# Inheritance question - what's fair? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 24, 2015, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inheritance-question-whats-fair/718414 "2015-04-24T04:37:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inheritance-question-whats-fair/718414/1 "2015-04-24T04:37:14Z")
Get over yourself boy! Life’s not fair! Suck it up! It’s not your money anyway! Anything you get is a blessing! There, now that’s been said, we can move on. I’m not asking about what is legal, or what is possible, or what is common. I’m just asking what do you dopers think is ‘fair’. So my Dad remarried after all his 6 kids had reached adulthood. His new wife had one Daughter who had also reached adulthood by the time Dad married her mother. Her daughter had long since moved out so they never lived together as a family. Anyway, now my father has died, he left half his estate to his widow, 40% to his kids (us) and 10% to his step daughter. Do you think it would be ‘fair’ for us kids to expect something from his widow’s (sizeable) estate when she passes? ---
**Author:** ![Weedy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/weedy/32/301_2.png) [@Weedy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weedy)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inheritance-question-whats-fair/718414/2 "2015-04-24T04:51:24Z")
No. ---
**Author:** ![MagicEyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@MagicEyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MagicEyes)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inheritance-question-whats-fair/718414/3 "2015-04-24T04:55:24Z")
No. ---
**Author:** ![Robert163](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/4af34b/32.png) [@Robert163](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robert163)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inheritance-question-whats-fair/718414/4 "2015-04-24T05:00:44Z")
No Not unless there was a pressing need, such as a grand child with a major disability or maybe they are about to foreclose the family farm due to drought, which would not be your fault as to why it closed. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inheritance-question-whats-fair/718414/5 "2015-04-24T05:12:29Z")
It would be nice if she left you something. Just like it was nice of your dad to leave her daughter something. You should not expect it. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inheritance-question-whats-fair/718414/6 "2015-04-24T05:12:34Z")
No. Not fair to expect something. I would be surprised if she had your dad’s kids in the will unless she was particularly close to them. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inheritance-question-whats-fair/718414/7 "2015-04-24T05:17:52Z")
Wow, OK. My eyes have been opened. I wonder if it makes a difference that the widow is complaining to me that her daughter is only getting 10%. (But let’s not forget that she’s also getting the 50% she will eventually inherit from her mother!). Does that effect your judgement? I guess it shouldn’t because it’s just words, and shouldn’t matter at all in terms of balancing fairness. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inheritance-question-whats-fair/718414/8 "2015-04-24T05:19:57Z")
I guess it just goes to show that I’m too close to the issue to see things objectively. ---
**Author:** ![Whitney\_Harper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f0a364/32.png) [@Whitney\_Harper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whitney_Harper)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inheritance-question-whats-fair/718414/9 "2015-04-24T05:31:05Z")
No, but if one or more of the adult children helped your father with caregiving, grocery shopping, doctors’ appointments, etc. as your father got older (if the adult children lived in the area and clearly had the time) I think that they should definitely have gotten more of the inheritance. In addition, if one or more of the adult children helps your step-mother with caregiving, etc., as your step-mother gets older, I think they should get more of the inheritance. I understand how you feel though, as it is a difficult situation when parents remarry and there are inheritance issues. ---
**Author:** ![Robert163](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/4af34b/32.png) [@Robert163](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robert163)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inheritance-question-whats-fair/718414/10 "2015-04-24T05:33:48Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > Wow, OK. My eyes have been opened. > > I wonder if it makes a difference that the widow is complaining to me that her daughter is only getting 10%. (But let’s not forget that she’s also getting the 50% she will eventually inherit from her mother!). > > Does that effect your judgement? I guess it shouldn’t because it’s just words, and shouldn’t matter at all in terms of balancing fairness. This adds a bit more credibility to your frustrations, perhaps you could consult a lawyer to see what standard procedure is on most cases like this. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inheritance-question-whats-fair/718414/11 "2015-04-24T05:38:57Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > Wow, OK. My eyes have been opened. > > I wonder if it makes a difference that the widow is complaining to me that her daughter is only getting 10%. (But let’s not forget that she’s also getting the 50% she will eventually inherit from her mother!). > > Does that effect your judgement? I guess it shouldn’t because it’s just words, and shouldn’t matter at all in terms of balancing fairness. Nope. It lowers my opinion of your stepmom’s sense of fairness, to be sure. Her daughter is already getting 10%, where you and your sibs theoretically get 6.7% each. She apparently thinks it would be more equitable for her daughter to get 25%, leaving your crew with 4.2% each, which strikes me as unconscionable. Unless she thinks that her daughter should be part of seven-way split of 50%, which is slightly better for you, but worse for your step-sister (and would make stepmum seem a bit dim). Notwithstanding any of that, your dad’s decision to bequeath to his stepdaughter doesn’t mean his widow is obligated to make a similar decision wrt her stepkids. And doesn’t mean you and your siblings are being treated unfairly if she doesn’t. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inheritance-question-whats-fair/718414/12 "2015-04-24T05:42:33Z")
> [@Robert163](#): > > This adds a bit more credibility to your frustrations, perhaps you could consult a lawyer to see what standard procedure is on most cases like this. Aw, _HELL_ no! ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inheritance-question-whats-fair/718414/13 "2015-04-24T05:52:13Z")
Why do you think your Dad left her daughter anything, to appease the wife or something? The daughter got a full 10% so she got more than any of his actual children individually right unless maybe there was some other inheritance not mentioned, seems pretty shitty of your Dad but it was his money so he had the right, just seems strange. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inheritance-question-whats-fair/718414/14 "2015-04-24T05:52:40Z")
Life ain’t fair, anyway. If my sister dies first, her husband gets everything, so that when he dies, his relatives get everything. If my b.i.l. dies first, my sister gets everything, so that when she dies, my relatives get everything. The obvious thing to do is murder him… ---
**Author:** ![Robert163](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/4af34b/32.png) [@Robert163](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robert163)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inheritance-question-whats-fair/718414/15 "2015-04-24T05:54:26Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Nope. It lowers my opinion of your stepmom’s sense of fairness, to be sure. Her daughter is already getting 10%, where you and your sibs theoretically get 6.7% each. She apparently thinks it would be more equitable for her daughter to get 25%, leaving your crew with 4.2% each, which strikes me as unconscionable. Unless she thinks that her daughter should be part of seven-way split of 50%, which is slightly better for you, but worse for your step-sister (and would make stepmum seem a bit dim). Ah! The father, for some reason, split it 50/50 between the two sides of his family… I think his original family comes first. Maybe he felt pressured to do it or maybe he wanted to provide extra well for his wife. ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inheritance-question-whats-fair/718414/16 "2015-04-24T05:56:14Z")
If it makes you feel better my Dad said he is gonna spend any money I would inherit before he dies and his estate plan is for his last check to bounce and he’s spent literally thousands on his stepchildren and still gives them money and buys them things even though he’s been divorced from their Mother for ten years.😕 ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inheritance-question-whats-fair/718414/17 "2015-04-24T05:56:33Z")
> [@pool](#): > > Why do you think your Dad left her daughter anything, to appease the wife or something? . Can’t say for sure, but I think he was pressured to change his will by the wife. yeah. My sisters tell me his previous will didn’t have any provision for the step-daughter. His last will did. Step daughter certainly never lifted a finger to help dad out in any way. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inheritance-question-whats-fair/718414/18 "2015-04-24T06:22:49Z")
> [@Robert163](#): > > Ah! The father, for some reason, split it 50/50 between the two sides of his family… I think his original family comes first. Maybe he felt pressured to do it or maybe he wanted to provide extra well for his wife. Do the math again. 60/40 between new family and original brood. ---
**Author:** ![Robert163](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/4af34b/32.png) [@Robert163](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robert163)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inheritance-question-whats-fair/718414/19 "2015-04-24T06:28:25Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Do the math again. 60/40 between new family and original brood. yeah, you’re right ---
**Author:** ![Robert163](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/4af34b/32.png) [@Robert163](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robert163)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inheritance-question-whats-fair/718414/20 "2015-04-24T06:44:12Z")
Also: Very sorry to hear about the passing of your father [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inheritance-question-whats-fair/718414.md?page=2)