# Innapropriate brand names **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 31, 2005, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innapropriate-brand-names/287656 "2005-01-31T20:23:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2005, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innapropriate-brand-names/287656/1 "2005-01-31T20:23:03Z")
I was listening to some older George Carlin material yesterday. He spoke about how brand names can affect to success of a product providing the example of “Janitor In A Drum” brand douche. So I got to thinking of other products you wouldn’t want to buy based on the brand name. So far I have: -Hefty Brand Jockey shorts. (Especially the “Cinch Sac” variety. Yee-ouch.) -Fruit Of The Loom Tea Bags. -Fresh Step Trail Mix. -Lil’ Debbie Rat poison. -A Briggs and Stratton Electric Razor. (Actually, this might appeal to the insecure, overly macho crowd). -Bushmaster Bikini Wax. -Tampax Cigars (unless you’re Bill Clinton). That’s all I can think of for now. If I think of any more I will inflict them upon you. Your contributions are always welcome. ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2005, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innapropriate-brand-names/287656/2 "2005-01-31T22:08:34Z")
Roto-Rooter tampons Krazy Glue toothpaste Skinny and Sweet (you won’t even taste the rat poison!) ---
**Author:** ![F.U.Shakespeare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@F.U.Shakespeare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.U.Shakespeare)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2005, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innapropriate-brand-names/287656/3 "2005-01-31T22:31:03Z")
Johnny Carson used to tell jokes about “Bombastic Bushkin”, his inept financial adviser who tried to sell him investments in (among other ill-fated products): - **Orson Welles[sup]1[/sup] jeans**; and - **Roberto Duran[sup]2[/sup] Charm Schools** We made one up of our own: **Lava, the Beauty Cleanser** [sup]1[/sup] In the 70s, skin-tight designer jeans were all the rage, and Orson Welles was the great actor/director who had become comedians’ code for ‘really fat’. [sup]2[/sup] Duran was a boxing champion noted for his ferocity. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2005, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innapropriate-brand-names/287656/4 "2005-01-31T22:54:22Z")
Hello Kitty Power Tools Cactus Condoms Rough Rider toilet tissue Fat Bastard Beer Dog Fartz Air Fresheners Roadkill Jerky Colon Blow All-Natural Laxative Red River Tampons Headcrash Computers ---
**Author:** ![monica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a183cd/32.png) [@monica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monica)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innapropriate-brand-names/287656/5 "2005-02-01T00:01:42Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > Hello Kitty Power Tools And the really scary part is, they have everything Hello Kitty. Shouldn’t be long 'til this actually happens. ---
**Author:** ![Cunctator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@Cunctator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cunctator)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innapropriate-brand-names/287656/6 "2005-02-01T00:30:41Z")
There’s a very popular cheese in Australia called [Coon.](http://www.dairyfarmers.com.au/internet/s02_products/coon_history.jsp) The name’s not a problem here but I suspect it would be in other places. ---
**Author:** ![Othersider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/cab0a1/32.png) [@Othersider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Othersider)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innapropriate-brand-names/287656/7 "2005-02-01T00:34:53Z")
When I first glanced at the title of this thread, I thought it said “inappropriate _band_ names”, and I immediately thought, “man, I hope they mention Hoobastank, that’s the worst name ever.” ---
**Author:** ![Khampelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Khampelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khampelf)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innapropriate-brand-names/287656/8 "2005-02-01T03:09:46Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > Hello Kitty Power Tools > > Cactus Condoms > > Rough Rider toilet tissue > > **Fat Bastard Beer** > Dog Fartz Air Fresheners > > Roadkill Jerky > > Colon Blow All-Natural Laxative > > Red River Tampons > > Headcrash Computers Reality beat you to it. [http://www.beerlabels.com/labels/labels.pl/3161/silver\_city\_fat\_bastard\_scotch\_style\_ale.html](http://www.beerlabels.com/labels/labels.pl/3161/silver_city_fat_bastard_scotch_style_ale.html) I remember Chevy Chase sitting down to a bowl of ‘Colon Blow’ cereal, and remember, with a name like ‘Dead Rats in Vomit’ it must be good Jam! ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innapropriate-brand-names/287656/9 "2005-02-01T03:48:35Z")
> [@monica](#): > > And the really scary part is, they have everything Hello Kitty. Shouldn’t be long 'til this actually happens. Obvious [link](http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=hello+kitty+vibrator&btnG=Google+Search). ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innapropriate-brand-names/287656/10 "2005-02-01T03:52:42Z")
> [@The Sonoran Lizard King](#): > > I remember Chevy Chase sitting down to a bowl of ‘Colon Blow’ cereal, and remember, with a name like ‘Dead Rats in Vomit’ it must be good Jam! That was Phil Hartman. Eddie Murphy (IIRC) was on Latterman back in the 80’s after a trip to the Phillipines. He brought back a tube of [Darkie Toothpaste.](http://www.toothpasteworld.com/specials.htm) (scroll down halfway) It had a picture of a black man on it. Eddie thought it was funny. Dave looked uncomfortable. ---
**Author:** ![chukhung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e79b87/32.png) [@chukhung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chukhung)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innapropriate-brand-names/287656/11 "2005-02-01T04:13:48Z")
I once lived in an apartment that had both a Hotpoint refrigerator and a Frigidaire stove… ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innapropriate-brand-names/287656/12 "2005-02-01T04:28:40Z")
Lexmark Heart/Lung machine Quaker Condoms ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innapropriate-brand-names/287656/13 "2005-02-01T05:13:02Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > Eddie Murphy (IIRC) was on Latterman back in the 80’s after a trip to the Phillipines. He brought back a tube of [Darkie Toothpaste.](http://www.toothpasteworld.com/specials.htm) . Actually, that Starkist Toothpaste is funnier in the “Strangely inappropriate” way. Why the hell did a company brand name associated with tunafish get stuck on _toothpaste_? Cactus sounds like a good name for a condom. After all, they’re covered in pricks… ---
**Author:** ![brianjedi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@brianjedi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brianjedi)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/innapropriate-brand-names/287656/14 "2005-02-01T05:53:08Z")
> [@emekthian](#): > > Lexmark Heart/Lung machine Works great until you try to refill it with third-party oxygen. 😃