# Insert Your Own Security Joke Here

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insert-your-own-security-joke-here/672080>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [October 24, 2013, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insert-your-own-security-joke-here/672080 "2013-10-24T02:31:46Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 5\
**Page:** 1

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**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\
**Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insert-your-own-security-joke-here/672080/1 "2013-10-24T02:31:46Z")

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[Pentagon Federal Credit Union At TSA Headquarters Robbed](http://dcist.com/2013/10/pentagon_federal_credit_union_at_ts.php)

No word on whether the robbers were required to remove their shoes on entry or were drinking from a container holding more than three ounces.

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**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\
**Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insert-your-own-security-joke-here/672080/2 "2013-10-24T02:37:32Z")

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Great, now the TSA will be setting up at all the banks.

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**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\
**Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insert-your-own-security-joke-here/672080/3 "2013-10-24T02:52:02Z")

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> [@Steve\_MB](#):
>
> No word on whether the robbers were required to remove their shoes on entry or were drinking from a container holding more than three ounces.

I presume that’s what the perps used to commit the robbery in the first place:

“OK, give us the money and nobody gets hurt!”  
“:eek: Oh shit! Shitshitshit–that thing’s _at least_ 12 ounces–maybe 16! OK, look, guys, just take the money, OK? Just take the money, please, we don’t want any trouble!”  
“Watch out! _He’s got a nail clipper!!!_ Repeat: _ **SUBJECT HAS A NAIL CLIPPER!!!** _ All units–FALL BACK!!!”

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**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\
**Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insert-your-own-security-joke-here/672080/4 "2013-10-24T03:14:33Z")

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The money should have been placed in a clear, one quart ziploc bag.  
Fingerprints were lifted from a confiscated cigarette lighter.  
Suspects are armed with scissors with blades over 3" long.  
Anyone with knowledge of these suspect please come to tsa headquarters after removing all metal objects and placing your shoes in the bin.  
Is it just me or was i the only one shocked that there were no people waiting in line?

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**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\
**Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insert-your-own-security-joke-here/672080/5 "2013-10-24T03:17:38Z")

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It was a perfect crime - right up to the point when the robbers tried to leave the scene and got delayed for five hours.