# Invention(s) Du Jour **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 27, 2000, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invention-s-du-jour/13131 "2000-01-27T06:11:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invention-s-du-jour/13131/1 "2000-01-27T06:11:00Z")
I am an inventor in my mind only. I come up with the great ideas and want someone else to do the specs and marketing. (Don’t we all?) Here is my latest one, and being in the 11th hour of pregnancy, you don’t have to strain yourself to much to wonder where I dreamed up this one. Preggo woman get-outta-bed- catapult: to assist women during their hourly runs to the bathroom. After delivery, the catapult can be used on the couch during football season for the spouse. It can have many other uses, like evicting Annoying Aunt Stella from your party or setting the cat into a mini orbit. What are some of your inventions? * * * “Her only flair is in her nostrils.” ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invention-s-du-jour/13131/2 "2000-01-27T06:31:00Z")
Hourly runs? How do you manage to hold it for an hour? I couldn’t make it 15 minutes. 😉 Good idea, though. Once you’re in that home stretch, it really is hard to get off the couch. I need a toddler English/adult English translator. Sometimes I know my daughter is trying to tell me something really important, but I just can’t understand what she’s saying. Either she’s very proud of the fact that she ate all of her carrots, or she just flushed the cat down the toilet. * * * “The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his ribcage.” --anonymous redhead ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invention-s-du-jour/13131/3 "2000-01-27T06:46:00Z")
I don’t care if I don’t make a cent, I still say someone need to make this: You know how they made shortening sticks so that you wouldn’t have that sloppy measuring job when putting shortening in a recipe? Someone needs to develop pre-measured, messless, peanut butter sticks for use in recipes that call for peanut butter. It’d be SO much neater. ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invention-s-du-jour/13131/4 "2000-01-27T09:10:00Z")
Says the rotund but lovable **Shirley** : > [@](#): > > … and being in the 11th hour of pregnancy … Now _that’s_ a gestation period… * * * The bat rose and fell. She bludgeoned the dead dog. Behind her, Vic’s Jag turned into the Cambers’ driveway. ---
**Author:** ![Bluepony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Bluepony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bluepony)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invention-s-du-jour/13131/5 "2000-01-27T12:34:00Z")
You could check out your idea with the Acme Company. They could probably modify the catapults they’ve been selling to Wile E. Coyote all these years. ``` Of course there's something to be said about the workmanship and reliability of Acme products. (beep-beep) ``` * * * “…send lawyers, guns, and money…” ``` Warren Zevon ``` ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invention-s-du-jour/13131/6 "2000-01-27T13:05:00Z")
[http://www.realdoll.com/](http://www.realdoll.com/) Nuff said. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invention-s-du-jour/13131/7 "2000-01-27T14:51:00Z")
Max! That peanut butter stick idea is pure genius! Another invention of mine: The super duper pooper shooter.( By Ronco 😉 Take a leaf blower and put it on reverse with a catch-all bag. Suck up Fido’s poops neatly without the gacking or disgrace of those large salad tong like poop picker uppers. THEN (THIS IS THE BONUS ROUND) reverse the air suction and shoot the poop back to your neighbors yard, from whence it came. It would sell, I swear it! ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invention-s-du-jour/13131/8 "2000-01-27T15:22:00Z")
Other ideas that have wafted thru the space between my ears: For the businessman who lives out of his car, the ability to get rid of the back seat entirely and put a filing system, small desk and anything else essential. He could turn his bucket seat around and have it right there neatly and organized instead of crammed in a case or strewn all over the car, Thus leaving the front seat free for important things like fast food bags. A remote control that tells you how much fat you’ve deposited on your ass while you’ve sat on the couch like a zombie watching a marathon session of Friends. In the same light, an at home liposuction kit. Just a simple attachment to a shop vac is all I ask. Baby items: Along the lines of a studfinder, place said device over crying baby’s tummy to see if the stomach is empty or full. Disposable diapers: some kind of spray/powder than you can put on a soiled diaper before it goes into the trash to assist in the breakdown of the diaper. ( Most diapers take 30 years in a landfill to break completely down.) ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invention-s-du-jour/13131/9 "2000-01-27T15:28:00Z")
( My connection as cut out a couple of times today, so this is why I’m multiposting.) Along the lines of infrared goggles. Glasses that when worn allow you to see if the person you are talking to is lying to you, ie, like subtitles. ( OK, this is a little far fetched, but it would be funny.) A dry cleaning closet. This isn’t an invention, it is more of, why in the hell DON’t we do this? RE: Laundry. Instead of dragging dirty clothes to the laundry room, washing drying, folding, dragging back and replacing into empty drawers. WHY not put the entire families wardrobe in the laundry room. Everyone gets dressed in there. Less hauling and drudgery. (This is my ultimate goal in my house.) Thus freeing up bedrooms of dressers. ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invention-s-du-jour/13131/10 "2000-01-27T17:07:00Z")
Shirley, You will probably appreciate this one. [http://colitz.com/site/3216423/3216423a.htm](http://colitz.com/site/3216423/3216423a.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2000, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invention-s-du-jour/13131/11 "2000-05-10T21:30:41Z")
I’ve thought of another invention for those who either don’t like the taste of coffee or just don’t have time to make a cup of java in the morning :::::drumroll please::: Caffeinated toothpaste. I got the product name: Zap toothpaste: Get up and go while you clean your pearlies. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2000, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invention-s-du-jour/13131/12 "2000-08-12T13:08:30Z")
Ok, I’ve resurrected this thread because 1) it’s mine, dammit and 2) I’ve got another great brain fart just you dopers. Caffienated ice cream. Yes, I know there is coffee flavored ice cream, but with a good measure of the buzz stuff will prevent you the eater from sitting on the couch like a fat globual and force you to get up and do something because of the buzz. ---
**Author:** ![hawthorne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@hawthorne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hawthorne)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2000, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invention-s-du-jour/13131/13 "2000-08-12T13:45:40Z")
Caffienated ice cream? My memory is that the Baskin and Robbins flavour Jamoca Almond Fudge has sufficient caffiene to give an espresso drinker a buzz. picmr ---
**Author:** ![cblackhand](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecc23a/32.png) [@cblackhand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cblackhand)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2000, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invention-s-du-jour/13131/14 "2000-08-12T14:04:44Z")
The other day I found some caffeinated peppermints. Kinda like altoids, but stronger with a dose of caffeine about equal to a can of cola. An invention I would like to see is a phone that allows to push a button and shock the idiot your talking to. It would sell to tech support people if no one else wanted it. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2002, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invention-s-du-jour/13131/15 "2002-10-16T18:19:41Z")
::::It’s My thread and I can resurrect it if I want too:::::::: About a week ago, or two SDMB Great Hamster Attack’s ago, there was a thread devoted to inventions. I can’t remember the title, who started or anything, but there were some clever things in there, none that I can recall, so I thought I would bring this up until someone smarter than me with a better mental hard drive can post a link. Anywhooooooooooooooooo **My new invention:** Canned onions. Sliced or diced. Just open up a can and pour into the recipe. No more tears. No more stinky hands. ---
**Author:** ![lost4life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@lost4life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lost4life)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2002, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invention-s-du-jour/13131/16 "2002-10-16T18:44:42Z")
My TV remote remembers the previous channel so you can flip back and forth. I need one that remembers the previous 6 channels so I can do some serious watching. Also, some sort of internet program that can distinguish between legitimate content and porn, and dispose of the legitimate stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2002, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invention-s-du-jour/13131/17 "2002-10-16T19:43:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Shirley Ujest \* > \*\*::::It’s My thread and I can resurrect it if I want too:::::::: > About a week ago, or two SDMB Great Hamster Attack’s ago, there was a thread devoted to inventions. I can’t remember the title, who started or anything, but there were some clever things in there, none that I can recall, so I thought I would bring this up until someone smarter than me with a better mental hard drive can post a link. > > Anywhooooooooooooooooo > > **My new invention:** Canned onions. Sliced or diced. Just open up a can and pour into the recipe. No more tears. No more stinky hands. \*\* They do sell _frozen_ diced onions, and bell peppers. ---
**Author:** ![Gazelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Gazelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gazelle)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2002, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invention-s-du-jour/13131/18 "2002-10-17T13:32:21Z")
**A** house vacuum. Not a vacuum cleaner. A vacuum. Everything in the house would have to be nailed, glued or velcroed securely. Family leaves the house, then the master or mistress of the house flips a switch and the house vacuum turns on. It sucks all the free-floating dirt and dust out of the house in ten minutes. The dust is sucked into a large, conventional trashbag located in the garage. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2002, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invention-s-du-jour/13131/19 "2002-10-17T13:51:28Z")
I just saw on either the CNN or the FOXNEWS ticker that “they” are closer to developing a ‘tear-less’ onion. I would also like to see/have a coffee holder on shopping carts \*and \* would it be too much to ask but to have a cart that can be moved/steered with one hand? ---
**Author:** ![Zazie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Zazie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zazie)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2002, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invention-s-du-jour/13131/20 "2002-10-17T13:54:46Z")
Brake lights (cars) with variance in color… Geez, I don’t know if I can explain, but it make perfect sense in my head… When on the highway (or any road for that matter), you are sometimes surprised to see trafic come to a complete stop while you were driving 65 miles an hour 2 seconds before that… You see the brake lights from all the cars… but you don’t know if they are being cautious or if they are standing up on the pedal! Well, my invention would show a stronger red light… It would increase and go bright red when you brake very hard… It would increase depending on the force you apply on the brake… Do I make sense??? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/invention-s-du-jour/13131.md?page=2)