# Incubus is douchebag **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 28, 2014, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247 "2014-07-28T15:20:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 16
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/301 "2014-07-31T17:35:50Z")
What **TroutMan** said. I believe it was your wife who posted, but maybe that’s because I’m supremely gullible. No one has ever accused me of being cynical either. It’s precisely because I don’t really care about other people’s opinion of me, that I have no problem admitting my credulousness. You admitted to being a douche and that’s all that matters. If you’ve been trolling us all along, then that’s on your conscience. And if your credibility on this board has dropped 60% because of this thread, you have only yourself to blame for that, even if you’re telling the truth about your wife. These consequences seem just to me. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_great_unwashed/32/4791_2.png) [@The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Great_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/302 "2014-07-31T17:48:55Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > I don’t see how those are contradictory. LOL ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/303 "2014-07-31T17:50:04Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > Overall the comments in this pitting are very fair and justified. People called me out on being a douchebag, and given the circumstances, **I took the smartest approach which was to own up to my actions and apologize**. Other people in my situation might have gotten driven off the board, laid low for a while until the dust settled and picked up on the trolling later on, ignore the pit thread entirely and start posting like a normal human being, or done any number of weaselly behaviors we see past and present on the internet. But instead **my choice was the most humbling: Admit to lying, admit to being a douchebag, and commit to being a decent human being from here on out.** Everyone on the messageboard will hold me accountable, so what incentive to do I have to be insincere? (Emphasis added.) I remain neutral on the issue of whether the post by your wife was legitimate or not, but either way I think it’s strange that you’re giving yourself credit here for being smart and humble enough to admit to lying when this only happened after your wife told us you were lying. You were still defending your previous posting habits, criticizing fat people, and talking about how fit your wife was right up until she posted. So unless that post was actually written by you, then you did the right thing in part because your wife gave you a solid push in that direction and not purely because you’re such a smart and humble guy. ---
**Author:** ![pohjonen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pohjonen/32/423_2.png) [@pohjonen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pohjonen)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/304 "2014-07-31T17:59:43Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > if you pride yourself on your critical thinking skills then it is understandable you would feel embarassed and angry if you get conned like some rube. … so what incentive to do I have to be insincere? You answered your own question before you asked it. Having the time of your life, are ya? ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/305 "2014-07-31T18:00:27Z")
**Lamia** makes a good point. **Incubus** pretty much had to be self-effacing and repentant if he ever had a chance of being embraced as a member again. After his “wife” posted, it would’ve been crazy for him to carry on as he had before. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/306 "2014-07-31T18:01:54Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > There are no ‘hugbox passes’ here on the SDMB. Everything everybody posts can be searched. It is almost certain the contents of this pit thread will get dredged up over and over through the years. But that just gives me that much more incentive to stand by my **apologies**. Because the moment I say, suggest, imply, backhandedly **weasel-wordedly** post any inkling of behavior like my previous behavior, everybody is going to be on it like a ton of bricks. There will be an avalanche of quotes and links to the contents of this thread. > > … > > Overall the comments in this pitting are very fair and justified. People called me out on being a douchebag, and given the circumstances, I took the smartest approach which was to own up to my actions and **apologize**. Other people in my situation might have gotten driven off the board, laid low for a while until the dust settled and picked up on the trolling later on, ignore the pit thread entirely and start posting like a normal human being, or done any number of weaselly behaviors we see past and present on the internet. But instead my choice was the most humbling: Admit to lying, admit to being a douchebag, and commit to being a decent human being from here on out. Everyone on the messageboard will hold me accountable, so what incentive to do I have to be insincere? Where are these apologies? Have you created the impression that you’ve apologized without actually doing so? To scam free hugbox tokens? Like a weasel? To whom do you wish to apologize and why? ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/307 "2014-07-31T18:25:45Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > Where are these apologies? > Have you created the impression that you’ve apologized without actually doing so? > To scam free hugbox tokens? Like a weasel? > > To whom do you wish to apologize and why? He apologized to me privately. I’m not going to divulge the “why”, but it seems heartfelt enough. And he also didn’t have to give me one. My beef with him went away when he gave his public apology. Yes, there’s a high likelihood that it’s all been staged…that we’re being manipulated by a transit bus driver with way too much investment in this place. But I guess I’d rather be the “good guy” in this theatrical production than the “bad guy”. I’m not under any illusion that the rest of ya’ll are who you say you are either. But I’m still able to treat everyone with respect. Respect doesn’t cost that much. This is how I envision the future: Assuming his come-to-Jesus moment is real, **Incubus** is going to be on his best behavior for a while. Eventually we will lighten up on him and he’ll just be another poster. Maybe we’ll rag on him about HWM occasionally when he leaves the door open too wide, and if he posts in a fat thread and says something that’s not nice, he might get some shit. But if this is all fakery, then he will most certainly go back to his old style of posting. And he will be banned because everyone will report him as a troll. Either way, no one here will have lost anything. But by forgiving him, we give him a chance to be an awesome contributor to the board. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/308 "2014-07-31T18:39:16Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > He apologized to me privately. I’m not going to divulge the “why”, but it seems heartfelt enough. And he also didn’t have to give me one.\*\* My beef with him went away when he gave his public apology\*\*. > … Did he do that in another thread? Because I don’t see an apology from him in this one. A private apology to anyone is not going to reach the people-in-general who were hurt by his anti-fat bigotry and shaming. Somewhere someone is reading his hateful spew and feeling like garbage. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/309 "2014-07-31T18:48:20Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > Did he do that in another thread? Because I don’t see an apology from him in this one. > > A private apology to anyone is not going to reach the people-in-general who were hurt by his anti-fat bigotry and shaming. Somewhere someone is reading his hateful spew and feeling like garbage. His first post after the one by his wife does include the word “apologize”: > [@Incubus](#): > > Of course, to own up to my behavior and apologize was to reflect on all the stupid stuff I have said for a long time. Although you’re right that he didn’t directly say that he was apologizing, and most of that post was about his dishonesty and bragging – he didn’t even really acknowledge his fat-bashing. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/310 "2014-07-31T18:53:57Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > Did he do that in another thread? Because I don’t see an apology from him in this one. He does not say “I am sorry”, but I took his post (don’t remember the number, sorry) as an apology. Because he describes himself as having felt all the feelings that someone usually feels when they are sorry. I actually appreciated that more than “I am sorry” because it illustrated what those words really mean. But if you want to rake him over the coals for not giving a perfunctory apology, be my guest. > [@](#): > > A private apology to anyone is not going to reach the people-in-general who were hurt by his anti-fat bigotry and shaming. Somewhere someone is reading his hateful spew and feeling like garbage. At any given time, there are Dopers hurting the feelngs of someone, somewhere. After you’re done with **Incubus** , are you going to go after them too? Because that’s a lot of work. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/311 "2014-07-31T19:06:01Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > At any given time, there are Dopers hurting the feelngs of someone, somewhere. After you’re done with **Incubus** , are you going to go after them too? Because that’s a lot of work. Every time I read one of your posts I realize I’m not nearly as magnanimous, considered or forgiving as I could be. That makes me feel bad about myself. I demand an apology, **monstro**. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/312 "2014-07-31T19:11:54Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Every time I read one of your posts I realize I’m not nearly as magnanimous, considered or forgiving as I could be. That makes me feel bad about myself. . I dont see at all where Monstro has been in any way forgiving or apologetic. She still hasn’t apologized or taken back her calling Incubus a liar due to her ignorance. Monstro mouths platitudes, but never actually apologizes. She’s just trying to collect hugboxes, whatever the hell they are. ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/313 "2014-07-31T19:13:25Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Every time I read one of your posts I realize I’m not nearly as magnanimous, considered or forgiving as I could be. That makes me feel bad about myself. I demand an apology, **monstro**. It’s all me me me, isn’t it, **QuickSilver**? \*\*Monstro \*\*makes us all feel bad, but you think she only need apologize to you. You owe me an apology for your selfish behavior. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/314 "2014-07-31T19:22:31Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > I dont see at all where Monstro has been in any way forgiving or apologetic. She still hasn’t apologized or taken back her calling Incubus a liar due to her ignorance. > > Monstro mouths platitudes, but never actually apologizes. She’s just trying to collect hugboxes, whatever the hell they are. It might be time for a new thread: DrDeth is douchebag ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/315 "2014-07-31T19:23:16Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > It might be time for a new thread: DrDeth is douchebag Get in line.😛 ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/316 "2014-07-31T19:23:27Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > I dont see at all where Monstro has been in any way forgiving or apologetic. She still hasn’t apologized or taken back her calling Incubus a liar due to her ignorance. > > Monstro mouths platitudes, but never actually apologizes. She’s just trying to collect hugboxes, whatever the hell they are. I’d think this post was in jest if it weren’t for your other contributions to this thread. Maybe I’m being whooshed, but you do realize that Monstro and the rest of us don’t owe Incubus an apology for calling him a liar, right? He did lie. He was a douchebag. I don’t feel sorry at all for what I said to him earlier. But I’m willing to move past that and let him make up for his past behavior. Frankly, I’m confused by your contributions to this thread. You jumped in to rehash a debate about salaries that had been addressed five pages earlier, long before the thread took a much more interesting turn. Since then you’ve picked ridiculous arguments with other posters. Open your own pit of Monstro if you’re so butthurt about something she said. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/317 "2014-07-31T19:24:21Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > He does not say “I am sorry”, but I took his post (don’t remember the number, sorry) as an apology. Because he describes himself as having felt all the feelings that someone usually feels when they are sorry. I actually appreciated that more than “I am sorry” because it illustrated what those words really mean. But if you want to rake him over the coals for not giving a perfunctory apology, be my guest. > > At any given time, there are Dopers hurting the feelngs of someone, somewhere. After you’re done with **Incubus** , are you going to go after them too? Because that’s a lot of work. You understandably took his posts as an apology–he admits to behaving poorly and says he feels bad. I’m not saying he failed to deliver some particular rhetoric. He fails to acknowledge his victims, he fails to identify what he did wrong that hurt others, and he promises to “cut down” on making “abusive statements.” I’m afraid you are reading remorse into what he is saying that simply is not there. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/318 "2014-07-31T19:31:34Z")
And no, I will not be taking on all that work, but that is very silly logic. I don’t have to stop every instance of animal abuse, racism, violence, etc. to make it worthwhile to stop any particular instance. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/319 "2014-07-31T19:34:59Z")
> [@TroutMan](#): > > Maybe I’m being whooshed, but you do realize that Monstro and the rest of us don’t owe Incubus an apology for calling him a liar, right? He did lie. But not about his salary. Which still none of you are gonna admit you were wrong. Despite all the platitudes and warms hugs, I notice a distinct lack of “I wuz wrong, I’m sorry” here by anyone but Incubus… the guy who is being accused of being a douchebag. _And even there it’s sorta … 'Understated" is a good term."_ ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247/320 "2014-07-31T19:35:04Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > I’m afraid you are reading remorse into what he is saying that simply is not there. Baby steps, **AnaMen**. You can’t expect a douchebag to turn into a shower cap in just one post. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247.md?page=15) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/incubus-is-douchebag/694247.md?page=17)