# Indiana Jones what-if **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 31, 2005, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180 "2005-05-31T04:03:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/61 "2005-06-07T16:19:08Z")
> [@Paul in Saudi](#): > > How the heck did he hang on a submarine periscope all the way to Secret Submarine Base Island? > > That has always bothered me. “Kid, it ain’t that kind of movie.” – Harrison Ford to Mark Hamill regarding the latter’s on-set objection to how they could be completely dry after climbing out of the trash compactor in _Star Wars_. How could the guy survive being dragged behind a truck, and why did he need guides and a train of mules to find the idol when he was apparently five minutes away from his plane? And how did he shift a massive statue to make it fall through the wall of the Well of Souls? And…ah, never mind. Don’t even get me started about surviving a fall out of a moving airplane and down a cliff (_Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom_) or exploring “catacombs” in Venice (_Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade_). And why the heck didn’t he just leave Kate Capshaw behind? While we’re at it, what did Elsa Lund and Victor Lazlo need with the vaunted _Letters of Transit_ (signed by General DeGaulle…what?) when Major Strasser could have them arrested and indeed, shot, at will? And how the heck did Elsa pack such an extensive wardrobe around Europe and North Africa while on the run from the Nazis? Stranger ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/62 "2005-06-07T16:38:11Z")
> [@Bryan Ekers](#): > > Well, for some of the alleged plot holes raised thus far: > > Marianne Ravenwood was in Nepal after following her father there (and being orphaned when he died). I get the impression she kept the amulet as a memento and neither she nor Abner had any real idea of its significance, nor was Abner in Nepal to research it. > > It might’ve been nice if they _hadn’t_ performed the opening ceremony on the secret Nazi island base (patent pending) and the Ark had been opened in the presence of Der Fuhrer himself. Melt, you fascist bastard! > > And while it’s pretty silly to believe Indy rode the top of a German U-Boat all the way to the island, it’s unclear how the U-Boat caught up with the freighter in the first place, since submerged U-Boats were quite slow, far slower than any reasonably well-maintained powered surface vessel (especially since the relatively zippy U-boat models weren’t commissioned until the war started, some three years after the events in the movie). There’d have to be a pretty impressive chain of events involved: > [ul][li]German agents in Cairo figure out where Indy et. al disappeared to after the truck chase[/li][li]They discover which boat he took and find it using aerial reconnaissance and, conveniently, the freighter is a course near on of our secret Nazi island bases[/li][li]Belok, Toht and Dietrich fly to the base, board the submarine kept there and intercept the freighter[/ul][/li]So the Germans had a secret island base in the Mediterranian? I suppose if the freighter was headed west from Cairo toward Gibralter (or even, ambitiously and expensively, all the way to Britain or the U.S.) and passed near Italian territorial waters… anyway, the whole thing’s a goofy fantasy and enjoyable for what it was. You forget the biggest plot hole making most of the events impossible. There is no way in hell Great Britain would have allowed that huge archelogical expidetion with armed Afrika corps troops in Colonial Egypt. I’ll accept opertaives working there, I’ll even accept a covert dig, but there were so many uniformed soldiers on what was consider British own soil. Including the Flying Wing. (Would the Nazis realy use a secret weapon in enemy owned territory?) ---
**Author:** ![EarthStone777](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ab992/32.png) [@EarthStone777](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EarthStone777)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/63 "2005-06-07T16:58:20Z")
> [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > He lost the idol, too. And he gave up the diary to the Nazis. Never mind that he got it back; his dad should have mailed it to the Marx Brothers. > He did get the antidote…but he lost the diamond **s** in the process. (bolding mine) [nitpick] As I recall, it was only one diamond. [/nitpick] ---
**Author:** ![Psycho\_Pirate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Psycho\_Pirate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Psycho_Pirate)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/64 "2005-06-07T18:08:30Z")
> [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > He did get the antidote…but he lost the diamonds in the process. Antidote to what? ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/65 "2005-06-07T18:50:27Z")
> [@Psycho Pirate](#): > > Antidote to what? Opening sequence of Temple of Doom; Indy gets poisoned while conducting a shady deal with Chinese gangsters. He winds up crawling on the floor of the nightclub looking for the antidote while mayhem ensues. ---
**Author:** ![Psycho\_Pirate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Psycho\_Pirate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Psycho_Pirate)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/66 "2005-06-07T18:52:43Z")
WHOOOOOOSH! 🙂 The correct response to that question is “To the POISON _you just drank_! Mwah-ha-ha-ha!” At least it is among my circle of friends. 🙂 Thanks for responding, though. ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/67 "2005-06-07T18:58:23Z")
Dammit! I hate being the whoosh-ee! ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/68 "2005-06-07T19:03:51Z")
> [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > why did he need guides and a train of mules to find the idol when he was apparently five minutes away from his plane? I never noticed that before…I guess the route turned out to be a lot shorter than he thought when he left the plane. 🙂 Spielberg’s not constrained by our notions of a 3-dimensional universe, anyway. How’d he get a T-rex into the visitor’s center without anyone noticing? ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/69 "2005-06-07T19:24:11Z")
> [@jsc1953](#): > > How’d he get a T-rex into the visitor’s center without anyone noticing? It had on a guest wrist band. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/70 "2005-06-07T21:55:02Z")
> [@Priceguy](#): > > In _Raiders of the Lost Ark_ it is actually stated (by Marcus Brody, if memory serves), that an army that carries the Ark with it is invincible. But only because it can “level mountains and lay waste to entire regions.” ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/71 "2005-06-07T21:56:57Z")
His cousin, Nevado Smith would have taken over. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/72 "2005-06-07T22:25:03Z")
> [@ouryL](#): > > His cousin, Nevado Smith would have taken over. 😃 Ah, he must be the Indiana Jones counterpart to the vaunted **Double-Oh Eight**. “I’ll send 008 to do it; he follows orders, not instincts.” (Just realizing that I should have made that my Dope name. _sigh_) Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/73 "2005-06-07T23:00:09Z")
> [@ouryL](#): > > His cousin, Nevado Smith would have taken over. 😃 Yeah, after it turned out Rhode Island Red was a little chicken. ---
**Author:** ![HubZilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ccd318/32.png) [@HubZilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HubZilla)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2005, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/74 "2005-06-08T08:50:17Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > I agree with **pravnik**. The Nazis would still know where the Ark is, and would probably send another team to recover it. And another. And another. Eventually, they probably would have found some way to harness its powers for evil. Harness the power of God for evil? Would God allow that to happen? Wouldn’t God know better about these Nazis? How about this for a “great ineffectual film heroes”; What if Darth Vader didn’t kill the Emperor? 1. The Emperor kills Luke 2. Vader and Palps rule the galaxy 3. A few moments later, Lando and Wedge (already in the shield-less Death Star) blow it up; killing both. ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2005, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/75 "2005-06-08T20:54:22Z")
> [@HubZilla](#): > > Harness the power of God for evil? Would God allow that to happen? At the risk of veering the edge of Great Debates: > [@](#): > > 20:12 And if (the city) will make no peace with thee, but will make war against thee, then thou shalt besiege it: > > 20:13 And when the LORD thy God hath delivered it into thine hands, thou shalt _smite every male thereof with the edge of the sword:_ > > 20:14 But the women, and the little ones, and the cattle, and all that is in the city, even all the spoil thereof, shalt thou take unto thyself; and thou shalt eat the spoil of thine enemies, which the LORD thy God hath given thee. > > –Deuteronomy Though I think we can sidestep the whole matter by saying the Ark simply contains a 1920s-style death ray. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2015, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/76 "2015-01-23T02:44:56Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > And where the heck did the vermin come from? Did they stick it in there just to keep off-duty stormtroopers from dumpster diving?) That’s the thing that always got me. It’s not the sort of thing that might have just sneaked on board when no one was watching. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2015, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/77 "2015-01-23T03:30:41Z")
Huh, a mod resurrects a zombie when there is already an active extant thread on the exact same topic going. Never seen that before. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2015, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180/78 "2015-01-23T03:39:39Z")
> [@John\_DiFool](#): > > Huh, a mod resurrects a zombie when there is already an active extant thread on the exact same topic going. Never seen that before. Oops. I clicked in a link in the recent thread that led to this one, and lost track of which was which. At least when I accidentally raise a zombie I can kill it myself.😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/indiana-jones-what-if/306180.md?page=3)