# Indecorous Embiggenment **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 28, 2014, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indecorous-embiggenment/708368 "2014-12-28T17:36:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2014, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indecorous-embiggenment/708368/1 "2014-12-28T17:36:19Z")
At the onset of our pubescence, we males suffered a malady of mortifying proportions: Indecorous Embiggenment. What methods of ensmallment have you found to alleviate unbecoming tumescence? ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2014, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indecorous-embiggenment/708368/2 "2014-12-28T18:03:52Z")
Advancing age has resolved that “problem” for me. At the time it was never something I thought of as a problem. \*If you’ve got it, flaunt it \*has always been my motto. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2014, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indecorous-embiggenment/708368/3 "2014-12-28T18:19:17Z")
Long shirts. They hide your “Embiggenment” pretty well and the only people that might notice that something is amiss would have to be actively staring at your crotch. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2014, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indecorous-embiggenment/708368/4 "2014-12-28T18:44:34Z")
Tax Code. (Read three pages & then look down.) ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2014, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indecorous-embiggenment/708368/5 "2014-12-28T18:59:57Z")
All of my embiggenments were decorous. That’s my story and I’m sticking with it. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2014, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indecorous-embiggenment/708368/6 "2014-12-28T19:08:06Z")
lol. ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2014, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indecorous-embiggenment/708368/7 "2014-12-28T19:29:04Z")
With jeans on an adjustment would usually do it. With a Boy Scout uniform, it was truly mortifying to be asked to demonstrate standing at attention while standing at attention. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2014, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indecorous-embiggenment/708368/8 "2014-12-28T19:29:15Z")
“Tight-pantsed points, hard living down” - thank you, Bob Seger. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2014, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indecorous-embiggenment/708368/9 "2014-12-28T19:39:07Z")
For a while, I tried ensmalling myself by thinking of something unsexy, like my grandma. The problem was that I Pavlovian-conditioned myself into having thoughts about my grandma even when the embiggenment was useful and appropriate. And that was just weird, so I had to stop that. I never came up with any alternative strategies. ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Downtown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Mr\_Downtown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Downtown)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2014, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indecorous-embiggenment/708368/10 "2014-12-29T06:44:17Z")
I’ve seen young male Redditors recommend flexing arm or leg muscles. Apparently that redirects the blood flow. It’s been too long since I had that experience for me personally to conduct any experiments. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2014, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indecorous-embiggenment/708368/11 "2014-12-29T07:23:58Z")
> [@Mr\_Downtown](#): > > I’ve seen young male Redditors recommend flexing arm or leg muscles. Apparently that redirects the blood flow. There’s a thought… so I guess standing on your head could work. Get all the blood to the brain. I mean, for those of us without much in the way of muscles, but with huge brains. Of course, then you have to explain why you’re standing on your head. So there’s that. ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2014, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indecorous-embiggenment/708368/12 "2014-12-29T14:02:51Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > All of my embiggenments were decorous. > > That’s my story and I’m sticking with it. I see you never went to Catholic School. Some priest or nun glaring at you…embiggenment…_impure thoughts_… **the near occasion of SIN!** ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2014, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indecorous-embiggenment/708368/13 "2014-12-29T20:36:25Z")
I always tucked them under the waistband of my boxers. Unfortunately, this seems to have resulted in a permanent upward tilt (slight, but noticeable) which makes certain fun-times positions uncomfortable. ---
**Author:** ![Canadjun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/76d3ee/32.png) [@Canadjun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Canadjun)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2014, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indecorous-embiggenment/708368/14 "2014-12-29T21:24:24Z")
Just cut it off. Problem solved. Well, it might not be an optimal solution, but it IS a solution! ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2014, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indecorous-embiggenment/708368/15 "2014-12-29T23:03:05Z")
a dozen ice cubes in the shorts cools things off. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2014, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indecorous-embiggenment/708368/16 "2014-12-30T06:45:44Z")
Remember that book “Then Again, Maybe I Won’t”? I had to have my mom explain the part where he starts carrying his raincoat around everywhere, and opening a textbook to hide…something… when he was called up to write on the board?? ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2014, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indecorous-embiggenment/708368/17 "2014-12-30T08:15:36Z")
Ah yes. French class in grade 10. Getting called upon to write something on the board as I fantasized away about sexy Tori sitting behind me. I took as much time as possible writing God knows what on the board, only to return to my seat with her staring directly at my crotch the whole way. It’s like something from a John Hughes movie. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2014, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indecorous-embiggenment/708368/18 "2014-12-30T09:35:35Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Ah yes. French class in grade 10. Getting called upon to write something on the board as I fantasized away about sexy Tori sitting behind me. I took as much time as possible writing God knows what on the board, only to return to my seat with her staring directly at my crotch the whole way. It’s like something from a John Hughes movie. Oh, my. I just had a horrible flashback of something I had utterly repressed. Four words: Junior high. Swimming pool. Oh, well. At least now I know how those Vietnam vets feel when they wake up screaming in the middle of the night. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2014, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indecorous-embiggenment/708368/19 "2014-12-30T10:29:29Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > “Tight-pantsed points, hard living down” - thank you, Bob Seger. Actually, it’s “tight pants, points, hardly renown.” The points aren’t in his pants (and why are there more than one? :)), they’re on his shoes. ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2014, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indecorous-embiggenment/708368/20 "2014-12-30T12:44:03Z")
Indecorous Emiggenment during a massage earned me the offer of a handjob while my wife was in the next cubicle… Ewwwww… So wrong I remember a teacher with indecorous emigenment in running shorts… Ewww even worse [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indecorous-embiggenment/708368.md?page=2)