# Introvert in Dorm **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 18, 2014, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introvert-in-dorm/679132 "2014-01-18T05:23:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introvert-in-dorm/679132/21 "2014-01-18T15:01:32Z")
Is there any place on your campus where people DO congregate? Coffee shop, student union, rec center? Maybe they just don’t do the hanging-out-in-the-dorm thing all that much. ---
**Author:** ![Quimby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/22d042/32.png) [@Quimby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quimby)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introvert-in-dorm/679132/22 "2014-01-18T15:23:32Z")
College is designed to make it easy to meet people. Don’t rush it. You mentioned you planned to join clubs. That will get you in touch with people with common interests which is the first step to finding friends. Beyond that you have classes, study groups, all kinds of things. Rather than thinking of this as a step backward where you have to start over, look at it as an opportunity to be the person you want to be with people who have no preconceived notions of who you are. Be patient and take each day one at a time and things will be fine. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introvert-in-dorm/679132/23 "2014-01-18T16:37:38Z")
I’ll go along with clubs. The problem with “hanging out in public areas” is that people don’t generally just walk up and ask to be your friend. And, if you’re not naturally outgoing, it can be difficult to approach others so you wind up just people-watching and feeling odd for sitting there like a lump. Passively leaving the door open requires some extra extrovertive effort on your part as well to actually invite people in and give them a reason to chat. With clubs at least you immediately have some shared interest and the dynamic hopefully encourages interaction: anything from “we’re here to play board games/discuss books/go running as a group” to “let’s plan a campus event”. And if the club isn’t a great fit, you don’t need to feel any real obligation and college provides plenty of excuses anyway (“Oh, class work is just too much”). From how I remember college though, there’s a group for pretty much everyone provided you’re willing to put forth minimal effort. Even the most stereotypical misfit could find like-minded people to hang out with. Not to imply that you’re a misfit, of course, so you should have an even easier time once things get rolling 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introvert-in-dorm/679132/24 "2014-01-18T17:00:09Z")
I never quite understand why people talk about college “clubs”… IME they don’t really do much. Join the newspaper, the theater (either in an acting role or a backstage role), an orchestra, an improv group, a robotics team, a service fraternity, an intramural sports team… a group that _does_ something rather than _is interested in_ something. Although maybe I’m making a semantic distinction, generally “clubs” don’t have any specific purpose, and just consist of people sort of sitting around. Which is about as socially awkward as it gets. Find something you’de like to _do_ and join other people in doing that. But yeah, you’re in an awkward position starting in the middle of the year. It will take a bit longer to find your feet than if you’d started at the beginning of the year (because there are many new-student events and activities at the start of the school year, not so much after the mid-semester break). But people will be trickling in over the weekend, and classes will start, and pretty soon you’ll be as busy as you want to be. ---
**Author:** ![congodwarf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e36b37/32.png) [@congodwarf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/congodwarf)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introvert-in-dorm/679132/25 "2014-01-18T17:34:14Z")
Coffee is a great bringer-togetherer (shut up, it is a word!) Many of the people who like coffee will probably have some sort of pod-coffee but there’s no way that can compare to the smell of a fresh pot of really good coffee. My introverted fiance became friends with every person on his floor every year because he was the only person with a full size coffee pot. He’s still friends with many of them over 15 years later. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introvert-in-dorm/679132/26 "2014-01-18T18:30:37Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > Although maybe I’m making a semantic distinction, generally “clubs” don’t have any specific purpose, and just consist of people sort of sitting around. Which is about as socially awkward as it gets. I think you are and most people are using “clubs” as shorthand for various organizations. That said, I don’t know of a club that doesn’t have a purpose. It’s generally the [Purpose] Club, not the “come sit in room 2023 for no good reason”. How successful the club is will depend on how the people in it leverage their interest into action: Discussing a book, holding a little film festival, using their horticulture skills for some beautification project or whatever. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introvert-in-dorm/679132/27 "2014-01-18T19:14:40Z")
> [@Jophiel](#): > > That said, I don’t know of a club that doesn’t have a purpose. It’s generally the [Purpose] Club, not the “come sit in room 2023 for no good reason”. How successful the club is will depend on how the people in it leverage their interest into action. It’s the last part I’m talking about; I’ve seen ever so many clubs which are topical in theory (Photography club, SF club, non-traditional students club) but never actually translate their interest into action. They just meet, talk about the topic half-heartedly for a half an hour, and then fizzle out over time. Very rarely does an established publication, team, or performance group have this problem. But I think at heart we are pretty much saying the same thing. Get involved in a variety of activities. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Nylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/77aa72/32.png) [@Mr.Nylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Nylock)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introvert-in-dorm/679132/28 "2014-01-18T20:13:04Z")
From my own perspective I would say keep an open mind and try to meet as many people as you can, I wouldn’t say you are being melodramatic - it’s better to deal with these feelings now than when you’re 30 and alone and working as a busboy even though you have a college degree because you never could make friends and establish connections. I wish I had those years to live all over again - I would have done a lot of things different. I would suggest if you have trouble making friends that you spend more time when you interact with people asking them about themselves and not talk about yourself more than you need to. Some people you will click with others you won’t. I would recommend trying to see or focus on the good in people and look for things you have in common with others. See how it works, good luck. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introvert-in-dorm/679132/29 "2014-01-18T20:22:43Z")
Maybe, just maybe, the dorm is unusually quiet today because it’s the Saturday of a three-day weekend before classes begin. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introvert-in-dorm/679132/30 "2014-01-18T21:37:04Z")
In general you don’t want to spend too much time in your dorm. Go to the student union or the _your major_ lounge if one exists. It may be that people are going to move in as late as Sunday night, too. Prop your door open and maybe put up a note that you can help move furniture. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introvert-in-dorm/679132/31 "2014-01-18T22:17:18Z")
> [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](#): > > Go find a brick. > An old brick, in an empty lot. > Use it as a free doorstop. > > Bam. > Your door is open. On the way to find an empty lot, talk to people. Tell them you’re going to find an empty lot so you can get a brick and prop your door open. Ask them if they want to come along. If you meet someone cute make sure you keep the brick, you can have the ring bearer also be the brick-bearer at your wedding. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introvert-in-dorm/679132/32 "2014-01-18T22:29:24Z")
Are you allowed a microwave? Prop that door open and make this. [Brownie in a Mug](http://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/brownie_in_a_mug/) People will drop by. 😃 Check into study groups. They saved me in several tough classes and I made a few lifelong friends. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introvert-in-dorm/679132/33 "2014-01-18T22:36:21Z")
Another vote for joining a club. I am a huge introvert, and this fact doesn’t really bother me, but I really wanted to meet new people in college. Since I hate parties and had no wish to get drunk or join any sort of standard college social organization but I had an interest in role-playing games, I sought out the campus Dungeons and Dragons club and joined up. I figured my place was among my people, the nerds. 😃 Best decision I’ve made in my life. I made lifelong friends in that club (including my spouse of 25 years and several folks who still play games with us monthly). For me, the trick was to identify something I was interested in doing, then find other people who enjoyed doing it. IMO, it’s almost always easier to make friends when you’re doing something else while it’s happening. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cyros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@Cyros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyros)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introvert-in-dorm/679132/34 "2014-01-18T23:06:03Z")
Buy a texas mickey (3 litres) of rye for your room. The local extroverts will be by in no time to make your aquaintance. Well, that is what worked for me. Those guys are still some of my best friends 24 years later. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introvert-in-dorm/679132/35 "2014-01-18T23:07:35Z")
Have you tried an improv class? ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introvert-in-dorm/679132/36 "2014-01-18T23:45:26Z")
I forgot to add, of course you’re worried and lonely, your feelings are totally normal in your situation. Dorms are super lonely when no one’s around. So, until people start showing up, make the best of the weekend - scout out things you wont have time for later. -Check to see if there a grocery store near campus, or one you can get to by bus (ask an RA, there should be at least one on duty if the dorm is open). -If any of your classes are back-to-back, scout the routes between them to see if you’ll need to rush. -Find the locations of, and check the hours of, the gym/pool; the health center; the counselling center; the writing center; the office that handles international exchange programs; the place where campus student jobs are posted. -at the gym, check if they have a schedule of classes or any planned group events, like hikes, nature walks, etc. At my college you could take some really fun “kinesology” classes for 1 credit - windsurfing, horseback riding, winter camping, rock climbing… all sorts of things most people have never had the chance to try. -stop by the theater and get a schedule of performances. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introvert-in-dorm/679132/37 "2014-01-18T23:47:41Z")
I’ll add an obligatory warning: Go to a club/organization to meet people but don’t go to meet people. In that, pick something you enjoy and go because you’ll enjoy doing it rather than going to the Future Physicists Club and considering it a failure if you didn’t make two new best friends that night. Oh, and you might see more hallway traffic after the weekend. True, no one wants to walk up ten flights of stairs, but someone going from the 10th floor to the 11th to see a friend might not want to wait for the elevator either. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introvert-in-dorm/679132/38 "2014-01-18T23:53:48Z")
I’ve just skimmed the thread, so I apologize if this was addressed, but in my experience most people start college in September, so perhaps everyone else in your dorm has had a semester to get to know everyone. And during the first semester, the colleges organize all sorts of mixers and other events so people can meet. But don’t worry about that. Join a club or two if you like, got to class, perhaps join a study group. You’ll get to know people soon enough. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introvert-in-dorm/679132/39 "2014-01-18T23:59:34Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > I forgot to add, of course you’re worried and lonely, your feelings are totally normal in your situation. Dorms are super lonely when no one’s around. So, until people start showing up, make the best of the weekend - scout out things you wont have time for later. > -Check to see if there a grocery store near campus, or one you can get to by bus (ask an RA, there should be at least one on duty if the dorm is open). > -If any of your classes are back-to-back, scout the routes between them to see if you’ll need to rush. > -Find the locations of, and check the hours of, the gym/pool; the health center; the counselling center; the writing center; the office that handles international exchange programs; the place where campus student jobs are posted. > -at the gym, check if they have a schedule of classes or any planned group events, like hikes, nature walks, etc. At my college you could take some really fun “kinesology” classes for 1 credit - windsurfing, horseback riding, winter camping, rock climbing… all sorts of things most people have never had the chance to try. > -stop by the theater and get a schedule of performances. Don’t run all these errands carrying a brick. ---
**Author:** ![Mathematics](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@Mathematics](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mathematics)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2014, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introvert-in-dorm/679132/40 "2014-01-19T01:08:43Z")
Hi everyone, thanks for the advice. I know to join clubs. I’ve been in college for two years. I was involved in a few groups at my last college. Today was a lot better, I would say. I think I was just homesick more than anything. I’m not going to try to make friends, exactly, but I’m going to still stay active on campus. I think that’s a better approach, similar to what **Jophiel** said. I’m also hopeful because all of my classes are in my major this semester. So maybe I’ll be more successful in connecting with people. In any case, I am not really lonely any more. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introvert-in-dorm/679132.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/introvert-in-dorm/679132.md?page=3)