# Instructions You Say? Pffft! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 10, 2013, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/instructions-you-say-pffft/668500 "2013-09-10T14:32:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Uber\_the\_Goober](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/58956e/32.png) [@Uber\_the\_Goober](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uber_the_Goober)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2013, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/instructions-you-say-pffft/668500/21 "2013-09-24T14:30:03Z")
> [@Enright3](#): > > Bahaha. Thanks for the memory. Twenty Five years ago or so I was showing my son how to throw a Nolan Ryan fastball in the house. I was 10 feet away from my recliner that was going to act as my catcher. Recliner is situated next to a gigantic sliding glass door. I wind up and throw the baseball as hard as I can into the back of the recliner… except I missed the recliner from 10 feet (or less?) away, and launch a baseball right through the sliding glass door. As glass finished tinkling down to the floor my 5 year old son says very calmly:\*\* “Now I know why we’re not supposed to throw balls in the house.”\*\* > > Sorry for the slight hijack but I literally laughed out loud when I read that line in your post. It was instant recognition of a long ago, almost forgotten memory. That is PERFECT!!! An excellent life lesson for the kid, and an AWESOME story for posterity. HAHA thanks for sharing that 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Uber\_the\_Goober](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/58956e/32.png) [@Uber\_the\_Goober](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uber_the_Goober)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2013, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/instructions-you-say-pffft/668500/22 "2013-09-24T14:34:12Z")
> [@SpyOne](#): > > Older motorcycles do not have the same backflow thingy that cars do, that makes the gas pump shut off when the tank if full. You have to pay close attention, and release the trigger when the tank is full. If you don’t, you can cause some backspray or at least overflow the tank. > And your gas tank is directly above your engine. > > I doubt cigarettes played any role at all. It’s not about the motorcycle - it’s about the angle that the nozzle is held into the tank with. Gas nozzles will shut off for a motorcycle, but you have to put the nozzle properly down into the tank. Problem with this is, you get about 1 to 1.5 gallons LESS fuel that way. So everybody holds the nozzle so only the tip is in the tank, and the fuel never rises to the level on the actual nozzle itself that shuts it off. Try it out sometime by filling a portable gas can. The nozzle contains the shutoff mechanism, not the tank into which it is being dispensed. You could do the same thing with a barrel, a bucket, anything really. ---
**Author:** ![HenryDorsettCase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/f19dbf/32.png) [@HenryDorsettCase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HenryDorsettCase)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2013, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/instructions-you-say-pffft/668500/23 "2013-09-26T18:39:06Z")
when I was stationed in Germany during the early 70’s, we were planning a grill-out to supplement a lot of beer, some good steaks, and some excellent Moroccan hashish. Well, we decided that starting coals with the grill sitting on top of a plastic garbage can made perfect sense so we violated some pretty sound implicit instructions. ‘Why do you think they call it dope, stupid?’ ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2013, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/instructions-you-say-pffft/668500/24 "2013-10-01T02:42:39Z")
“Try our way first” ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2013, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/instructions-you-say-pffft/668500/25 "2013-10-01T12:27:55Z")
> [@](#): > > The can is brought forth and dutifully agitated, and sprayed forthwith upon the greasy bits,…. and the catalytic converter; which promptly bursts into flame. This reminds me of the time an acquaintance was trying to start his car on a very cold day, using starter fluid from a can that you spray into the carburetor. He figured that while the instructions called for a couple of spritzes, it’d be more effective if he sprayed in half the can. The resulting gout of flames not only singed the engine compartment and paintwork, it ignited the basket of laundry he’d placed on the roof and burned up all his clean clothes. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2013, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/instructions-you-say-pffft/668500/26 "2013-10-01T13:43:40Z")
How to speak Minnesotan (A Prairie Home Companion skit) What a Texan would say: DAG NABBIT! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU DON’T HAVE THE SENSE THAT GOD GAVE GEESE AND GOD KNOWS GOD DIDN’T GIVE NO SENSE TO NO GOOSE! What a Minnesotan would say in the same situation. Gee Carl, most guys wouldn’t weld so close to their gas tank like that. Just saying, that’s all. Is your son Minnesotan? ---
**Author:** ![swampspruce](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampspruce/32/261_2.png) [@swampspruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampspruce)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2013, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/instructions-you-say-pffft/668500/27 "2013-10-01T18:02:03Z")
Albertan born and bred, so kind of the same thing. The Prairies tend to give you that sense of humour…Possibly because you need that or a large dose of crazy to willingly live here… ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2013, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/instructions-you-say-pffft/668500/28 "2013-10-01T18:16:33Z")
My favorite “not reading the instructions” story is sort of inverted. I was at a party and it was 'round about the time of night when people lose basic mechanical abilities, and someone had brought a brand new stereo and couldn’t get it to work. They turned to me, reasoning that since I am a computer programmer, naturally I would be able to get the stereo to work. Now, I was also losing my mechnical abilities from partying, but was clear headed enough to ask “did you read the instructions?” blank stares. So I RTFM, and stereoing ensued. ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2013, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/instructions-you-say-pffft/668500/29 "2013-10-01T18:54:43Z")
> [@swampspruce](#): > > As a side note, I wonder now why I need my engine compartment to smell like oranges, but there you are. Well, you certainly don’t want to be driving a lemon. ---
**Author:** ![Uber\_the\_Goober](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/58956e/32.png) [@Uber\_the\_Goober](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uber_the_Goober)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2013, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/instructions-you-say-pffft/668500/30 "2013-10-01T20:05:02Z")
[Badum-tchhhh](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0PIdWdw15U) ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2013, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/instructions-you-say-pffft/668500/31 "2013-10-01T20:56:42Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > What a Texan would say: > > DAG NABBIT! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU DON’T HAVE THE SENSE THAT GOD GAVE GEESE AND GOD KNOWS GOD DIDN’T GIVE NO SENSE TO NO GOOSE! > > What a Minnesotan would say in the same situation. > > Gee Carl, most guys wouldn’t weld so close to their gas tank like that. Just saying, that’s all. Heh. I live in Texas, but I tend toward the Minnesotan approach. One of my gearhead friends is conditioned to freeze when he hears me say, “May I point out…” He’s learned that that phrase is always followed by a gentle observation that he’s doing something that’s probably going to go painfully, but not instantly\*, awry. “May I point out that you’re lying directly under that piece of metal you’re cutting loose?” is a classic example. “I don’t know , but…” makes him stop and look at me, but not actually go tharn like the other phrase. Those usually mean he’s about to screw up something obvious, but not in a way that will hurt him. For what it’s worth, I’m also inclined to read instructions. \*If the danger is immediate, I use more direct phrasing, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Goob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c77e96/32.png) [@Mr.Goob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Goob)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2013, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/instructions-you-say-pffft/668500/32 "2013-10-01T22:28:24Z")
**Balance** you fail to see how that ties into the other thread around here of _Stupidist ways you have hurt yourself_ and denys us of some great stories. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2013, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/instructions-you-say-pffft/668500/33 "2013-10-02T15:56:56Z")
> [@Mr.Goob](#): > > **Balance** you fail to see how that ties into the other thread around here of _Stupidist ways you have hurt yourself_ and denys us of some great stories. Well, a) they wouldn’t be about me hurting myself, and b) they were mostly averted by my pointed, if circumlocutory, remarks. ---
**Author:** ![Uber\_the\_Goober](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/58956e/32.png) [@Uber\_the\_Goober](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uber_the_Goober)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2013, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/instructions-you-say-pffft/668500/34 "2013-10-02T16:29:00Z")
> [@Balance](#): > > \ > circumlocutory > \ So much win. I’ve found my new band name / mmorpg charname / next forum username. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2013, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/instructions-you-say-pffft/668500/35 "2013-10-02T17:15:48Z")
> [@swampspruce](#): > > I also had to drive to the Cdn Tire to get engine cleaner, and my 17 year old son from work, a distance of roughly 20 km round trip. So, I get said son, and as we peruse CT’s fine selection of cleaning products my son points one out that is non-flammable. I say, Nah this is the one I want…it smells like oranges and says it is a Green product. Canadian Tire: where great adventures in Canada begin. ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2013, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/instructions-you-say-pffft/668500/36 "2013-10-02T17:32:09Z")
My father has a doctorate in physics. And I remember, lo’ one summer day when I was about 12 he was dismayed that the coals for the bbq weren’t catching quickly enough in the stiff breeze. So out comes the almost empty metal can of lighter fluid to be squeezed over the low smouldering coals. One squirt, two squirts - as he is shaking it vigorously at the same time to get the last few drops out - three squirts, **BOOM**. Nice little fireball and he is left shaken but unharmed, the back of the can still in his hand with entire front half blown away :p. Taught me a valuable lesson, it did ;). ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2013, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/instructions-you-say-pffft/668500/37 "2013-10-02T17:41:49Z")
> [@Tamerlane](#): > > Nice little fireball and he is left shaken but unharmed, the back of the can still in his hand with entire front half blown away :p. Taught me a valuable lesson, it did ;). Taught you how to blow up things without getting hurt? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2013, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/instructions-you-say-pffft/668500/38 "2013-10-02T18:33:50Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > Taught you how to blow up things without getting hurt? 😉 For a kid, that’s about as valuable a lesson as you can get! ---
**Author:** ![swampspruce](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampspruce/32/261_2.png) [@swampspruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampspruce)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2013, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/instructions-you-say-pffft/668500/39 "2013-10-02T20:54:09Z")
> [@Tamerlane](#): > > My father has a doctorate in physics. And I remember, lo’ one summer day when I was about 12 he was dismayed that the coals for the bbq weren’t catching quickly enough in the stiff breeze. So out comes the almost empty metal can of lighter fluid to be squeezed over the low smouldering coals. One squirt, two squirts - as he is shaking it vigorously at the same time to get the last few drops out - three squirts, **BOOM**. > > Nice little fireball and he is left shaken but unharmed, the back of the can still in his hand with entire front half blown away :p. Taught me a valuable lesson, it did ;). That so reminds me of a “game” my friend’s buddies would play when I was a teenager ( I never did do this one, but many other equally dumb things are in my repository, like Roman Candle Fights). It was called See How Far They Run". Runner would hold an open can of naptha and start running with the nozzle pointing backwards. After two seconds, the trail was ignited, and the person who could go the furthest before the flame caught up to the can or you ran out of naptha, won. No one ever got hurt as far as I know but the potential shitstorm of hurt that could have happened makes me shudder today. Maybe having screen-agers isn’t all bad. I’m pretty sure I’d have been arrested for half the dumbass stuff I did if I did it today. ---
**Author:** ![Caribbean\_cruiser](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/caribbean_cruiser/32/9349_2.png) [@Caribbean\_cruiser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caribbean_cruiser)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2023, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/instructions-you-say-pffft/668500/40 "2023-10-05T21:38:22Z")
Yes, the catalytic converters get hot – hot enough to ignite leaves underneath a parked car. Simple Green it is. P.S. Did you hear the one about the guy who poured gasoline into a rented pressure washer, so he could de-grease his _hot_ engine? Yes, he created quite the flamethrower. Kind of like this: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqQ6YFGht-o&ab\_channel=ThingsToDoHd](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqQ6YFGht-o&ab_channel=ThingsToDoHd) Or this: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCbKULf9pX0&ab\_channel=thinginc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCbKULf9pX0&ab_channel=thinginc) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/instructions-you-say-pffft/668500.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/instructions-you-say-pffft/668500.md?page=3)