# Interesting ways to say ordinary things **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 12, 2001, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966 "2001-10-12T03:19:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![11811](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/9d8465/32.png) [@11811](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/11811)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2001, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/41 "2001-10-13T02:08:52Z")
Instead of: “She’s dumb.” “She needs a check-up from the neck up.” ---
**Author:** ![11811](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/9d8465/32.png) [@11811](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/11811)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2001, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/42 "2001-10-13T02:15:03Z")
Instead of: “She’s dumb.” “She needs a check-up from the neck up.” ---
**Author:** ![saepiroth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@saepiroth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saepiroth)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2001, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/43 "2001-10-13T06:30:02Z")
rather than “ohh, she IS a bitch” say “well, SOMEONE needs a chlorine gas capsule in her car…” ---
**Author:** ![mmmiiikkkeee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/edb3f5/32.png) [@mmmiiikkkeee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mmmiiikkkeee)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2001, 9:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/44 "2001-10-13T09:34:10Z")
“you make a better door than a window” don’t say “you’re blocking the TV”. ---
**Author:** ![mmmiiikkkeee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/edb3f5/32.png) [@mmmiiikkkeee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mmmiiikkkeee)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2001, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/45 "2001-10-14T07:40:00Z")
Yeah… two more I heard on old radio shows but haven’t personally heard anyone else say: Don’t say “He’s a really big guy” Say “He’s not exactly a scale-model” When someone says “you can’t do that”, Don’t say “yes I can” or “watch me”… Say “I can do a pretty good impression” ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2001, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/46 "2001-10-14T08:27:47Z")
Many say: Gang colors I say: clothing of “questionable cultural significance” Many say: In Jail I say: Guest of the County Many say: Tired run down looking person. I say: Tore up from the Floor up. Many say: Lengthy Unproductive Discussion I say: Analysis to Paralysis ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2001, 9:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/47 "2001-10-14T09:07:50Z")
Where one might be tempted to say: MOTHERF\*\*\*ER! I’d say: OEDIPUS! ---
**Author:** ![11811](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/9d8465/32.png) [@11811](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/11811)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2001, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/48 "2001-10-14T18:48:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by drachillix \* > \*\* > Many say: Tired run down looking person. > I say: Tore up from the Floor up. > \*\* Drachillix: Love it! Instead of “I’m going to party” “I’m dressed up to get messed up” – courtesy Roomful of Blues. ---
**Author:** ![ianzin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@ianzin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ianzin)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2001, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/49 "2001-10-14T19:39:36Z")
Don’t say: “I doubt that’s gonna work”. Do say: “Can I suggest you first of all shove butter up a porcupine’s ass with a red hot poker, because it’s a lot more practical than [whatever has just been proposed]”. Don’t say: “I couldn’t care less”. Do say: “Right, I think I saw something about that on a website, www who-gives-a-shit dot com .” Don’t say: “That’s never going to happen”. Do say: “Hey, watch out for a forthcoming edition of Oprah, all about how to make money by selling crack cocaine to kids. Because when that show airs, that’s the day it [whatever has been suggested] is gonna happen”. Don’t say: “You’ve failed the audition”. Do say: “I regret to inform you that on this occasion you have failed to bottle lightning”. ---
**Author:** ![Baraqiyal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@Baraqiyal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baraqiyal)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2001, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/50 "2001-10-14T21:45:45Z")
When asked “How are you?” Don’t say: “Fine”. Do say: “I am operating within normal parameters”. ---
**Author:** ![Baraqiyal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@Baraqiyal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baraqiyal)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2001, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/51 "2001-10-14T21:59:56Z")
When asked “How are you?” Don’t say: “Fine”. Do say: “I am operating within normal parameters”. ---
**Author:** ![Anubis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@Anubis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anubis)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2001, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/52 "2001-10-14T22:44:21Z")
When someone asks: “Whassup?” Don’t say: “The sky” or “Nuthin’” Do Say: In or toward a position conventionaly regarded as higher. That’ll leave 'em cornfused(compliments of **rayniday** ) ---
**Author:** ![jmonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dbc845/32.png) [@jmonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jmonster)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2001, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/53 "2001-10-15T03:22:43Z")
When you sneeze: Don’t say: “Ah-choo!” Say: “Horseshoe!” When somebody’s rushing you: Don’t say: “I’ll be there in a second.” Say: “I’ll be there in [microfortnight](http://foldoc.doc.ic.ac.uk/foldoc/foldoc.cgi?microfortnight).” ---
**Author:** ![tobytobe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b3f665/32.png) [@tobytobe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tobytobe)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2001, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/54 "2001-10-15T04:02:08Z")
My favorite was Clinton’s classic: "It depends on your definition of “having sex” It was a yes or no question. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![ThatOneGirlHK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@ThatOneGirlHK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThatOneGirlHK)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2017, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/55 "2017-03-06T21:41:07Z")
Instead of saying “No”, say “Nuns on the ripple” ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2017, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/56 "2017-03-07T00:17:29Z")
> [@ThatOneGirlHK](#): > > Instead of saying “No”, say “Nuns on the ripple” This thread is almost SIXTEEN YEARS OLD!!! And you brought it back for THAT??? ---
**Author:** ![x-ray\_vision](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/x-ray_vision/32/351_2.png) [@x-ray\_vision](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/x-ray_vision)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2017, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/57 "2017-03-07T01:33:31Z")
You people were REALLY corny 16 years ago! ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2017, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/58 "2017-03-07T04:09:21Z")
Scoutmaster (looking around): “Hey, what happened to Mitch?” Tiny little Cub Scout: “Well, when he was little, his mom dropped him on his head…” ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2017, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/59 "2017-03-07T05:22:27Z")
Darn, I never notice zombies! When the apocalypse starts, you might want to start running away long before I say “Hmm, something’s not right…” > [@digs](#): > > Scoutmaster (looking around): “Hey, what happened to Mitch?” > Tiny little Cub Scout: “Well, when he was little, his mom dropped him on his head…” After 16 years, I still use that line. Surprising how many people say “What happened to…” ---
**Author:** ![movingfinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@movingfinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/movingfinger)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2017, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966/60 "2017-03-07T06:55:37Z")
If someone asks: When will that report be ready? Don’t say: I’m just about done. Don’t say: When I’m damn good and ready. Don’t say: I’ll let you know. Don’t say: Any minute now. Say: In the fullness of time. (with patient facial expression) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/interesting-ways-to-say-ordinary-things/86966.md?page=4)