I hate it when people read over my shoulder. First of all, if they want to read what I’m reading, they can just ask me. And secondly, it’s invading my personal space. Well, the second one’s a bit selfish on my part, but I get nervous when people get too close to me. It also annoys the hell out of me when people expect you to explain inside jokes to them. I was hit with a double whammy when I went to Europe and I was writing an e-mail to my best friend.
Me: Typing away like mad because I had been away from a computer for an entire week
Friend: Reading over shoulder
Me: Suddenly is aware of friend reading over shoulder. Pretends not to notice. Types something that involves an inside joke with me and my best friend
Friend: Hey! What does that mean, ‘Don’t forget to take your medicine’?!
Me: Nothing. Inside joke. Types away
Friend: Meow?? (Yeah, she makes cat noises in a stupid attempt to be cute. I took this as a sign of curiosity and her wanting me to explain it to her)
Me: Says nothing. Is focused on getting e-mail done before teachers kick us out
Friend: Oh, fine. Don’t tell me! Stomps off
Another one the phone number thing – it drives me crazy when people reading a number start with “1”. I know there’s a one! It’s how you use a phone! It’s not even part of the number, it’s how you tell your phone you are on the verge of making a long distance call.* If you’re so worried about me not knowing how a phone works, why not start with “Pick up your phone, listen to make sure you have a dial tone, and then dial 1 …”
Defeating my own complaint, I realize that nowadays in some areas, like where I live, you need to dial 1+area code+number to make a local call. But the philosophy still holds.
People who use an acronym or phrase when they speak to me and then stop to explain exactly what the acronym or phrase means.
“So he asked me for a wag - that’s Wild Assed Guess -” YES, I know what the phrase MEANS! I’m a well read, intelligent, articulate woman. I have absolutely no problem asking for clarification if you throw out a particularly cromulent word. I don’t need you to play Special Ed teacher with me.
Also, I have one friend - love her dearly - but she retells her stories all the frickin’ TIME. She knows I’ve heard them. She knows I’ve memorized the punchline. She knows that I can match her word for word, gesture for gesture as she tells it. And yet she continues to tell the story. I can say “oh, yeah, I remember that, the girl with Dutch Elm Disease. Yeah, funny.” And she still tells the story. GAAAAH!
We have another friend in common, and f-i-c and I always check with each other. “Did I tell you about the Saran Wrap man?” “Yep.” “Okay, shutting up now.” It works. Yet, first friend remains clueless.
on that note, I have been having issues with people giving me web addresses: "its www-dot…
you think?
its not as bad as my boss, who likes to say “h-t-t-p-colon-double backslash-w-w-…” I dont know what comes after that because ive stabbed myself in the head.
my biggest irrational pet peeve is drivers pulling into the crosswalk at a stoplight. I know its a common irritant, but I feel my blood pressure rise. I imagine insalling giant buzz saws at each cross walk, that would cut anyone’s engine right in half whenever this happens. or I may one day continue on my path, over someone’s hood.
Bosses who micromanage. Believe it or not, you actually hired us to do this stuff so you wouldn’t have to. Because it’s simple stupid stuff and you have more important things to finish in order for the business to run. So now you’re making a bad situation worse by stepping in and doing it all yourself. But instead of realizing this, you’re just going to think that we’re all incompetent assholes who can’t do crap-anything.
My boyfriend does this when he’s miffed at me because he knows it drives me crazy. It gets to my teeth, straight to the root!
I also want to scream every time a stranger goes to touch my baby. I know they mean no harm and can’t help but be charmed by her exquisiteness and perfection so that they must verify that she is indeed a live babe and not a hand-painted china doll, but GET YER GRUBBY HANDS OFF!
Even thinking about this is driving me up the walls right now. What’s worse is when you tell people that it bothers you…AND THEY PURPOSELY KEEP RIGHT ON DOING IT JUST TO ANNOY THE SHIT OUTTA YOU.
pronouncing “nuclear” as if it were “nook-yoo-ler”
“irregardless”
Any asshole who throws their cigarette butts on the ground, but especially people who toss them out of their car window. (If I can, I’ll get out of my car and give it back to them! You should see the look on a person’s face when I knock on their car door at a red light or a drive thru window… all 6’ 4" of me looking very unhappy )
You, Rubystreak, are my soul brother (or sister, whatever the case may be).
Add to that people who smack when they eat, and people who pop their gum. They should all be killed.
My mother has this horrible habit of scraping every last morsel from her plate. It’s not something she does as the finale, which would be more acceptable. She does it from the start to finish. It goes something like this:
Fills bowl with oatmeal. Sits on sofa. Takes a bite. Mass of oatmeal moves down in the bowl by 1/32 of an inch. Compelled to scrape any oatmeal that has not lain parallel to the mass. This is done not with one continuous stroke but with several small strokes, that make this sound: TING! TING! TING! TING!
Takes another bite. Mass of oatmeal moves down in the bowl 1/32 of an inch. Compelled to scrape …
Continue regime for next 30 minutes or until I push a letter opener through my eardrums.
MY boss actually types out “http://…” whenever she loads anything in a web browser. That includes internal network sites. Maybe I should try stabbing her in the head.
Sometimes you just gotta do the “www-dot-…” thing to start off with. I give out a certain web address thousands of times a day, and god forbid I forget the “www-dot…”, or don’t use it because I think the person I’m talking to has a frikkin’ clue. I get so sick of “Do you mean 'www-dot-webpageaddress etc.”. So I don’t mind someone giving me an address with the www in front.
What drives me batshit insane, however, is people who feel the need to skip the dot, even as they’re giving the address so it comes out as “wwwwebpageaddresscomau”. Or even more insane making is someone who goes “wwwwebpageaddress-dot-com-dot-au”. Why two dots but not the first? WHY?!
Also with you on the drivers who stop on the crosswalk. That makes me gnash my teeth with rage. Rage I say!
See, this is why I’ll never attend a Dopefest. I’d be paranoid that I’m doing something that grates on your nerves! I agree with some things already mentioned, though.
Gorilla- Double clicking every blasted link truly is annoying. What about when people type a word or phrase into the search engine and remove their hands from the keyboard to click GO? JUST HIT THE GODDAMN ENTER KEY!!!
Monstro- My auntie says “to be honest with you” all the damned time. Why does she feel the need to assure us she’s being honest? Is she being dishonest when she doesn’t say it? I’ve had to make a game of counting every time she uses the phrase so I don’t strangle her.
I hate the way my mother smokes a cigarette. I can’t really explain what’s so annyoing, but I have to look away when she smokes.
I get irritated when someone starts a poll in IMHO and the first reply includes “this has made the rounds before” and then typing in their answer. Well, of course it’s been done before. There aren’t many new topics we haven’t hashed out at some point. But we are always getting new members who just might enjoy contributing, or may have a different point of view.
People who follow fashion trends, even when they shouldn’t and in a size that doesn’t fit them. I don’t want to see your rolls or your breasts hanging out of that skimpy camisole!! If you need to wear the latest stuff, BUY A BIGGER SIZE!!!
There was a girl who went to my dining common a few years back who wore sheer, small pieces of cloth that just would not hold in her behemoth breasts. They were spilling out of her bra and her top and a few times she popped out. Oh my poor eyes…
I’m all for expressing your individuality, but come on, follow laws of decency at least. I got stretch marks, and I have the decency to cover them up cuz I know no one wants to see them!
Anyone who won’t have sex with you or says HAPPY MONDAY should be thrown naked and head-first into the top of a GIANT STINGING TREE! See GQ for explanation.
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