# Iron Chef comes to SDMB (cooks come!) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 3, 2001, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167 "2001-01-03T01:08:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/121 "2001-01-07T02:36:07Z")
\*\*GONG Thirty Minutes Left\*\* (personally, I’d like to be lenient, but it seems to me the whole point of Iron Chef is the time limit.) ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/122 "2001-01-07T15:03:23Z")
\ ***Iron Chef Cajun/Creole** turns to **Javamaven1** and angrily says, \*“That **Whammo** is NOT a chef. Did you see how he HAMMERED A NAIL into the cutting board? Real chefs respect the cutting board and knives. he’s not worthy to compete in Kitchen Stadium. I’m going to get me some of that roast pig though.” ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/123 "2001-01-07T15:25:41Z")
We will now allow a few days for our panelists to critique and judge each of the dishes. I myself will work up individual critiques though of course I do not participate in the judging. ---
**Author:** ![Whammo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8dc957/32.png) [@Whammo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/124 "2001-01-07T19:37:26Z")
I don’t have much in the way of courses… time constraints ya know… ---
**Author:** ![MikeG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikeg/32/4329_2.png) [@MikeG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeG)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/125 "2001-01-07T19:56:54Z")
the Iron Chef MikeG walks solemnly into Kitchen Stadium. Dressed all in white, he approaches the dais. Kneeling in front of Kaga, he pulls out his paper and composes a short haiku: the Judges look on MikeG IronChef failed “clear fields”, disgrace As his _kaishaku_ looks on, he draws the unadorned blade. [_jinshin_](http://www.aikidofaq.com/essays/seppuku.html) shall be the manner of his choosing. One hour and fifteen minutes, gone like a cherry blossom before the storm. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/126 "2001-01-07T20:23:30Z")
Fenster should get it just on effort alone. And Iron Chef MikeG gets the “too damn funny for Kitchen Stadium” award. stoid ---
**Author:** ![Whammo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8dc957/32.png) [@Whammo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/127 "2001-01-07T20:26:33Z")
**jumps up on his cutting board and points at MikeG** WHOOAHHHH!!! Did you just see what he did??? Gack! **silently thinks to himself… "Hmmm… I bet those intrails would make a nice stock."** ---
**Author:** ![MikeG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikeg/32/4329_2.png) [@MikeG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeG)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/128 "2001-01-07T20:29:30Z")
[sarcasm] Yeah , **Stoid** we know you’re just glad there is one less Republican…😉 [/sarcasm] ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/129 "2001-01-07T22:49:43Z")
I think I know what the next secret ingredient is. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/130 "2001-01-07T22:55:57Z")
Let me guess **Scylla** … _Long Pig_? Donner… party of four? [sup]NO OFFENSE _MIKEG_. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/131 "2001-01-07T23:10:34Z")
MikeG: I understand you had a situation. If you feel like, post your recipes. We have quite a feast here, and I’m sure the panelists will need to rest between courses. ---
**Author:** ![JavaMaven1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@JavaMaven1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JavaMaven1)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2001, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/132 "2001-01-09T21:01:21Z")
Chairman **Scylla** … the suspense is _killing_ me! ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2001, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/133 "2001-01-09T23:35:02Z")
Gratly am I disapointed in our panelists for not performing their judging responsibilities. What, Do you think this is a game or something? Highly disgruntled, and extreme action will I be taking if not they come forth for their duty. As far as I am concerned, if I do not start seeing some scores and commentary from our five panelists, I will have no choice but to consider them Persona au Gratin! I have spoken. ---
**Author:** ![Wicked\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/2acd7d/32.png) [@Wicked\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wicked_Blue)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2001, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/134 "2001-01-10T03:20:13Z")
_Chairman **Scylla** , please forgive my lateness. I had no modem for a whole entire day._ Wicked Blue, the bitchy old fortune teller wrings her leathery old hands in anticipation of the upcoming feast. First she is presented with **Zenster’s Lobster Toast with Pineapple Piccalilli** , a delightful mix of spicy and sweet. Next, she samples his **Mexican Miso** soup. ‘Interesting concept’ she thinks, but is not too sure about the pork cracklings floating around in there. A plate of **Bitter Greens and Hearts of Palm with Creamy Vinaigrette** is passed to her, and she appears to make a sour face, but it is hard to tell because she always looks sour. She then tastes the **Island Halibut Tempura with Caramelized Maui Onion** , and a look of mild surprise crosses her crabby old face. She must really like caramelized onion and tempura. She sips her **Napa Valley Style Sharbatee Gulab** , and although she has never heard of Sharbatee-whatsis, she likes it. Her eyes widen at the sight of the main course, **One Hundred Clove Elephant Garlic Pig**. The delicious aroma of garlic wafts through the air as she takes a mouthful of the succulent piglet. Delicious! She raises an old crinkly eyebrow at the dessert, **Pineapple, Ruby Grapefruit and Blood Orange Salad** served in a pineapple shell, and scoops out a spoonful of the fruit. Her crusty old eyes widen at the sweetness…hmm…maybe a little too sweet, she seems to be saying. She scribbles some notes into her scorepad, and waits impatiently for the next selection… (I’ll be back with more) Rose ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2001, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/135 "2001-01-10T03:45:27Z")
:::annoying but silent cameraman Veb focuses on scary fortuneteller Wicked Blue as she scibbles notes and scowls; in a weak moment Veb peers nervously over at the tragic but noble figure of disemboweled Iron Chef MikeG. The scary fortuneteller notices the lack of camera time and glares; since she has a glare that could flay a rhinocerous into sushi, Veb quickly pans _right back_. Between the scary old bat, the giggling startlet, the homicidal karaoke rock star and Whammo viewing the corpse like a vampire in a blood bank, Veb becomes homesick for work on a nice, peaceful Godzilla movie::: ---
**Author:** ![Wicked\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/2acd7d/32.png) [@Wicked\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wicked_Blue)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2001, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/136 "2001-01-10T05:37:15Z")
Wicked Blue’s sour expression does not soften for a moment as **JavaMaven1** presents her dishes. She regards Java’s first offering of **Shellfish Ceviche** with something that could be considered a scowl. Her cranky face is transformed to something resembling a smile almost immediately, as she tastes the spicy fish and fruit combination. When the **Thom Kah Gai Soup** is placed in front of her, she looks almost bored. She takes the first spoonful with obvious trepidation, and, amazingly, once again she seems pleased with the intermingled sweet and sour flavors. She peers down her nose at the **Grilled Swordfish Filet with Pineapple-Pear Chutney and Curried Rice** , in her usual bitchy way. She takes a mouthful, and nods her shriveled old head almost invisibly. She does seem to sit up slightly and take notice of the **Tropical-Cointreau Granité** , and another slight smile creeps up on her grinch-like mouth when she tastes a spoonful. A careful observer might say she showed actual interest when the main course, **Ginger-Honey Roast Pork Tenderloin Medallions with Celeriac Purée, and “Gratin” of Pineapple, Quince & Maui Onion, with Calvados Pan Sauce** , was presented. She carefully tastes everything on her plate, and she almost seemed so savor the pork. She sneaks a quick look around with her beady little eyes, and since the camera was not on her, she shovels in another mouthful. Could it be disappointment on her raisin face when the pork is moved away for the **Refreshing Pineapple Salad**? She tastes the salad, but does not seem to enjoy it as much as the pork. In fact, she is seen eyeing the pork from across the table. The greedy look in her eyes is soon shifted from the pork to the **Warm Pineapple & Rhubarb Tarte Tatin with Vanilla Bean Ice Cream**. She snatches up a big forkful, and nods her head in agreement once again. Looking as satisfied as a wrinkled old prune can, she scribbles away in her little scorepad once again… Rose ---
**Author:** ![Tazma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3be4f8/32.png) [@Tazma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tazma)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2001, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/137 "2001-01-10T05:49:32Z")
::puts away pork rinds, gets out abacus, glares at TVeb:: Chairman Scylla-san, honored chefs, my apologies. I shall return my judgements tomorrow with all due diligence. :🙇‍♂️: ---
**Author:** ![Wicked\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/2acd7d/32.png) [@Wicked\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wicked_Blue)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2001, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/138 "2001-01-10T23:33:41Z")
Having had enough of a break to bring back her appetite, Wicked Blue looks at what **Chef Fenris** has presented. She looks at the **Spring Salad with Shredded Pork** almost suspiciously, and hesitantly brings a forkful up to her tightlipped lizard-like mouth. She seems to inspect the morsel of pork and greens for a moment, and then plows it in. She seems far away, deep in thought as she chews, and if you were looking close enough, you might have seen her nod her crusty old head with approval. When the next dish is presented, she seems almost interested. The **Pork Caccitore’s** aroma is rich with garlic and oregano, and if her nostrils could flare without splitting open like ancient leather, they would have. She doesn’t hesitate for a moment to shovel Fenris’ porky goodness into her mouth, and her eyes close in appreciation when she tastes his creation. “Mmmm,” she says, “I like truffles.” As the **Rolled, Stuffed Pork Loin with Lobster** is served to her, she looks a little apprehensive. She tastes a small bit, and quickly goes back for more. Is that a smile on her crinkled old lips? When she is presented with Chef Fenris’ final offering, the **Pork Mincemeat Pie, with Vanilla Ice Cream** , she looks a bit surprised to see a deep fried pig’s tail used a garnish. While something like that might put off a normal person, this old crone just loves deep fried pig’s tails. She crunches away on it, oblivious to the looks of disgust and gasps of the audience. She catches herself after a moment, and goes on to taste the pie. Looking nearly happy, she starts scribbling away in her scorepad. Rose ---
**Author:** ![red\_dragon60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/139 "2001-01-11T00:52:55Z")
Hey, I was in an IC compitition IRL, which my bro hosted. I am famous for mixing bacon and quinoa. Heh heh heh! ---
**Author:** ![Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Goose)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167/140 "2001-01-11T01:04:24Z")
“fo giv a ness pleeze” ::rapid bowing:: Well, Whammo, this Blood Sherbert is definately… something. I like the way the garlic blends with the onion. Yummy. But you were a tad brutal and misused your cutting board so you lose points. ☹ (It’s OK because only two of the 5 offered a recipe) 🙂 Iron Chef Troy, your use of the theme ingredient is well indeed. You showed us how good jalapenos can be. Creole will never be the same. Ellykat is very good in her display. But a true Iron Chef does not use Pillsbury! 🙂 Luckily, they tasted good enough for a high score. Mincemeat pie and a pig’s tail. Very creative, Fenris. I can’t find a flaw in your presentation either. But, you could have used a little sake. Zenster, I liked the way you handled the sweetness of the pineapples. Using all the ingredients though wil dock you a point. But they were so good that I doubt that will matter. Javamaven1, your tart was delicious. Can my wife get the recipe? 😉 All your courses were mouth watering, but I did not like the way the pineapple mixed with cucumbers. Scores: PINEAPPLE Iron Chef Zenster:19 VS JavaMaven1:19 JALAPENOS Iron Chef Troy:19 VS Opengrave:did not enter HALIBUT Iron Chef MikeG:did not enter VS Ellykat:18 PIG Palismpset:did not enter, Pinky: did not enter, Whammo:15 Ankh-Too: did not enter, Fenris: 19 Uh-oh, looks like that point may have cost Zenster afterall. We’ll have to wait for the other panelists to see. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/iron-chef-comes-to-sdmb-cooks-come/48167.md?page=8)