# Inventive cursing-- both clean and dirty. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 2, 2005, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545 "2005-06-02T13:31:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![spinster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e56c9b/32.png) [@spinster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spinster)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/61 "2005-06-03T22:25:30Z")
i love to creatively blaspheme, too. i saw some “holy god” stuff posted above- mine goes something like: “mother, mary, son of a whore on a hot frying pan,” “dead guy on a stick,” “jesus in crisco,” and other such randomizations. ---
**Author:** ![pestie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e5b9ba/32.png) [@pestie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pestie)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/62 "2005-06-03T23:38:25Z")
I was all set to post “cum dumpster,” but **Amazon Floozy Goddess** beat me to it. So I’ll have to mention _Jesus Fuck-a-monkey_ instead. A lawyer I knew used that one day and I’ve been in love with it ever since. Creative cursing is an artform, and well-executed blasphemy is some of the best! I’ve also been known to throw around “Jesus McFuck” and such, but that’s not all that entertaining. My friend Nancy occasionally uses “Balls!” as an exclamation. It works. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2005, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/63 "2005-06-04T00:47:28Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > My mom favours “Shit on a stick!” With a side of FUCK!! After experiencing [TourettesGuy.com](http://www.tourettesguy.com), I occasionally find myself letting loose with a cathartic “AAAAASSS!!” ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2005, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/64 "2005-06-04T02:35:43Z")
> [@SteveG1](#): > > 1. cum drunk low rent goat felching motherfucker > 2. diarrhetic shit stain > 3. shit for brains > 4. syphilitic scabrous leprous pile of putrescent pustulent puke > 5. Jesus Horatio Hornblower Christ > 6. chicken shit son of a bitch > 7. sickening pile of smegma Your post reminded me of a friend of mine that has a knack for some very colorful metaphors. Among them that I can remember are: - “A 24 carat, gold plated, wall-mounted, self-actuating, pull start dickhead” - “He’s so far back in the closet he’s finding Christmas” - “Sawed off puppy fucker” - “Jesus H. Christ on a tricycle from Wal-Mart” - “Beligerant little ass goblin” - (More of an insult than a creative metaphore) “I’m sure that whatever’s wrong with you has a long, Latin sounding name.” My wife has a great one that she uses frequently: “That person needs to get his feces congruent.” ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2005, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/65 "2005-06-04T05:26:49Z")
This womps! - TJ from Recess ---
**Author:** ![Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sophistry_and_Illusion)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2005, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/66 "2005-06-04T07:37:35Z")
From _The Onion_: Jesus H. Christ in a chicken basket! I have no idea what it means, but it makes me laugh. Especially for use on SDMB: Jesus H. Christ with an Olestra penis! ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2005, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/67 "2005-06-04T19:26:08Z")
From my grandfather I gleaned the conversation halting “God’s Cock” in the place of the usual “bullshit”. Oh, and I like “Protard”, indicating that the party in question has made the jump from amature retard to the big leagues. I’m also a big fan of “Jumping Jesus on a Pogo Stick” thanks to the Dead Milkmen. However when I’m at work (where swearing is biiiig time frowned upon) and I can’t suffice with a “fuck” muttered facing the ol cube wall, under my breath, I opt for “God Bless America”, which as hokey as it may seem, can really carry some vitriol and venom with proper motivation. ---
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2005, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/68 "2005-06-06T17:12:28Z")
> [@Dragwyr](#): > > “Sawed off puppy fucker” Holy crap. I love that one. I must find an occasion to use it. 😃 I just remembered another one from the short-lived HBO series based on the band **Tenacious D**. Jack Black and Kyle Gass are on a road trip when the car runs out of gas in the middle of nowhere. J.B. punches the sun shade and screams, “SHIT ON A BRICK!!!” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2005, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/69 "2005-06-06T17:20:25Z")
Let’s not forget Cervaise’s justly famous **God’s Throbbing Prostate** : > **[The Telemarketer Speaks. I Respond.](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=51270)** > > In this GD thread, Claudia VonL replies to everyone who complains about telemarketers by posting one of the most asinine, poorly reasoned, incompetently written messages I’ve ever seen on the SDMB. And yes, that includes the infamous JDT, so that’s... I agree that it would also make a great band name. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2005, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/70 "2005-06-06T17:34:27Z")
To ad to my earlier post, I’m very partial to the phrase “Poop-in-a-bucket!” Last night I dropped my spoon during dinner. “Damn!” While picking it up (butterfingers) I dropped it again. “Double-damn!” I do this whenever things go wrong consecutively. My roommate was much amused. I think I’ve gotten as far as a triple-damn, but I’ve never attempted a quadruple-damn. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2005, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/71 "2005-06-06T17:49:18Z")
Former US Poet Laureate wrote a poem about kindergarten swear words: [http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/Billy-Collins/794](http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/Billy-Collins/794) Funny! ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2005, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/72 "2005-06-06T17:50:23Z")
That should be “…Laureate **Billy Collins** wrote…” ---
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2005, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/73 "2005-06-06T19:38:32Z")
I’m a “motherfucker” type of girl myself. Lately, it’s been getting shortened to just “motherfuck!” “Jesus H. Christ” is another oft-spewed phrase. For non-swearing situations, I’m a big fan of, “Oh, for crying in the night!” I also enjoy, “Jesus, Joseph and Mary!” ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2005, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/74 "2005-06-06T19:52:46Z")
> [@Cluricaun](#): > > I’m also a big fan of “Jumping Jesus on a Pogo Stick” thanks to the Dead Milkmen. Steve Purcell’s comic book series, **Sam & Max: Freelance Police,** uses similar expressions – “Sweet Mother of God in a flaming canoe” comes to mind. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2005, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/75 "2005-06-06T19:58:27Z")
I cracked up when my cousin dropped the salt shaker for the second time in a row and said “Go, little salt shaker, fly away and be freeeeeeeeeeeeeeee”. ---
**Author:** ![Ashes\_Ashes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/76 "2005-06-07T04:15:20Z")
Oh yes, ‘sawed off puppy fucker’ is lovely. I think I’ll add it to my usual ‘mother-squicking goat-felcher’. That way they’ll know for sure they’ve been insulted yet I’ll still have time to run away before they learn just how much. Before I started hanging around here, I just said ‘crust!’ when I cursed. The SDMB is _great_. I improved my cursing for the low, low price of $14.95. ---
**Author:** ![Atticus\_Finch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ec9cab/32.png) [@Atticus\_Finch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atticus_Finch)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/77 "2005-06-07T04:27:57Z")
I don’t think you can go past “goat-felching son of a one-eyed whore”. Not my creation, somewhere on the web. The Brunching Shuttlecocks, perhaps? I’m also partial to “Jesus-kabillion”, as in “a whole lot of \_\_\_”, which I ripped off from the Onion. Turns out I’m just a plagiarist. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/78 "2005-06-07T05:01:30Z")
Gaw-lee, for the [2nd time](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=6236598#post6236598) in a night I get to post the word “pizzle-shiss.” Note: I spelled it wrong in the original thread, that is I spelled both the acronym and the pronunciation wrong. And me a proofreader! Pizzle-shish! ---
**Author:** ![My\_Darn\_Snake\_Legs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f14d63/32.png) [@My\_Darn\_Snake\_Legs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/My_Darn_Snake_Legs)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/79 "2005-06-07T14:41:37Z")
Oh, man. I really like **bean-eating bitch**. I’ll be using that. From a game of Trivial Pursuit the other night: “Guess you spineless pussy!” “Fucktard!” We take that game seriously. I also love ‘bollocks’ even though I don’t know what it means. ---
**Author:** ![raz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@raz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raz)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545/80 "2005-06-07T17:23:18Z")
A friend and I thought of the phrase “cock snot”. It just sounds so delightfully dirty without actually being so! Also, my dad’s best friend is notorious for making up random expletives. My favorite is “shit hook”. I like to say “Jesus christ on a cracker!” It’s funny _and_ offensive! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/inventive-cursing-both-clean-and-dirty/306545.md?page=5)