# Iraq promises unconventional acts **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 4, 2003, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iraq-promises-unconventional-acts/166495 "2003-04-04T17:26:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iraq-promises-unconventional-acts/166495/1 "2003-04-04T17:26:22Z")
[Iraq claims](http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/meast/04/04/sprj.irq.war.main/index.html) that as early as Friday (checks watch :eek: ) Coalition forces will encounter ‘unconventional acts’ Lets just brainstorm here and see what those may be? A giant wooden horse filled with Iraqi soldiers, waiting at the Airport? David Copperfield making 50,000 troops appear with a grandoise flourish and a cockily raised eyebrow? World’s Biggest Sandwich compiled by Iraqi citizens and entered into the Guinness Book? ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iraq-promises-unconventional-acts/166495/2 "2003-04-04T17:34:29Z")
They are going to cut off our supply of convenience store workers! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iraq-promises-unconventional-acts/166495/3 "2003-04-04T17:43:42Z")
But not WMD… > [@](#): > > _From the Washington Post today…_ > > BAGHDAD - Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf said Friday Iraq had no plans to use chemical or biological weapons against invading U.S. and British forces despite a threat to use “non-conventional” methods. > > Asked if Iraq would use weapons of mass destruction, Sahaf told a news conference: “No, not at all. But we will conduct a kind of martyrdom operations.” > > Iraq denies U.S. and British accusations that it possesses weapons of mass destruction. But earlier in the news conference Sahaf said Iraq would “commit a non-conventional act,” possibly on Friday night, against U.S. forces who have seized Baghdad’s international airport. ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iraq-promises-unconventional-acts/166495/4 "2003-04-04T17:45:59Z")
I’m hoping to encounter some unconventional acts myself later on today. Probably not the same thing, though. I’m predicting that the citizenry of each city will join together to create giant composite creatures (Clive Barker’s story “In the Hills, the Cities”) and try to stomp on the advancing tanks. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iraq-promises-unconventional-acts/166495/5 "2003-04-04T17:46:13Z")
Hmmm… This thread is making me want to go home early and perform an “unconventional act” with the wife… ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iraq-promises-unconventional-acts/166495/6 "2003-04-04T18:01:12Z")
Good lord, I hope the unconventional acts aren’t sexual in nature. Perhaps they’ll just have set up an all you can eat “surrender salad bar” ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iraq-promises-unconventional-acts/166495/7 "2003-04-04T18:05:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > **[Iraq claims](http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/meast/04/04/sprj.irq.war.main/index.html) that as early as Friday (checks watch :eek: ) Coalition forces will encounter 'unconventional acts’** Well Vegas gets all the best ones. But I hear Brooke Shields is available… ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iraq-promises-unconventional-acts/166495/8 "2003-04-04T18:10:09Z")
If only we still had Sonny & Cher to counteract this threat. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iraq-promises-unconventional-acts/166495/9 "2003-04-04T18:11:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\*Good lord, I hope the unconventional acts aren’t sexual in nature. Perhaps they’ll just have set up an all you can eat “surrender salad bar” \*\* “Fresh tossed salad half price before 3pm.” ---
**Author:** ![lionel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f9ae1b/32.png) [@lionel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lionel)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iraq-promises-unconventional-acts/166495/10 "2003-04-04T18:13:12Z")
> [@](#): > > Asked if Iraq would use weapons of mass destruction, Sahaf told a news conference: “No, not at all. But we will conduct a kind of martyrdom operations.” The Iraq crack suicide squad!:eek: ---
**Author:** ![Umbriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9de053/32.png) [@Umbriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Umbriel)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iraq-promises-unconventional-acts/166495/11 "2003-04-04T18:29:37Z")
The most likely “martyrdom operations” as of now would seem to be an attack by the [“Ashbal Saddam”](http://www.nydailynews.com/04-03-2003/news/wn_report/story/72391p-67079c.html) or “Saddam’s Lion Cubs”, who would appear to be the Iraqi version of the Hitler Youth… Tyranny Scouts, if you will. There was a recent Scientific American article on the broader subject of child soldiers. I couldn’t find it on-line, but here’s a [bibliography](http://www.nwc.navy.mil/library/3Publications/Eccles%20Library/LibNotes/libchildsoldier.htm) on the subject that includes the SciAm cite. If true, it’s a particularly unpleasant can of worms for the Iraqis to open. Kids abused and indoctrinated into borderline sociopaths are even less likely to surrender than politically committed adults. Any that do surrender or are captured will likely require pretty extensive therapy to return to become socially functional and not an ongoing thorn in the side of the US and/or any democratic Iraqi government. I’m afraid I expect a lot of pre-teen carnage at the Airport tonight. ---
**Author:** ![DrLizardo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5fc32e/32.png) [@DrLizardo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrLizardo)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iraq-promises-unconventional-acts/166495/12 "2003-04-04T18:31:50Z")
I dunno… Seems pretty odd to me to be so forthcoming about your plans “Tonight, at the airport, we’re gonna do something unusual…” I mean why point it out so specifically? Maybe it’s a diversion? ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iraq-promises-unconventional-acts/166495/13 "2003-04-04T18:35:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\*A giant wooden horse filled with Iraqi soldiers, waiting at the Airport? > \*\* [Monty Python] “I’ve got another idea. We build this chipmunk…” [/Monty Python] ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iraq-promises-unconventional-acts/166495/14 "2003-04-04T19:49:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\*The Iraq crack suicide squad!:eek: \*\* I certainly hope they’ve been practicing… ---
**Author:** ![Umbriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9de053/32.png) [@Umbriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Umbriel)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iraq-promises-unconventional-acts/166495/15 "2003-04-04T19:59:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DrLizardo \* > \*\*I dunno… Seems pretty odd to me to be so forthcoming about your plans “Tonight, at the airport, we’re gonna do something unusual…” > > I mean why point it out so specifically? Maybe it’s a diversion? \*\* If your unconventional act is going to be launching the “Islamic Children’s Crusade” at the invaders, which has absolutely no chance of accomplishing anything militarily, but you hope will produce piles of dead kids to outrage the Arab world, perhaps you want to make sure your enemy is locked and loaded, and the cameras are rolling. Every time I think they must have run out of repulsively cruel ploys (preganant woman riding shotgun in the car bomb, blackmailed car bomb drivers, holding soldiers’ families hostage), they manage to concoct something new. The tunnels under Baghdad must contain a secret chamber housing Satan’s Focus Group (“Okay everybody… I’m going to go around the table, and everybody has to say the most evil idea that comes into their head… Don’t worry that it’s stupid, or too evil… This is just to generate ideas…”) ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iraq-promises-unconventional-acts/166495/16 "2003-04-04T21:17:55Z")
Unconventional act: [something like this](http://www.slideshowplayers.com/), maybe? ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iraq-promises-unconventional-acts/166495/17 "2003-04-04T21:40:23Z")
Let’s bear in mind that Iraq ALSO says they’re winning the war. Unless you win wars these days by having half your country swallowed up in two weeks and your soldiers mowed down by the thousands, I think we can agree that Iraq is grasping at straws here. The claim may be just pissing in the wind. It’s possible we’ll see more car bombs, but this hardly represents a war-winning strategy. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iraq-promises-unconventional-acts/166495/18 "2003-04-04T22:47:25Z")
awww come on guys…I wanted a fun, Sigfried and Roy sort of war thread. Unconventional Acts! Sword Swallowing, Plate Spinning! ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2003, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iraq-promises-unconventional-acts/166495/19 "2003-04-05T00:28:31Z")
I think tap dancing to rap music would be an unconventional act. Maybe that’s their plan. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2003, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iraq-promises-unconventional-acts/166495/20 "2003-04-05T00:36:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\*awww come on guys…I wanted a fun, Sigfried and Roy sort of war thread. Unconventional Acts! Sword Swallowing, Plate Spinning! \*\* Hey, I tried. If salad-tossing references couldn’t stave off a serious discussion, I’m not sure anything could. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iraq-promises-unconventional-acts/166495.md?page=2)