# IRL in NYC: The Empire State Strikes Back
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/irl-in-nyc-the-empire-state-strikes-back/11889
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [December 9, 1999, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/irl-in-nyc-the-empire-state-strikes-back/11889 "1999-12-09T17:42:00Z")
**Posts on this page:** 17
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)
#### Post date: [December 9, 1999, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/irl-in-nyc-the-empire-state-strikes-back/11889/1 "1999-12-09T17:42:00Z")
So once again, the intrepid New Yorkers ventured to the **Russian Vodka Room** , where much vodka, Estonian beer and caviar was consumed. Having outed ourselves mostly as smokers after the last get-together, we also worked mightily to shorten the lives of everyone in the joint. We actually overloaded the smoke filter.
Attending the little soiree were **Ukulele Ike** , **Flora McFlimsey** , **Saxface** , **Cap’n Crude** , **CMKeller** , **manhattan** , **Alphagene** , and special guest star **TubaDiva**.
**CM** was able to stay only for a short while, which was disappointing because he turned out to be such a nice guy. Nicer than any of us, for example. In any case, it was good to see him and we look forward to the day he re-gains daily T-1 access.
We spoke less about other posters than last time, and more about actual stuff. That said, many names came up. After the reaction last time, I hasten to add that this list is _partial_, and more matches whether someone was sober enough to write down a name than whether the person actually came up.
Finally, **TubaDiva** was a loyal staffer. We were unable to drag from her any dope about other mods, Cecil, people from the AOL days, or anything of the kind. But she still rocked (the stories we _could_ tell), and we were proud to have her join us.
The names:
**BurnMeUp
ChiefScott
Diane
Drain Bead
Homer
Houston posters, and how much fun their IRLs must be.
Louie
Michelle
OfficeGirl
OpalCat
Satan
Stoidela
ValerieBlase**
The subjects and events:
Flora’s death
Flora at the Friar’s Club
Nightmares Alpha is having from a certain poster
Whining
Flora’s under-table gender-check (FTR, manhattan passed)
Cap’ns Magic Snaps
Mrs. Drysdale
“manhattan is a lesbian trapped in a man’s body”
Alpha’s obsession with Val’s breasts
The inside poop on the Chicago meeting from Ike (wow!)
Mud wrestling
Alpha is a Frat Boy
Overpopulation (mostly at the next table)
General Questions is getting a little, uh, yucky lately. Stop with the potty questions already.
How Does Cecil Get His Mail?
Carrier Pigeons
New Username intervention for Saxface
The name Heather
Saxophones and Tubas (for freaking EVER)
Alpha and Sax’s cemetery tour.
Farmer’s daughter jokes (Flora told a _really_ dirty one and shocked us all.)
The Ozarks
John Waters
Alpha ran out of TP
Herion
Herion with Flora
The Guy Thread
The good Cap’n danced, which turns out to be illegal in the bar.
Gene Rayburn, and why no one came to defend him when we made jokes about him being dead
Alpha is to Saxface as \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ is to \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ .
A bunch of stuff I can’t read because the writer was drunk and the reader is hung over.
Parting Thoughts from the New Yorkers. I’ll leave it to you to identify who said what.
Oh God, I was so blah blah blah
I love you, man
“I feel very sorry for everyone not here.”
Garlic and Vodka do mix. Who knew?
“My new name is going to be Mellibelli”
“Bite me!”
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday
I’m happy I didn’t end up dancing tonight.
It’s in my bladder. It’s in my bladder.
Thank you for sharing me.
Lord knows when other NYers will show up. If you bought stock in an aspirin company yesterday, we made you rich this morning.
There were no pictures.
**Flora** is actually a known personage, and a picture would ruin her anonymity.
**Ike** has been photographed
**Cap’n** is in the Federal Witness Protection Program
**manhattan** is butt-ugly
**CMKeller** moved faster than the speed of light and would not show up on film
**SaxFace** ’s modeling contract prohibits the use of her image without substantial royalties.
**Tuba** has no excuse, but why bring a camera for one?
**Alpha** the scientist is developing germ warfare products for the Pentagon. He was advised not to be photographed.
* * *
Livin’ on Tums, Vitamin E and Rogaine
---
### Author:  [@psycat90](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psycat90)
#### Post date: [December 10, 1999, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/irl-in-nyc-the-empire-state-strikes-back/11889/2 "1999-12-10T06:06:00Z")
Sounds like a wonderful time. I would so love to attend one of these, but my trips to the city unfortunately tend to tpaer off a bit with the cold weather. Perhaps, come springtime, if you all aren’t sick of each other, and i wouldn’t mind my company, I can make it. I really do love vodka, I’m housebroken, don’t complain much, and i get along great with people. I’m a people person, no, really, I am…
* * *
so you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts. what’s so amazing about really deep thoughts? Tori Amos
---
### Author:  [@Alphagene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alphagene)
#### Post date: [December 9, 1999, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/irl-in-nyc-the-empire-state-strikes-back/11889/3 "1999-12-09T19:14:00Z")
As ususal, manny has provided a comprehensive guide to the evening’s events. I would like to add a few personal thoughts and recollections (yes, I have a few of those)
cmkeller did indeed travel faster than light (or as us Trekkies like to say, FTL). Attention newbies: While traveling FTL, cmkeller turned on his flashlight. If you want to know what happened, just ask us.
I just missed meeting Mr. Keller apparently. Probably some time dilation thing.
In an attempt to get the Diva to spill the beans about Cecil, I tried to slip some sodium pentathol into her martini. I missed, and accidentaly dumped it into SaxFace’s Estonian beer (She is like sooo Baltic). After a few chugs, she admitted that she pops more pills than Judy Garland. Eats the fuckers like Skittles, she does.
I had the good fortune of actually hugging Uke and I must say, that man is fiiiiiine. The line forms behind me, ladies.
Flora left too soon, as is the case with all fascinating people. Plus we all got to envision her as a slasher flick scream queen.
Apparently, John Coltrane has collaborated with some people that **you just wouldn’t believe!** And a Charlie Mingus tune has more flats than the I-95 roadside.
And finally, I learned the answer to the question “Who wears short shorts?”
The Russkie bartender at RVR wears short shorts.
* * *
If I wanted smoke blown up my ass, I’d be at home with a pack of cigarettes and a short length of hose.
---
### Author:  [@Gazelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gazelle)
#### Post date: [December 9, 1999, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/irl-in-nyc-the-empire-state-strikes-back/11889/4 "1999-12-09T19:21:00Z")
Reaction? I’ll give you a reaction!
You talked about Flora’s Death and didn’t mention me?
Oh wait. _Partial_ list. Meaning that some (i.e. the most popular) posters were just implied, right?
Okay. Cool.
---
### Author:  [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)
#### Post date: [December 9, 1999, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/irl-in-nyc-the-empire-state-strikes-back/11889/5 "1999-12-09T19:26:00Z")
All I got to say is it was the swellest evening and I love each and every one of you.
your humble TubaDiva
who will bleed to death if she takes off her sunglasses . . . but is otherwise fine.
---
### Author:  [@Cap\_n\_Crude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cap_n_Crude)
#### Post date: [December 9, 1999, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/irl-in-nyc-the-empire-state-strikes-back/11889/6 "1999-12-09T19:45:00Z")
Aye, 'twas a helluva night, 'twas. The garlic-infused potato-likker seems to have disinfected the worst of my cold germs, for which I’m glad. I’m even gladder for having met these people IRL. Every one is a gem, and I now realize how completely it sucks that I missed the last gathering.
It’s always a fine thing when SDMBers don’t have to worry about simulposting their discussions. Perhaps we’ll open a Teeming Millions Bar and Pharmacopeia. Manhattan must have enough scratch left from his Vegas windfall to make the downpayment, right? Saxy can provide the pills, and maybe perform duets with the enchanting TubaDiva on Tuesday nights … 😉
We need to thank mannhattan again for his warm (some would say foolhardy) generosity of spirit.
The visual wonders of the evening were Uke, who truly looked the part of a guy having a great time, broad smile, sharp mind, and thoroughly inebriated without ever being sloppy; Flora, who, even without her lorgnettes, is a creature of gesture and nuance (and name-dropping) who simply must be filmed to be believed; and of course the sparking, overloaded smoke filter.
Proposal: Alphagene and cmkeller are the same person. Oh, it’s a clever disguise, but has anybody ever seen them together? It’s like Clark and Superman – one leaves, the other comes in. Hmmm… I wonder which is the secret identity?
Last but not least, we return to TubaDiva, Goddess of Brass and Vodka. I had a faboo time, but she made the gathering something for me to be smiling about the next day. Such a sweetie, she is.
I’ve run out of impressions to share for the moment. I still need to digest the events of last night, and I only got 4 hours’ sleep. Carry on. _snap_
* * *
–Da Cap’n
“Playin’ solitaire 'til dawn
With a deck of fifty-one.”
---
### Author:  [@Alphagene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alphagene)
#### Post date: [December 9, 1999, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/irl-in-nyc-the-empire-state-strikes-back/11889/7 "1999-12-09T19:46:00Z")
Oh and thanks for this line manny:
> [@](#):
>
> Alpha’s obsession with Val’s breasts
My AOL Instant Messenger is ringing off the hook. I am in so many doghouses right now.
* * *
If I wanted smoke blown up my ass, I’d be at home with a pack of cigarettes and a short length of hose.
---
### Author:  [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)
#### Post date: [December 9, 1999, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/irl-in-nyc-the-empire-state-strikes-back/11889/8 "1999-12-09T20:02:00Z")
Hey, I just transcribe the stuff. My personal belief is that the person who _took_ the notes (ahem) has an obsession with Val’s breasts and projected that obsession to someone s/he might have been sitting next to.
But what do I know?
---
### Author:  [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)
#### Post date: [December 9, 1999, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/irl-in-nyc-the-empire-state-strikes-back/11889/9 "1999-12-09T20:09:00Z")
{drops the notebook and pen like a pair of hot potatoes}
Ooooooooh, my head.
Sorry, folks, didn’t want to appear as if I were shirking on this thread, but I still feel like raging shit. If those Estonians drink that beer on a regular basis, it goes a long way toward explaining Estonia’s status on the World Stage.
Canthearya, we actually did discuss you at one point. SaxFace recalled some altercation the two of you had in the misty past, and announced that she hated you, but the rest of us came to your defense and proclaimed you a classy broad.
The core team of Flora, manhattan, Alpha, and SaxFace were sharp as razors and lived up to the lofty standards of the Vodka Bar Night No. One, and the addition of cmkeller, the Cap’n, and TubaDiva only made us stronger and more powerful than before. Flora in particular was levelling one zinger after another, leading us to ponder whether she writes her stuff in advance.
Sax and Tuba and I apologized profusely every time we dragged the conversation back to music, and tried our level best not to bore the others to the point of tears, but it looks (from manhattan’s and Alphagene’s commentary) like we overdid it anyway.
{Mingus fans: the tune with all the flats was “Goodbye, Porkpie Hat.” TubaDiva and I maintained the master chart was a five-flat affair, SaxFace remembered it as being in C minor, with two flats.}
I was delighted to learn that Sax and Alpha are graveyard buffs, too, and there was much hilarity as we compared the various merits of Brooklyn’s Green-Wood and the Bronx’s Woodlawn.
The Cap’n DANCED? That must’ve been while I was in the men’s room, dropping the toilet paper rolls into the john.
* * *
Uke
---
### Author:  [@Gazelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gazelle)
#### Post date: [December 9, 1999, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/irl-in-nyc-the-empire-state-strikes-back/11889/10 "1999-12-09T20:18:00Z")
Reaction? I’ll give you a reaction!
You talked about Flora’s Death and didn’t mention me?
Oh wait. _Partial_ list. Meaning that some (i.e. the most popular) posters were just implied, right?
Okay. Cool.
---
### Author:  [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)
#### Post date: [December 9, 1999, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/irl-in-nyc-the-empire-state-strikes-back/11889/11 "1999-12-09T20:29:00Z")
A classy broad, but a little shaky with the “edit” controls.
---
### Author:  [@Gazelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gazelle)
#### Post date: [December 9, 1999, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/irl-in-nyc-the-empire-state-strikes-back/11889/12 "1999-12-09T20:40:00Z")
:::pfft:::
Love you too, Uke.
---
### Author:  [@Gazelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gazelle)
#### Post date: [December 9, 1999, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/irl-in-nyc-the-empire-state-strikes-back/11889/13 "1999-12-09T21:08:00Z")
What I was _ **trying** _ to say was:
Wow… I’m truly honored, even though my name was brought up under less-than-sweet circumstances. **And** y’all came to my defense? I’m flabbergasted. Cool people from NYC think I’m classy! Whoa!
The altercation was about **Sax** ’s “Flora’s Dead” thread, of course! She was being humorous on a Monday morning, I took it the wrong way and spoiled the joke… I came out looking like a ninny, basically.
I gotta get to one of these NYC shindigs so’s I can clear my name in **person**.
---
### Author:  [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)
#### Post date: [December 9, 1999, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/irl-in-nyc-the-empire-state-strikes-back/11889/14 "1999-12-09T22:32:00Z")
_sigh_
I gotta move back to New York…
* * *
Yer pal,
Satan
---
### Author:  [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)
#### Post date: [December 10, 1999, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/irl-in-nyc-the-empire-state-strikes-back/11889/15 "1999-12-10T00:24:00Z")
In all seriousness, I have been considering a return to the scene of the crime – the greater New York City area – for quite some time.
Atlanta has a lot of things going on, but nothing like the splendor of Gotham.
Last night’s soiree confirmed it. I gotta come on back so I can do the hang with these people all the time.
All I need is money and a job and a place to live. Let me get those niggling little details out of the way and my next call will be to the movers.
Seriously. Sometime after the first of the year, not exactly sure when or where or even how at this point, but I got to tell you, this is really my home.
More on this as I take aim . . . I may well be asking for help and advice on this moving project.
your humble TubaDiva
---
### Author:  [@ChrisCTP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChrisCTP)
#### Post date: [December 10, 1999, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/irl-in-nyc-the-empire-state-strikes-back/11889/16 "1999-12-10T08:26:00Z")
What? You mean that my striking good looks, sparkling personality, AND shameless flirting with Ike warranted no mention? I mean, even if you _did_ talk about me, I’m disheartened not to have made the partial list…
:::sigh:::
Valerie and I have the same bra size, y’know.
* * *
“…all the prettiest girls live in Des Moines…”
–Jack Kerouac, _On the Road_
---
### Author:  [@SaxFace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaxFace)
#### Post date: [December 10, 1999, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/irl-in-nyc-the-empire-state-strikes-back/11889/17 "1999-12-10T14:50:00Z")
Oh, brother.
Let me clear up a few things:
1. I popped pills when I was a teenager. The only pill I pop now is Zyrtec for my allergies.
2. I was the notetaker, although I don’t remember writing many of those comments. Yes, it is _me_ who is obsessed with Valerie’s breasts and felt the need to pin it on Alphie. I’m sure mine are the same size as hers (Uke, can you verify?) but I definetly don’t have the guts to wear low cut, see-through blouses. Hey, that’s the drawback of posting a photo.
3. I do NOT hate Canthearya. I’m just an angry drunk.
## I was very glad to meet Cap’n and CMKeller and especially our humble TubaDiva. The night was truly memorable. Next time we can go to the Estonian House and drink Saku for $2 a pop.
Formerly unknown as “Melanie”