# Interesting ways to say ordinary things **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 12, 2001, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966 "2001-10-12T03:19:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Spoonbender](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spoonbender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoonbender)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/1 "2001-10-12T03:19:02Z")
We all have them: some slightly interesting or unusual way of saying something ordinary. It doesn’t have to be brilliant, or hilarious, or even original (although I’m not talking about tired cliches, either). Just something to put a slight twist on normal conversation. Here are a few that I like: Don’t say: “You’re a slob.” Say: “Were you raised by wolves?” Don’t say: “We’re in trouble.” Say: “We’ve just lost cabin pressure.” [Someone asks to borrow a pen from you] Don’t say: “Sorry, I don’t have one.” Say: “Do I look like I’m MADE of pens?” Don’t say: “Our plan is starting to come together.” Say: “Our plan is starting to congeal.” Don’t say: “We made a mistake.” Say: “We fumbled.” Don’t say: “We’re in trouble, and we need major help.” Say: “We need to call in the air strike.” What are some of yours? ---
**Author:** ![Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/50afbb/32.png) [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/2 "2001-10-12T03:54:09Z")
Don’t say: “Go to the store and get milk.” Say: “Were you going out anywhere?” Don’t say: “ **WHAT, YOU’RE NOT OUT OF BED YET?? YOUR RIDE WILL BE HERE IN 10 MINUTES, DIDN’T YOU SET YOUR ALARM, OH, SO YOU SET IT AND YOU WENT BACK TO BED, WELL, THAT WAS DUMB, WASN’T IT, AND WHY DO WE HAVE TO DO THIS EVERY MORNING, I DON’T THINK IT’S FAIR THAT WE HAVE TO KEEP GOING THROUGH THIS, YOU’RE CERTAINLY OLD ENOUGH TO GET YOURSELVES OUT OF BED IN TIME FOR SCHOOL…** ” Say: “Are the girls up yet?” Don’t say: “Your feet stink.” Say: “I smell feet.” Don’t say: “Don’t wear that.” Say: “Were you going to wear that?” Don’t say: “That dress is all wrinkled.” Say: “I believe in letting my children make their own clothing decisions.” ---
**Author:** ![DarkWriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee59a6/32.png) [@DarkWriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarkWriter)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/3 "2001-10-12T04:13:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Duck Duck Goose \* > \*\*Don’t say: “Go to the store and get milk.” > Say: “Were you going out anywhere?” > \*\* I do this to my husband ALL the time! Especially when I’m craving a fountain Coke and I’m too lazy to go get it myself. But he’s a sweetie and will usually go get me one even if he had no plans to go out. 🙂 Sheri ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/4 "2001-10-12T04:18:17Z")
[This thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=5604) collected some creative suggestions. Don’t say: “I don’t like you.” Do say: “You, [madam or sir], are a teratomatic paramecium swimming through the gonorrheally infected fallopian tubes of a genetically-modified-cheese-eating, crack-sniffing, Donahue-watching, gangrenous strumpet.” **–matt\_mcl** It works for any occasion! ---
**Author:** ![BigGiantHead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b4bc9f/32.png) [@BigGiantHead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigGiantHead)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/5 "2001-10-12T04:23:18Z")
Don’t say: “This thread makes the baby Jesus cry.” Say: “This thread precipitates the expected lachrymose outburst from the infant scion of the Almighty.” ---
**Author:** ![Mudshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f04885/32.png) [@Mudshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mudshark)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/6 "2001-10-12T04:40:18Z")
**Don’t Say:** Please Turn on the fan. **Do Say:** Please activate the wind generator **Don’t Say:** Hello **Do Say:** What be happening? ---
**Author:** ![Kalashnikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/2bfe46/32.png) [@Kalashnikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalashnikov)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/7 "2001-10-12T04:45:41Z")
Don’t say, So-and-so is dumb Say, they are on the other side of the bell curve The funny part is that you can say this when they can hear you but they won’t get it. Don’t say, that idea won’t work say, that’s a non-optimal solution This is good for when your boss suggests something pointless. ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/8 "2001-10-12T05:00:17Z")
Dont say, “The shit hit the fan” Say, “The proverbial defecation came in contact with a rotory motor” ---
**Author:** ![Ace309](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ace309/32/1050_2.png) [@Ace309](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ace309)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/9 "2001-10-12T05:03:12Z")
Don’t say, “I’m very worried about my Constitutional Law midterm. It’s going to be very difficult.” Say, “This ConLaw midterm’s going to be a sick, sick bump. We’re talking backdrop driver or Burning Hammer here.” ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/10 "2001-10-12T05:13:47Z")
Don’t say: “Uh-oh!” Say: “Houston, we have a problem!” Don’t say: “ow ow ow ow ow OW!” Say: “THAT’S gonna leave a scar!” Don’t say: “She’s a bitch!” Say: “She’s just pissed 'cuz a house fell on her sister!” a fave of my Dad (God rest his soul) Don’t say: “He’s dumb!” Say: "He fell out of the STUPID tree and hit every branch on the way down. ---
**Author:** ![Stiletto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a4c791/32.png) [@Stiletto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stiletto)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/11 "2001-10-12T06:02:03Z")
Don’t say: “Take a flying f\*ck at a rolling donut.” Say: “You are cordially invited to engage in aerobatic intercourse with a horizontally motivated pastry.” ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/12 "2001-10-12T06:08:59Z")
Anyone been stranded up a polluted tributary without adequate means of motivation? ---
**Author:** ![11811](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/9d8465/32.png) [@11811](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/11811)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/13 "2001-10-12T11:30:55Z")
When I don’t quite follow the complicated instruction/explanation someone has given me: I didn’t quite make the jump to light-speed, Han. ---
**Author:** ![Kid\_Gilligan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kid\_Gilligan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kid_Gilligan)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/14 "2001-10-12T11:42:35Z")
Them:“Have a nice day.” Me: “I’ll try if you will.” ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/15 "2001-10-12T14:48:17Z")
Things I/we actually say: Not: “Do you want something to drink?” But: “Would you care for a beverage?” Not: “Do you need to pee (before I get into the tub)?” But: “Do you need to use the facilities?” Not: “I have to use the bathroom.” But: “Oops, gotta pee.” (joke from an old cartoon entitled “The entire thought process of a puppy”: [nose to the ground] “what’sthatwhat’sthatwhat’sthatwhat’sthat oops, gotta pee what’sthatwhat’sthatwhat’sthatwhat’sthat”) Not: “Kiss me, you fool!” But: “Gimme a sa-mooch!” (To which the proper response is, “I will give you a sa-mooch \!”) Yes, we’re weird. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/16 "2001-10-12T14:56:28Z")
Don’t say “You’re wrong.” Say “That turns out not to be the case.” _thanks to Larry Niven_ ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/17 "2001-10-12T15:11:37Z")
**Arthropoidal invasion of the lower alimentary canal** (having a bug up one’s butt) **A case of "athlete’s tonsils"** (putting one’s foot in one’s mouth) ---
**Author:** ![pestie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e5b9ba/32.png) [@pestie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pestie)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/18 "2001-10-12T15:41:00Z")
When the police pull you over for speeding and ask you if you know how fast you were going: Correct: “No, I’m sorry, I don’t.” Incorrect: Just about any other possible answer. In many situations, this applies: What I say: “Thank you!” What I mean: “Fuck you!” ---
**Author:** ![rayniday](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ecc23a/32.png) [@rayniday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rayniday)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/19 "2001-10-12T15:52:59Z")
Don’t say-I’m confused Do say-I’m confuzzled OR I’m corn-fused ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/20 "2001-10-12T15:58:38Z")
[Monty Python] Don’t say: “Have a seat.” Say: “Place your hips on the sitting device.” [/Monty Python] Don’t say: “Get your shit together.” Say: “Get your feces congruent.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966.md?page=2)