# Insult sword fighting! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 7, 2007, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insult-sword-fighting/399057 "2007-04-07T01:10:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insult-sword-fighting/399057/21 "2007-04-08T02:49:44Z")
[QUOTE=Aioua] Real: And you’re the worst lover e’er seen by your wife! Fake: The lack of oil causes global strife. You dare to fight me, you look like a wench! [/QUOTE] Real: Your character is crooked, I’ll fix you with a wrench! Fake: You look a bit tired, shall we find you a bench? Insult: Fighting you is difficult as singing My Humps! ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2007, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insult-sword-fighting/399057/22 "2007-04-09T15:37:51Z")
_Insult: Fighting you is difficult as singing My Humps!_ Real: Bend over you rogue, while I give you your lumps. Fake: I cut down my trees, now all I have are the stumps. Insult: Your boots are quite scuffed, your clothes a disaster. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Dumbest\_Guy\_in\_the\_Room](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5fc32e/32.png) [@The\_Dumbest\_Guy\_in\_the\_Room](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Dumbest_Guy_in_the_Room)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2007, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insult-sword-fighting/399057/23 "2007-04-09T15:58:56Z")
[QUOTE=Happy Lendervedder] Insult: Your boots are quite scuffed, your clothes a disaster. [/QUOTE] Real: Your insult, like your outfit, is sooo last y’ar\* Fake: How appropriate. You fight like a cow. I’ve had enough of your incessant waffle! \*said in an English Nobility style drawl to get the rhyme right ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2007, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insult-sword-fighting/399057/24 "2007-04-09T16:02:10Z")
[QUOTE=Happy Lendervedder] Insult: Your boots are quite scuffed, your clothes a disaster. [/QUOTE] Real: I’ll slice open your belly, so your guts spill out faster! Fake: I see your sword is made out of plaster. Insult: Your ship’s so slow, it sails backwards! ---
**Author:** ![oft\_wears\_hats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7993a0/32.png) [@oft\_wears\_hats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oft_wears_hats)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insult-sword-fighting/399057/25 "2007-04-10T02:51:01Z")
Taking on two people at once now. [QUOTE=The Dumbest Guy in the Room] I’ve had enough of your incessant waffle! [/QUOTE] Real: The thing about your swordfighting? It’s incessantly awful. Fake: Chick peas are often used in a falafel. [QUOTE=Scuba\_Ben] Insult: Your ship’s so slow, it sails backwards! [/QUOTE] Real: Keep your head in the fight, or I’ll cut you into thirds! Fake: I’ve never seen the classic film, _The Birds_. Only one counter, though. I don’t want this to get ridiculous. Insult: Stop your dancing so I can run you through! ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insult-sword-fighting/399057/26 "2007-04-10T04:26:06Z")
[QUOTE=oft wears hats] Insult: Stop your dancing so I can run you through! [/QUOTE] Real: Stop your yapping and I’ll see that the end’s swift for you! Fake: It was **your** idea to see my tutu. ---
**Author:** ![Majobajob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/94ad74/32.png) [@Majobajob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Majobajob)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insult-sword-fighting/399057/27 "2013-01-07T18:36:57Z")
Well, since the last one didn’t have an insult in it… > [@oft\_wears\_hats](#): > > Insult: Stop your dancing so I can run you through! Real: **You’ll** run **Me** though? _Like that could be true._ Fake: When singing in church, you stand in the pew? Insult: I’ll kick your ass so hard you can’t sit for a week! ---
**Author:** ![Mixxin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/bbce88/32.png) [@Mixxin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mixxin)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2013, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insult-sword-fighting/399057/28 "2013-01-08T17:42:31Z")
> [@Majobajob](#): > > Well, since the last one didn’t have an insult in it… > > Real: **You’ll** run **Me** though? _Like that could be true._ > Fake: When singing in church, you stand in the pew? > > Insult: I’ll kick your ass so hard you can’t sit for a week! Real: Your girlie voice will make a shriek when that weak kick meets my concrete physique. Fake: I sell all fine wares at my boutique. Insult: You look like a fairy with the wit of a bush. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2013, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insult-sword-fighting/399057/29 "2013-01-08T18:18:41Z")
> [@](#): > > Insult: Your sword is rusted till it is colored burnt-orange! > > OK, that one was cheating. Your wit is as rusty as an unoiled door-hinge. > [@](#): > > Insult: You look like a fairy with the wit of a bush. Real: Walk out on the gangplank, and I’ll give you a push. Fake: In this dress, do you like the look of my tusch? New insult: You are the lowest of muck-dwelling vermin. ---
**Author:** ![oft\_wears\_hats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7993a0/32.png) [@oft\_wears\_hats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oft_wears_hats)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insult-sword-fighting/399057/30 "2013-01-10T00:08:18Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > … > New insult: You are the lowest of muck-dwelling vermin. Real: That’s quite an insult, from a flea-bitten ermine! Fake: I brew such great beer, you’ll swear I was German. > [@Majobajob](#): > > Insult: I’ll kick your ass so hard you can’t sit for a week! Real: Is that the reason your foot has such reek? Fake: If you revive a zombie thread, the mods may well freak. ---
**Author:** ![Mixxin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/bbce88/32.png) [@Mixxin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mixxin)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insult-sword-fighting/399057/31 "2013-01-16T01:03:24Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > New insult: You are the lowest of muck-dwelling vermin. Real: Stop naming things that leave you squirmin’ , Your lack of skills is disconcernin’. Fake: You wear the uniform of a World War II German. Insult: Starting insult swordfights you just can’t win, your silly dress sense belongs in the bin. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insult-sword-fighting/399057.md?page=1)