# Interacting with son's best friend's dad **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 2, 2020, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interacting-with-sons-best-friends-dad/848767 "2020-03-02T02:38:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2020, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interacting-with-sons-best-friends-dad/848767/21 "2020-03-02T14:49:25Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > OP, you are pretty much screwed. You can’t control what she does, that’s a given. But you find that many text messages suspicious. You need to talk with her and tell her your feelings. If she says they are innocent, then either you believe her and you get over it, or you don’t and move on with your life. Yep. But whatever you do, you can’t tell her she’s not allowed to text or phone people. ---
**Author:** ![GreedySmurf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a698b9/32.png) [@GreedySmurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreedySmurf)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2020, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interacting-with-sons-best-friends-dad/848767/22 "2020-03-02T15:20:59Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > You need to back off. Let your wife live her own life. Maybe she’s having a sexual relationship with this guy. But maybe it’s innocuous. Either way, it’s her business. If you can’t tolerate it, then leave her, but it’s not right of you to put her under constant surveillance. > > This thing you did to her friendship was horrible and controlling and possibly abusive. There’s nothing abnormal about having long phone conversations with a friend, there’s nothing disrespectful about it, And the fact that you hadn’t met the guy was irrelevant. Your wife is her own person and should be free to have her own friendships without interference from you. I’d go so far as to say it’s a classic sign of emotional domestic abuse. ---
**Author:** ![Fiveroptic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fiveroptic/32/8257_2.png) [@Fiveroptic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiveroptic)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2020, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interacting-with-sons-best-friends-dad/848767/23 "2020-03-02T15:22:05Z")
I’m trying to figure out why she hasn’t divorced OP’s ass already. Hopefully she’s got a lawyer and is preparing to do it. I have a feeling that the wife is actually smarter than he is and it reeeeeeally bugs him. ---
**Author:** ![YamatoTwinkie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/cc9497/32.png) [@YamatoTwinkie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YamatoTwinkie)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2020, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interacting-with-sons-best-friends-dad/848767/24 "2020-03-02T20:19:11Z")
> [@Horatio\_Hellpop](#): > > Are you in a position to hire a private investigator? The deleted texts are a serious red flag. The act of hiring a PI to spy on a spouse is an even bigger red flag. ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2020, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interacting-with-sons-best-friends-dad/848767/25 "2020-03-02T20:25:25Z")
> [@GreedySmurf](#): > > I’d go so far as to say it’s a classic sign of emotional domestic abuse. I wouldn’t go quite that far, but regardless, these attempts at control don’t work anyways, so whatever we call them don’t do it. Imagine the following scenarios: 1. They are having an affair 2. They are not having an affair but she is considering it. 3. She is simply talking to him as a friend and has no intention of having an affair. In none of the three scenarios will walking in throwing down the “I am the man, head of the household and all of its dominions, protector of its Christian name” card have any good effect. If #1, she will sneak. If #2, it will drive her further into his welcoming arms. If #3, it will piss her off that she is doing nothing wrong and here you are ordering her around. No marriage can survive when either party starts making demands. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2020, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interacting-with-sons-best-friends-dad/848767/26 "2020-03-02T20:34:06Z")
> [@Horatio\_Hellpop](#): > > The deleted texts are a serious red flag. Right, but are they a red flag that the wife is cheating or that she doesn’t trust the husband to not be a jealous jerk and snoop through her phone? We know that one of those things is happening, and it alone is a arguably a sufficient reason for the deletion. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2020, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interacting-with-sons-best-friends-dad/848767/27 "2020-03-02T20:42:33Z")
Who still gets a phone bill showing phone numbers for texts in and out? I haven’t see that in decades. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2020, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interacting-with-sons-best-friends-dad/848767/28 "2020-03-02T20:47:50Z")
After reading the other thread, I hope she’s having an affair with the other guy. He’s obviously much kinder to her than you are. ---
**Author:** ![Dark\_Sponge](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dark_sponge/32/121_2.png) [@Dark\_Sponge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dark_Sponge)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2020, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interacting-with-sons-best-friends-dad/848767/29 "2020-03-02T21:41:49Z")
More than likely the other guy thought she was hot and your wife was flattered or clueless. Tell her she’s beautiful, the guy is attracted to her, and you’re a little jealous. There’s no need for ultimatums or deception; she’s your wife. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2020, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interacting-with-sons-best-friends-dad/848767/30 "2020-03-02T21:42:14Z")
> [@UltraVires](#): > > No marriage can survive when either party starts making demands. You’re single, I see. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![confusedguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dec6dc/32.png) [@confusedguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/confusedguy)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2020, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interacting-with-sons-best-friends-dad/848767/31 "2020-03-02T21:59:53Z")
I don’t plan on doing anything, but just give a visit to his wife when he’s at work. Give her a copy of the text messages. She’s a nut job and I will let her take it from there. He’s a spineless jerk, will NEVER go against his wife. This is just part time fun for him which my beloved wife is soon going to figure out. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2020, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interacting-with-sons-best-friends-dad/848767/32 "2020-03-02T22:03:35Z")
> [@confusedguy](#): > > I don’t plan on doing anything, but just give a visit to his wife when he’s at work. Give her a copy of the text messages. She’s a nut job and I will let her take it from there. He’s a spineless jerk, will NEVER go against his wife. This is just part time fun for him which my beloved wife is soon going to figure out. Stay out of their business. You have serious mental problems. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2020, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interacting-with-sons-best-friends-dad/848767/33 "2020-03-02T22:09:46Z")
How are you going to distribute copies of text messages that have already been deleted? ---
**Author:** ![confusedguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dec6dc/32.png) [@confusedguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/confusedguy)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2020, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interacting-with-sons-best-friends-dad/848767/34 "2020-03-02T22:13:17Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > Stay out of their business. > > You have serious mental problems. Really? lol. Stay out of my wife 'n her friend’s secret chat business you mean freakin faggot? His wife has no clue what’s going on. If she thinks it’s ok, I will let her decide that. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2020, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interacting-with-sons-best-friends-dad/848767/35 "2020-03-02T22:14:02Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > How are you going to distribute copies of text messages that have already been deleted? He has a plan > [@](#): > > After seeing the text history through my cellphone provider website, What’s interesting is he asks for advice, and then decides on a course of action that literally no one suggested. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2020, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interacting-with-sons-best-friends-dad/848767/36 "2020-03-02T22:17:03Z")
dup ---
**Author:** ![confusedguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dec6dc/32.png) [@confusedguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/confusedguy)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2020, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interacting-with-sons-best-friends-dad/848767/37 "2020-03-02T22:25:30Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > He has a plan > > What’s interesting is he asks for advice, and then decides on a course of action that literally no one suggested. Reading advice from some of these dim-wits here makes me think this is the better solution. Asking someone who doesn’t understand cultural values wasn’t a good idea to begin with. Well, my mistakeI guess.:smack: But stay tuned, I will update soon, I really hope he deleted the texts from his side as well, that makes it even more exciting for the wifey. ---
**Author:** ![Pazu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pazu/32/15522_2.png) [@Pazu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pazu)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2020, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interacting-with-sons-best-friends-dad/848767/38 "2020-03-02T22:50:56Z")
> [@confusedguy](#): > > Asking someone who doesn’t understand cultural values wasn’t a good idea to begin with. I have to ask (especially since you didn’t answer this question in your last thread): what “cultural values” are we talking about? You do understand, hopefully, that not all “cultural values” are universal. Posters on this board come from a wide variety of cultural backgrounds, in fact, and can’t be expected to automatically adopt your cultural perspective given that you haven’t even said what it is. Although with responses like this > [@confusedguy](#): > > Stay out of my wife 'n her friend’s secret chat business you mean freakin faggot? you’re not really doing your culture any favors as a representative. ---
**Author:** ![engineer\_comp\_geek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/engineer_comp_geek/32/504_2.png) [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2020, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interacting-with-sons-best-friends-dad/848767/39 "2020-03-02T23:08:23Z")
**Moderator Warning** > [@confusedguy](#): > > you mean freakin faggot Language like this is inappropriate here on the SDMB. Do not do this again. This is an official warning. ---
**Author:** ![Asuka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dec6dc/32.png) [@Asuka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asuka)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interacting-with-sons-best-friends-dad/848767/40 "2020-03-02T23:57:58Z")
Ignoring the OPs past and responses, I have literally never seen CONSTANT DAILY texting between two people of the opposite sex that didn’t eventually result in either them both having sex, or one eventually making a move and the other rebuffs them so hard they never contact them again. 40 text messages at 6:40am means the dude woke up with an erection and had to satiate it by immediately talking to the woman he’s obessed with. You can be friends with somebody and text every day but the sheer enormity of texts from a dude at such an early or late time means dude is texting with a boner the entire time. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interacting-with-sons-best-friends-dad/848767.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interacting-with-sons-best-friends-dad/848767.md?page=3)