve always been told not to pour water onto hot grease, but that’s what they do here. One of my friends (let’s call her Julie) goes to this restaurant a lot. The waiters all know her by name. She also insists on being the one to manage the grill and put the meat on and take it off, because she has a particular way she likes it cooked. Which is completely fine with me. So, we’ve ordered another plate of meat. Julie goes to the bathroom. Her boyfriend goes out to smoke. The other friend also decides to go to the bathroom. I’m completely alone at the table when the new plate shows up. I figure I’ll just put the meat on the grill, so it’ll be cooking when everyone comes back. I’m being so thoughtful, right? So, I put the meat on and it’s cooking. And then I notice the flames are coming up. So, I try to flag down a waiter, since I’m not sure what to do. Finally, I get a waiter’s attention, but by the time he comes over, the flames are shooting way up through the grill. He grabs the tongs, lifts the grill up, and by this time, the flames are so high that I get out of my seat to avoid being singed. Then the busboy runs over with a pitcher of water. Now, picture this in slow motion. The busboy is all set to pour the water into the grill, while the waiter starts to shout “Don’t pour it!” But they happen simultaneously. So, the water goes in. FWOOMP! At this moment, all my friends have returned. And every waiter in the restaurant is crowded around the table trying to deal with the out of control flame. And of course, all my friends decide that I don’t know how to work the grill, and so I am not allowed to work it anymore. And the waiters agreed with them! I’ve been in there twice since it happened, and they call me “fire boy” and won’t let me have the tongs. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2015, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incredibly-bad-and-weird-experiences-at-restaurants/733040/293 "2015-10-05T22:00:48Z")
Not bad but something out of the ordinary: we were at some truck stop in Ohio for lunch. I spotted an interesting burger on the menu and ordered that. The waitress felt the need to point out that what I ordered came with three different cheeses. Evidently they had lots of complaints about this “triple cheese burger” only having a single patty. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2015, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incredibly-bad-and-weird-experiences-at-restaurants/733040/294 "2015-10-05T22:08:16Z")
> [@Skywatcher](#): > > Evidently they had lots of complaints […] but would rather [\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_] than change the menu. So as not to get gigged for changing a quote, even in the Pit, I’ll do it this way: Fill in that blank with pretty much any restaurant terror: [ol] [li]Have a team of health inspectors show up without warning;[/li][li]Have ICE show up without warning;[/li][li]Have two busloads of college students show up without warning;[/li][li]Have the grill catch fire;[/li][li]Have the grill chef catch fire;[/li][li]Have a team of health inspectors catch fire;[/li][li]Have the chiller quit at 10 am on Saturday of a major holiday weekend;[/li][li]Have an entire colony of roaches, ants and/or spiders move in without warning;[/li][li]Have three waitresses quit and file paternity suits against the grill chef;[/li][li]Discover that ‘tu madre’ does not mean “Yes, boss.”[/li][/ol] I dunno what it is about restaurants and their menus. It can’t be cost, because sometimes they reprint or update them multiple times without fixing things that cause endless headaches for diners, waitrons, cooks, management or all four. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2015, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incredibly-bad-and-weird-experiences-at-restaurants/733040/295 "2015-10-05T22:13:29Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > So as not to get gigged for changing a quote, even in the Pit For the same reason: what **AB** quoted was taken from what I originally wrote but edited when it occurred to me that I left out a space, which made the comment about changing the menu superfluous. ---
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2015, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incredibly-bad-and-weird-experiences-at-restaurants/733040/296 "2015-10-06T02:50:34Z")
About 30 years ago my dad and I were having dinner in a small country town in Victoria and ordered a ‘beef curry’. What came out was goat (tasted a lot like an old billy) drenched in \*Dutch Curry and Rice \*packet soup mix which had been mixed with about 1/2 the recommended amount of boiling water ☹ We walked out and had a counter meal at the pub down the street 🙂 Two recent ones I saw and crossed the establishments off my list before eating there: A coffee/sandwich place located in an open section of a local shopping mall (I won’t give the name of the chain but I’m sure if I put the initials C.C. in Aussie readers will get it). Walking past this join one morning as it was setting up I saw a waiter try to wave away a fly with a menu before smacking it down on the table top and apparently squashing the offending insect. The waiter then wiped the back of the menu on the edge of the table and put it back ready for the first customers. Different mall, in the food court. Just before the lunch rush I was buying some sushi rolls for my boys. While waiting to order I was watching one of their ‘chefs’ cutting salmon up and throwing the offcuts into a garbage bin. After a few slices he threw a chunk in the bin, paused, looked down and retrieved the piece, trimmed it a little and added it the mound of ‘good’ cuts for use in rolls. Went to the other sushi place. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2015, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incredibly-bad-and-weird-experiences-at-restaurants/733040/297 "2015-10-06T03:47:06Z")
Ah, yes, food courts. We were browsing the menu of a sub shop in the food court of a local mall when I happened to notice a cockroach rooting around the lettuce. We went somewhere else. Pretty sure a different sub shop has taken over that location. On a different day, I was by myself and wanted to try out a different stall in the same food court but the counter wonk couldn’t be bothered to stop yakking with the cook long enough to turn around and take my order. After at least ten minutes of trying to get her attention, I took my business elsewhere. Now everybody is because a new company took over their counter. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2015, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incredibly-bad-and-weird-experiences-at-restaurants/733040/298 "2015-10-06T04:13:12Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > I don’t have a lot of weird restaurant stories. There was the time we simply couldn’t get anyone’s attention at an Indian restaurant, and finally resorted to just getting up and leaving. We did it slowly, and they did take note in time to stop us at the door, where we gladly paid our bill. > > There was the time when we got friendly with a waiter at a Chinese place in the mall, and he used to bring us samples of his food. Weird spicy tofu with black beans, or a boiled egg that turned out to have a mostly formed chick embryo inside. > > That’s about as weird as I got. Sounds like some variation on [balut](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balut_(food)). ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2015, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incredibly-bad-and-weird-experiences-at-restaurants/733040/299 "2015-10-06T12:08:46Z")
> [@Battle\_Pope](#): > > We walked out and had a counter meal at the pub down the street 🙂 What’s a counter meal? ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2015, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incredibly-bad-and-weird-experiences-at-restaurants/733040/300 "2015-10-06T12:51:20Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > What’s a counter meal? Sandwiches served at the bar? Lots of casual breakfast/lunch places and diners will serve meals at the counter. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incredibly-bad-and-weird-experiences-at-restaurants/733040.md?page=14) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incredibly-bad-and-weird-experiences-at-restaurants/733040.md?page=16)