# Introducing Max2K **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 11, 2001, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introducing-max2k/65133 "2001-05-11T22:10:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2001, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introducing-max2k/65133/1 "2001-05-11T22:10:46Z")
Thank you for purchasing Max2K. We know you will be happy with this product. Almost 2 years in the making, Max2K contains all the features you demand in a poster. The product comes complete with 2 years of legal education and a bachelor’s degree in philosophy. Max2K will upgrade automatically next year when MaxJD is released, at no cost to you. Max2K also includes a wealth of information on many topics, including firearms, religion, and cinema. However, Max2K refuses to be pigeonholed, and may enter other threads seemingly at random. This is part of Max2K’s normal dynamic learning process, and nothing to be alarmed about. Max2K will employ its built-in humor function as often as possible; however, we cannot guarantee that the results will always be 100% satisfactory. We are constantly adding to and improving these functions. Keep Max2K lightly oiled and in a cool, dry place. Do not expose Max2K to direct sunlight for prolonged periods. While using Max2K, some cognitive dissonance is normal. Turn Max2K off when not in use. Max2K was designed as a maintenance-free product, and should give you years of reliable service. Thank you once again for your purchase. Enjoy your product. (happy 2000 to me, happy 2000 to me…) ---
**Author:** ![JavaMaven1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@JavaMaven1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JavaMaven1)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2001, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introducing-max2k/65133/2 "2001-05-11T22:21:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Max Torque \* > \*\*Keep Max2K lightly oiled and in a cool, dry place. \*\* And just how do I apply said oil? 😉 And do I gently buff with a lint-free cloth to keep you dust-free and shiny? BTW… happy 2000! ---
**Author:** ![Demo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demo/32/8472_2.png) [@Demo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demo)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2001, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introducing-max2k/65133/3 "2001-05-11T22:23:55Z")
Hey! My Max2K got confiscated at the airport! No one told me you couldn’t have luggage that vibrat…never mind. [sub]Happy 2k, Maxie. I know you just did this because you are a bandwidth-complainer rebel.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Wicked\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/2acd7d/32.png) [@Wicked\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wicked_Blue)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2001, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introducing-max2k/65133/4 "2001-05-11T22:39:57Z")
Happy 2000 **Maximus**!! Rose 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![PicklePea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecd19e/32.png) [@PicklePea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PicklePea)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2001, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introducing-max2k/65133/5 "2001-05-11T22:43:57Z")
Max2k??? ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2001, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introducing-max2k/65133/6 "2001-05-11T23:15:29Z")
Mine just broke. ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2001, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introducing-max2k/65133/7 "2001-05-11T23:58:30Z")
But what I want to know is, will it screen out all stupid posts for me? Besides, I’d rather just pounce on it’s back and nuzzle it’s neck. ---
**Author:** ![Narile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@Narile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Narile)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2001, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introducing-max2k/65133/8 "2001-05-12T00:11:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Max Torque \* > **Do not expose Max2K to direct sunlight for prolonged periods.** And never, **Ever** , Feed after midnight… [sub]Happy 2k[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2001, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introducing-max2k/65133/9 "2001-05-12T00:31:53Z")
Max2K’s bottles should be 12oz. and served very cold. Although Max2K should be kept lightly oiled and in a cool dry place, Max2K’s Pleasure attachment should be kept wet, and in a warm, wet place. ---
**Author:** ![chique](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@chique](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chique)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2001, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introducing-max2k/65133/10 "2001-05-12T00:36:17Z")
> [@](#): > > Keep Max2K lightly oiled and in a cool, dry place. Ummmmm … I’d like to apply for that oiling job, if I may 😉 ---
**Author:** ![imthjckaz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/imthjckaz/32/3223_2.png) [@imthjckaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/imthjckaz)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2001, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introducing-max2k/65133/11 "2001-05-12T00:36:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Max Torque \* > **Thank you for purchasing Max2K. We know you will be happy with this product.** > > [sub]this quote was reduced, due to time constraints[/sub] > > \*\* > Thank you once again for your purchase. Enjoy your product. > \*\* Where do I go for a refund?🙂 Happy 2K **Max Torque** ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2001, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introducing-max2k/65133/12 "2001-05-12T00:39:53Z")
Hey, at least this was an original version of a post count party. Congrats, Max. Here’s to another 2K of your completely useless posts. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Jadis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@Jadis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jadis)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2001, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introducing-max2k/65133/13 "2001-05-12T00:43:07Z")
Happy 2k, Maxie!! Wanna have an anniversary…ummmm…you know?? \ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Gunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gunslinger)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2001, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introducing-max2k/65133/14 "2001-05-12T02:05:18Z")
Good for you. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2001, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introducing-max2k/65133/15 "2001-05-12T02:28:26Z")
Do not mock Max2K. The ingredients of Max2K include a strange glowing substance that presumably fell to earth from outer space. ---
**Author:** ![sk8rixtx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/858c86/32.png) [@sk8rixtx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sk8rixtx)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2001, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introducing-max2k/65133/16 "2001-05-12T03:26:55Z")
AWWWWW, wittle Maxie Pad is aww gwown up now. ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2001, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introducing-max2k/65133/17 "2001-05-12T06:28:10Z")
Happy 2000th post! > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Max Torque \* > **in a cool, dry place** Any place with **DRY** is _by definition_, cool. Congratulations again! I enjoy your posts! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![casdave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@casdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/casdave)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2001, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introducing-max2k/65133/18 "2001-05-12T22:51:18Z")
Warning, Max2K may explode if prodded with pointy things, or pointless things. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2001, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introducing-max2k/65133/19 "2001-05-12T23:35:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Smeghead \* > \*\*…a strange glowing substance that presumably fell to earth from outer space. \*\* BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! 😉 Happy 2K, Max! :smooch: 🙂