# Insulted by a handshake? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 25, 2013, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insulted-by-a-handshake/656716 "2013-04-25T22:23:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2013, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insulted-by-a-handshake/656716/61 "2013-04-27T03:08:17Z")
I was once handed an insultshake like **feckafree** ’s husband. My who-farted-? face was involuntary, but I liked what it was sayin’. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2013, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insulted-by-a-handshake/656716/62 "2013-04-27T05:10:01Z")
If someone shook my hand by grasping my fingers instead of putting his palm up against mine and giving 2 firm but not too-firm pumps while looking into my eye and repeating my name, I would probably think something like, “hmm I wonder what’s for dinner tonight,” because I COULDN’T CARE ANY LESS ABOUT A HANDSHAKE. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2013, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insulted-by-a-handshake/656716/63 "2013-04-27T05:53:22Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > It’s not silly if you simply don’t give a shit. I rarely encounter people who try to send a “message” while shaking hands. If someone is trying to give me a message, it always goes right past me and doesn’t even register. It’s a handshake, not a dick measuring competition. It’s something people do because it is considered the polite thing to do in our society. To take it too seriously and let yourself be insulted is silly, IMO. You’re missing the point I’m making. Handshaking is part of a much broader set of nonverbal cues that human beings use. I mean, it’s your prerogative not to give a shit about how somebody shakes a hand, but it’s equally mine to consider somebody’s handshake as part of how they present themselves to me. That doesn’t make me a wannabe alpha male, or somebody who is looking for a reason to be insulted. Other factors that are going to play into how I form my opinion about people I just meet will be their posture, how they use their hands, whether they look at me or find other things in the room to be distracted by, their facial expressions, and so on and so on. I assume you do that too (we all do, unless we have a disorder that hinders our abilities to read nonverbal cues), so I wonder why you wouldn’t consider a handshake to be a legitimate part of that data set. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2013, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insulted-by-a-handshake/656716/64 "2013-04-27T08:39:40Z")
Well, as I said, it’s just something I do because people expect it. I don’t put much consideration into a handshake, and I don’t form an impression of the person by how he shakes hands. I’m not very extroverted and maybe I’m bad at non-verbal cues. But I’m not looking for a message out of a handshake other than, “How are you doing? I’m pleased to meet you.” It’s just not that big a deal to me. I’ll give a firm, respectful clasp and look the other person in the eye, and just move on to business. If I were in the same situation as **freckafree’s** husband, I’d just think to myself, “Meh, no biggie.” It’s just a preliminary to get out of the way. ---
**Author:** ![sparky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/77aa72/32.png) [@sparky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sparky_1)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2013, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insulted-by-a-handshake/656716/65 "2013-04-27T11:07:29Z")
I seem to goof handshakes a fair amount. Actually, no… the other person seems to present wrong, not allowing me to grab the palm correctly. So really, like most things, it’s their fault. Bastards. But anyway, I do take note of a handshake: the other person should put some effort into it, such as some grasp of the hand, but not too tight. Also, pump the arm, but just a little. Basically, stay away from presenting a limp hand and having your arm be like a wet noodle. Those things do make me wonder about the other person. But, missing the grasp in anyway means nothing. It just happens. ---
**Author:** ![\_3Bill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/b9e5f3/32.png) [@\_3Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_3Bill)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insulted-by-a-handshake/656716/66 "2013-04-29T08:50:31Z")
Where I live, people bow, and the depth of the bow and the length of time it is held are prescribed by the situation and the social roles of the participants. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insulted-by-a-handshake/656716/67 "2013-04-29T11:29:15Z")
> [@\_3Bill](#): > > Where I live, people bow, and the depth of the bow and the length of time it is held are prescribed by the situation and the social roles of the participants. [You live in Japan?](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqZcEwHBAk8)😃 ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insulted-by-a-handshake/656716/68 "2013-04-29T11:38:27Z")
No, he is one of my minions in the compound. Well he _was_, until he used my Wifi. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insulted-by-a-handshake/656716/69 "2013-04-29T12:04:13Z")
> [@Johnny\_Bravo](#): > > I assume you do that too (we all do, unless we have a disorder that hinders our abilities to read nonverbal cues), so I wonder why you wouldn’t consider a handshake to be a legitimate part of that data set. Because not all non-verbal cues are equal . There are some things like eye contact that seem to trigger most people’s radar. There are some things that don’t get noticed by anyone. I would think that handshakes fall somewhere in the middle, probably on the lower end of scale. It is part of the data set, but perhaps for most folks it’s not weighted very much. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insulted-by-a-handshake/656716/70 "2013-04-29T15:01:58Z")
[The Hearty Handclasp](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iisMlRGigIE) by W.C. Fields. I hate shaking hands, wish we could do away with the silly custom. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/insulted-by-a-handshake/656716.md?page=3)