You should find a way to support yourself, definitely. That’s a biological imperative, first and foremost, and it is also unethical to leech. But I’m more ambivalent about “moving out of your parents house.” If all parties are fine with it, then who am I to judge? I may take someone who’s never lived on their own less seriously than I am someone who always has, but then again, the former may be making use of their extra resources to contribute to society in ways that the latter cannot. The former may one day turn into the next Steve Jobs or Bill Gates, while the latter will forever push papers for the benefit of some faceless uber-boss. The thing is, “coolness” is a dynamic thing and everyone has a plan of their own. A plan that suits their own needs. Things get scewed up when people don’t follow their own plans, and start caring what other people think too much.
Oh, there are plenty of “shoulds” that get thrusted down my throat every day. Perhaps because I’m a woman, and women aren’t expected to know how to run their own lives. I’ve been told how I “should” want to spend the rest of my life with someone. How I “should” want to fall in love. How I “should” buy a house with more space than I need. How I “should” buy a new car. How I “should” get out more and have “fun”. How I “should” want to eventually want to settle down and have kids. How I “shouldn’t” go outside alone, in the middle of the day, and take a walk. How I “should” eat this or that. How I “should” take this pill or that. How I “should” wear make-up…and how I "shouldn’t"wear it this or that way. How I “should” own [fill in number] pairs of shoes to be a “real” woman. How I “should” dress this way to look more “feminine”. How I “should” let my hair grow out longer. How I “should” smile more. How I “should” think about my future more. How I “should” believe in God.
“Should” has been the anti-theme of my life. I do listen to the good “shoulds”, but I refuse to listen to the stupid ones. It’s not about being a non-conformist for the sake of it. It’s about following my wants and listening to my own needs.
For instance, I’m in the process of building a house–my very first house! I have a floor plan for a gorgous eco-friendly Craftsman’s style house. It’s just a little under 600 sq feet. My real estate agent has helped me in the quest for land in a wonderful intown neighborhood and we’re meeting with the builder later this week to sign the contract. The agent knows what I want and why; we’ve talked about it a million times over. And yet she’s STILL throwing her “shoulds” at me. How I “should” expand the house to 1000 sq feet, because otherwise it will be impossible to sell it
(as if that’s her problem). How I “should” make it bigger because who knows? I might get married and have children!
I don’t fuckin’ care about selling it. I’m living in it until I die. And if my life changes such that I will be unable to live in it, I can rent it out (the neighborhood is a wrife with young artists…folks who would love to live in a “special” house). And though she knows more about real estate than I do, I call “bullshit” on her impossible remark. It would not be impossible to sell the house because I’m freakin’ buying it and I can’t be the only person out there, especially now, who sees the problem of having “too much house”. This woman is in her 60s and she’s pushing a bullshit American dream on me–and she thinks I’m too stupid to see that she has a vested interest in upselling me. I wasn’t born yesterday, woman. I know your game. And I want my dream, not the American one. I will expand certain parts of the floor plan to suit my desires. But not someone else’s.
So yeah, I’ve got some chips on my shoulder. Every time I’ve listened to other people “shoulds”, I end up doing something that I don’t want to do or being disappointed somehow. But when I follow my own decisions, things tend to work out fairly well. I’ll listen to people if what they say is half-way sensical, but I’m not about to do things just to fit in with what everyone else is doing. That way of living almost wrecked me psychologically. I’m going my own way from now on, thankyouvery much.