# Inventive cursing-- both clean and dirty. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 2, 2005, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545 "2005-06-02T13:31:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/21 "2005-06-02T17:21:34Z")
Back in the good old days we used to see some really colorful language in The BBQ Pit. I wanted to revisit those thrilling days of yesteryear so I went searching and came up with this three-year-old Pit thread: [What’s your favorite cuss word??](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=111057) ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/22 "2005-06-02T17:32:07Z")
I don’t say it out loud normally, and when I do it’s pretty quiet. But in my head, especially in traffic, I always come up with “Oh, Jesus-_f_ck\* !” There was also in incident at a football game in which I, sitting in the student section, was one of many who found fault with a particular call by the referee. So I waited for things to calm down as I fumed and as soon as it was quiet I screamed at the top of my lungs: YOU GODDAMN ZEBRA! YOU ARE THE SON OF A LEGLESS WH0RE AND I HOPE YOUR CHILDREN GO BLIND! I’ve never. Ever. Eeeever seen people look at me the way some of those people looked at me. Even my friends were like, “Dude, chill. It was just a bad call.” I know for a fact that ref heard me though. I’m satisfied. ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/23 "2005-06-02T17:37:10Z")
I like the Dad in “Christmas Story”, when he does battle with the furnace. Dirty Depestepah! No good Dadgum-noodle. You Housticle-phifer! Dirty Mugling-ling Bang-bang!! A tapestry of obscenities. Indeed. ---
**Author:** ![IrreverentTone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@IrreverentTone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IrreverentTone)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/24 "2005-06-02T18:09:20Z")
_Son of a biscuit_ is one of my favorites. My high school chemistry teacher used it all the time. _Dreck_ and _carp_ are two others I use frequently. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/25 "2005-06-02T18:19:52Z")
An interesting page on [Fake Cuss Words](http://c2.com/cgi/wiki?FakeCussWord). ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/26 "2005-06-02T18:22:13Z")
I do try to watch my mouth. Really. However, hockey games can bring out the very worst in me. Especially bad officials, or certain Knoxville players. If there are no kids around, I’ll use “Hey ref, get off your knees, you’re blowing the game!”. If there are small ones around, I’ll yell the more polite “Hey ref, FootLocker called, they want their shirt back.” Of course, there are also the screaming tirades where I bang the glass and scream until I’m red-faced. My mother’s favorite traffic word was “idiotface”. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/27 "2005-06-02T18:26:37Z")
When I’m in the classroom, I have an automatic filter so that I don’t curse in front of the kids. The most I will do is mutter “bugger”, because even the high schoolers don’t know what it means. Something I’ve picked up from my mom, though, works even better. Growling. You’d be surprised at how satisfying it feels, especially if you’ve stubbed a toe or something. _ **Grrrrrrrrr…** _ ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/28 "2005-06-02T18:43:56Z")
Mine are usually variations of the old standby “fuck”. fuckwad, fucktard, fucklicker (i don’t know what this means, but it sounds dirty" cocksucker, cocksmoker, shitforbrains, and unclefucker are some other favorites. ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/29 "2005-06-02T18:45:19Z")
> [@Thudlow Boink](#): > > Back in the good old days we used to see some really colorful language in The BBQ Pit. I wanted to revisit those thrilling days of yesteryear so I went searching and came up with this three-year-old Pit thread: [What’s your favorite cuss word??](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=111057) What’s funny is how fast that thread got moved to the pit. Now, there’s a sticky at the top of the pit saying, “the mere existence of swear words doesn’t make it a pit”. This indicates to me that the overall level of vulgarity of the SDMB has risen to a new level. I, for one, applaud this change and hope that my frequent, gratuitous cuntflow of profanity outside the fuckin’ pit has attributed to the new standards. I have to believe all those discussions of _Deadwood_ in the Cafe Society had some effect. ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/30 "2005-06-02T18:54:55Z")
attributed = contributed ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/31 "2005-06-02T19:33:42Z")
I’ve been favouring “son of a monkey spank” lately. I think it was on that commercial where the old guy is painting something big, and realizes as he’s finishing that he spelled it wrong. I also like assmuncher, doggone it, drat, shite, and poo. This board has really opened my eyes to the possibilities beyond your average, run-of-the-mill swearwords. Oh, and of course, any combination of “smeg.” If only I could pronounce it as juicily as Lister. ---
**Author:** ![ZebraShaSha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/eada6e/32.png) [@ZebraShaSha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZebraShaSha)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/32 "2005-06-02T19:55:09Z")
D - You are such a fuckass. E - Did you just call me a fuckass? You can go suck a fuck. D - Oh, please, tell me Elizabeth, how exactly does one suck a fuck? And my personal, favorite insults would be “bean eating bitch” and “concubine cuntface.” It is also refreshing to call someone the fuckin’ antichrist. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/33 "2005-06-02T20:05:07Z")
Something I picked up here: Goat felcher. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/34 "2005-06-02T20:14:20Z")
I’m partial to funny-sounding words reminiscent of cuss words: son of a bitch --\> somnambulist crap --\> carp when passing out silverware: fork you, fork you, fork you, etc. I’m also fond of “ninny.” ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/35 "2005-06-02T20:28:52Z")
I tend to use puns for ‘clean’ versions of cuss words. I was in the Navy, and so for a while I spoke appropriately. 😉 Anyways some cusses I use based on puns: [ul] [li]Hoover - from the Great Hoover Damn, of course.[/li][li]Fridgepucker[/li][li]Son of a Self-Sealing Cylinder. I stole that lock, stock, and barrel, from Farley Mowat.[/li][/ul] I used to use tit-head for a general purpose insult, until a friend pointed out it could be construed as a sexist comment. (I really did get it by evolving from birdbrained, and hadn’t thought of the other possible derivation until then.) Now I go with Twithopper. I also use Britisms. But that can get me in trouble. I’ve yet to be called for muttering “Bugger all!” in the supermarket, but it’s going to happen. ---
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/36 "2005-06-02T20:48:47Z")
> [@Snakescatlady](#): > > However, hockey games can bring out the very worst in me. At my alma mater, whenever the ref blew a call (or made a good call that went against us!), we would chant “The ref fucks sheep! The ref fucks sheep!” The referees (or maybe just the administration) got upset about this, so they prohibited the chant. So now, it’s “The ref [beat] sheep! The ref [beat] sheep!” They know. –Cliffy ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/37 "2005-06-02T21:14:56Z")
Two thoughts: 1. My all-time favorite expression of disappointment and/or frustration: “Rats” - I like saying it because I like the way it sounds, it conveys my point perfectly and it makes me laugh a little which takes my mind off my frustration and provides a little perspective. 2. My favorite t-shirt you can get in Greenwich Village is one that has “Fuck You You Fucking Fuck” on the front… ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/38 "2005-06-02T21:23:33Z")
I got a pretty good response when I called somebody an idiot fishface fuckhole in the Pit a few weeks ago. ---
**Author:** ![SuaSponte](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/67e7ee/32.png) [@SuaSponte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuaSponte)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/39 "2005-06-02T22:08:08Z")
Many moons ago, I went on a two-week backpacking trip with a mess of other (male) teenagers and a couple of adult leaders/chaperones. Idiotically, the adults tried to police our cursing. Can you think of a more futile exercise than trying to stop ten 14-16 y.o. boys from cursing? Anyway, we started cursing Smurf-style: Smit, Smuck, Mothersmucker. Godsmamn, etc. My personal favorite was Smapubic smair. The chaperones quickly gave up. Sua ---
**Author:** ![Stillwell\_Angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/96bed5/32.png) [@Stillwell\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stillwell_Angel)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2005, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/40 "2005-06-02T22:14:19Z")
My 61 year old church-going supervisor say’s “kitty-cat crap” in place of shit. ie: “I’ve got all this kitty-cat crap on my desk to get done today” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545.md?page=3)