# Incubus is douchebag **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 28, 2014, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247 "2014-07-28T15:20:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/241 "2014-07-30T13:44:36Z")
> [@chiroptera](#): > > **monstro** said it beautifully, as usual. I concur with this. Whether or not the “wife’s” post was real is undoubtedly irrelevant at this point. If **Incubus** is to remain posting, it’s in everyone’s best interest to at least, initially, give him the benefit of the doubt. And that said, I, too, understand a shift in tone online when there are underlying issues involved. After my last hiatus, I came back to the boards with more of a “no fucks left to give” attitude. The reason why isn’t important, but re-reading a lot of what I’ve posted since, I don’t want to become one of those people that others wonder what the hell happened to. So, going off the insights mentioned here, I hope that I’m more self-aware of being less of an ass myself going forward. I know I’ve been guilty of taking this board way too seriously in the past, now I need to make sure I can’t be convicted of the opposite in the future… being so severe that I forget that real people (and all their attendant quirks) are behind those screen names. So, I’m hoping all take away good things from this. Especially me. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/242 "2014-07-30T14:24:46Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > Like others, I’m not sure what to believe anymore. But it is easier for my wee brain to take what I see at face value. In the oft chance that things actually happen to be as they appear, I’ll comment. > > This strikes me as a very insightful self-assessment. If your life truly is going well right now, then you need to figure out where all this anger is coming from. In my experience, happy people tend to be the least judgemental; not because they are morally superior, but because they have too many other interests to bother with the distraction of other people’s foilbles. > > It’s possible you are still trying to figure out who you are, just as you did when you were younger. You seem caught up in being seen as “the guy who transformed himself into hot shit and therefore is wise beyond his years”, but deep down, you know are still very much the same person you used to be. The desire to live up to all these standards that you impose on yourself (but somehow can never really meet) is probably why you harp on your wife’s high standards. You want to meet her standards and you want to convince yourself that you do, but I don’t think you really believe you do, and it’s making you act out in frustration. This is my armchair diagnosis. > > Whatever is going on, you’re certainly not alone in your issues. So don’t beat yourself up too bad. It would be great to understand why this is happening to me , honestly. Perhaps because in the past, there were a lot of people that ‘tolerated’ me but didn’t necessarily ‘like’ or ‘respect’ me. Presently there are a great deal of people in real life that really do like and respect me, but it can be hard to genuinely recognize it. So I take inventory of all the good that is happening but wonder if I’m just fooling myself. There are probably plenty other posters that would have an easier time believing someone’s mean behaviors are more genuine than their kind ones. But who knows. Anyway, trying to cut down on the abusive and judgemental statements, and also the ‘I’ statements (as much as possible; sorry for the really awkwardly-phrased sentences as a result). A poster such as myself should be extremely grateful the community here has poised themselves to _encourage_ me to cut down on it so it can be done willingly, rather than the mods telling me “Next fat bashing thread you are banned forever”. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/243 "2014-07-30T14:34:22Z")
Unlike Dominos in every place I’ve ever lived, this thread \*delivers. \* > [@Incubus](#): > > From 2003-2008 I steadily got my act together like many other late bloomers before and after me did, realized all the stupid stuff I had done and resented it. Eh, try not to beat yourself up about this. I have a lot of bad memories of stupid shit I did back in my high school/college days. I had a lot of trouble with boundaries because I was raised by shitty people. It’s embarrassing to think about, but you can’t change the past. No reason to let it consume you. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/244 "2014-07-30T14:34:57Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > You know, this thread title is starting to grow on me. **Incubus** _is_ douchebag. Ambivalid, Incubus is douchebag? How can? ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/245 "2014-07-30T14:39:30Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > It would be great to understand why this is happening to me , honestly. Hey man. I’m **andros**. I don’t post much outside the Pit and GD, and never really have, so our paths haven’t crossed much. That is to say, I have very few preconceptions about you, your posting style, and your history. The fact is, you’ve developed a habit and reputation for coming across as, well, a douchebag. That said, ISTM that there’s a lot of decent advice in this thread. It can be _really_ hard to sort it out from the pile-on in these situations, but it’s there. If you’re willing to take the bad with the good, and accept the bruised ego, I highly recommend reading through this thread with as open a mind as you can manage. People aren’t all going to like you. Some will never even tolerate you. But you might be able to glean an understanding of why that is, and how you might present yourself in a different light. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/246 "2014-07-30T14:39:56Z")
so, it’s official? we meet at the campfire to sing Kumbaya and make smores. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/247 "2014-07-30T14:42:11Z")
> [@chiroptera](#): > > **monstro** said it beautifully, as usual. Yes. Sometimes I think I am in love with Monstro. Is single? ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/248 "2014-07-30T14:46:56Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > Yes. Sometimes I think I am in love with Monstro. Is single? I have a bit of a crush on her and her sister. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/249 "2014-07-30T14:48:11Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > Anyway, trying to cut down on the abusive and judgemental statements, and also the ‘I’ statements (as much as possible; sorry for the really awkwardly-phrased sentences as a result). A poster such as myself should be extremely grateful the community here has poised themselves to _encourage_ me to cut down on it so it can be done willingly, rather than the mods telling me “Next fat bashing thread you are banned forever”. _\_ “Now go home and get in your fuckin’ hugbox!” ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/250 "2014-07-30T14:50:55Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > _\_ > > “Now go home and get in your fuckin’ hugbox!” _whine_ but the fiberglass down in the crawlspace is making my lungs itchy! _whine_ ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/251 "2014-07-30T15:30:22Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > It would be great to understand why this is happening to me , honestly. Perhaps because in the past, there were a lot of people that ‘tolerated’ me but didn’t necessarily ‘like’ or ‘respect’ me. Presently there are a great deal of people in real life that really do like and respect me, but it can be hard to genuinely recognize it. Well, I think a large part of the problem is that you worry too much about how other people see you. This explains the bravado you’ve exhibited. It also explains why you need us to believe your wife is perfect and has all these high standards; you feel this proves to us that you’re top quality. The same number of people who liked you back then may very well be the same number that like you now. Or it could be different. Really, though, what does it truly matter? The feelings of other people are notoriously capricious and ever-changing; pining your self-esteem on that is a losing strategy. It is far more important you like and respect yourself, and accept your strengths and weakness, regardless if you have a fan club or not. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/252 "2014-07-30T16:05:54Z")
Greatest pit thread ever ---
**Author:** ![The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_great_unwashed/32/4791_2.png) [@The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Great_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/253 "2014-07-30T16:13:02Z")
Surely, NOT the best? signed Mrs The Great Unwashed ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/254 "2014-07-30T18:20:47Z")
This has gotten to be downright surreal. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/255 "2014-07-30T18:37:44Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > This has gotten to be downright surreal. No, I think [Incubus](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/56/John_Henry_Fuseli_-_The_Nightmare.JPG) predates the surrealist period, a heavy dose of chiaroscuro though. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/256 "2014-07-30T19:03:51Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > No, I think [Incubus](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/56/John_Henry_Fuseli_-_The_Nightmare.JPG) predates the surrealist period, a heavy dose of chiaroscuro though. Bahhhh …I remember when DIOsaurs roomed the pit. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/257 "2014-07-30T19:24:11Z")
> [@JackieLikesVariety](#): > > so, it’s official? we meet at the campfire to sing Kumbaya and make smores. Can we make pizza smores? ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/258 "2014-07-30T21:27:01Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > I do make that much a year. Check how much Bus drivers make in the Bay Area dude. **Monstro** listed the national average. I’m on the extreme end of the bell curve for income for my job. They do, which pisses many of us riders off. Muni drivers make more than cops in some cases. OT, dontchaknow. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/259 "2014-07-30T21:29:27Z")
> [@GrandWino](#): > > You’re an idiot. If you make the extreme end of the bell curve you’re still only making like $40k, dummy. > > Here it is for anybody that cares to see what a liar this guy is. > > [Bus Driver Salary in San Francisco,CA (January, 2025) | Salary.com](http://www1.salary.com/CA/San-Francisco/Bus-Driver-salary.html) [http://www.sfexaminer.com/sanfrancisco/driver-salaries-fueling-deficit/Content?oid=2135249](http://www.sfexaminer.com/sanfrancisco/driver-salaries-fueling-deficit/Content?oid=2135249) "T\*he average base pay for a Muni operator — those who drive buses, cable cars and light-rail vehicles — is roughly $60,000, which is determined by a City Charter mandate that says they must be among the top paid in the country. And Muni’s 2,350 operators are almost guaranteed a bevy of overtime pay. In calendar year 2009, 622 Muni operators raked in more than $80,000 in total pay, including 82 who brought home more than $100,000. More than 400 operators were paid overtime in excess of $20,000. One operator earned as much as $78,722 in overtime and brought home a total of $146,498 in pay last year. Seventeen operators earned more than $51,000 in overtime, contributing to more than $100,000 in take-home pay for the year, according to data obtained from the city controller.\*" ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/260 "2014-07-30T21:40:49Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > **Incubus** , I’m going to assume that your post is sincere and that your wife actually did post here. > > Finally, instead of telling us how interesting your life is, show us. Why not start a “Ask the Transit Bus Driver” thread? I know I have some questions I’d ask. (Like where do ya’ll go to the bathroom!!!) And when you post in IMHO, try not to mention what your wife thinks. Doing so will make you seem less like a character and more like a real person. > > Anyway, I hope you aren’t yanking our chains and that this isn’t some elaborate stunt. Somehow I missed your apology for calling him a liar about how much he made as a bus driver.:rolleyes: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247.md?page=14)