# Intentionally misheard **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 31, 2020, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/intentionally-misheard/916929 "2020-07-31T18:21:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2020, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/intentionally-misheard/916929/1 "2020-07-31T18:21:49Z")
I can’t help it. I’ll hear something, I’ll understand it, but I _must_ intentionally ‘mishear’ it. There’s a commercial for a beauty product that touts its hyaluronic acid content. I can’t help but think **highly moronic acid**. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2020, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/intentionally-misheard/916929/2 "2020-07-31T18:40:20Z")
There is an Advil commercial on rotation now. The song playing is, “…I’d like to praise you like I should…” And I’m hearing, “… I’d like to **braise** you like I should.”, and thinking about buying a pork shoulder roast. ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2020, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/intentionally-misheard/916929/3 "2020-07-31T20:06:32Z")
There is that sleep apnea device ad where that dad says “no hose required”. I swear that son replies “No hoes?” [![]( " - YouTube") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bn5-ydF4_QQ) ---
**Author:** ![WildaBeast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wildabeast/32/6_2.png) [@WildaBeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WildaBeast)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2020, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/intentionally-misheard/916929/4 "2020-07-31T20:17:02Z")
Whenever I hear a reporter say “Trump administration” I always like to imagine they’re actually saying “trumpet minestration”. I know “minestration” isn’t a real word, but it sounds like it should be. I imagine it means a group of minstrels, and therefore they’re talking about a group of minstrels who play trumpets. While not exactly the same thing, I also like to purposely misread words like the Sean Connery character in the old “Celerity Jeopardy” SNL sketches. So, for example: Therapist = The rapist And thus, Psychotherapist = Psycho the Rapist (the scariest clown name ever) Mandate = Man date Gotham, where Batman lives = Got ham? Yosemite = Yo, Semite! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2020, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/intentionally-misheard/916929/5 "2020-07-31T20:29:02Z")
> [@WildaBeast](#): > > I know “minestration” isn’t a real word… > **[Definition of MINISTRATION](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/ministration)** > > the act or process of ministering… See the full definition ---
**Author:** ![WildaBeast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wildabeast/32/6_2.png) [@WildaBeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WildaBeast)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2020, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/intentionally-misheard/916929/6 "2020-07-31T20:32:03Z")
Even better, then, although that means I don’t get to have my funny though about minstrels. But ministers with trumpets is kind of funny, foo. ---
**Author:** ![WildaBeast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wildabeast/32/6_2.png) [@WildaBeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WildaBeast)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2020, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/intentionally-misheard/916929/7 "2020-07-31T20:37:19Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > And I’m hearing, “… I’d like to **braise** you like I should.”, and thinking about buying a pork shoulder roast. I can totally imagine the title character from Bob’s Burgers buying a roast, and saying that to it. They like their puns on that show. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2020, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/intentionally-misheard/916929/8 "2020-07-31T20:56:17Z")
> [@WildaBeast](#): > > Therapist = The rapist > And thus, Psychotherapist = Psycho the Rapist (the scariest clown name ever) > Mandate = Man date > Gotham, where Batman lives = Got ham? > Yosemite = Yo, Semite! Ever watch, “Oh, Hello! Too much tuna!” with John Mullaney and Nick Kroll? I enjoy the way they pronounce, Broadway as _Brud-way_, with the emphasis on the “way”. Also, _Batman_, _Spiderman_ are not superheroes but old Jewish men. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2020, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/intentionally-misheard/916929/9 "2020-07-31T20:59:46Z")
[Remember to slaughter the tomatoes with a nun](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yh-e67Kkv8c) We still reference this when we _un_intentionally mishear each other. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2020, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/intentionally-misheard/916929/10 "2020-08-01T18:44:15Z")
[![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/nIwrgAnx6Q8/hqdefault.jpg?sqp=-oaymwEmCOADEOgC8quKqQMa8AEB-AHeA4AC6AKKAgwIABABGGUgZShlMA8=&rs=AOn4CLAmyxRzjLBUivnFDbGJXwL_gdT0pw "O Fortuna Misheard Lyrics") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIwrgAnx6Q8) These are actually the real lyrics of “O Fortuna” 😂 ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2020, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/intentionally-misheard/916929/11 "2020-08-01T19:41:51Z")
> [@WildaBeast](#): > > Yosemite = Yo, Semite! A friend and I had a chance to work right outside Yosemite. We ended up turning down the job, but we still say “Sigh, wouldn’t that have been great, running into the park after work, and watching the sun set in Yo-semite?” Which later got shortened to ‘Yo, smite!’ ---
**Author:** ![WildaBeast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wildabeast/32/6_2.png) [@WildaBeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WildaBeast)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2020, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/intentionally-misheard/916929/12 "2020-08-10T17:01:52Z")
I remembered another one while listening to NPR last weekend. Whenever I hear the job site and NPR sponsor “Zip Recruiter”, I hear it as “zipper cooter”. I’ve heard “cooter” used as slang for female genitalia before, so when I hear that I picture lady parts with a zipper on them. I swear I thought of anothet one yesterday, but now I’ve forgotten it again. ---
**Author:** ![Ynnad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/4491bb/32.png) [@Ynnad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ynnad)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2020, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/intentionally-misheard/916929/13 "2020-08-10T17:17:36Z")
You should enter Zipper Cooter in the made up band names thread. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2020, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/intentionally-misheard/916929/14 "2020-08-10T17:57:52Z")
For some reason I keep thinking of Zapruder. ---
**Author:** ![Paintcharge](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/paintcharge/32/7946_2.png) [@Paintcharge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paintcharge)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2020, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/intentionally-misheard/916929/15 "2020-08-10T18:10:31Z")
When NPR first started talking about the sponsor “Noom,” I was positive they were saying “Moo.” I thought that was an unfortunate name for a weight loss program. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2020, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/intentionally-misheard/916929/16 "2020-08-10T18:17:02Z")
> [@WildaBeast](#): > > Therapist = The rapist If you like that, you’ll love Tobias Fünke, who combined the skills of analyst and therapist. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/5Bmk-WrYJKc/hqdefault.jpg "Analrapist Tobias Fünke - Arrested Development") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Bmk-WrYJKc) ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2020, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/intentionally-misheard/916929/17 "2020-08-13T02:34:41Z")
I swear I hear Stevie Nicks sing _“Till the landslide **brung** it down”_, but nobody else seems to. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2020, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/intentionally-misheard/916929/18 "2020-08-13T20:15:07Z")
Whenever I hear _Where Did His Eye Go?_ by The Dickies, I intentionally mis-hear the lyric as ‘Where is the zygote?’ ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2020, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/intentionally-misheard/916929/19 "2020-08-14T18:39:51Z")
You can’t hire those lion eyes ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2020, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/intentionally-misheard/916929/20 "2020-08-14T18:53:59Z")
In _Dark Star_, where Bomb #20 says ‘I must detonate,’ I change it to ‘I must defecate.’ [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/intentionally-misheard/916929.md?page=2)