Your stepmother doesn’t owe you original six kids anything, but it would be nice if she let you all pick things you’d like to have from the house (whether now or after her passing.) I don’t know the circumstances of it all but I’ll bet there are some things of your mother’s there and probably some of your dad’s that have special meaning to each of you. I know this is 99% unlikely to happen easily and happily but if all seven of you could call dibs on certain items it could prevent future hard feelings. And I don’t know how it could be written up to be legal, and I know things could change before your stepmother’s death but if, say, your sister could rest easy because she knows that at some point she will receive Grandmother’s depression glass…well, that would be a fair and reasonable peace of mind to provide, I think. Maybe something like that could be worked out.
No, but I was with you there until I read the last sentence. Then I thought “whaaa…?”
Hmm. OK. Then I must be WAY out of line. But here’s why I originally asked the question.
Dad’s widow is complaining to me about the small amount her side of Dad’s family are getting. And I was tempted to say, “Well, your daughter is getting something from my Dad’s estate, can I expect to get anything from your estate? It’s the exact same situation but with (familial) roles reversed
If your daughter is a stepchild worth making provisions for in Dad’s will, aren’t we also stepchildren worth the making provisions for in your will?”
I could say it but I think I know how she would reply. It wouldn’t be pretty.
What the fuck?
WTF? indeed. How is her daughter getting only 10% not fair when you and your siblings - also his children - are receiving less than that each? If anything the widow, getting 50%, can afford to give her daughter some extra.
Some people react really oddly to bereavement, it sounds like the mother is one of them? Maybe just give her some space and call the daughter, check if she’s okay. She may be feeling a little lonely right now.
If I were in your stepmother’s position, I would consider myself honour-bound to pass on the inheritance from my husband, to his own kids when I died.
Others’ mileage may vary.
It seems like a very unfair split for your dad’s children, but it also seems like the widow feels her daughter was unfairly treated so one can expect her to ‘rebalance’ that to her daughter’s favor when the time comes.
I don’t see how the widow is seeing that 10% to her child as unfair since you 6 are splitting 40%, but she does and there you go. But I also don’t see why your dad would divide it this way and give her child a larger portion then to his own children.
Perhaps it would be good to consult a lawyer on this. On the surface it does seem like perhaps a honest mistake was made on the part of your dad, and you may have a better chance of contesting this now then counting on her good will later.
It makes your dad’s widow seem unreasonable and greedy, but it also makes it seem like you’re responding very emotionally.
I would suggest a better response would be, in your own head or to your biological siblings, “Well, she is getting only 10%, so that’s the end of that”. Her complaints, as obnoxious and unreasonable as they are, don’t need to have any effect on your life unless you decide to ruminate on them.
This has nothing to do with real kids, step kids, who helped him how, for how long, or when anyone moved away.
This is about the wealth your Dad created or accumulated during his life and how HE chose to disburse it.
What’s fair is to follow his wishes. Because it was his wealth and this is what he wanted done with it. End of story.
This would be true even if he left it all to the Church of Scientology, or the local animal shelter.
Worthiness is neither the issue nor yours to determine. Your father already made that determination. And it’s not for you to second guess.
In my humble opinion, your choices are: accept your Dad’s wishes graciously, and see them through with a smile on your face, or, appear a greedy son who wants more, regardless of his clear intentions.
I think it would be totally fair for me to win the lottery tonight. But chances are that it won’t happen. So I live my life not expecting to see that money.
</Thread>
When my grandmother died, she left her entire estate to my aunt and nothing to my dad. My aunt immediately said that was ridiculous and that the estate would be split 50/50, which is what happened.
So, you know, if the widow feels the will is unfair, she can absolutely get some of her 50% passed over to her daughter.
What always surprises me, in such cases is that the, ‘I don’t think this is fair!’, side always gets angry at the inheritor, step Mom, step siblings, etc.
It’s beyond ridiculous. Even a ten year old could see, if you’re unhappy with the contents of the will you should be angry with who wrote it, NOT the person inheriting. And you loved your Dad, so, so very, very much…BUT…are just not into following his explicit wishes? What?
If you want to show respect for your Dad, abide by his explicit wishes and don’t take out your resentment on his widow, when it’s really HIS choices you resent.
Well that assumes your step mom, doesn’t spend her inheritance before she passes. Besides it’s hers now, to do with as she pleases.
If you have any complaint it should be against your dear old dad. He’s the one that made the decisions on what to do with his estate.
I pity your reading comprehension.
I think the OPs gripe is that his stepmother is bitching, even though her daughter got more than any of the fathers natural children.
No, the OP asked if it’s fair for his kids to expect to inherit from the widow, when she passes, actually. Doesn’t mention her wanting more for her daughter at all, that’s an aside, added later.
But come down to it, he thinks he knows better, what’s fair, then his own father’s choices and explicit wishes. And he feels entitled to a share of the widow’s inheritance whenever she passes!
Not a lot of difference from the widow thinking her child should be entitled to more. Two peas in a pod, really. She shouldn’t be wanting more for her daughter, but it’s okay for him to want more when the widow dies? I’m not seeing it, sorry.
Just my opinion.
It doesn’t sound very fair to me and if your step mother is bitching about this arrangement then she is a greedy bitch.
However, it was your father’s money to do with as he pleased.
Funny, because I agree 100% with elbows’s assessment of the situation. You want to be upset about the inheritance, blame the person that decided where it goes. If the executor ignored the will, you blame that person. If the executor followed the will to the letter, blame the person that wrote the will.
He’s not upset about the inheritence, and doesn’t plan to contest the father’s wishes. He’s asking if he should expect anything when the stepmom dies.
Only if his stepmom doesn’t spend it and wants to bequeath it to him. It’s her property now.