# Invent a Disease **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 22, 2022, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invent-a-disease/964897 "2022-05-22T21:09:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2022, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invent-a-disease/964897/1 "2022-05-22T21:09:25Z")
People sometimes claim that doctors or drug companies just invent new diseases. Now it’s your turn! Carpool Tunnel Syndrome: A fear of being in close quarters with loud, screaming children. Tackycardia: Elevated heart rate caused by carnivals, theme restaurants and country fairs. Irritable Vowel Syndrome: Angry Canadians addressing your false claim they say “aboot” instead of “about”. Guestritis: Irritation caused by people who outstay their welcome at your house, cottage, chalet or elsewhere. **Surely you can do better?** ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2022, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invent-a-disease/964897/2 "2022-05-22T21:20:13Z")
> [@Dr\_Paprika](#): > > Surely you can do better? How about a fictional injury based on a fictional disease? Andromeda Strain - a back injury caused by lifting your telescope out of the back of the car. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2022, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invent-a-disease/964897/3 "2022-05-22T21:23:22Z")
That’s pretty good. I am going to further extend the category to phrases. “GERD Intentions”: careleessly eating onions and spicy food or drinkin’ booze just before bedtime ---
**Author:** ![penultima\_thule](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penultima_thule/32/3833_2.png) [@penultima\_thule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/penultima_thule)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2022, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invent-a-disease/964897/4 "2022-05-22T22:47:50Z")
Why be original, when you can cite something as original as this? [The Spon Plague](https://www.hexmaster.com/goonscripts/s08e23.pdf) ---
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2022, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invent-a-disease/964897/5 "2022-05-23T00:50:15Z")
I gave a name to a nasty disease I encountered when I went to Sacramento for training. (I’m retired now, after twenty years with the State of Confusion, I mean, California.) The hotel where I stayed had the typical “breakfast.” I set my coat, my notebooks, and a copy of the morning paper at a comfortable spot where I wanted to eat my Danish, drink my coffee, and scan the paper before I left to go to class. After getting my “breakfast,” I returned to find all of my paraphernalia dumped elsewhere, where there was no place to even set my coffee cup. I drove to class, and in Sacramento, there is NO street parking anywhere. I found out that all parking structures have exorbitant rates, and people who don’t pay monthly are banished to the very highest level of the structure. I was driving carefully, looking to find a place that wasn’t marked “RESERVED” and I guess I was just too slow. The guy behind me PASSED ME in the parking structure. Be careful in Sacramento, People! The entire city is infected with “I’m-so-important-and-you-are-not.” Nasty, nasty disease! ~VOW ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2022, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invent-a-disease/964897/6 "2022-05-23T16:34:05Z")
Tom thumb: a form of strain caused by trying to handle a large cat. ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2022, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invent-a-disease/964897/7 "2022-05-23T17:25:01Z")
Sorry for this one, Dr. Paprika, not aimed at you. False Hypochondria Diagnosis - a term for when a lazy doctor doesn’t want to put forth the effort to discover you actually have a heart murmur/allergy/chemical imbalance/other. Thank heavens for my current doc. She rules. 'nother one Terminal Volunteerism - when you volunteer for so many things you feel like to die from exhaustion. This is something I inherited from my mother, luckily we both learned to curb it before it was too late. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2022, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invent-a-disease/964897/8 "2022-05-23T18:24:15Z")
Well, you could move to Los Angeles. Problem solved! (Or so I here, no personal experience.) ---
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2022, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invent-a-disease/964897/9 "2022-05-23T19:03:57Z")
Oh, LA has its own set of problems! Mr VOW and I got our craw full of California, and retired to our place literally out in the middle of nowhere in AZ. ~VOW ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2022, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invent-a-disease/964897/10 "2022-05-23T19:11:42Z")
Angina - when you are a guy and have to, uh, handle things by yourself. Operative word there is “handle”. ---
**Author:** ![E-DUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/e-dub/32/403_2.png) [@E-DUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-DUB)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2022, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invent-a-disease/964897/11 "2022-05-23T19:12:59Z")
From a SF tale the title of which escapes me: Narapoia, the feeling that you might be following someone or that people are plotting to do you good. ---
**Author:** ![Treppenwitz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treppenwitz/32/3445_2.png) [@Treppenwitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Treppenwitz)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2022, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invent-a-disease/964897/12 "2022-05-24T00:07:43Z")
Back in the day, when I was working in animal health, we actually did invent a disease. Background: an annoying coworker was in the habit of starting conversations about projects he was not involved in, in a way that led a number of us to conclude that he was sneaking around and rifling through files on people’s desks. So, as a trap, we invented the Rufescent Rhinitis Project. The objective was to treat the condition in farmed Norwegian reindeer. We created some correspondence (paper - it was a long time ago) and baited the trap. They never bit. Ahem. Rufescent rhinitis = Red Nose. j ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2022, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invent-a-disease/964897/13 "2022-05-24T00:16:53Z")
Hyperlexia: chronic excessive/obsessive reading. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2022, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invent-a-disease/964897/14 "2022-05-24T00:18:50Z")
Cones disease, always running into roadwork. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2022, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invent-a-disease/964897/15 "2022-05-24T00:28:38Z")
> [@snowthx](#): > > Angina - when you are a guy and have to, uh, handle things by yourself. Operative word there is “handle”. Wouldn’t that be spelled handgina? ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2022, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invent-a-disease/964897/16 "2022-05-24T01:13:13Z")
Welter Gropius: the inclination to grasp at chaotic disorder Johnny Quest: an all-consuming need for bathroom location-awareness in any public space Vindalooneycated: mental affliction from consuming Indian cuisine at a specific phase of the moon, resulting in irrational smugness Echolalolia: meaningless repetition of Lalo from Better Call Saul’s lines as a symptom of psychiatric disorder. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2022, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invent-a-disease/964897/17 "2022-05-24T01:20:35Z")
I’ve seen it spelled “thicken prox”. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2022, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invent-a-disease/964897/18 "2022-05-24T02:02:43Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > Johnny Quest: an all-consuming need for bathroom location-awareness in any public space I’ve had this! I suspect that all parents have had a case of this at some point. ---
**Author:** ![Railer13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/railer13/32/9742_2.png) [@Railer13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Railer13)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2022, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invent-a-disease/964897/19 "2022-05-24T02:08:02Z")
Just wait until you turn 70. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2022, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invent-a-disease/964897/20 "2022-05-24T03:00:11Z")
Some disorder where a woman never menstruates in her entire life. Some disorder where a person gets extreme sensitivity to pain, to the point where they have to be kept in a bubble-confined sort of room for life for their sanity’s sake because a stubbed toe hurts 100x worse than it would for a normal person. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invent-a-disease/964897.md?page=2)