# Inventive cursing-- both clean and dirty.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [June 2, 2005, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545 "2005-06-02T13:31:26Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2005, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/1 "2005-06-02T13:31:26Z")
I have a friend with a dirty, dirty mouth. Listening to her has inspired me to try and curb my own, somewhat soiled tongue. So now, when I bang my knee on my desk drawer I shout, “Son of a Happy Meal!” I also say “What the fahoozy?!” all the time, althought that was stolen from one of the Wayan brothers.
The friend with the dirty, dirty mouth comes up with the most ear blistering stuff. The one I always remember is “You wet cunting slash!”
So, this thread is sort of a two-fer. I’d like to know either the foulest curse you’ve ever uttered or your favorite curse replacements.
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### Author:  [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2005, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/2 "2005-06-02T13:37:04Z")
For a while, I was adding “flow” to a lot of different curse words. . .
shitflow, crapflow, cuntflow, doucheflow, assflow. It made them sound a little dirtier.
I also said “craptit” and “crapshit” for a while.
All those words use to really grate on my wife, so I’ve weaned myself off them. I’m not sure if they originated with me or if I was influenced by another source.
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### Author:  [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2005, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/3 "2005-06-02T13:48:06Z")
I’m a bit of a purist. It takes a bit or trying to push me over the edge but when it happens, “Bastard!”, “Fuckin’ Hell!”, “Fuck right off!”, “Tosser!”, “Wanker!”, “What the Fuck?!” and on a very special occassion, “You Cunt!” are generally my staples. But I do admire people who can paint a more colourful picture with invectives.
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### Author:  [@Carm6773](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carm6773)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2005, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/4 "2005-06-02T13:53:10Z")
My students curse a lot (probably because their parents curse like sailors), so I teach them “alternative words” so they don’t get in trouble.
Damn=Drat
Shit=Sugar/Sugarcubes
F\*ck=Fudge
Bitch=Biscuit
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### Author:  [@The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Chao_Goes_Mu)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2005, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/5 "2005-06-02T14:24:10Z")
In spite of my sweet demeanor I cuss like a sailor. My choice of colorful terminology includes adding “stick” to some of the words. ie
_Shitstick
fuckstick
cuntstick_
\*pigfuckers and whores \* (usually this is uttered when i drop something or realize i forgot to do something important at work)
\*cuntrazor
assgrabbing bastard
shitstain
fuckhole
dicksmack
cockknocker
assrammer
goddamn motherfuckshitpiss hell and damnation \* (my GF looks at me like I’m a lunatic when I utter that one)
_shiteating monkeyfucking syphillitic overflowing cumdumpster._
That’s just a partial list.
Oh and for the euphemisms, these are hard for me to remember to use, especially around children,
\*shootdarn
fudge
crap \*
I’m not nearly as creative with the gentler words as I don’t use them that often.
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### Author:  [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2005, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/6 "2005-06-02T14:45:53Z")
I can’t believe this will be the second time this week that I’ve posted this word, but one I made up in a moment of severe pain is:
_Cunting whore!_ I’m pretty proud of that one. It’s got a real bite to it.
I also like one that I believe I read here a few weeks ago:
_Cum dribbler._ I haven’t used it yet, but considering how my job is going recently, I’m about to.
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### Author:  [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2005, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/7 "2005-06-02T15:38:46Z")
Did the Board just blink out of existence briefly like someone was using the M’krann crystal?
Anyway, when that happened I lost a post about how when my sister was like 4 or 5 she used to go on these several-minute long swearing jags because she knew my parents and I would laugh at it. The funniest part was that she had misheard someone use “bullshit,” so in her stream of invective she would not uncommonly slip in “Bullseye! Bullseye Christ!” We would try desparately not to laugh so as not to encourage her, and mostly we’d fail, but everytime she busted out one of those bullseyes, we invariably fell out.
–Cliffy
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### Author:  [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2005, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/8 "2005-06-02T15:39:20Z")
I’ve got my whole team at work saying, “Crap on a cracker!” which is my most frequent invective here in the Land O Cubicles. Sometimes I like to mix it up (only when warranted, of course), by adding “in the moonlight” at the end.
When I’m really mad, though, I tend to say things that involve sex and automobiles, like “F_ck a duck in a pickup truck!" or (mad props to Chuck D) "Motherf_ck the Lexus!”
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### Author:  [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2005, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/9 "2005-06-02T15:41:47Z")
I usually resort to [“Oofah!”](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=OOFAH!) where a nonverbal usage of ‘oh fuck’ would normally go…especially when the younguns are around.
In Ascii, this always works
…/´¯/)
…,/¯…//
…/…/ /
…/´¯/’…’/´¯¯`·¸
…/’/…/…/…/¨¯\
…(’(…´(…´…,~/’…’)
…/…/
…’’… \_.·´
…(
…\
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### Author:  [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2005, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/10 "2005-06-02T15:45:37Z")
JohnBckWLD I just bookmarked your post for future reference. And thank _you,_ sir. I salute you.
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### Author:  [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2005, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/11 "2005-06-02T15:47:46Z")
> [@The Chao Goes Mu](#):
>
> assgrabbing bastard
Henceforth, the G-rated adjective formerly known as ‘The Packwood’ will now be ‘[The Slater](http://www.sltrib.com/nationworld/ci_2772874)’
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### Author:  [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2005, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/12 "2005-06-02T16:13:27Z")
I always like to use John Ciardi’s suggestion and use “coprolite” as an all-purpose insult.
What better insult than to call someone ancient, fossilized dinosaur shit?
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### Author:  [@vix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vix)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2005, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/13 "2005-06-02T16:13:37Z")
I had a coworker whose expletive of choice was “Fish!” It kinda works, if the tone is right.
Personally, I like “Son of a whore!”
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### Author:  [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2005, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/14 "2005-06-02T16:15:26Z")
> [@vix](#):
>
> Personally, I like “Son of a whore!”
Hey! That’s no way to talk about Sua.
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### Author:  [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2005, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/15 "2005-06-02T16:32:08Z")
I like the imaginative stuff. I use “Jeebus Forking Cripes!” and “Gahooley!” and for historical reasons, “Dagnabit!”
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### Author:  [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2005, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/16 "2005-06-02T16:35:03Z")
As a statement of skeptical disbelief or just a personal affront, I happen to like “Deez nuts,” or the more belligerent “Choke on deez!”
PERSON A: You won’t believe the threesome I was in this morning with two of the secretaries!
LOU: Deez nuts.
PERSON B: What the hell are you cooking in the microwave? It stinks!
LOU: That’s my famous lasagna. Choke on DEEZ NUTS! (Gestures toward crotch.)
I’m also a big fan of “fuckwit,” “shiteyes,” “wanker,” “jobber”/“jabroni,” and “ham-and-egger” for people who deserve it.
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### Author:  [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2005, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/17 "2005-06-02T16:36:56Z")
I’ve been getting a fair amount of mileage out of “Holy spork!” and “Fork!” for fuck. My mom favours “Shit on a stick!”
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### Author:  [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2005, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/18 "2005-06-02T16:38:14Z")
I prefer using names that I find vulgar. For example…
_“Oh, he’s a total Phelps”
“Yeah, he’s dumb as a Wildmon”
“He don’t know Jack Chick”_
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### Author:  [@Hyperelastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hyperelastic)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2005, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/19 "2005-06-02T16:42:56Z")
I’ve always enjoyed the French taunt from _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_. It rolls on sonorously.
> [@French Knight](#):
>
> You cheesy lot of second-hand electric donkey-bottom biters!
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### Author:  [@vix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vix)
#### Post date: [June 2, 2005, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/20 "2005-06-02T17:09:43Z")
> [@Biggirl](#):
>
> Hey! That’s no way to talk about Sua.
I’ve called him worse. 😃
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