# Indiana Jones what-if **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 31, 2005, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180 "2005-05-31T04:03:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/21 "2005-06-01T10:38:09Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Without _Indy_? No, with. ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/22 "2005-06-01T13:13:22Z")
How the heck did he hang on a submarine periscope all the way to Secret Submarine Base Island? That has always bothered me. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/23 "2005-06-01T13:17:30Z")
> [@jsc1953](#): > > Then I have to take away coolness points for the fact the the calculation is split into two sides, in the first place. Who the hell would say “6 kadams…” (“and oh, yeah, minus 1 kadam”)?? Sorry, that’s a classic. “Okay, it says, first, cut the green wire…” Clip “after you disconnect the framistat regulator…” Boom ---
**Author:** ![middleman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@middleman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/middleman)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/24 "2005-06-01T13:34:44Z")
> [@HPL](#): > > They both deserved it. Particulary the evil monkey. He was just in over his head! ☹ ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/25 "2005-06-01T13:37:14Z")
> [@](#): > > In Raiders of the Lost Ark: what if Indy didn’t get the talisman from the girl in Russia? Marion Ravenwood wasn’t in _Russia_. As the map clearly shows, she was in _Nepal_. What the hell she was doing in Nepal (when her father was a freakin’ Egyptologist, looking for info on Tanis) isn’t explained, although it makes for a neat travelogue. ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/26 "2005-06-01T13:44:42Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > … although it makes for a neat travelogue. Red line from New York to Egypt … and then nowhere else … isn’t all that fun. 🙂 And there’s no snow in Egypt. The snow had to be there for healing purposes after hand-melting. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/27 "2005-06-01T14:11:40Z")
> [@squeegee](#): > > You’ll note that the trick didn’t work, and the Big Ball of Death was released, no? Right, because the switch on the pedestal was pushed down. ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/28 "2005-06-01T14:13:14Z")
> [@adam yax](#): > > Right, because the switch on the pedestal was pushed down. It didn’t go down because of the weight being too heavy. It went down because the weight wasn’t exactly the same. Don’t overanalyze this stuff. It’s just a fun movie. ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/29 "2005-06-01T14:22:36Z")
> [@Airman Doors](#): > > Don’t overanalyze this stuff. It’s just a fun movie. And it originated one of my personal hard and fast Movie Laws–Never just stand around after stealing a sacred idol. No good can come of it. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/30 "2005-06-01T14:57:57Z")
> [@Airman Doors](#): > > It didn’t go down because of the weight being too heavy. It went down because the weight wasn’t exactly the same. How did it go down if it was too light? I could see it going up and a different ‘defence’ being activated, but not down. And FTR, Raiders is maybe my all time favourite movie, I’m not bagging on it. I’ve seen it at least 25 times. ---
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/31 "2005-06-01T15:26:03Z")
Concerning the issue of “What did Indy Accomplish”, which we all agree included the deaths of a monkey and the big guy on the airfield plus extensive property damage, we must add that he brought an end to the era of effective “really big sword” use, not including certain X-rated John Holmes type “really big swords”. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/32 "2005-06-01T15:38:52Z")
**Adam Yax** notes: > [@](#): > > How did it go down if it was too light? I could see it going up and a different ‘defence’ being activated, but not down. And FTR, Raiders is maybe my all time favourite movie, I’m not bagging on it. I’ve seen it at least 25 times. This has always bothered me, too. But you’re missing an even bigger _hunh?_ – Where the hell did the booby-trap builders come by the photosensitive trigger they used in the trap that got Forrestal and Alfred Molino’s character? I wants stone-age technology that’s light sensitive! For the record, I noted in my **Teemings** essay **Only the Penitent Duck Shal, Pass** that Lucas and Spielberg apparently lifted a lot of booby traps from Scrooge McDuck comics, but Carl Barks never had photosensitive booby traps or cases where the trigger _dropped_ after removal of a weight. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Bongo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a9adbd/32.png) [@Winston\_Bongo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Bongo)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/33 "2005-06-01T15:53:05Z")
I think the fact that Indy didn’t “save the day” actually worked in this case – whereas in most other action movies it wouldn’t – because Indy’s failure was entirely consistent with his character. Remember, near the end of the film, he \*could \* have fired that missile launcher and foiled Hitler’s plans by destroying the ark. Mission accomplished, Indy’s the hero, the end. But Indy, being more complex than your traditional action hero, can’t bring himself to destroy a priceless historical treasure like the ark – even if it means he and Marion will likely die as a result and the ark will fall into Hitler’s hands. It’s not a rational decision, and may even be crazy, but we can understand why he did it because we know his character. That, to me, is one of the things that puts **Raiders** above your typical action fare – the hero actually acts according to his own conscience, for better or worse. Did he make the right decision? Apparently yes, because the power of God took care of things in time . . . but there’s no way Indy could have known that would happen (remember he didn’t necessarily even believe in the power of the ark until he saw it himself). For what it’s worth, that’s why his “failure” never bothered me. Hard to believe that in over 20 years I \*still \* haven’t seen an action/adventure flick that tops **Raiders**. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/34 "2005-06-01T16:17:18Z")
> [@adam yax](#): > > How did it go down if it was too light? I could see it going up and a different ‘defence’ being activated, but not down. And FTR, Raiders is maybe my all time favourite movie, I’m not bagging on it. I’ve seen it at least 25 times. You want a rationalization? OK, let me try. Below the pedestal, somewhere deep in the ground, is a finely tuned balance mechanism tied to the moving doodad. Whenever the mechanism is upset, regardless of whether the weight goes up or down, it removes some sort of pin which sets gears in motion that slowly shift the pedestal downward. Simple, right? ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/35 "2005-06-01T16:39:50Z")
If you think _Raiders_ is bad about this, check out the Bond movie _Goldfinger_. In the film, Bond:[ul] [li]Goes back to his hotel despite the fact that he’s been warned not to, and nearly gets killed in the process (“Shocking, positively shocking”),[/li][li]Gets an innocent girl (Jill Masterson) killed 'cause he’s fooling around with her and ruins Goldfinger’s card scam,[/li][li]Gets her sister (Tilly) killed outside Goldfinger’s metallurgical works,[/li][li]Risks, and nearly loses a priceless gold ingot _loaned_ to him, all for a game of golf,[/li][li]Exposes the MI-6 investigation of Goldfinger needlessly,[/li][li]Gets himself abducted by Goldfinger after smashing up the valuable piece of 'Six equipment that Maj. Boothroyd told him to return intact,[/li][li]Nearly gets himself shot, stabbed, smashed up, gassed, electrocuted, decapitated, blown up, and sucked out of an aircraft,[/li][li]Witnesses Goldfinger’s self-aggrandizing but ultimately pointless exposition of his plan (to the ill-fated collection of gangsters) and records the information, only to slip it into the pocket of another gangster who soon thereafter suffers a permanent volumetric reduction in the guise of a metals compactor, and[/li][li]Causes to be damaged a perfectly good statue outside of Goldfinger’s club.[/li][/ul]Heck, he doesn’t even disable the device in the end. In fact, the only positive thing Bond actually accomplishes during the entire affair is the questionable act of seducing and turning the lesbian accomplice, Pussy Galore (the primary virtue of which is that it allows Sean Connery to be filmed saying the word “Pussy” repeatedly, something no other film in history has ever done.) And you thought Indy was ineffectual? Heck, he singlehandedly killed more Germans than Audie Murphy, while Bond just sits around drinking Mint Juleps and trading barbs with his tormentor. Don’t get me started on that little twit Bilbo; if he’d just have stayed home and not gone messing about with any dwarves or dragons, none of that business would have ever happened. Stranger Do you expect me to talk? ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/36 "2005-06-01T17:31:33Z")
> [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > If you think _Raiders_ is bad about this, check out the Bond movie _Goldfinger_… the only positive thing Bond actually accomplishes during the entire affair is the questionable act of seducing and turning the lesbian accomplice, Pussy Galore. No, I expect you to die. (one of the great film lines) Interesting point, SoaT. We could start a thread on “great ineffectual film heroes” – who do nothing, but their mere presence foils the dastardly scheme. I was tryng to recall just how Goldfinger’s plot unravelled, and I do believe that it was only because of the turning of Pussy Galore. So Bond’s libido saved the day. (The Ring, though, would eventually have found its way back to its Master. So Bilbo was necessary to prevent that from happening.) ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/37 "2005-06-01T17:49:07Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > The reason, of course, being, that no one could simply copy the formula and dig up the Ark without actually having the headpiece. > > If Indy hadn’t been around, all the Nazis would have melted, then the lid of the Ark would have slammed back down. Then the Ark would have remained until some hapless shepherd or someone came up there, opened the lid and promptly melted. Repeat ad inifintum. Indy probably saved hundreds of lives. Probably not. Remmeber, tbe whole melting thing happened because Belloq insisted on messing with it with that ritual. Without the ritual, it probably wouldn’t have done anything. Homer: “Marge, what does it do?” Marge: “Whatever it does, it’s doing it now” Hell, the Army intellegence guys apparently didn’t have a problem putting the ark in that huge warehouse. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/38 "2005-06-01T20:29:52Z")
> [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > Do you expect me to talk? No, Mister Stranger, I expect you to DIE! Among major films, the most useless protagonists were the quartet of scientists in _The Andromeda Strain_. For nearly two hours we get treated to this imaginative view of a top-secret microbe research facility that makes the CDC Level 4 room look like an open sewer, and the crystal bug ends up evolving into a benign form, anyway. Micheal Crichton, in one interview, said that one young female reader of his novel had pointed this out and he was glad to admit that she was exactly right and was the first person to truly get the premise of the novel. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/39 "2005-06-01T20:36:53Z")
Indy doesn’t get ANYTHING! He didn’t get the Ark. He didn’t the stones. He didn’t get the Grail. He did get the Cross of Cortez, after about 40 years. ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/40 "2005-06-01T20:44:37Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > Indy doesn’t get ANYTHING! Loser. You see, Dr. Jones, there is nothing you can possess that I can not take from you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180.md?page=3)