You have a point about the heroism quotient, Huerta, but I rather take exception to your wholesale categorization of arranged marriage as “pimp-brokered deals” to “sell off” brides.
Even many Indian couples who obey the law banning dowries still have their marriages arranged (or at least their pool of potential mates initially selected) by parents or matchmakers. It is a rather strange idea to us in the West (at least these days), but in a society where it’s considered very important for everyone to get married if at all possible, and where the family backgrounds are expected to harmonize,* it’s considered only sensible to trust to professionals or parents for help in making one of the most important decisions of your life.
And if achieving a marriage is the crucial goal, there’s no reason to think it will be less successful just because other people had a hand in arranging it. As a South Indian friend of mine remarks, “Your parents are not out to get you.”
Likewise, the fact that a couple enters into an arranged marriage with dowry doesn’t automatically make it equivalent to prostitution or female chattel slavery. I agree with you that the whole issue of haggling/cheating/quarreling about dowry arrangements is extremely unsavory, but then it is not very ennobling to see American in-laws bitching each other out for “cheapness” over wedding costs or help with the mortgage down payment, either.
Remember, it’s estimated that half of all marriages that end in divorce in this country fall apart over money issues. And plenty of American wedding plans blow up at the eleventh hour because the bride is disgusted with the groom or vice versa. It’s not as though only Indians are ever greedy or unrealistic or over-materialistic when it comes to marriage choices.
And I’m not just talking about the endogamous varna or jati (“marrying within your own caste”) here; there are all sorts of other kinship/family issues that are important in Hindu culture, including exogamous gotras among Brahmanas and, for many groups, astrological compatibility.
I think the media cast her in a heroic light. IIRC, she called the police only after the demands went over the top and crossed over into harrassment territory.
Re: the issues in arranged marriages, I believe that seeking genuine compatibility between the couple takes a backseat to ridiculous matching of horoscopes, caste and family backgrounds. It is interesting how these meaningless exercises are often presented under the umbrella of “practical matching of couple’s interests”.
Oh, in many cases, the parents are out to get you!
Well, my South Indian parents are definitely out to get me… get me married that is. Good luck with that, since I’m gay.
Interestingly, our community has never really practiced dowry, and this was well before it became illegal. However, the bride’s parents are traditionally expected to give the bride presents (usually jewelry) on the wedding day. A marriage wouldn’t fall apart if the presents aren’t good enough, but boy there would be some serious gossipping.
Ladakh is on the Tibetan border, and the people of Ladakh share many similarities with the Tibetans, including traditional polyandry practices. My understanding is that this was to ensure that land stayed within a family, as opposed to having to divide it between the sons. This practice has been illegal since Indian independence.
i dont really want to get into the argument about if a dowry is a good idea or not but its interesting to see peoples reaction to the concept.
i remember not so long ago when many of my cousins and friends were going through the “lets get married everyone else is” phase (and all got hitched within the space of a couple of years), that it was more than expected that the brides family would pay for most, if not all of the wedding costs. some to the tune of 10 thousand dollars or more.
and this is from an english girly living in new zealand, two very westernised countries. the idea of payment for handing over a daugther is not really limited to the non western countries and isnt even as old fashioned as we like to think, even though we now like to change the mental processes to “giving the couple a good start in life”.
Well, okay, I could have left out the word “usually” in my post, so that the term NRI could be used for any Indian living abroad, including spouses and children of the afore-mentioned workers and students. It’s just that the typical web advertisement pitched to an NRI will have something to with sending money back to India, purchasing insurance and whatnot on behalf of relatives back in India, etc., so workers and students (who may not have much money, but still might be in a position to contribute back home) are the first folks that come to mind as NRIs for me.
