# Innappropriate songs for toddlers... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 23, 2005, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innappropriate-songs-for-toddlers/309516 "2005-06-23T11:51:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Katriona](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/katriona/32/113_2.png) [@Katriona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katriona)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innappropriate-songs-for-toddlers/309516/41 "2005-06-28T00:02:42Z")
> [@Anne Neville](#): > > I learned in (I think) Girl Scout camp: > > My father shot a kangaroo > He gave to me the greasy part to chew > Wasn’t that a terrible thing to do > To give me to chew the greasy part of a dead kangaroo > > Kids _love_ gross songs, or at least every kid I have ever known does. I will certainly be singing gross and otherwise “inappropriate” songs to my kids when I have them. Hey, they’ll be my kids- they’ll be genetically warped already. I learned that one at Girl Scout camp, too! Funny, I don’t recall it being in the handbook… My grandmother was horrified when I requested it one Christmas. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innappropriate-songs-for-toddlers/309516/42 "2005-06-28T00:08:20Z")
> [@Anne Neville](#): > > [No, Amazon has it](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0689505698/qid=1119916705/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-9121427-0985740?v=glance&s=books). While you’re at it, grab the [Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/067084487X/qid=1119918124/sr=8-1/ref=pd_csp_1/102-7465375-4415343?v=glance&s=books&n=507846). Even if your kids hate it, _you’ll_ love it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![gloopycheese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ee7513/32.png) [@gloopycheese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gloopycheese)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innappropriate-songs-for-toddlers/309516/43 "2005-06-28T03:18:49Z")
Five Irregular Men CHORUS: \* There were five, five constipated men in the Bible, in the Bible. \*There were five, five constipated men In the holy books of Moses. Oh, the first, first constipated man Was Cain, he was not able. Oh, the first, first constipated man Was Cain, he was not able. Oh, the next, next constipated man Was Moses, he took the tablets. Oh, the next, next constipated man Was Moses, he took the tablets. Oh, the third, third constipated man Was Solomon, he sat for forty years. Oh, the third, third constipated man Was Solomon, he sat for forty years. Oh, the fourth, fourth constipated man Was Balam, he couldn’t move his ass. Oh, the fourth, fourth constipated man Was Balam, he couldn’t move his ass. Oh, the last, last constipated man Was Sampson, he brought the house down\* This is wonderful for a rousing car trip --as long as the windows are down. …whatddya think??? ---
**Author:** ![Mirror\_Image\_egamI\_rorriM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e56c9b/32.png) [@Mirror\_Image\_egamI\_rorriM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mirror_Image_egamI_rorriM)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innappropriate-songs-for-toddlers/309516/44 "2005-06-28T03:37:37Z")
Mm-ah! went the little green frog one day. Mm-ah! went the little green frog. Mm-ah! went the little green frog one day and his eyes went Mm-ah! too. Honk honk went the big red truck one day. Squish squish went the little green frog. And his eyes don’t go Mm-ah! anymore 'cuz he got licked up by a dog. Woof woof! That was always my personal favorite. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innappropriate-songs-for-toddlers/309516/45 "2005-06-28T04:12:02Z")
> [@The Weird One](#): > > When I was a kid (around 5 or 6), I had an old record of children’s songs that, for some reason, included “What Do You Do With a Drunken Sailor.” I just saw this thread, and this is the song I came in here to post about! On Saturday night I was reading a sticker activity book to my friend’s 3.5-year-old little boy, and there was some hay in a wheelbarrow. Nick had to find the hay sticker, so while he looked I said, “hay … hay…” and next thing I know he’s looking at me and singing “up she rises!” I sang along with him for a little bit, much to his delight, and then I realized what we were singing. My friend was in the room, so I called over my shoulder: “Steve…?” “Yes?” “Who taught Nick the ‘drunken sailor’ song?!” “It’s on one of his Disney CDs!” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Leroy\_Brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@Leroy\_Brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leroy_Brown)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innappropriate-songs-for-toddlers/309516/46 "2005-06-28T04:52:26Z")
More of a “poem” than a song, but it passed time in the car or at scout camp. (fart, fart) = fart noises diarrhea, (fart, fart), diarrhea (fart, fart) When you’re walking down the street and you feel it hit your feet diarrhea, (fart, fart), diarrhea (fart, fart) When you’re running to first and you feel you’re gonna burst diarrhea, (fart, fart), diarrhea (fart, fart) etc… Steve Martin’s kid was singing this on the way home from his little league game in “Parenthood”. He got the same reaction we did: “What ARE you singing? Stop it!” 😛 ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innappropriate-songs-for-toddlers/309516/47 "2005-06-28T04:53:58Z")
The ones I was taught were all of the bawdy variety. Like Barnacle Bill the Sailor and \*I’m Popeye the sailor man. I live in a garbage can. I like to go swimming with bow legged women. I’m Popeye the sailor man. Toot! Toot!" There was also the bicycle one already mentioned and plenty of limericks that we couldn’t just say, they had to have a rhythm baby. There once was a man from Dungrass Whose balls were made out of brass When they clang together They played “Stormy Weather” And lightning shot out of his ass. I also vaguely remember something about ghosts and frying pans, but the actual words allude me now. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innappropriate-songs-for-toddlers/309516/48 "2005-06-28T05:12:24Z")
> [@Tranquilis](#): > > Others from childhood: > > \*Suffocation, jolly Suffocation! > Suffocation, the game we like to play! > > First you take a rubber hose… > …Then you stick it up your nose! > Turn it on, then you’re gone! > > Oooooh! > Suffocation, jolly Suffocation! > Suffocation, the game we like to play! > > Next you get a plastic bag… > …Then you put it on your head! > Go to bed, wake up dead! > > Oooooh! > Suffocation, jolly Suffocation! > Suffocation, the game we like to play!\* > > You get the idea. Add verses, as your twisted imagination allows. This is really similar to the one we sang in elementary school - instead of “suffocation” we used “aggravation.” I think it went something like, Aggravation, rehabilitation! Aggravation, this is how it goes. Take a cherry bomb, throw it at your mom. At her head! Then she’s dead! Oh, how painful. Repeat, with verses for each family member and oneself as well. And let us not forget the classic: “On top of spagheeeetiiiii, all covered with blooooood…” ---
**Author:** ![zoogirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9bd4f/32.png) [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innappropriate-songs-for-toddlers/309516/49 "2005-06-28T05:45:11Z")
I learned the “Bumblebe Song” in Brownies. \*I’m bringing home a baby bumblebee Won’t my mommy be so proud of me I’m bringing home a baby bumblebee Ooh! Eee! It bit me! I’m squishing up a baby bumblebee Won’t my mommy be so shamed of me I’m squishing up a baby bumblebee Ooh! Eee! There’s blood on me! I’l licking up a baby bumblebee Won’t my mommy be so proud of me I’m licking up a baby bumblebee Yum -ee! It’s strawberry!\* There’s also the Worm Song - \*Nobody likes me Every body hates me Goin’ to the garden to eat some wor or or ms Long slim slimey ones Short fat juicy ones Itsy bitsy fuzzy wuzzy worms First you bite the head off Then you suck the guts out Then you throw the rest of it away a a a Long slim slimey ones Short fat juicy ones Itsy bitsy fuzzy wuzzy worms Urk! comes the first one Blech! Comes the second one Retch! Comes the thirst fuzzy wor or or m. Long slim slimey ones Short fat juicy ones Itsy bitsy fuzzy wuzzy worms! (You’ve got to really draw out the last word in the third line) Charming, eh? ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innappropriate-songs-for-toddlers/309516/50 "2005-06-28T06:31:07Z")
I don’t know if you can call it really “inappropriate,” but [Run to Cadence with the U.S. Marines](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00005O3W3/qid=1119940990/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/002-5768427-9100009?v=glance&s=music) was always popular in my house, when me and my sister were little. Used to know all the lyrics. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innappropriate-songs-for-toddlers/309516/51 "2005-06-28T06:47:56Z")
> [@Leroy Brown](#): > > More of a “poem” than a song, but it passed time in the car or at scout camp. > > (fart, fart) = fart noises > > diarrhea, (fart, fart), diarrhea (fart, fart) > When you’re walking down the street and you feel it hit your feet > diarrhea, (fart, fart), diarrhea (fart, fart) > When you’re running to first and you feel you’re gonna burst > diarrhea, (fart, fart), diarrhea (fart, fart) > etc… > > Steve Martin’s kid was singing this on the way home from his little league game in “Parenthood”. He got the same reaction we did: “What ARE you singing? Stop it!” 😛 Ouch! My kids turned this one into an improv on trips, based on cars seen. “When you’re in a Mitsubishi…When you’re in a Volkswagen… When you’re in a red Toyota …” Whichever one named the car, the other one had to follow with something that related to diarrhea. (The only answer I remember was Mitsubishi. It was “something squishy.”) The only thing that worked was outdoing them, which was hard because, being in grade school at the time, they had an infinite number of verses. ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innappropriate-songs-for-toddlers/309516/52 "2005-06-28T13:28:53Z")
To the tune of “God Bless America”: God bless my underwear, my only pair Stand beside them, and guide them Through the rips, through the holes, through the tears From the washer, to the dryer, to the clothesline in the air God bless my underwear, my only pair ---
**Author:** ![Butterscotch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dc4da7/32.png) [@Butterscotch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Butterscotch)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innappropriate-songs-for-toddlers/309516/53 "2005-06-28T16:08:48Z")
[QUOTE=Leroy Brown] More of a “poem” than a song, but it passed time in the car or at scout camp. (fart, fart) = fart noises diarrhea, (fart, fart), diarrhea (fart, fart) When you’re walking down the street and you feel it hit your feet diarrhea, (fart, fart), diarrhea (fart, fart) When you’re running to first and you feel you’re gonna burst diarrhea, (fart, fart), diarrhea (fart, fart) etc… Diarrhoea, diarrhoea when it comes out your bum like a bullet from a gun diarrhoea, diarrhoea, when it’s all brown and runny and your friends think it’s funny diarrhoea, diarrhoea, when it’s sticky and it’s hot and it shoots from your bot, diarrhoea, diarrhoea… AND Thick yellow custard and green slime pie All mixed together with a dead dog’s eye. Drink it down quickly with a cup of sick, That’ll do the trick! ---
**Author:** ![MrFantsyPants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@MrFantsyPants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrFantsyPants)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innappropriate-songs-for-toddlers/309516/54 "2005-06-28T16:50:15Z")
since we’ve morphed into a gross songs for young kids thread, when I was six or so, my sisters and I would sing the following for hours on long car trips: “bum tit tit, bum tit tit, bum tit tit, willy willy willy willy,” and repeat, like, several thousand times. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innappropriate-songs-for-toddlers/309516/55 "2005-06-28T17:38:27Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > When WhyKid was about 3 or 4…I’m not sure which one was the worst. It was possibly: > > “Crucify him! Crucify him! Crucify crucify crucify crucify! Crucify him!” > > or, sung in the loudest most demonic voice he could manage to mimic the basso he wasn’t, > > “This Jesus must, Jesus must, Jesus must DIE!!!” > > :smack: This reminds me of a Net discussion RE the film The Wicker Man in which a Wiccan participant said that she had to tell her wee ones it was NOT appropriate to chant “Burn! Burn! Burn!” at the end. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innappropriate-songs-for-toddlers/309516/56 "2005-06-28T18:18:11Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > I’m Popeye the sailor man. I live in a garbage can. I like to go swimming with bow legged women. I’m Popeye the sailor man. Toot! Toot!" I learned this one as “bare naked women” And then there was: There’s a place in France Where the naked ladies dance There’s a hole in the wall And the men see it all ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innappropriate-songs-for-toddlers/309516/57 "2005-06-28T19:51:58Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > I just saw this thread, and this is the song I came in here to post about! > > On Saturday night I was reading a sticker activity book to my friend’s 3.5-year-old little boy, and there was some hay in a wheelbarrow. Nick had to find the hay sticker, so while he looked I said, “hay … hay…” and next thing I know he’s looking at me and singing “up she rises!” I sang along with him for a little bit, much to his delight, and then I realized what we were singing. My friend was in the room, so I called over my shoulder: > > “Steve…?” > > “Yes?” > > “Who taught Nick the ‘drunken sailor’ song?!” > > “It’s on one of his Disney CDs!” > > 🙂 :eek: Oh my Og, I think that’s the one! It was on vinyl, but I remember that there was a little booklet with all the lyrics and pictures of Disney characters frolicking in the margins. It seems odd that it would still be in production nearly 20 years later, though. I have to go look on Amazon now . . . [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innappropriate-songs-for-toddlers/309516.md?page=2)