# Informal letters from a formal acquaintance

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/informal-letters-from-a-formal-acquaintance/348721>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [March 17, 2006, 9:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/informal-letters-from-a-formal-acquaintance/348721 "2006-03-17T09:51:57Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 2\
**Page:** 1

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**Author:** ![Dervorin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Dervorin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dervorin)\
**Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 9:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/informal-letters-from-a-formal-acquaintance/348721/1 "2006-03-17T09:51:57Z")

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I figured this was more of an IMHO than a GQ; but mods, move at will.

When addressing a formal acquaintance, is it stand-offish for me to continue to use a formal address, even after they’ve used an informal one in addressing me?

I just sent in university applications, and the first letter I got back from them was addressed to “Dear Mr. \<MyLastName\>”, and signed “Yours sincerely, Sophie \<LastName\>”. Now as it turned out, she had to ask me for some more information, and that email was addressed to Dear Dervorin; Best wishes, Sophie.

Now since I’ve never met this person, I don’t really feel comfortable addressing her as “Sophie”; seems a little flippant to me. However, do I run the risk of seeming rude if I continue to use “Dear Ms. Lastname”?

What’s the generally recommended course of action?

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**Author:** ![Staggerlee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/staggerlee/32/3134_2.png) [@Staggerlee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Staggerlee)\
**Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/informal-letters-from-a-formal-acquaintance/348721/2 "2006-03-17T10:14:13Z")

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> [@Dervorin](#):
>
> I figured this was more of an IMHO than a GQ; but mods, move at will.
> 
> When addressing a formal acquaintance, is it stand-offish for me to continue to use a formal address, even after they’ve used an informal one in addressing me?
> 
> I just sent in university applications, and the first letter I got back from them was addressed to “Dear Mr. \<MyLastName\>”, and signed “Yours sincerely, Sophie \<LastName\>”. Now as it turned out, she had to ask me for some more information, and that email was addressed to Dear Dervorin; Best wishes, Sophie.
> 
> Now since I’ve never met this person, I don’t really feel comfortable addressing her as “Sophie”; seems a little flippant to me. However, do I run the risk of seeming rude if I continue to use “Dear Ms. Lastname”?
> 
> What’s the generally recommended course of action?

I work in university admissions (or ‘work’ when I’m not using the internet…) and would suggest that if she is signing off as ‘Sophie’, that is a clear invitation for you to address her as such - at least by email. Emails tend to be perceived as a more informal means of contact than letters anyway. You might want to revert to ‘Ms Lastname’ when you send something more formal which may be held on file.